april 14, 2015. london.
"alright, tommo," liam begins during his and louis' writing session with jamie scott. "yesterday, we wrote using my inspiration. today, it's all you. nothing too cheesy though."
louis rolls his eyes at liam. "you know, i was going to suggest something else, but because of that statement, we're going to write a love song to harry, and i want you to be the one to sing it to him," he pauses to think for a moment before changing his mind. "actually, never mind. i'd get too jealous."
liam groans. "harry this, harry that," he mocks playfully. "i can't even get a break from him when he's not even here."
"oh piss off, payno. every time you complain will only be making it worse for yourself."
"you're in love. i know. and so does literally everyone else. you're not subtle, mate. do you know how many times i've caught you eye-fucking mr. harry styles in interviews and on stage?" liam jokes. "it's a miracle that not everyone knows."
louis shrugs. "not my problem. you should feel lucky that harry distracts me so often. imagine how much i'd fuck you up without his distraction. you might see some of that today."
liam's body involuntarily shivers at the thought. he gets enough water poured on him as it is. "you're right. the full force of tommo needs to be toned down. you definitely need harry to control you."
jamie scott, the writer the two are currently working with played a few chords on his guitar, waiting for them to stop arguing, finding some amusement in their friendly banter. finally, louis begins discussing his ideas for the song.
"so, i wanted to write about harry, shocker there," he begins with a chuckle. "i wanted to write about coming out in a way and finding the person who makes you feel right and whole, kinda like they're home. he makes me feel like home," louis explains, a small smile on his face as he thinks about his husband.
"that's actually a pretty good line," jamie notes. he hums a short melody. "make this feel like home."
"i was stumbling looking in the dark with an empty heart, but you say you feel the same. could we ever be enough? baby we could be enough," louis softly sings as he picks at his guitar strings a little.
"that's genius!" liam exclaims. "how about we have that melody go a little more like this?" he sings the notes to a slightly different melody that sounds even better than how louis sang it.
"it's alright calling out for somebody to hold tonight," louis writes as his mind drifts off to harry. harry is the reason he is comfortable with himself at all. with all that management has put him through, harry has been the one who makes him feel alright and guides him out of the darkness his mind loves to put him in. "when you're lost i'll find a way i'll be your light. you'll never feel like you're alone."
"i'll make this feel like home," jamie finishes.
the trio work through the song until they are left with a finished product titled home that louis is very proud of. he walks out of the writing session with liam feeling accomplished and happy.
"that was a good one you wrote today, mate," liam praises. "it definitely could be a fan favorite."
louis beams. "thanks, payno. i really liked it too. i think songwriting is the thing i'm kind of decent at."
liam nudges his shoulder. "don't put yourself down like that. you're great at writing, just like you're great at singing. the band would be screwed without you."
louis shrugs. "maybe," he replies. both boys know he doesn't believe it though. the two walk in silence for a few minutes, heading to a local park where they can play some footie for a few minutes before going their separate ways. louis pulls the football out of his bag and kicks it towards liam, who kicks it back.
"do you think harry will like it?" louis' question breaks their silence. as much as louis likes the song, it would all be taken away if the person he wrote it for didn't.
"i think harry is going to love it," liam answers without hesitation. "you know, he's always really proud of you. i can see it in the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention. he looks at you like you're the fucking world, mate. that kid has been practically idolizing you since you met."
louis stares down at his feet as a blush creeps across his face. he doesn't know what to say, so he keeps quiet and liam continues.
"i've never seen two people more in love than you and harry. you make it so obvious," liam rambles, dribbling the football with his feet. "harry's smile is always biggest when he's with you and the only time your smile really reaches your eyes is when you're with him or talking about him. it's honestly disgustingly cute. i don't think there could be anyone else better for either of you. sometimes when you're not even around he'll just be going on and on to niall, zayn, and i about your eyes and the way your lips feel against his and that one day he wants to have fifty kids with you, and some of it is details i don't really want to be hearing about my best mate, but it's endearing anyway. you two make me believe in true love."
louis' face is now bright red and he is grinning from ear to ear. "thanks, lad. means a lot," he finally says, so grateful to have harry, but also to have such great friends, like liam and niall. "i sometimes wish i could be more for him, or he deserves someone better than me. he deserves someone he can boast around, not me who he has to hide and be with in secret," he admits.
liam shakes his head. "no way. that doesn't mean anything to him. he loves you no matter what and just wants to be with you. he might be your home, but you're his home to."
louis shrugs, not saying anything, starting to feel too shy to keep talking about his relationship. "how's sophia?" he asks instead. "you haven't mentioned her too much lately."
liam sighs, a sad look appearing on his face. "you and harry is what i wish we had," he frowns. "we're drifting apart. i don't know if i love her anymore. i don't know if it's being on tour or what, but i don't think we're going to last."
louis' face drops. "i'm so sorry, liam! i had no idea. have you talked to her about it?"
"i'm honestly too afraid to," he admits. "she probably feels the same, i've noticed that she reaches out to me less than she used to too, but she's been a staple in my life for so long, you know? i guess i'm scared to change that."
"look mate, if you're not happy with her anymore, i think you have to break it off. there's no one who deserves to be happy more than you do," louis comforts. "maybe if you talk it out, things will get better. or it'll be better once we take our hiatus and you'll be able to have that year or so to work on that relationship. or you could find someone else that's better for you and will make you as happy as both of you deserve. you and sophia are both too great people to be in a relationship where you're not happy. you're such a great guy, payno. hell, maybe i would date you if i was single. you deserve someone great. you'll be able to figure it out."
"yeah, maybe. we'll see how it goes," liam's voice is soft, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore, so louis drops the topic. they fall quiet, just listening to the sounds of their feet contacting the ball and the background chatter of the other people in the park, who miraculously haven't noticed or recognized liam or louis.
louis hears the text tone from his phone, so he traps the football under his foot and pulls out his phone. it is a text from harry, who sent him the audio to their song, right now, with a caption saying, "i miss and love you!"
louis grins at his phone, his heart warming at the cheesy message harry sent him. it's early in la right now. harry probably sent that as soon as he woke up. louis is happy to see that harry is still thinking about him, even though they're so far apart.
louis searches through his phone to find the audio of no control, which he sends to harry, saying, "love and miss you too! ;)" he sends the message and puts his phone away, turning his focus back to the football and liam.
"so, i talked to niall last night," liam mentioned, kicking the ball too far to louis' left, making him have to dive after it.
"oh yeah?" louis asks, curiously. "how is he?"
"drunk off his ass," liam laughs. "he seems to be doing good. happy to be with his family, that i know."
"it sucks. he gets to see them even less often than we do, and i wish i could see my mum so much more often than i do," louis says, sympathetically.
liam nods in agreement. "we'll be with them more once the band goes on hiatus."
"hiatus," louis repeats softly. he sits down on the grass and lays back, soaking up the sun that is relatively strong for the middle of april. liam joins him on the ground.
"talk to me, mate."
"i'm worried about the hiatus," louis murmurs. "i don't know what we should expect. we haven't slowed down in nearly five years. i don't want to lose everything. our friendships. the fans. what if it causes a strain on me and harry?"
liam rubs louis' shoulder to comfort him. "i think you're overthinking it. it's normal for artists to take breaks. most artists don't record records every year while still on tour. it's not like we'll be breaking up. and even if we did break up, all of you are my best mates. nothing will change that."
"how can you be sure? have you heard from zayn lately?" louis asks skeptically. liam stays silent. "exactly. it's been less than a month. what if the band is the only thing holding us together?"
"that's something we'll always have. no matter what," liam assures. "we went through all of this together. that's not going to just go away. i'm sure zayn has a reason for what he's doing."
louis hums softly in response. "have you ever thought about making solo music?"
liam shrugs. "not sure. maybe if the right song came around. have you?"
louis quickly shakes his head. "don't think i'd be able to make it on my own. i'll definitely want to keep writing during the hiatus. even if i don't go to write professionally, i want to keep doing it. probably won't make any of my own music though."
"i don't think you know how incredibly talented you are, tommo," liam states seriously. "you're the best writer in the band and your vocals are so unique and clear, you would kill it as a solo artist."
"thanks, lad," louis blushes.
he pulls himself off of the grass and back onto his feet. he reaches out a hand and helps liam up. "i have to get home to call harry soon," he explains. "we've set up our times so we can talk for a while after we write and before he has to get to his sessions."
liam smiles at him. "of course! go get your man. tell him i said hi," liam pats louis on the back and gathers his belongings.
louis grabs his football and shoves it back into his bag, hoping the grass stuck to it doesn't cause any damage to his journals that he uses to write. "i'll see you in a few days. are we going to the studio or back to jamie's flat?"
"i think the studio. i'll let you know if otherwise."
"thanks, mate," louis pulls liam into a hug, which liam happily returns.
"see you, tommo," they break away from the hug and go in their separate directions. luckily, the park is close to louis and harry's home, so it's not too long of a walk for him. liam on the other hand has to walk back to jamie's house to pick up his car to drive to his flat which is farther into the heart of the city.
when louis arrives back at his house, he kicks off his shoes and socks before making his way into the kitchen. searching through the fridge. he decides on a couple slices of cold, leftover pizza and a beer as an early dinner for when he calls harry. he pulls his laptop out of his bag and opens skype, eagerly waiting harry's call.
less than a minute later, louis has an incoming call from harry, which he instantly answers. harry's grinning face fills the screen. his face is getting a little more tanned than usual from the la sun and his hair is up in a bun.
"hi, lou!" harry exclaims happily.
"hey, love," louis responds with a smile. "liam wanted me to tell you that he says hi."
harry laughs. "next time you see him, please let him know that i say hi too."
louis rolls his eyes. "who am i? hermes?"
"exactly. glad you know now, darling. how was your day?"
"i wrote you a song," louis grins widely.
harry raises an eyebrow. "oh really? good things, i hope."
"of course good things. although, maybe not if it was up to liam," he adds.
"do i get to hear it?" harry asks.
louis shakes his head. "not yet. maybe i'll play it for you when you get to london. or maybe you'll have to wait. i haven't decided yet."
"oh come on," harry begs. "i'm your favorite husband. you should play me the song."
"who says you're my favorite?" louis asks, pretending to be shocked, but failing when he sees the pout on harry's face. "love you,"
harry scoffs. "yeah whatever, love you too."
"so how is america treating you? you went out with kendall last night, right?" louis asks, trying to hold back his jealousy.
harry nods. "yeah. it was kendall and a few of her friends. they were all super nice. next time you're in la we should go out with them together. i think they'd like you," harry rambles excitedly.
as much as he tries to bury it, louis can't hide the feeling of worthlessness that is building up in the pit of his stomach. harry should be out with his friends, partying and having a good time, not worrying about him. louis is holding him back. louis pushes the thoughts aside for now and turns his attention back to his husband's smiling face and takes a long sip from his beer. "yeah, that sounds good," he says casually, silently fighting what the voices in his head are telling him.
harry notices that louis' mood changed. "are you alright, sunflower?"
louis nods. "of course," he replies with a smile.
"okay, if you say so," harry says cautiously. "i'll be home in three days. i miss you a lot."
louis smiles. "i miss you too. you probably have to get ready to go soon. i'll talk to you later?" he asks.
"of course. text me if you need anything," he pleads. "i'll be back with you before you know it."
"i love you, h."
"i love you too," harry frowns when louis hangs up the call. he can tell that something has been going on with his husband lately. he doesn't know what's wrong, but he knows there is something. harry just hopes he'll be able to pull him back together when he gets home.
w.c. 2697