JENNIE'S P.O.V
I hurted her, and now she's gone, I can't tell her what I really feel towards her...
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again...
---
"Nini! Someone punched me in the hallway earlier after class."
She said, holding on to her cheek that's bruised up.
"That's what you get for being so annoying." I said, slamming my locker shut, and walking away. Not giving a damn about her.
That same day, my mom got into an accident. She wasn't there because I pushed her away. She knew about what happened because her dad, and my dad are doctors in the same hospital.
Why'd you have to leave so soon?
Why'd you have to go?
Why'd you have to leave me when I needed you the most?
I was crying, sitting on one of the chairs on the hallway of the hospital. My head ducked, my hands covering my eyes. I felt someone sat beside me, and placed their arm behind my back. I looked up to see her. She's still here.
"Don't cry. You know Mama Kim is a fighter. She can over come everything." She said, handing me her favorite yellow checkered handkerchief that she always bring because I gave it to her. I just looked at her, and hugged her tightly. She just rubbed my back in comfort. I let out my emotions right there on her. I soaked her t-shirt with my tears.
"I'm sorry about earlier. To what I said, and how I acted." I said. She looked at me with those hazel eyes with a small smile. "It's okay, don't mention it. I understand." She said, wiping the tears that's flowing out of my eyes.
"Don't cry. You're too pretty to cry." She grabbed my cheeks, and caressed it gently while staring deep in my eyes. I sighed, and said; "Thank you for always being there for me." She just smiled at me, and kissed my forehead.
---
"Jennie! Who the fuck was that guy who's flirting with you?!" She exclaimed angrily.
"It was no one, and why are you acting like that? You're not my girlfriend. You're just my best friend. Yeah, you admitted that you like me but that doesn't mean that you can be all possessive on me. I talk to someone I want to talk to." I told her. My anger rising. I saw her eyes soften, and she frowned. I just rolled my eyes, and went away like I used to do.
Cause I don't really know how to tell ya
Without feeling much worse
I know you're in a better place
But it's always gonna hurt.
When I was talking to the same guy I talked to yesterday, he has a friend with him. At first he was being this casual. Asking me how I'm doing. Then, after a few minutes, he started to get too close to me. His hands we're on my arm, and I started to feel uncomfortable. The other guy touched my chest that's where I started to scream. His face was so close to me. I closed my eyes, and when I heard him groan, I opened my eyes to see her fighting with the two guys. She was beating them one by one. Dodging a few punches but some landed on her face. When she finally knocked them down on the floor, she went up to me.
"What did they do to you? Did they touch you? Did they threaten you? Did they-" I cutted her off when tears started to stream down my face like a river. She sighed, and carried my bridal style to her car. She went to the back seat, putting me on her lap. Rubbing my back while humming me a random song to calm me down. After a few minutes I looked up to her to see her looking at me with pure concern in her eyes.
"Please don't talk to them again. I was so worried about you." She said, hugging me tightly. I just sighed, and nodded. Closing my eyes to let sleep take over me.
---
Carry on
Give me all the strength I need to carry on
"Good luck on your singing contest, Nini!" She said enthusiastically while holding three yellow balloons, and a box of cake.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I can't eat sweets because I might lose my voice, and I never liked balloons!" I said, irritatingly. She looked at me, and said, "Just take it. I would appreciate it so much."
I sighed, and took the balloons, and cake. She smiled at me, and said. "I'll be there to support you." I just nodded at her, and closed the door. I went to the kitchen to put the cake inside the refrigerator, and the balloons on the side, making sure to put something heavy on the bottom, so it wouldn't scatter all around the kithen. I went out of the house, and went to my car, speeding off to school for the contest.
---
After the contest, I was the champion. I brought home $2,000, and a trophy. My mom, and dad saw it, and said they're very proud of me.
My mom, and dad was at their company because of an emergency meeting so I was home alone. I was in my room scrolling through my instagram newsfeed, when I heard my tummy grumble. I went down to the kitchen to see the balloons she gave me earlier. I checked the counter top but there was no strawberries. I sighed, and opened the fridge. A red box came into my sight, and I also remember that she gave me this also earlier. I grabbed the box, and opened it to see a chocolate cake that says, "Congratulations, Nini! You did amazing!"
I smiled, "She never doubted my ability in singing..." I said to myself. Grabbing a knife, and cutting a piece of cake for me to enjoy. When I was done, I looked at the clock, and it says 8:30 P.M. I decided to go to my room, and let sleep take over me.
---
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again...
It's been weeks since I last saw her. To be honest? I miss her annoying me. I sighed. My phone rang, and I saw my best friend's mom calling me. Her mom's calling me. I answered the phone call.
"Hello? Auntie?" I said. Instead of answering me, she bursted out crying. I became worried, and my heart started to beat faster.
"What happened auntie? Are you okay? Is she okay?" I asked, my voice trembling with fear.
"We're at the h-hospital sweetie. We're here si-since last week. S-she's diagnosed wi-with s-stage 3 lu-lung c-cancer. She told me to keep quiet, but I know you deserve to know her condition." The older woman said. I felt my eyes getting teary, and my world crashing down. I asked her the details where they are, when I got the information I needed, I ended the phone call, and went to my car, heading to the hospital where her dad works. I headed straight to the elevator, where her room is located.
3rd Floor.
I knocked on the door to be answered by her mom. Her mom let me in, closing the door when I finally went inside.
And then I saw her. Lying on her back, eyes closed, many wires attached to her body. My knees got weak. I sat beside her bed. Holding her cold hand.
"Please fight. I know you're strong. Don't leave me just yet." I said softly, putting her hand on my face, hoping that she's going to wipe the tears that's falling like she used to do. I felt my eyes getting heavy, so I decided to lay my head down on the white mattress while holding her hand intertwined with mine.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh
A few more weeks have passed, and she's becoming worse. Even though she's fighting, her body can't take it anymore.
I spent the whole week with her. Seeing her beautiful face, and smile. Hearing her cute, and angelic laugh. Hearing her corny jokes. We're laughing, and having a good time, you know? 'Cause I don't know when it will happen. I'm falling deeper, and faster every day that's passing by. I was on my way to the hospital when her mom called me.
"Auntie?" I said, putting the phone on loud speak.
"Jen, come here at the hospital fastly please! She's on 50/50..." Auntie Y/M/N said, crying... I didn't notice that there was tears spilling out of my eyes too. I stepped on the acceleration, not giving a damn if I'll get chased by police. My mind is on her right now. Nothing else.
I parked my car, slamming the door shut, then running inside the hospital, waiting for the elevator. When it was taking too long, I decided to take the stairs, my heart was beating unbelievably fast. When I arrived at her room, I saw her mom outside, crying, and sitting. I looked through the glass window to see her being revived.
"1, 2, 3... Clear!" The doctor inside shouted. The nurses obeyed him, and pressed the defibrillators on her chest. Her body arched upwards, then back down again. Her heart beat started to become low.
"No... no... no! Please fight!" I said beyond whisper, looking at her figure with tears in my eyes.
"1... 2... 3... Clear! Come on! We're not going to give up on this one!" The doctor shouted, the nurse did it again, putting the defibrillators on her chest.
"Please fight!" I shouted outside like a stupid person, my tears continued to flow like a river. My hands banging on the glass window.
Her heartbeat dropped, the constant beeping noise that the monitor is producing got cutted. The pointing lines became straight. The doctors sighed. Placing the defibrillators on it's place.
"Time of death, 8:30 A.M" One nurse announced. My heart dropped. Even my body did. I sobbed... It was a sign all along.
"She's go-gone. S-she l-left me! You left me! You're so unfair!" I shouted, my voice stuttering, and breaking.
She's gone... She left me... She's not here anymore...
••••••
How do I breathe without you?
I'm feeling so cold
I'll be waiting right here for ya
'Til the day you're home...
I'm now sitting here, inside the funeral homes. Sitting at the very front seat, looking at her white coffin. My whole body was numb because of what happened. I can't eat, I can't do anything right. My mind is on her only. Her voice, her face, her, her laugh. I just miss her.
"Nini! Someone punched me in the hallway earlier after class."
"Jennie! Who the fuck was that guy who's flirting with you?!"
"Good luck on your singing contest, Nini !"
"I'll be there to support you."
I can hear her sweet, and soothing voice in my head. I cried again for the millionth time today.
"Jennie, sweetie you have to give your speech later. It's her last day today." Her mom said, rubbing my back. Her eyes are red, and puffy also. But, I'm pretty sure mine is much much worse.
Carry on
Give me all the strength I need to carry on
I can't cope up with everything that's happening. I want this all to be a nightmare. Pinch me, so I can wake up please. Please, please wake me up. I regret everything I've done to her. From pushing her away, to shouting at her. I regret not loving back someone like her. Please, wake me up from this nightmare.
"May I call on Jennie Kim, her best friend, and love of her life to give her farewell speech." The priest called out for me. I stood up, grabbing the mic, and sending the priest a small smile.
I sighed, the memories of her, and I flowed inside my mind. My moment with her flashed before my very eyes.
"Dear friends, and family gathered here today. This day is a hard one for us all. It is so much easier to mourn in silence; it takes away the worry of not being able to get your words out, or even just simply getting the right words out. But silence or not, one thing which I am sure we all appreciate today, is being here all together, sharing in each other's silence, sharing in each other's moments of thought for her, who we all loved, as a friend, a loved one, a bestfriend of mine."
I sighed, trying to stop my tears.
"We will all have our own personal, and special memories, of the mark she left in our hearts, in our lives and it is very hard for me today to be up here, hearing my own thoughts out loud, trying my best to focus on the happiest times she brought us, rather than the fact that she is no longer here with us today as know it. I am certain of two things though. She would have wanted us all to be here today with our happiest thoughts of our times spent together, and secondly. She is still here with us, very strongly in spirit. She was such a strong person through, and through, from character, personality, and presence. We are all here because somewhere, somehow, we have all been touched by her. For me, she will always be with me. What I will remember will always be how she made me laugh. How she protected me. How she comforted me. This is what makes her remain with me personally, and I am sure that you all have your very own, special, and private moments that you will cherish, and keep close to your hearts. We were all very lucky to have her in our lives, and as much as she will be missed by us all, she will remain with us all, every day, as long as we can remember. We love and miss you baby. Past, present, and future. Thank you."
I finished my speech, letting my tears flow freely. My mom went up to me, and hugged me. We went back to our seat which is infront.
I miss you baby...
---
Her white coffin is now on the top of the casket. Every person is throwing a flower on top of it. I went infront, putting a bouquet of white tulips. It's her favorite flower.
We backed away, letting them lower the casket. My eyes we're crying non-stop. My body is so weak. My heart is aching so much. My mind can't work properly.
So let the light guide your way
Hold every memory as you go
And every road you take will always lead you home, home
They're now burying her coffin. I will not see her anymore. No one's going to protect me anymore. No one's going to annoy me anymore. No one's going to make me feel I'm loved...
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
Now, her coffin is nowhere to be seen. Everybody was hugging, and saying goodbye to her mom. I was just standing there. Looking at the ground where her name is engraved on a white marbled memorial plaque.
In Loving Memory Of:
Y/N Y/L/N
ᴥ︎Born: February 3, 1996
✞︎Died: May 7, 2019
You will be missed. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
"Hey Y/N/N. I hope you're happy where you are. I miss you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. I'm such a bad friend. I'm sorry. I regret everything bad things I've done to you. I hope you can forgive me. Why did you leave me? Why didn't you stay with me? I didn't have the chance to tell you what I really feel about you. Y/N, I love you. So much. I just knew it when you're gone. I'm so stupid for being blind and not loving you back." I said, kneeling infront of her plaque.
I caress it. Crying again. I miss her presence so much.
"I.... I love you. S-so, so so much." I said, kissing the plaque. The rain started to pour. I just sat there, not caring about it.
"Don't worry, Y/N. You'll always have a special place in my heart, and no one can replace you." I said, standing up, and running to our house. Mom wasn't there, as well as my Dad. I stared towards the sleeping pills. I swallowed the pills in my hand. My eyes started to get heavy, and I feel my body giving up. Wait for me, I'll be there, baby. I'll be there soon...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh
When I see you again
See you again
When I see you again...