january 21, 2016. california.
louis sits in the hospital waiting room alongside an official for modest!. they are in a private section of the hospital, where they will not get bombarded by paparazzi, so that briana will be able to give birth in peace. today is finally the day. in just a few hours when the photos are finally posted louis will finally start to be seen as a father to the public. this is the day that louis has been dreading for so many months, and so far, it is just as bad as he was expecting it to be.
he and harry have been in california for about a week. they knew briana was very close to her due date, but of course, you never know when someone is going to go into labor until it happens. louis hated having to leave clifford in england, even though eleanor was ecstatic to get to spend time with him. he feels like he is stuck abandoning his puppy, and he hates it. clifford can't understand why he had to leave and he doesn't want to break the poor dog's trust so soon.
nearly eight hours ago, louis was woken, phone ringing with the call that informed him that briana was going into labor. he was told he has to be at the hospital as soon as possible and that he had to come alone. it goes without saying that harry would not be allowed to join him. the man who they are trying to erase all rumors of a relationship with going with louis for the birth of his child. how would that look to the public?
thankfully, this hospital is secluded enough that louis can stay outside while briana gives birth. if there were press around, they would probably question why he isn't in the room where his first child is being born. instead, briana's boyfriend is in with her and louis can stay outside until it's time to take photos.
as he sits, waiting, louis can not fathom how far this has gone. rumors are one thing. something as extreme as faking a child is on a whole other level.
this kid doesn't deserve the life they are being born into. did anyone ever think about how this would affect them? everyone thinking their father is some celebrity who is never around. louis hates this role that has already been handed to this child. what type of person creates such a huge conspiracy, that they thrust such an innocent being into a world like this?
when louis actually has kids, he has decided that he he is going to be the best dad in the world. he and harry will be an unstoppable force that will make sure their child will never forget how loved they are. louis has a lot of experience with kids and he loves them a lot. he is probably as prepared as anyone is to become a father. he knows how to care for them and how to keep them happy. he will do anything he can to keep the child full of love and joy. he will protect them from the cruel world and teach them that who they are is perfect and they never have to change for anyone.
even though this kid is not actually his, the media is going to think he's a terrible dad. he's going to rarely be around the kid and is never going to have that close relationship with this child that he would if they were his. everyone knows that he and briana are not publicly together anymore, but that doesn't mean it's okay for louis to hardly acknowledge that this child exists. he is going to be viewed as this terrible, absent, neglectful father, a label he would never want placed on himself. that couldn't be farther from the truth, but of course, the public can never know that.
after hours and hours of waiting, a nurse finally steps out of briana's room with a bright smile on her face. "i think you will both be happy to hear that ms. jungwirth has given birth to a healthy and beautiful little boy!" she exclaims.
all of the dread that has been building up in louis' gut all morning suddenly hits him like a train. this is it. management has actually done this.
the official from management jumps to her feet. "excellent. can we go in for our photos now?" she clearly wants to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible. of course she doesn't care about the child, or any of their personal lives. all she cares about is the hefty paycheck she will be receiving.
the nurse nods and pushes the door open, allowing them to follow her inside.
louis catches the very obvious glare from briana's boyfriend from her bedside. he clearly doesn't like seeing this happen to his child. louis can't blame him. if the roles were reversed, he would hate it too. he knows he would be incredibly jealous if someone else was pretending that his and harry's child wasn't his. but, this isn't louis' fault. louis isn't the person that he should be angry with. this is all on modest! for creating the plan and briana for agreeing on it.
stopping in the open doorway, before fully entering the room, louis takes in the scene in front of him, the nurses gathered around briana's bed, and the tiny child in her arms. in any other situation, this would be such a beautiful image. a mother with her gorgeous newborn baby.
"go on, mr. tomlinson. we need to take pictures," the woman from management slightly nudges louis forward from where he stopped in the doorway, ignoring the way he flinches away from her touch.
louis hesitates for another moment before stepping into the room. he pretends to not notice the glare that briana is sending him. she is being childish and louis can't be bothered to deal with it right now. all he wants is to get this over with so he can go home and let the child be with his actual parents.
"did you pick a name?" louis asks, his voice cracking a little. he is still trying to be somewhat civil to briana.
"freddie," she answers.
louis steps closer to the bed to get a better look at the child in briana's arms. he is a beautiful child. briana and her boyfriend are very lucky to have him. louis just can't help but feel a little bit spiteful that this baby who he has no relationship to is going to be viewed as his. the entire world believing something makes it kind of hard to ignore.
"okay, so first we want to get a picture of the two of you with him," the woman from modest! instructs. "mr. tomlinson, lean over on the bed next to them and look like you're happy to be here."
louis can barely hold back an eye roll as he leans in next to briana and freddie. he smiles down at freddie, showing genuine happiness over the newborn. even though this entire situation is shit, louis loves babies, no matter whose they are, and freddie is not an exception.
a few photos are snapped before they are told they can move.
the woman from management points at the chair sitting next to the window. "take your shirt off and then sit down. we are going to take a few of those shirtless pictures that fathers take with their newborns," she demands.
louis feels his heart drop and panic takes over him within a second. "no, no way i'm doing that," he blurts out so quickly, it was almost like a reflex. he can't get shirtless in front of these people, especially for photos. if there is anyone who cannot find out about his habit, it is these people.
"oh, yeah?" she raises her eyebrow, like she is daring him to defy her. "and tell me, why not?"
louis brain rushes to find any excuse that will work. obviously, he can't tell them that it is because he is covered in scars. that is not an option. he doesn't even know what would happen if management found out. something like taking a shirtless photo shouldn't be a big deal. how is he supposed to convince them that he shouldn't do it?
"i can't. i can't do that," louis pauses to take a deep breath to compose himself. he's never going to get his way unless he is logical about this. he needs to calm down. "that's supposed to be a bonding thing with the kid and their parents, right?" he points out, hoping this will be good enough to sway their decision. "i don't want to do something that could confuse him or have him get attached to the wrong person or something. i'm not his actual dad. i think it would be wrong of me to do something like that." louis doesn't know how accurate this is, but he doesn't care. he is just praying to any higher being there may be that this will work.
"i agree," briana's boyfriend speaks out from his chair across the room. he has been pretty quiet since louis walked in. "freddie is my son. not louis'."
louis glances over at him, mentally thanking him over and over. he will never be able to know how grateful louis is from those few words.
the official from management looks back and forth between the two men. she is very clearly contemplating what to do. she sighs dramatically, and gives them a small nod. "fine. we can photoshop the pictures later. you, sit down with the boy. we'll photoshop you into mr. tomlinson later."
briana's boyfriend quickly complies to the request, glad that louis won't be getting too close to his son. briana is very well aware that he is not happy with this situation and gets jealous quite easily. he is thankful for the money they will be making, but he is still somewhat resentful that briana made this decision to begin with. he was never too keen on this plan. briana didn't seem to care much, though. he would rather struggle a bit for money than to put his son into such a shitty situation like this. unfortunately, no one asked him.
luckily, the pictures don't take too long. it is less than an hour later when one of the photos is posted to his social media, confirming the birth of the child. louis doesn't bother to look at the response from the fans. he honestly doesn't want to know what people are saying right now.
after way too long, louis is finally permitted to return home. security escorted him out of the back doors of the hospital, where there is a very small chance he would be seen and recognized. it would look quite bad if louis was photographed bailing just hours after his son was born.
once louis finally gets home after possibly the longest day of his life, he feels way too drained to do anything. it is late and he is exhausted. there is a piece of him that wants nothing more than to cuddle up with his husband, wanting some comfort to ease the pain of this horrible day. the other part of him just wants to get high he can't remember anything and be left alone for the rest of the night.
when he walks in the door, harry is elsewhere in the house, so louis heads into the kitchen, where he stores his joints. he grabs a few of them, not knowing how many he is going to need before he will feel alright again.
a couple minutes later, harry heads downstairs from their bedroom. he knows louis is home, he heard the door open and louis shuffling around downstairs. harry was busy writing, so he wanted to finish jotting down his final thoughts before heading downstairs to meet his husband. he is in the process of writing louis another song, and he wants it to be absolutely perfect. louis deserves nothing but the best.
a minute later when he leaves their room to go find louis, he realizes that he is slightly surprised that louis didn't say anything to him when he arrived at home. he was expecting louis to want to be with him, and to immediately come find him, but apparently not. harry assumes that he will find louis with a either drink or cigarette in hand instead.
when spotting that louis is not in the kitchen with a drink, he heads to the balcony, where he sees louis sitting there, smoking. harry sighs sadly at the sight of his husband shivering from the cold and with tear tracks flowing down his cheeks.
before heading out to sit with him, harry grabs a fluffy blanket off of the couch. it's the least he can do for his suffering husband.
harry slowly opens the door to the balcony so he doesn't startle him, but louis doesn't even acknowledge harry's presence until he feels the weight of the blanket around his shoulders. that is what finally makes louis look over at harry.
the first thing harry notices are louis' bloodshot eyes, which he knows is not from the weed. louis tries to force out a smile for his husband, but it is clear to harry how broken he is. sighing sadly, harry sits in the chair next to louis. he reaches out and takes his free hand, a small action to comfort him.
louis doesn't talk. he doesn't feel like he has anything that is worth saying. everything is falling apart right now. nothing could make this better. all he wants is to be free. all he wants is to be accepted and loved for who he is. to be able to be with the man he loves without trying to cover it up. that shouldn't be too much to ask, but it is.
he raises the joint up to his lips again and inhales the smoke. he really doesn't know if things could get any worse than they are right now.
w.c. 2369
hello everyone. surprise. i'm still alive. i know this chapter isn't the best, and even though it's been like three weeks since i've posted a chapter, this has gone through minimal editing and not great writing because i just don't have time. i have had four exams in the past week plus a lab report and another exam within the next few days, and honestly it's been constant work for weeks. it's hard to find time to write and make something decent. i hope you enjoyed this chapter and don't mind continuing to wait for a while between chapters. thanks for reading.