* Catherine *
'Stupid fucking boys' I mumbled under my breath as I took a long, deep drag of my smoke.
I don't usually smoke. It generally only happens when I'm extremely wasted or I'm incredibly frustrated.
And right now I was frustrated.
I was frustrated with Beau and his constant flirting. Why didn't he just take the hint? I wasn't interested. He could have any girl at school, so why the hell did he have to pick me?
I was frustrated with Jesse and his stupid sexy body and his stupid sexy face and his stupid moody attitude. That one minute he was all over me and the next her barely even looked at me.
I was frustrated that I had let myself almost sleep with a guy I barely knew, that I had let myself drop my guard for even the briefest of moments.
But most of all I was frustrated that the whole time I was with Jesse I hadn't thought of Joe.
My Joe.
Not even once.
*** Flashback ***
It had been almost a month since Joe finished his first round of treatment and as much as I tried to deny it, it was plain as day that he wasn't improving.
As each day went by I watched as my beautiful Joe continued to fade away in front of my very eyes. The ripped muscles he was once so proud of had long since withered, his broad and muscular frame was nothing more than just skin and bones. His normally sun kissed skin had faded to a sickly white and his sandy blonde hair that I loved to run my fingers through had fallen out from the chemo and had not started to grow back.
You wouldn't have known the boy sitting beside me was the same boy I went surfing with every weekend, that used to throw me over his shoulder like I was a rag doll as he playfully slapped my ass before dragging me into his bedroom where he would worship my body for hours, bringing me wave upon wave of indescribable pleasure.
But looks can be deceiving.
Joe may not look like he once did but his heart was still as pure and selfless as it had always been. In fact it felt like since he had gotten sick the love he had for both Maddox and I only seemed to grow. It was the only thing about him that got stronger as the days passed by.
Joe and I were sitting at our spot, a little rock wall that jutted out from the brilliant blue ocean. It was a warm spring night, the gentle sea breeze nipped at my skin and as I dangled my feet into the waters edge the calming waves lapped at my ankles. As I gazed up at the millions of stars twinkling above us giving the illusion of infinity, I felt Joe's intense gaze on my cheek.
Tearing my eyes from the night sky I turned to face the boy I loved and was actually started at the way he was looking at me. Studying me, drinking in every little detail of my face as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.
'Joe... are you... what's wrong? I asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt whatever deep thoughts where obviously swirling through is mind but needing to know how he was feeling.
'Catherine' he smiled softly as his soft hand cupped my cheek weakly, I could tell he wanted to say more but the look in his eyes told me it whatever thoughts were running through his mind were too painful for him to verbalise.
'Joe' I replied with a smile of mine, trying to encourage him to continue.
After a good five minutes of him just staring into my eyes, staring straight into my soul he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine.
'Catherine... I...' Joe started, the cracking of his voice caused my eyes to instantly fly open, locking them with his once vibrant blue eyes that were now glassy with unshed tears.
'Hey.. it's ok' I started but was quickly interrupted as Joe placed a boney finger to my lips.
'Catherine.. when I... when I go..' he started, gazing at me intently before stealing himself for what he needed to say next.
'When I go... I want you, no I need you to let me go too. I know you and I love you for who you are, but I know what's coming and when it does... I want you to know that it will be ok to say goodbye. I know that whatever happens you will always love me. This... this thing between us is the most precious and important thing I've ever had in my life. You are the most important thing in my life. Being with you, watching you laugh and smile and actually love your life again. That has been my greatest gift. So... so when I go I need you to always remember me, remember what we had but know that it's ok to move on. I only ever want you to be happy my love. I don't know what the hell is going to happen next month, or even next week, but and this might be selfish of me and I'm so sorry for that, but the only way I can get through this is if you promise me, promise me baby girl that after I leave this world, you will move on and be happy even if I'm not around' he continued with so much feeling, so much passion I was speechless.
Seeing the tears silently roll down his cheek my heart broke for him. My heart broke for how hard he had to fight every day, for the shitty hands he had been dealt all his life from the drug addicted mother, to his absent father and finally to the cancer diagnosis that was killing him slowly and painfully. Yet the thing that broke me the most, that completely and utterly shattered what little composure I had left was this boy, the wonderfully, amazingly selfless boy knew he was dying and his only thoughts were of me, of my happiness. That this boy was telling me that I was the love of his life and that no matter happened to him it would be ok for me to one day give my love to another.
In that moment I knew I'd never meet another person like Joe, it was then I realised why. Why fate had dealt him this messed up life, it was because Joe was an angel, an angel who was too good for this world.
*** Flashback Over ***
I was bought out of my thoughts by the creaking of the old metal frame of my beloved chair swing as it strained under the added weight of a second body.
'You mind?' Jesse asked quietly as he nodded his head towards the cigarette packet sitting in my lap.
Shrugging my shoulders as I quietly wiped the tears that had slipped from my eyes, I felt him reach over and grab the packet. As he pulled out a smoke and placed it between his lips I silently passed him the lighter.
We sat there silently smoking, swinging slightly on the chair both lost to our own thoughts as the sun started to dim over the horizon.
'I'm fucked up you know' Jesse finally said softly as he took a deep drag of his cigarette.
To say I was a little shocked at his words would be an understatement. Half of me expected an apology the other half was waiting for a shouting match or even worse for him to ask me why I had so obviously been crying, but his words and his tone of voice, well it took be completely and utterly by surprise.
Having absolutely no idea where this conversation was going I didn't dare speak, instead I slowly turned to face him and studied him quietly as he continued to stare off into the distance.
'Me. My life. Shit I've seen. Shit I've done. It's all fucked up' he continued on, his words so soft but so full of honesty.
'You and me both' I heard my voice reply before my brain could tell me to stop.
I watched as Jesse simply nodded and continued to gaze out at the growing darkness. A frown formed on my brow as I started to feel uneasy at how quickly I seemed to be opening up to him.
Yeah I know, four little words isn't what you would normally classify as opening up, but the fact that I was still sitting here with him and not making any attempt to leave was a big deal for me.
We sat together for the best part of an hour not saying anything more, at some point Jesse had wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. An action that I didn't even attempt to fight, instead I had just relaxed into the comfort of his warm embrace.
The sun had now completely set and the moon and stars were on full display, a slight cool breeze whipped at my bare skin causing a small shiver to pass over my body.
'You're cold' Jesse said, rubbing a hand up and down my bare arm.
'It's fine' I replied.
With that he pulled himself out of the chair and held out a hand towards me. I looked up at his face trying to read what was going on behind those big green eyes, but once again his stoic expression gave nothing away. I glanced from his face down to his outstretched hand and then back to his face before I finally reached over and slipped my hand into his.
The moment our hands touched I swear I saw a small smile play on his lips, but as quickly as it appeared it was gone.
He led me back inside and closed the sliding door behind us, making sure to lock it before pulling the blinds closed.
'Ahh you hungry?' I asked only now having realised what time it was.
'Sure' Jesse replied casually as he sat down on my couch and picked up the remote and turned the tv on as if it was second nature to him.
It felt weird that his actions didn't feel weird to me. The green eyed boy seemed to move through my house, through my life as if he had been here forever and that thought made me smile.
An actual genuine smile.
'Hudson' I said.
'Hmm?' Jesse turned his attention from the tv and directed it towards me, his eyebrows furrowed with curiosity.
'It's my name. Catherine Hudson. Nice to meet you'' I smiled.
'Jesse Bruner' he replied warmly 'nice to meet you too' he continued on as a grin spread across his face.
With that I picked up my phone and walked towards the kitchen to order some food, it was like we had made a silent agreement to put whatever the hell happened earlier behind us and start a new.