I looked at him angrily freeing his hold, "where were you all day?"
Krish shuffled back appearing uncomfortable glancing around his eyes fell to Abhi he narrowed them at him, "what was he doing in your room?"
Abhi stood up pushing his hands in his jeans pockets, said "I came tonight and was there to give her a surprise-
"Straight to her room"
Abhi smiled amusedly, ", you're forgetting I'm her best friend it wasn't the first time-
"You love your best friend!"
"Krish!" I shot him a warning look
Abhi shrugged his shoulders expressionless, "yes I do but you don't need to worry will not try anything unless you provoke me to"
Krish stood up wobbling a little his face hardened, "what do you mean?"
"I know how idiot you can be sometimes"
Krish appeared sheepish instead of being offended he admitted, "I also know I guess"
Then both pass a look a memory sharing something. They started laughing bumping each other's fist.
I watched them with a small smile then at the back of my mind I remembered what happened at home. My eyes again filled up I tried to hide them quickly but they saw.
"Kyra" both said in alarmed voice.
It was Krish who reached first or Abhi stepped back.
"What happened?" He held my face with soft expression his eyes flashed worry.
I bit my lip staring at him mirroring his reaction how will I tell him.
Yes we never thought about our future but we never also considered it being separate.
So this was how love was?
Or it was fanciful to expect more, to hold onto the moment.
"Kyra I'll call you later" Abhi said feeling like an outsider in the situation.
"Take care" he stared at me silently conveying me he would be there if needed. Taking a deep breath I lowered my eyelashes expressing my gratefulness for having both of them.
He nodded at Krish who returned it back.
"What's it Kyra tell me?" Krish asked after Abhi left.
I shifted leaning to him clasping his support before I had another breakdown.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder kissing on my temples he said," Sorry I ran I couldn't hear you that you're leaving me choosing him-
I eyed him with like seriously we won't be sitting here together then.
"I know I know it's your decision but then I remembered I was doing that thing again running away. I should at least hear you or fight for you. I may not be the best choice Kyra but I can be your only choice"
I smiled involuntarily, "and you're with no doubt."
He shifted sighing, "I don't know what will I do without you I can't think of it. That's quite scary. Is it always like this?"
"What?" I whispered knowing what he was referring to.
"Love. It can be so beautiful" he said glancing at me, "and at the time so scary the fear of losing your love every second. Tell me am I being paranoid?"
"No" I shook my head at once.
My throat dried choked up with words I couldn't spill them out.
That Krish you're not wrong and I may leave you soon
"I have nightmares Kyra I am having them from so long that when sometimes they don't appear I think something's wrong about it. It was like an unwanted but still a part of my life, a thing that I have to live and accept it as the outcome of my mistake"
"Mistake?" I asked.
He was finally tell me about it.
He looked back his eyes unsure momentarily then with a brave expression he said, "I didn't kill my sister"
My eyes widened he was the only child he never mentioned about anybody else, "your sister?"
He nodded scooting away, "my sister Hayat three years older than me. I didn't kill her. That's what I need to tell that I have to remind myself every day. I didn't kill her" he said staring straight into my eyes searching for the confirmation a much-required one.
I nodded without missing a beat, "I believe you"
He looked away focussing his eyes in front, "but when I see my mom with a yearning look hugging her photo to her chest it hit me with so many ifs.
If I didn't do that
if it wasn't me
if I could turn back time.
Then there when I see my father gazing at me with sadness in his eyes, me unable to understand his business talk I could feel him, hear him wishing aloud if she was alive she would have done this better.
She would have you know Kyra she would have she wasn't an idiot like me she wasn't dumb she loved studying she loved maths and if I didn't-
"Krish " I tilted my head resting on his shoulder clutching his arm to let him know he was out of it I could sense him drifting back to the darkness of it.
He gazed down at me with a distant look gulping, in a strained voice he continued, "I was seven not that young to - he closed his eyes his breathing getting ragged I felt him shiver beside me.
I turned his head to me cupping his cheeks I urged him softly, "talk to me Krish talk to me tell everything, anything but talk to me you need to get out of your own judgment. Let me decide. Let me in"
He opened his eyes they appeared lost and hollow with shuddering breath he kept his hands on mine sliding them down he started speaking, "I was seven-
Like any child when told not to do or don't go there has a rebel side to do that particular thing. An innocent curiosity to know what makes adults so adamant so against doing that. The attic of my house was banned for me my mother never allowed me to go in there. And I loved it for that reason I guess. It was my favorite place it would be for any boy because it had useless treasure the broken record, the antique upholstery, the old paintings all the stuff that wasn't in use was clamped up there.
Every day I discovered something new I had this thought in my mind that there was a treasure a kinda pirate one was hidden from any obvious eyes it was a game for me moving over the things digging around it, got scrapped from the splinter of wood, tried to act brave when saw a spider, to turn my eyes away from fire products.
Like always I was looking around throwing things over here and there. I was bored with it, it wasn't interesting anymore. I pulled out a lighter from my pocket which I stole from my father's drawer once I had seen him lighting it I wanted to try that. I did it also many times. I liked the glow of that orange flame in a click of my thumb. I was clicking it repeatedly at that moment bored watching it. Angling my head viewing from every angle. I heard someone calling me it startled me the lighter jumped out of my hand bouncing and landing near the white sheets which I made a heap of it in a corner.
Hayat knew about my hiding spot she used to use it on me to tell mom about it If I didn't do the homework. I knew she was finding me for it. I didn't want to do the homework I didn't like her nagging me about it. I ran out quickly from the attic. And when I saw her getting in there I went over and locked her in.
Mummy was in the garden designing sketches for her one of the clothing projects. I ran to her sitting beside and I forgot about Hayat when mummy started asking me which of the sketches I like, playfully wanted to know my suggestions.
Hayat completely slipped out of my mind. I thought I'll unlock her soon. I would have.
We saw smoke clouds from the top floor the very second our servant ran stumbling out with fear edge on her face. And she said the word that made me remember about my sister, "Fire!"
The flame flared all over the upper floor. There was no way to make it to the attic or no one alive to save.
I told mummy I locked her in she was still there in the attic when she asked why she was there I told her everything. I had locked her in. The fire started because of the lighter the one I clicked it on.
I loved her Kyra yes she nagged me but I look up to her. She fed me. She was like my best friend. I think sometimes it's more of remorse than the love I feel for her now.
Mummy didn't talk to me for months my aunts suggested I needed help who kills their own sister?. They didn't believe when I wailed it wasn't me because I couldn't believe myself.
After that, there were a series of therapy I was labeled mentally ill. No one talked to me at school no one's parents want their children near me and it had instilled in my mind that it was all because of me. But I didn't want to admit something was wrong with me. Mummy came to the fact one day and kissed on my head saying she believed me. And it hurt me more than anything could .. because it felt like she was telling more to herself than to me. People just listen to one side of the story and they conclude on it inconsiderately.
Some said he was a little boy, treatment can make him better.
I have this fear a darkness of it that there's something wrong with me and slowly and stealthily it was engulfing me in it. What do you think Kyra? Is there something wrong with me? "
I shook my head wiping my eyes taking a deep breath I replied. Told what he wanted to hear"no Krish nothing is wrong with you you were just a kid it's people who are wrong to blame a kid and it does sound dreadful" it did a kid putting up fire accidentally and locking her sister in it.
"But it's not true you won't do that you loved her and your sorrow isn't out of guilt it's out of love. You regret locking her but more than that you're missing her because you love her. You didn't do that you didn't kill your sister Krish" His eyes widened then his face twisted something midway to a smile and like in ache one he came forth burying his face in my neck mumbling, "boys don't cry"
I rubbed his back as he gave out a shallow breath pulling back he said, "then there were you"
"Me?" I asked, surprised.
He nodded his head vigorously," your resilient fighting spirit your adamant nature to get it not giving up by anyhow attracted me, it influenced me and made me want to fight and come out of it. You helped me you like an angel urged me to get up and continue the fight. And I love my angel."
Okay, I won't be emotional I won't cry I bit my lip buried my face in my palm. I had my breakdown again Krish asked in an alarmed voice, "Did I say something wrong, Kyra? I am sorry but I meant what I said-
I removed my hands I admitted ashamed, "I am not that good Krish I have scars too but I bury them deep within. I am not proud of the way I treat Myra but I can't help it. I don't even try because If she was someone else I would have helped her had stood for her but if she was someone else, not my stepsister"
Krish shrunk back in disbelief, "she's your stepsister?"
I nodded grazing the angel for support, "my parents and her mother were best friends. Well, it was before he married mum Myra is an year older than me. He chose mum over Myra's mother you know there was love triangle. He left her but he didn't know she was pregnant she didn't tell him but later on, he knew about it and he confessed to mum. It changed everything I never used to understand why he cared so much about Myra.
Myra's mother never married she was a single mother that was what mummy used to say bring down a reason as to why Dad was so concerned about them. Why he used to always bring Myra when it should be only us... he was my Dad.
But he loved her more because she made him proud more. I was just side spectator told to be like her, to watch them bonding.
I tried many ways to gain his attention I bullied Myra just to see who he cared more. One day I pushed her from the swings and she got some serious hurt. I felt guilty afterward but when I got scolded was given a disappointing look by my own father. I felt no regrets. Mum confided in when I asked her angrily that day is he really my father or Myra's?
I hated Myra more when I got to know she's my stepsister a better daughter who got all of his attention. You know Krish-" I blinked back my tears Krish gave me space waiting silently with a tender expression and no judgments in his eyes.
Exhaling out I proceeded, "I tried I desperately tried to be better to not be the bad person a bully and accept that she's my stepsister my mother had accepted she had no resentment for either of them she learned to move on. I wanted to be like her to smile at Myra while mum held me close on seeing her.
I did try to let go but then my father died in the accident. Leaving me with not even half of his affection because that Myra snatched it away already. I don't have many happy memories with him they were only disappointed glances, learn from Myra, and me watching with jealousy at them with an ache of my heart. And that is what I have of his when Myra gets the best of it. She doesn't know we are stepsisters that truth also I have to keep it alone. But I feel grateful she didn't know that secret if she did then maybe I won't have a quarter of the memories also. Just nothing would I have then no recollection."
"Kyra you're not a bad person you are hurt and you want Myra to feel it too," Krish spoke in a soothing voice. "I think Myra is innocent she didn't know any of it-
My head whipped to him the hatred evident in my eyes. He sucked in a breath he completed slowly, "you have to forgive her you need to apologize to her and have closure to let it go"
I sniffed, "you think I don't know Krish? I know it and that's what hurts. I can't make myself do that to apologize to her and accept that it was my only father he's to blame for the negligence, not Myra but something in my mind pulls me back it tells me that Myra was the cause of it. I can't do this Krish. I can't."
I turned to hide my face in his shoulder. He, welcoming the embrace holding me from falling apart.
"You'll do it one day Kyra you'll. I believe you'll"
😪😥😞😟😖😢😭😭☹️😩😧😦😞😖