Those hazel eyes damn they always got me in spellbound
~ Kyra(only his Kyra)
Blacky, Right? wondering why didn't I give you back to your Master, buddy, or whatever the guy Krish is to you. Well, I had every intention of giving you back to the rightful person, in fact all the way to my morning shift I only thought about this.
This journal and it's Krish then my Krish.
Is it possible in some way that he's in Mumbai?
Who knew morning I thought and at the evening I'll receive the answer to it.
I came to Mumbai when nothing worked out for me in Chennai. My family is still there while I moved here to secure myself also a position in this chase of dreams.
A month in Chennai, I literally struggled there struggled with the language, struggled with unfamiliar people, struggled with food aka the second love of my life. The food there was tasteless(no offense to anyone from Chennai).
That should hardly matter to me but a survivor of such an uncalled break-up required food desperately and dangerously.
Munching and stuffing down her grief.
Considering the circumstances I tried to mitigate that need and adjusted myself you know like water take the shape of the vessel.
But I'd been from the starting a rebel and we rebellions aren't confined with boundaries around us.
That doesn't work for us. Ever.
While I was still trying to walk straight in the newness God had some mercy on me finally like FINALLY. I got a call from Mumbai for auditions of a Telly show. Since I didn't stop making my TikToks I was kinda popular and liked among teens.
I seized the opportunity that's what my mother said to do.
I shouldn't let it go maybe who knew I would become some great actress.
Hahaha, that's what I thought when I came to Mumbai, who didn't welcome me with both arms rather it shoved me out, and barely, I could catch anything for support.
The city isn't for a newbie.
I needed to make my ends meet.
Bills Bills Bills
I don't want to grow up ...so much responsibility.
Cherry on top I got a side role which was a negligible one where it won't matter if I am there or not.
Every day it was like I grew up with new struggles new challenges.
I even study took creative writing classes, gave auditions for better roles, a part-time waiter/librarian's assistant, made notes taking friends
and
missed him.
I could have gone back home but that won't help me in any way. In this I am alone. At least by this, I am gradually moving step by step ahead than just run back home at nothing.
Mumbai didn't like me but I liked it. It's glow at the wee hours the musky darkness behind it. It looked so beautiful and lonely.
Awww... Blacky I hope you aren't bored with my chattering I know it's creepy to write in someone else's journal but I can't write anywhere else.
I don't feel the same connection, that want to pour my heart out anywhere but in you. It's like you're listening to me.
I confirmed from Gia(the worker at the Restaurant) if someone asked about their Journal. She said no one did.
Looks like your Mr. Krish really forgot you blacky.
Aha you don't need to feel left out all bereft I will tell you about my Mr. Krish whom I met today.
Yes, I did surprise!!! a good one?
Not really...
May 24, 2019
I had an audition in room no. 4 I wasn't aware of the other shoots information carrying on. Like one in the adjacent room to room no. 4 of some song casting some popular singers on YouTube. Of a Band.
I listened to his songs they were all about heartbreak, betrayal, and really sad.
They were gaining popularity.
I was proud of him so proud that I stalked him on social media in search of some girl maybe he found a new girlfriend? friend? But none, his bandmates were surrounded with but he didn't have.
This wasn't helping me like this way I won't be ever over him.
Anyway like I was saying I rushed off I was late .. yeah nothing new there. In a hurry, I didn't check the room number. I got in RN5.
The moment I went I found Mahesh the asshole director(🤐) he had not signed me a role just because I had short hair and I wasn't ready to coddle an old man.
He treated Junior actors condescendingly.
He shoved a tray with coffee to me.
"Thank you dear just place it in the makeup trailer"
I muttered Asshole at his back.
Grudgingly I walked towards the trailer. I opened the door since it was ajar. Carefully carrying a hot steamy mug I got inside.
Someone was behind the curtain changing as their silhouette shuffled over it.
Immediately, I placed the tray and was going to leave when the person came out.
"Will you help me with it..'" grumbled a muffled voice. The guy's brown head wiggled while he tried to pull down clothing over his head. It was stuck.
I stood there unsurely.
"Please I can't breathe," he said wheezing.
"Okay!" I nodded instantly moving over to him. He can't breathe!
I pulled the grey cloth what the hell was it. With such a small neck.
"Can you bend your head a little?" I said angling his head to find a way out of this wicked dress. The guy froze. I freaked out pondering he didn't die or what?. Due to out of breath.
Alarmingly I yanked from the side and it dragged down his face. First I saw was his hazel eyes. And yes my breath caught. When cloth settled down. I saw him. I found him. It was him!
Time stopped. Yes
My heart beats almost stopped. Yes
We stopped and stared. Yes
An urge to throw my arms around him and pull him close to me battled with the instinct to run the other way around in a blink of an eye.
He was there the same soft boyish features that I could trace them off blindly. Those deep eyes held the instant pull.
Still, as ever-beautiful, he was.
Oh, it's like been forever when I last saw him, when it was mere 6 months ago.
He came out of that moment first.
"Thanks," he said stiffly
Making his way out.
Thanks? He didn't recognize me or what?? Did he forget me? Or did he hate me?his expression gave away nothing. Just shocked no hate no love.
I gulped blurting, "Krish"
I turned walking towards him with rigid legs.
He glanced back, "yes?"
He looked genuinely confused as in why would I call him.
I was speechless how to handle this.
I just stared at him giving away everything in my expression.
He shook his head in not caring way and turned back.
Oh God, he didn't know me he really forgot how's that possible!
We were strangers now. No!!.
Scrambling I called once again, "Krish-"
He was almost out.
Cause of the suddenness,
My foot twisted I tripped forth my hand landing on the dressing table sliding over the coffee mug. Shit.
Hot.!! I flinched pulling my hand back with an intense burning on it.
I winced leaving it down I looked up at Krish. Where's he?
"Kyra!" he knelt beside me. "What did you do? get up" he helped me in standing up by my arm. I held his arm with my uninjured hand.
"We need to put it under the running water! come on you can walk? It was only your hand, right? Oh yes! It might be hurting a lot but it will cool down eventually-
"Krish..."
he pulled me quickly towards the bathroom in the trailer.
He held my hand in the water gently rubbing looking down at it with a frown crossing over his face and worry in his eyes.
I sighed in relief looking away with a small smile.
He didn't forget me..oh yeah he didn't should I burn the other hand also. Remembering it I grimaced.
"Oh sorry" Krish said softly thinking he hurt me.
Like I was some kid he wiped my hand with the towel with so much care as if it would break or he could inflict pain to me.
He stopped the dabbing on noticing my eyes on him. We held the stare this time and I did detect love and my Krish in those.
Since Kyra was a crying Kyra now therefore involuntarily a tear rolled down through my eye as my arms ached to have them around him.
He reached to wipe it but his hand stopped midway sighing he dropped it, he tossed the towel away and walked out.
Soon I also left dragging myself out from there. Found him crowded by some girls group gushing praising about his songs.
I wanted to shout at them they wouldn't have listened to his songs more than me!
I waited for him to look at me. He was also enjoying their attention. Smiling at them!
I stood like a creep watching all and describing it now.
Zaid just a costar spotted me, "hey Kyra what are you doing here? Your name was called out and you're here"
"Oh... yeah coming," I said glancing at Krish he might be looking at me because he turned away immediately when I glanced.
"Maybe we would get a part together this time," Zaid said smirking still stood there.
I rolled my eyes this guy doesn't understand NO.
I was going to leave when I wanted was ...to I don't know what!!!. What do I want?? How could I expect him to behave normally all okay when I left him without even telling him not even allowing him the last attempt to stop me. Yeah I would have stopped, he would have made me stop and I would have.
And that's why I didn't tell him.
Sighing, I headed to the door.
Mahesh the asshole director(🤐) again came in my way," Kara can you be the proxy for a girl who couldn't make it today you didn't have to do anything just a few seconds ball dance with Krish you know him? Oh, how couldn't you not.."
Exactly
.. "anyway we need to time the dance go there join the girls"
Oh!! what the hell is wrong with this man? Has he had some inner deep desire for?
Like
Matchmaking?
Throwing exs together?
I looked back at the referred girls' direction who still couldn't leave him alone! Give it a rest already!
And one with high pony was squeezing his arm. I glared at him for not saying anything.
Wait a second who knew? he might have a secret girlfriend away from the public eye. From limelight. from my eyes .
He hid her and maybe kissed her loved her.
And had forgotten me
Kyra... I scolded myself.
That's what I wanted for him to move on not to be stuck on a girl like me.
What?
Now I am degrading myself.
I need to get out of here before my train of thoughts leads me to a deeper and darker place.
"Kara where are you going! Come here!"
I gritted my teeth. I turned telling, "I have my audition and my name's Kyra"
Mahesh waved it off, "you can get a better role Kara by doing this. I promise" He snarled.
I shuddered. I don't want a better part. From him.
But I don't wish to be on his bad side also.
Anyway, it's just a few seconds dance with my ex my crush my love, still can't get over of him! He hates me probably and I love him absolutely.
And this is simple.
Complicatedly simple.
I moved towards the set-up. Krish was glaring at Mahesh. See he didn't also want to dance with me.
"Okay everybody take your places!"
The assistant director yelled. What I have to do? I looked around as if someone to tell me.
Cluelessly I stood last in the line of the girls all bursting with joy.
Krish and Satvik the dimple guy dance swirled around with girls in their arms to the music. And then twirled them to the right to exit. The song played was Perfect.
I was last maybe they would forget me. My turn won't come. Yeah.
I fidgeted nervously gazing at my fingers. When I looked up all the girls were gone what???
I stood first how?
Satvik smiling held out his hand for me. I forced a smile taking - but was pulled by someone else;
Krish he turned me around my hand fell on his chest his arms around my waist.
🎵'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love,
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time"🎵
Nervously I placed them on his shoulders gazing up at him matching the steps. I can dance yes and with Krish yes yes we were perfect!
Ah what!
🎵"Darling just kiss me, slow your heart is all I own,
And in your eyes your holding mine"🎵
He gazed down as if to memorize it,store the image. His eyes roamed over my face. They turned dark and wild I shivered and he was leaning down.
Breath Kyra breath I told that...
But how to do that!!!! It's like inhale and-
he was saying something I blinked couldn't focus it like the time long back when I fainted .
I stood dumbfounded.
He grazed my cheek but I turned my head his fingers landed on my lips and that's was it like the switch I fainted.
Yes again.
When I woke up Blacky he wasn't there. I swallowed the disappointment.
Noticed, someone had applied antiseptic on my hand's burned area and there at the side table was a ring kept. Black band with I'll be there inscribed. the one I gave him.
So I met him my Krish I still love him and I still want him. I know That's hypocrisy from my side. But i am miserable here.
I don't blame him. He was over and he gave the last thing(ring) the memory that might be causing a little problem.A pull back.
Good for him. Good for me.
We had a closure I guess.
And we can move on now.
We can?
He can.
I can't
~ why did you leave him thinking Kyra(like why when you are going to want him always)
12.00 am
P.S A) does he know he's all about I think at night?
P.S B) Mr. Krish I have some questions for you yeah I question a lot... Is this second chance thing really works out? Will you allow your Kyra if she asks for it?
P.S C) How long does it take you to get over your Kyra?
P.S D) And do you still love her? Do you still want to love her?