* Catherine continued *
Laying in Jesse's bed replaying this mornings conversation over in my mind I found myself talking to Joe.
'Was dad right Joe? I whispered into the empty room, a tiny bit of me hoping he would somehow reply.
I closed my eyes as dads words rattled around my confused mind.
It's ok to be happy.
Joe would want you to be happy.
As I continued to lay there my memories unwillingly drifted back to the first time I'd met Joe.
*** Flashback ***
I don't know how long after the vicious attack had finally ended that I had laid on the cold hard cement trembling, as tears streamed down my face. My mind couldn't comprehend what had just happened. I didn't know what time it was or even how badly I had been hurt. All I knew is that, thankfully, after the prick had gotten what he had wanted he ran off into the night.
Leaving me all alone, battered, bruised and broken.
After what felt like hours I finally decided to try and sit up, I didn't have any idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go but I knew that getting to my feet was a start.
As I sat I felt a sharp pain shoot through my ribs and stomach where he had kicked me, my head throbbed from having collided with both the pavement and his fists and as my body recognised the humiliating pain radiating between my legs a wave of nausea rolled over me. I turned and threw up every last thing in my stomach.
Wiping my mouth I gradually pushed myself to my feet, taking it slowly to try and avoid another wave of nausea.
Nope.
I was quickly bent over heaving into the blackness, having completely emptied my stomach only moments ago I was left dry heaving. My throat burned and my eyes stung but I continued to heave over and over into the darkness, it was like my body was trying to rid itself of the unwanted intrusion it suffered hours earlier.
Having somehow managing to stand I started off down the jogging path, slowly putting one foot in front of the other with no clear thought on where I was headed or what I was going to do.
I knew I should call for help, I knew I should try and make my way to a hospital but after what had just happened I couldn't bare the thought of anyone else touching me or judging me. The thought of having to explain that moment, having to relive what had just happened caused my body to heave once more.
I stumbled along the path until I finally found myself on the sandy shores of the beach, my eyes drifted out to the glistening blue ocean before me. As I watched the powerful waves crash into the shore I knew, in that moment, I wouldn't. No, I couldn't live with the humiliation and degradation that was coursing through my body.
The intense feelings washing over me felt like a living breathing animal raging inside my body, squeezing every last inch of anything good out of me.
As I continued to watch wave after wave pummel the coastline my mind instantly became clear and I felt an instant surge of power and control flare within me.
For the briefest of moments that demon that had suddenly taken form inside of me was instantly quiet as my feet took me to the waters edge.
Closing my eyes I took a small step, followed by another and another before I finally let the cool ocean water take control. As I let go one final thought played through my mind.
It's over.
The next thing I knew I was laying on my side on the sand coughing up water, an unfamiliar blonde haired guy, who looked roughly my age was smacking my back as a group of two or three other guys looked down at me with big, concerned eyes. One of them had a phone pressed to his ear but in my current state I had no idea what he was saying.
The only sound I could hear was a gentle, calming voice that whispered in my ear.
'Not like this baby girl. Not like this' he repeated over and over until I saw nothing but darkness.
When I finally woke I realised I was laying in a hospital bed with various needles and tubes attached to my body.
'You were very lucky' an elderly nurse said softly as she checked my vital signs on the machine next to me.
'What?' I mumbled, completely disoriented as I looked up at her.
'Next time you might think twice about swimming at night' she continued on in a more stern voice then before.
'What?' I mumbled again, my confusion increasing by the second.
'Don't worry dear, your boyfriend is just outside. He didn't want to leave your side but after telling him I would only be a few minutes he finally relented and stepped out so I could do your obs' she said as she wrote something on the chart in her hand.
Night swimming? Boyfriend? What the fuck was this nurse on about. Maybe I hit my head harder then I realised.
My thoughts were instantly interrupted as the blonde haired boy from the beach stepped quietly back into the room, he walked over to the hospital bed and sat down in the plastic chair beside it. Looking over at me his eyes were filled with nothing but worry and concern as he took my hand and rested it softly in his.
'Young love' I heard the nurse chuckle quietly to herself as she walked out of the room and pulled the door closed behind her.
The mysterious blonde haired boys voice eventually broke the silence.
'I know what's it's like, to feel like you have no other option, no other way out. You have to believe that life is worth living, it's worth fighting for. I know that it hurts right now angel because I've been there too but... but it's not worth it baby girl, your better than this...' his voice whispered into the silent hospital room.
'Ok...' I sighed as I could feel my eyes get heavy once again. As I slowly drifted off to sleep I heard his gentle voice float towards my ears once more.
'Joe' he whispered 'my name is Joe'.
*** Flashback Over ***
My eyes suddenly flashed open as my thoughts were interrupted by low, but heated voices coming from the kitchen. I couldn't hear what they were saying but from the tone of their voices I could easily tell it wasn't a pleasant conversation.
I sat up in Jesse's bed trying to work out why the hell my brain had decided now, out of all the moments, it decided this was the best time to relive that fucked up night.
'Maybe it's trying to tell you that something amazing can come from something so fucked up' I mused.
Yeah right.
'Life isn't a fucking Hallmark movie' I muttered under my breath as I pushed my ridiculous thoughts aside.
The sounds coming from the kitchen seemed to have gotten louder and my curiosity got the better of me, so I jumped out of Jesse's bed and having found my underwear lying on floor I noted with a cheeky grin that a certain green eyed boy must have torn them in his haste to remove them from my body.
I continued to grin like a crazy person at that thought as I rummaged through some drawers until I found a pair of pants that might fit so that I could investigate the commotion in the other room.
Yeah Jesse's mum seemed cool about it when she caught us making out but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be as lenient if she found my bare ass walking around her house.
I tip toed down the hall making my way towards the sound of the raised voices but before I could hear anything that might give me some clue as to what the argument was about a very angry blonde stormed past me, knocking me with her shoulder as she went.
Just as I thought I'd been lucky enough to avoid speaking to her again I felt a firm hand on my arm that spun me around.
'Listen here you whore, you are nothing to him but a piece of ass. He will tell you everything you want to hear, he will whisper sweet nothings in your ear until he finally gets his dick wet and then he'll drop you quicker than a fucking run away freight train. Then, like he always does he'll come crawling back to me' she hissed.
'Seriously' I mumbled as I removed her perfectly manicured fingers from my arm and turned and walked away.