The bright sun filters through the open curtains, stirring me from the safe pit I've been delving further into all morning. The world around me appears grey, a shadow of disgust casting over all I can see. From the corner of my eye, I can see him still in my room. Although it's just a mirage, it leaves maggots on my skin.
Everything's numb: mind, body, soul. I wish I could cry, yell, react but I don't even have it in me to breathe normally. The pain and self-hate plaguing my mind are building within an unbreakable cage. All I can hope for is that Death returns to my home to drag me with them. I can't stand my existence in this world, evil infects it without a trace, without a cure.
How did he even get in? Maybe I left the door unlocked, or one of the windows was still open. This is my fault. I didn't bother checking the locks. This is my fault.
Actually, it isn't. Whatever the Gods are up to, they are the ones who let this happen. For years it has been difficult but I got through them. Since I pulled through, they must have thought it is fair to throw these horrid events at me. First, we'll have her attacked by a Wolf. Second, she can experience the excruciating agony of transforming. Third, we'll rip her only blood family from her. Fourth, we'll...
I can't even think of it. I know the word, of course I know the word, but admitting it is something I'm not sure I can take.
Desperate to forget it all, I close my eyes, only for the images to return. I may have been unconscious from emotional and physical exhaustion, but I could feel it the entire time, providing me with enough to get a clear picture in my dreams.
I sit up suddenly, holding at my stomach as it churns with nothing to come up - I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday and right now I don't even want to think about it. All of the pain and anger explode out of a tiny crack in their prison, taking the whole wall down with them. Warmth spills down my white cheeks while I shiver, whether from being cold, in shock or fearful, I don't know. My fingers land in my hair, furiously yanking at the strands causing the skin beneath to sting, like I care. I'd rather experience pure torture if it meant not feeling the effects left by that man. My choked gasps ring around the room, destroying the distressed silence of the boxy space.
I can't believe I just fell asleep like that. I barely fought. Where was my adrenaline? I can't have used it all up. Then again, I'd been dancing, dealing with Tia's assault, the rejection. I used up everything.
I release an earth shattering scream without warning. My loud tormented howl echoes throughout the empty building, resonating against every object, a cacophony of emotional distress pulsating through every brick, every atom of the house until it's all I can hear. The remnants of it all only exist in my mind and roars. My nails sink into my arms, a new type of pain to distract me from the other.
The front door creaks open, several presences making themselves known by calling out my name. I forgot that we were meant to meet up at our favourite cafe in the centre of the city, a plan we made late last night. For the past five hours I've been too caught up in my head to realise the passing of time.
Carter probably let them all in, in need of a clothes change and to see why after two hours I didn't turn up. They mutter about missing me on their way here and heading out once he's changed and checked I'm not still asleep. With how quiet it is up here, I'm not surprised I can hear them clearly. I may be coughing up my guts, but they're muffled by hands pressing firmly to my lips.
"Zo, you in here?" He pokes his head around the corner of my door, careful at first until he takes in my appearance. I know I've been staring at the same spot for a while, and I can't move in response to his company, I don't want him to see anymore of my pathetic state.
"What the fuck happened?" The door crashes into the wall, leaving a hole from the brass handle. The smack followed by his volume leads to pounding feet hammering up the stairs.
He sits beside me, an arm reaching over my shoulder for a hug and I'm unable to stop myself from flinching. I'm not sure if it's his disappointment or mine, right now, everything is blurring together. I manage to find it in me to collapse against his side while sorrow continues to cascade down my face without the sound of sobs.
"Tell me what happened." I don't have the words to respond, literally, I can't find my voice. I'm acting like a fucking child. "Alright, we'll get to that later." He mutters.
The others fall into the room, freezing at the sight of us. Then, within seconds, I'm wrapped in the protective safety of my family. I'm sheltered from the wicked world, even if it is still out there, waiting for me.
Nothing is said while I remain a statue. They don't move, they don't ask, they just hold me to provide the desperately needed comfort. Soft droplets of liquid salt trickle over my shoulders and arms as the majority of them are affected by the mood I'm emitting, not sure how to reign it back in.
As the minutes tick by, I feel the sun move past mid point. They decide that it is time to detangle from our mass of limbs, wiping away each other's tears. They all find a spot on the floor except for my Plolly who puts his legs either side of me. His fingers weave between mine. Our arms create an 'X' as he secures me against him. Rosie crouches directly in front of me, her palms resting on my knees over the tainted sheets.
"Babes, we need you to tell us what happened." I finally flick my eyes to hers, making them all sigh that I initiated eye contact. They're relieved to know that I'm not brain dead. "Nothing."
"You tell us off for lying, don't be a hypocrite." She sounds stern and it makes my heart jump, which Ollie notices and communicates it with her. "I... erm..." I try to swallow the bile only to start hyperventilating. I want to hit myself for the idiocy but I can't move my arms from Oliver's. "Hey, don't rush it. Take all the time you need, Zozie." Pops hand lands on my thigh, making me wince just from the light pressure on a bruise. They all notice the reaction, their concern bubbling above what the room can contain.
"Someone snuck in...last night..." I breathe in time with Ollie's rising chest, "I must have left a window open..." I sniff to keep my words clear, "They um..."
"Please tell me that what I think you're saying isn't true." With not being great with speech, Anthony has gotten good at reading expressions and looking between words. In response, I heave. A distinct growl sparks fear in me, despite knowing that it's only Ant.
He shoots to his feet, fists tight at his sides. They all look between us, still not cluing in. His eyes search mine for permission, which I give. "Someone fucking raped her."
The girls break down in tears, crawling onto the bed for another encasement of arms. Oliver doesn't move, knowing that he's the one grounding me. Jeremy and Ant pace the room, shouting about how they're going to murder. Meanwhile, Carter's full of guilt, likely for not being home to stop it.
Trying to regain more of my voice, I gasp. "Can you just... stop...please?" I'm released, though the boy remains behind me, only letting my arms free. The two furious men halt their meaningless wandering.
"Babes, do you know who it was?" I nod to the woman. "Can you tell us?"
"Aaron... -"
"- I'll fucking kill him!" Ant moves to the door, punching the wall beside it until his knuckles bleed. Breathing deeply, he manages to speak again. "I thought you said -"
"- I know. He was the one rejecting me and I'm fine with that." Neither of us told the other's why I disappeared the night before, resulting in, "He's your mate?" Most of the scream. I press further into Plolly. Their apologies are instantly forgiven.
"I can tell what you're all thinking... You're not hurting him."
"Zoe -"
"- No, Ant! For one, he was out of his mind drunk. Two, it wasn't him. Physically... yes. Mentally, no."
"That's no excuse, Zoo." Oliver's finger turns my face to his. "You're not laying a finger on him. You are not going to mention anything to him. He wasn't all there. It was like someone else was using his body."
"Like possession?" Holly straightens up. "Maybe."
"Right, here's the plan." Oliver leaves me, a whimper escaping my throat. "Bijou, get her showered. Roxy and Carter, dispose of the bedding. There's a furnace in the basement. Holly, make the bed. Jeremy, make dinner. I'll call Chris over. Anthony, go to the forest and cool off." With a clap of his hands, they all snap into action.
"Come on, Babes." Ro offers her hand.
Carter and Rox start ripping the sheets off of the bed, seemingly imagining they are Aaron with how murderous they are with them. Oliver drags Anthony down stairs with him, mumbling about getting his phasing under control. My logic tells me he isn't going to let him out of his sight in case he decides to go on a small outing. Jer isn't far behind them, mulling over what to cook.
I'm left to huddle near the bathroom while Ro picks me out some clean clothes and a towel. I don't bother covering up, none of us are self-conscious around the others, that's just Ollie. Although I've lost all dignity over the event, I know they're never going to judge me.
She returns with jeans and a shirt slung over her shoulder. With a hand on my back, she guides me into the bathroom, closing the door behind us. She leans around the shower's curtain, turning it to a good heat. As the room steams, she rests her head against mine. A loving kiss is pressed to my lips.
"Let's get you washed up." She smiles; it isn't forced or sad, it's a genuine Kitty grin. Her hands move over me, taking off the last of my clothing then pulling off her own. Since the shower is pretty large, she seems to conclude it is easier for her to get in with me while I'm still paralysed.
"How are you feeling?" She holds us under the water, demonstrating how to absorb the soothing sensations. "I'm not actually too sure. Currently, it's like there's nothing going on inside me. I went through everything not long before you turned up."
She removes my hair from its plait. She guides me under the water, making sure to get my hair thoroughly wet. "You seriously don't want me to kick his arse?" I giggle, shaking my head at her. "What difference will it make? What's done is done and there's no changing that. Besides, the whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. There's more to it than drunkenly taking advantage of someone."
"You're too kind. Any normal person would be devastated or seeking justice. Though, at least you're sounding like yourself." She scrubs my scalp with shampoo vigorously enough that I have to hold her hips so as to not slip. "It's just who I am. As much as I want to give up and hide for the rest of my life, I just can't do it, that isn't me." She nudges me back under the spray, rinsing out all of the suds.
All I can keep saying to myself is, 'you're stronger than this'. Surprisingly, it is helping. Having them care, accepting the events and allowing myself to explode earlier, I'm finding it easier to get it together. I'll always be disgusted with myself and the event, but I can move on. After everything, I know I'll carry on. My mental recovery time is improving, and I can handle it.
Once satisfied with both of our hygiene levels, she helps me into my clothes before putting her own back on with a fresh pair of underwear. We mess about as we speed down the bannister. Her hands shoot up into the air while I hold her waist, keeping her balanced as we slide down the polished wood. We land in a giggling heap on the floor. Last time we did that, we were ten.
A pair of unknown feet appear underneath my eyeline. Questioning who else is in my house, I wiggle my head out from underneath Ro's long legs. An overly sympathetic and torn up Chris is hovering above us, seemingly on the verge of an explosion too.
"Kitty! Get your fat arse off of me!" I squeal, slapping her thigh. She scoffs, "My arse is perfect, but as you wish." She rolls to one side, using my head as a crutch to push onto her feet. Reaching down, she lifts me up too.
I'm unaware of how I end up in the older man's arms, but I pat his back to console him. His apologies make me grunt, highly entertained. "I'm ok, really."
"No one can be alright after going through something like that." I wiggle out of his hold, staring directly into his eyes. "I'm not brilliant, though I am ok. I'm neither good nor bad, I'm just simply ok."
"When I get him in my claws -"
"- Would everyone stop threatening him!" I feel them all flinch. "Look, I'm not saying that what he did is anywhere near acceptable but that isn't the route I'm going to take. I just want to move on with my life, and let him do the same." Since it's a rare sunny day, I pick up his hand and lead him to the garden, everyone else following.
I motion for them all to take a seat on the patio. Once he sits down, I curl up on Car's lap as he buries his face in my shoulder. "Stop feeling guilty, this isn't your fault. I told you to stay at Jer's and I know you had fun." I make sure no one else can hear us. His mood is dropping and I can't let it. "No one is to blame for these events, not even Aaron. So raise your chin and enjoy the day with us." He nods but remains where he is while he sorts out his mood.
"So I've come up with a plan." I breathe in, then out. "My parents left me a house over in Sheaspro. I've decided to move there for some fresh air. It's also closer to the company's main building, meaning I can work from home without travelling too frequently." I pause, gauging their reactions of understanding and worry.
"Ollie and Ro are going to move in here with Carter so he has company. They can also get out of their own problematic housing situations. The house will remain under my name, but they will be taking on fifty percent of the bills between them so they don't feel like they are freeloading." My Puppy's head lifts from my shoulder, seemingly somewhat accepting of the idea.
"I've already spoken with the funeral directors, and I've arranged for my parent's to be cremated next Friday. You'll all be welcome at the ceremony, so you will be getting out of College." I chuckle a little, lifting the mood. "And then on the Saturday, I'll move. Everyone understand?"
Although they all nod, I spot the hesitancy in Oliver's indigo orbs. He knows better than anyone how attached to this house I am as it is the only home I've ever had. A lot of good memories were created here. Even so, I need a break and a new way to start moving forward. "This is happening whether you all like it or not. I'm not vanishing, I'm just moving a few hours away. Anyway, how's that food coming along, Jer?"
A lot of laughter is shared as we spend the rest of the afternoon sharing stories others weren't aware of while demolishing the mini buffet Jeremy created in thirty minutes. Apparently, after Holly accidently set fire to his family's kitchen when making pasta, his Mum taught him how to cook to prevent future accidents. They don't like Holly any less, they've always adored her.
After ten more minutes of feeling useless, I ask Carter to help me get some drinks prepared. He gladly follows, knowing I want to talk with him - he is clever about most things. Covered by the door, I turn him to face me with a sigh. "Car, you need to stop feeling guilty and unloved."
"That's not -"
"- You can't lie to me anymore about how you feel. I know you're scared of me leaving and possibly having to tell someone else about everything I now know, but that isn't the case. I am only going to be a call away and if you need me, I can come back and see you. Besides, the bond that the whole ordeal has created between us, tells me when something is wrong." I run my knuckles over his cheek. "I'm just being selfish in not wanting you to leave, you're the only person I don't feel will judge me."
"You really believe those idiot's out there will judge you?" I ask, receiving a shrug. "Caterpillar, we love you. We're not just a group of friends, we're each other's family."
"And because I wasn't in the state to come home with you, we're all losing you. I could have prevented this." A single tear slides out the corner of his closed eyes. Out of reflex, I tug him into my arms, causing him to lean down. "Do not start blaming yourself, none of this was because of you, me or Aaron. Shit happens, but it always has a reason. We may not be sure of the purpose yet, but we will with time."
Using the sleeve of my shirt, I tidy up his cheeks while tapping his nose. His paranoia and anxiety has already dropped, allowing room for positivity to seep through when Jer pulls him into a headlock. I stare after them as they wrestle full of playfulness and excitement.
"I came as soon as I could!" The familiar scent of one flushed nurse floods the house when she stumbles through the front door. A small child clings to her shirt from her hip. She doesn't bother putting them down when crushing me in a hug, instead it makes the adorable lamb giggle.
"Are you ok? I would have gotten here sooner but I had to get someone to cover my shift, then I had to pick this one up from the hospitals playgroup, and then the other two were having a fit about being dragged away from the park -"
"- Breathe, Leah. I promise I'm alright. Though I do have to ask who this cute little one is." I rub my nose against his freckled one, his hands clap quickly while he babbles up at me. "This is Micah, the youngest, he turns one on the thirtieth."
"You have the same birthday as me, Little One." My finger rotates in a circle before gently tapping his nose, a wave of giggles follow. "You're so cute." I gladly take him off of her hips when he starts making grabby hands for me. She heads over to her boyfriend, greeting him with a tight embrace. Then two more small and grouchy lambs come wandering through the door, grumbling about being left in the car. "That's Fawn and Lyra."
"Well, you two look happy about being here." I smirk. "She pulled us from the park, we were meant to be there all day." The sass in her tone tells me plenty about her and that she's likely reaching her teen years. "Something important came up." Leah snaps back at her before leaving the room with a shake of her head.
"There's food in the kitchen, help yourselves." My words ring in the older's mind, her fern eyes shimmering with curiosity. She's soon tugging the smaller shy one into the room smelling of deliciousness. Timid cerulean eyes glance up at me, soon looking away again.
"Fawn's just hit thirteen, seemingly thinking she runs the world. I'm dreading when Lyra becomes a brat as well." The woman speaks, coming to stand beside me. "I wouldn't be so sure. Lyra seems too nervous to be challenging, she'll most likely become independent."
My attention jumps back to the bubbly baby as his fingers get caught in my hair. "You seem to have them tamed, feel like adopting?" She jokes, though there is defeat within her words. "You're their older sister, not their Mother. Don't try to force yourself into a parental role when they clearly see you as a big sister." I unknot my ponytail from the toddler's fist. "Besides, you work a lot to give them all you can, it's no wonder they're a little distant. Don't bring yourself down, you're doing an amazing job."
"Thank you. So, Chris mentioned something about a plan?"
"I'll tell you later. For now, I think we should go play with the Monkeys in the garden. I also don't want them wandering into the forest at the moment."
Within minutes, Leah and Chris are chasing Lyra around the grass while the boy's repeatedly lose to Fawn at a game of Slappies. I'm laid on the grass with the precious boy, pulling faces and tickling his sides. The girl's soon run off to join in the game of tag with everyone else, even Fawn gets up to play.
My arm shoots out to catch Micah as he falls sideways while sitting himself up. Chris drops down in front of me, watching as I entertain the baby. "What can I do for you?" I can feel the meaningful conversation approaching with his purposeful posture.
"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you talking to Carter earlier and my curiosity has won over." He smiles softly at the little lamb as his chubby fingers curl around my thumb, moving my hand up and down in the air. "Which bit are you referring to?"
"The 'bond you have created'. I know you're not mates, I figured out his sexuality a long time ago. Though I don't understand what other bond you could be suggesting." I stop blowing raspberries on the child's cheeks to look at the man. "The Monday I told you about my parent's, Oliver came up with the idea that I'm some 'Specialised' being. He's been bugging me to talk to you about it but I don't see it as anything important."
"Did he suggest what kind?"
"No, just that it has something to do with being an empathetic person." I laugh at the idea of being special. Sure, I've done a few abnormal things, but I'm not a normal Wolf anyway. "Have you experienced anything that feels unusual?"
"I've located people based on the emotions I've felt coming from them. When near anyone, I can always feel what they feel, whether I mean to or not."
"Anything physical?" I can see his brain making links to what he knows. "My eyes turned almost completely white when tracking someone. Jeremy actually took a photo."
He scoffs, lost for words over whatever conclusion he has come to. "You're explaining the attributes of an Empatassio. They are basically the Empath's of our world. There hasn't been a real one in millennia. There have been the odd Specialised over time, but not one of those. Times are changing again."
"What do you mean?" I lead the little one onto my lap when he starts getting grumpy that I'm no longer playing with him. "Word about a Demigod down South has been spreading."
"Demigod?"
"About five years ago, a female Werewolf fought off a powerful Demon Wolf with unseen abilities. Many thought she was just a Specialised, but after discussions between packs it has been explained that she is in fact a strong Demigod. They're the beings our Goddess chooses to carry out a particular purpose in life. Her's is to protect the innocent." You learn something new everyday, like how we have a Goddess.
"With the increase of Hunters and disappearances of supernatural beings, I believe a war is approaching. I believe the Gods are preparing their species for battle, giving them gifts to defend us and protect others. Times are truly changing." He mutters, sighing sadly.
When the sun begins to set, everyone gets ready to head to their own homes. I sadly have to return the lamb to Leah while they pack up to stay at Chris' for the night. The young girls seem more than eager to spend more time in the woodlands.
Once everyone is out of the house, I head upstairs to collapse on my bed beside Carter. I cuddle up to him, acting as the big spoon despite looking more like a backpack with the height difference. He's already deeply asleep after spending the afternoon with tiny Lyra who packs a lot of energy. I'm not exactly going to kick him out since my time with him is starting to become limited. I love him deeply, but I need to start finding what I truly want and make my own life. Unfortunately, that means putting some distance between me and this town, including the people I hold most dear.