may 6, 2015. england.
"zayn has been working with other producers now? what the fuck happened to stepping back from the industry for his mental health?" louis rants angrily to harry after seeing a picture posted from naughty boy's twitter with him and zayn.
harry sits on his and louis' bed as he watches his husband pace back and forth across the bedroom. he has barely heard from zayn since he left tour, but he knows all about the falling out between him and louis. he knows how hurt his husband is. this must now seems like a stab in the back to him, which harry completely understands. still, he can recognize that louis is blowing this up a lot more than necessary.
"did we mean nothing to him? this doesn't exactly look like he's taking time to himself to recover and find himself. what a lying bastard," louis huffs.
"louis, he doesn't matter. just ignore him," harry requests. "getting all worked up over this is not going to help at all."
"what else am i supposed to do? sit here and be okay with that asshole ditching us and lying to us?" louis exclaims, throwing a pillow at the wall in frustration.
harry reaches out to hold onto louis' hand to stop him from being any more destructive. "you don't need to do anything. i know it sucks, but you don't need to be a part of it."
"of course i'm a part of it. we all are!" louis pulls his hand away from harry and uses his hands to cover his face. he takes a deep breath.
"forget about it, lou," harry advises. "getting angry is not going to help you at all."
"i'm going to tweet him," louis decides. when feeling low, louis has always had a bad habit of impulsively doing things he will probably end up regretting. the easiest way to justify doing stupid shit you know you shouldn't do is always when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown. the most common form of this for louis is reaching out to people he knows he probably shouldn't contact. he's not stupid, he knows how this is going to end, but he can't bring himself to care. most of louis' life lately has been a low, with the exception of harry, so louis is not surprised at all with this bad decision that popped into his head.
harry's head snaps up. "that's a bad idea. you should definitely not do that."
"i'm going to do it," he grabs his phone from where he threw it onto their bed and opens his twitter app. knowing there will be no way to convince louis otherwise, harry nervously watches as he composes the tweet.
"remember when you were 12 and you used to think those mac filters for your pictures were cool haha ! some people still do ha !"
louis instantly gets thousands of responses from fans. he knows he probably shouldn't have said something so publicly, and his response was very childish, but it's too late now. the tweet is out in the world and he'll just make management clean up his mess, like usual. they're the reasons why everything us screwed up anyway, so he might as well make their lives harder because of it.
shortly later, louis gets a notification that naughty boy responded, saying, "and some people can't even sing.. but who's complaining when there's auto tune eh" with the sunglasses emoji.
the anger takes over louis before the hurt does. just before this, he was finally starting to calm himself down and get into a normal conversation with harry, that was completely separate from the twitter feud that he is now a part of. this guy is such an asshole. it's pretty shitty to say something like that to someone, and louis knows that his dedicated fans will attack naughty boy over this. without thinking, louis tweets back, "jesus forgot you were such an in demand producer .... how does it feel to be riding on the back of someone else's career ?"
louis notices the replies, smiling to himself over seeing so many tweets from fans who are supporting him. even though louis might have lost one of his closest friends, at least he still has the fans to stand by him. their positive responses mean everything to him.
the next tweet isn't from naughty boy. it's from zayn malik himself. "remember when you had a life and stopped making bitchy comments about mine ?"
louis freezes, unsure of what to do. the man who louis has spent five years of his life with is siding with a producer he's probably only known for a few weeks. he knew that their friendship is over, but zayn insulting him over twitter is a low that louis didn't think they were going to reach.
two months ago, they were on tour together, sneaking off to smoke a few cigarettes or get high on weed when they were supposed to be meeting with management, or greeting ready to travel to the next city. they were causing mischief and pranking their touring team. they were confiding in one another. now, they're getting into drama on twitter. things apparently can change very quickly when you're least expecting them to.
"i'm making bitchy comments about his life?" louis is astounded. "this is coming from the guy who abandoned our friendship. now he has this new fake-ass producer that he'll probably ditch soon anyway," louis huffs. he decides to push away all of the pain he feels right now and replace it with anger. anger is easier, even if it is just a mask for how much he is hurting.
"look, sunflower. i get that you're angry, i do," harry says, calmly. "but, starting fights on twitter is really not the best way to go. it's twitter. it doesn't mean anything."
"he's a bloody asshole!" louis exclaims loudly. "why does he think it's okay to do this to us? he's really going to side with this producer instead of me?"
harry gets up and puts a hand on louis' shoulder. "please, just calm down."
"don't tell me to calm down!" louis shouts.
harry's hand falls off of his shoulder and he backs away. "okay. fine. i guess i'll just let you be then," harry heads out of their room to give louis some space. he knows that louis is upset over everything that has happened with zayn, but that doesn't mean he has the right to yell at him for no reason. harry was only trying to help.
as soon as harry leaves the room, louis throws a punch into the wall, the drywall breaking around his fist. pain shoots up his arm, but he doesn't even notice. he collapses onto the bed. now on top of everything, he's hurt harry. he's been trying to keep harry from getting hurt for years, and now he is the cause of that pain.
louis knows how unstable his emotions have been lately. it's pretty obvious. he has been sad and impulsive, and now he can't even control his anger. there is no excuse for louis yelling at harry like that. he didn't deserve it. this is all based around louis' personal problems that harry should not have been dragged into.
louis pulls at a string on one of their pillowcases, taking deep breaths in and out to calm himself down. he knows he has to go find harry and talk to him, but he can't if he's still so angry. louis has to fix this. he can't make the situation even worse. if he goes to talk to harry while he is still so angry, he will upset harry even more and make everything so much worse. he can't do that. he barely even cares about zayn anymore. this is all about making things better for harry now.
it's about fifteen or twenty minutes later when louis finally emerges from their room, in search for his husband. he has no idea of the state harry is currently in, and is terrified. he knows harry is upset, maybe even angry, and rightfully so, but louis needs to be able to make it up to him. he doesn't know what he would do if he didn't.
once louis finds harry in the kitchen, he hopes to any higher power that there could possibly be that harry will forgive him. "i'm so sorry, harry. i didn't mean to yell at you like that. i shouldn't have. you weren't a part of that," louis apologizes, profusely.
harry glances up at him. louis notices the red in his eyes and his heart breaks, knowing that he is the reason for harry's tears. "just because you're mad at zayn and this producer doesn't mean you can snap at me like that."
"i know, love. i didn't mean to. it was wrong of me and i am so, so sorry," the tears threaten to spill from louis' eyes as well. "please," he begs as he takes another step towards his husband.
when louis gets closer, harry notices the blood on his hand. he jumps to his feet and rushes over, grabbing onto louis' wrist. "what did you do?"
"nothing," louis tugs his arm out of harry's grasp and hides it behind his back. "please, harry, i never wanted to hurt you. please forgive me."
"i know," harry wraps his arms around his now sobbing husband. "please just try to be more reasonable next time. you had to have known that your plan to start this fight on twitter wasn't going to go well."
"yes, i know. i just couldn't stop myself," louis admits. "i'll work on it, though, i promise. i was upset and angry and couldn't control myself. i'll do anything to make it right," he explains as the tears start falling.
"you need to work on your self-control."
"i know, i know," louis cries into his palms. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry," he repeats over and over, feeling so guilty. he doesn't know how to make this right.
harry wipes the tears away from louis' cheeks. "i know you're sorry, my love. just please, think things through a little more next time, yeah? and tell me what's bothering you before you make any rash decisions."
louis nods. "yes, of course. anything. i'm so sorry, love."
"i know you are. it's alright," harry wraps his arm around louis' shoulders. "okay, now let's go get your hand cleaned up, yeah?"
louis nods and allows harry to lead him towards their bathroom. his tears are finally starting to slow, but he can't stop the guilt filling up his gut. he definitely needs to work out his emotions. none of this would have happened if he was able to control himself. maybe talking to doctor banner about this would be a good idea.
harry takes louis hand and starts rinsing off the blood under the sink. louis makes no move or sound to protest. harry seats him on the closed toilet and shuffles through the cabinet, looking for rubbing alcohol. once he finds the alcohol and some cotton pads, he starts cleaning out louis' split open knuckles. again, louis doesn't acknowledge any pain, although harry knows that the alcohol must sting. he just sits there, ignoring everything going on around him.
"do you think you broke anything in your hand?" harry asks, not knowing how much treatment louis needs. harry is able to clean out his hand. he can't heal a broken bone. louis doesn't respond. he is still staring blankly at the ground. "louis?" harry says, raising his voice just a little. "louis?"
this snaps louis out of it. "what did you say?"
"i was asking if you thought you broke anything," harry repeated. "does it hurt?"
louis shakes his head. "it's fine," he insists.
"what did you do?" harry asks again as he finishes up cleaning it out with the alcohol.
"i punched a wall," louis answers, his voice oddly quiet. "it's fine."
harry sighs, heading back into the cabinet to find a bandage to wrap louis' hand in. he knows he won't be getting much more of a response from louis right now.
once he is done treating louis' hand, he leads the way to their bedroom. they lay down on the bed and harry wraps his body around louis. louis keeps staring blankly at the wall ahead of them, seeming to not even notice harry holding him. harry looks ahead at the wall as well and flinches a little when he sees the dent in the wall made by louis' fist. louis has never been a physically violent person. sure, louis hides his emotions a lot, but harry has never known him to do something physically self-destructive like this.
ever since harry arrived back in england, him and louis have been in a state similar to the honeymoon phase. everything was going perfect. now, harry is starting to see between the cracks, and the only way to fix it would be for louis to talk to him, which harry knows he won't.
there are times when louis gets extremely quiet, and it seems pretty impossible to get through to him. harry never really knows what to do when that happens. cuddling usually helps some, but he hasn't figured out a way to get louis out of his head when this happens. he knows louis is upset with himself over the whole situation with zayn and naughty boy, and that he is even more upset because he snapped at harry. harry is upset about it too, but he's able to forgive louis. the saddest part is that it seems like louis is never able to forgive himself.
one great thing about their relationship is that they are so rarely apart. they spend so much time together, their marriage can still work out, even though they are both terrible with communication. harry has always found it easier to avoid the hard conversations, and louis has too many secrets he would do anything to keep harry from knowing.
most of the time, they are the perfect couple. they had always considered themselves to be soulmates, if soulmates are something that even exists. they have been together for so long, since they were so young, they know each other so well, like nothing would ever be able to break them apart. there is no one who knows them that would ever question their love for one another. they have been connected at the hip since day one. they make each other happy, which is what anyone would want out of a relationship.
usually, they are able to avoid the uncomfortable conversations that neither of them want. they're always together and love each other so much they can overlook the issues. there have only been a handful of times when their lack of communication has caught up to them. some things can't be avoided forever. harry believes this to be one of those times. he needs louis to open up to him. it's obvious there is something wrong, but harry has been told so little of it, he doesn't know what to do. they are always able to get past these little blips, but harry knows one day they won't, and it's either going to be the most difficult conversation of their lives, or something much, much worse.
w.c. 2574
okay so louis is finally free from syco music!?!?!!! i am so unbelievably happy for him i almost cried when i saw his tweet.