Songs I've been listening to:
What if - Safetysuit
"How did it turn out?" I ask, peeping over Harry's shoulder. He's so tall, tippy-toeing doesn't even help me catch a glimpse.
Harry doesn't reply so I move to stand in front of him. His eyes roam from the picture to me, a smile turning at his lips as our gazes meet. He looks pleasantly content so I'm taking that the pictures turned out okay. Photobooth photos aren't exactly my best looking photos.
"Thank you," he says, his composure like a smitten child.
"For what?"
"For letting me keep this." He waves the photo in his hand.
"Who said you get to keep it? Let me see them," I demand.
I reach over to snatch them away. Unfortunately, he anticipates my move so he dodges right before my fingers can touch them.
"Harry...Let me see them"
"Not until you say please," he chuckles, a smug grin on his lips.
"Please let me see them," I belch out quickly, too quickly for his tastes.
"Say it like you mean it, Bubble Wrap."
Oh god.
I had completely forgotten the nickname he has given me. Or rather the name I have entitled myself with when we first met. I can't believe he still remembers that.
"Harry!" A high-pitched voice sings a few feet away from our direction.
Both of our heads turn to the source. It takes me no more than a second to recognize the girl's face.
Alice. The girl in the photo in Harry's room.
She walks swiftly towards us, and Harry imprudently stuffs our photo into the back pocket of his black jeans.
Maybe he doesn't want her to see it or get the wrong idea, or misunderstand this.
What's there to misunderstand?
I don't want to think too much of it.
"Alice, how are you?" Harry's face lights up in glee and guilt as he reunites with his girl friend. He looks exuberant to see her, more so than her grandmother, or anyone we've ran into really.
"I'm doing well. And you?"
"Same as always. You don't look any different from the last time I saw you."
"Yeah? A lot has changed," she smiles widely at him. Too widely, it's almost suspicious. Like Harry sometimes. The resemblance of their Cheshire Cat grins are very uncanny.
She looks really pretty, even prettier in real life. Her blonde hair shines so naturally in the sunlight, and her eyes are so big, almost too big for her small face. Maybe it's the eyeliner she has on.
"Aren't you going to introduce me?" The girl, Alice, nudges Harry playfully in the arm with her elbow as she looks at me.
"Ah, Alice, this is Elaine, my girlfriend." I listen steadily to his tone for any uncertainty behind his choice of words but don't find any. Instead, I sense discomfort when he calls me that. Maybe because it's a flat out lie. "Elaine, this is Alice. She's a good friend of mine."
"We've been inseparable ever since we were kids," she proudly adds. "It's lovely to meet you, Elaine."
"You too." I shake her hand courteously.
"Harry almost never brings anybody back home. You must be the bee's knees." She glances over at Harry who wears a wry smile.
"Oh, I don't know about that," I say.
"Honestly," she assures me, her hand reaches over and lightly strokes my arm. "He tells me that all the time. I mean, he tells me that he's never going to bring just anyone home. Someone good, he says."
They share a conversation, details of events in their past which I don't have any recollection of obviously. They laugh and giggle whilst remembering certain instances where she and Harry would bring trouble wherever they went.
"You must come to the Sunday Service tomorrow," Alice's voice rings through my ears. It takes me longer than it should to realize that she's asking me, not Harry.
"Oh, uh, Sunday Service?"
"Yes, we have a few new members of the church and I'd be so happy if you could attend. Anne will be there, of course," she explains exuberantly. I didn't expect her to be a member of a church at all. She doesn't give off that church girl vibe. "If you come, Harry has to come too."
"Sure. I think I should go help Anne set up the rest of the stuff," I lie to excuse myself.
"What stuff?" Harry asks. So he does know I exist.
"You know, stuff."
He doesn't interrogate my answer which I'm grateful for so I leave them with not another word. As I'm walking away, my head involuntarily sneaks a glance back. And it's like a dart to my chest when I see how happy he is with her. His eyes are lit up, his smile is more so radiant with her than he has ever been with me.
Are they really only friends?
Anne and her party are chatting over by the drinks, so I decide to sit next to her. She wraps an arm around me, pulling me slightly closer to her. They acknowledge me for a while, noting how lucky I am to have Anne as a future mother-in-law. I want to say "If it even lasts that long," but decide against it. If I had said it, not only would it hurt myself, I would also hurt Anne. She doesn't deserve that. In the short time I've known Harry's mother, I can already tell she's endured so much to get where she is.
I only nod with a stifled smile. Before long, they are already frolicking on their own gossip again. The simple word reminds me of my mother. I haven't even called her since I left.
Around noon, everyone gathers around in front of the small stage to sing Happy Birthday to Mama Sal. She sits in her wheelchair with the cutest smile as she watches all of us sing in sync. Though there's probably only one person who can sing properly here.
I scan the backyard for the sight of him as she blows out the last of her ninety-nine candles, but I can't find him anywhere.
Why?
"You're not looking for me, are you?" His voice surfaces from beside me. I lightly roll my eyes.
"Who else would I be searching for?" I taunt under my breath, keeping my gaze on Mama Sal who's as happy as a little child on Christmas morning. "I was afraid you fell under a hill again and broke an ankle or something."
He gently laughs at my snarky remark, a comfortable smile following after.
"No, didn't fall or break an ankle. Sorry to disappoint. Actually, I was with Alice."
He was with Alice? For this long?
My heart stops for a moment imagining what they could have done together. I shouldn't let my thoughts get ahead of myself. We're technically not even together.
The crowd starts to applaud, breaking me from my trance. I quickly follow suit so that I don't look out of place.
"What did you two do?" I ask. "Not that I really care," I add quietly.
"We just talked," he replies, shrugging his shoulders.
"About what?"
It takes him a little longer to answer this time and I'm afraid the growing silence is confirmation of my suspicions, whatever they may be.
"Why are you so interested?"
"I'm not. I'm just curious."
"That's the same thing," he cleverly snaps. "Is something the matter?"
"No, not at all."
He moves to stand beside me, our shoulders brushing against each other as he keeps his eyes straightforward.
"I know you, Elaine. What's the matter?"
"Nothing is the matter alright," I firmly mutter. I know I should have answered more polite. At least it would be more convincing.
The crowd goes into another round of applause as Alice takes the stage. She stands in front of the microphone as she warmly takes her grandmother's hand. She starts talking about the amazing things her grandmother has been through and how she has greatly impacted her life.
Harry glances from me to his childhood best friend, then back to me. His eyes widen slightly. The reason for it, I'm not so sure.
His hand wraps around my wrist. Before I can say anything, he's leading me away from the crowd.
Once we're two steps inside the empty home, he lets me go. He sets himself in front of me as he inhales a quiet breath before locking his green eyes on mine.
"What?" I fire at him.
"You're jealous, aren't you?"
Jealous? Am I jealous?
I hate to say it. I don't even have the right to feel it, but he's right. I'm, regrettably and inconceivably ... jealous. But I absolutely hate feeling this way. It rarely ever happens to me.
It's such a petty feeling.
"Look at me, then answer," he orders. "Look me in the eye, and tell me."
Hesitant hands hover over the side of my arms. When he finally makes contact, I am suddenly compelled to look him in the eye, his gaze a mixture of emotions. I can't tell if he's angry, or if he's elated, or if he's upset.
"Tell me," he says softly. He almost sounds like he's begging me to answer and if I don't, he'll be so disappointed with me. I suck in my bottom lip, my teeth biting it, unsure if I should tell him the truth. If he knows that I'm jealous, he'll know the things I can't even admit to myself. "I'm gonna ask you one last time, Elaine. Are you jealous of Alice and I?"
"Of what? That you're spending time with your childhood friend who also happens to be the most gorgeous girl here. What do you think?"
"She's just a good friend."
"But you can't be friends with her."
I must be coming off completely irrational saying that. He looks even disgusted with me that I even had the decency to spit such impertinent words out.
"What? Why?" He asks, his hands letting go of my arms. He crosses them against his chest and lowers his brows, speculating me, waiting for me to back up my statement.
"You said so yourself that men and women can't be friends."
"Okay, you're right. I did say that. But it's different between us."
"That's what they all say."
"Elaine," he inhales a quick breath and takes my hand. "Forget it. I don't want to do this here, right now."
He turns back for the door but I pull him back, our eyes meeting in result. He looks shocked almost.
"Then when are we going to hash this out?"
"Alright then," he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line. He turns to our right, leading us down a narrow hallway. My footsteps comes to an abrupt stop when we reach a door.
The men's bathroom. How ironic.
He goes in first to check if anyone is in there. It doesn't take him very long to inspect because he's out a few seconds later.
"There's really no other place we can talk?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"I don't want to risk anyone overhearing us," he briefly explains. He pulls me inside and locks the door. There's a large mirror to the left, reflecting off the warm orange color of the wall. The color is almost is unflattering on the walls as the dress on me.
"Okay, yes. I did say that women and men can't be friends," He starts. "But Alice is like a sister to me. We grew up together."
"Doesn't mean that you can't like her," I blurt.
"She doesn't like me that way anymore."
Then it hit me.
"Were you friendzoned by Alice?"
"No," he replies, honesty laden in his voice. "She's the one who had feelings for me, but I really saw her nothing more than a younger sister."
I don't doubt his words for a second. There's never a falter of his gaze, or a stutter in his words. I can tell he's being serious about this.
"Oh," is all that's able to come out of my mouth.
"What I meant when I said that was how could you be friends with Marco. He's a great guy."
Great guy? When did they even have a chance to talk together?
"We talked at the party," he answers my thoughts. "Niall, your friend and I somehow got to talking for a bit. From the things he said about you, I could tell that Marco cared a great deal about you. And he's not a bad person to look at so I couldn't fathom the fact that you two weren't together so I took the initiative and wanted to find out why."
The walls around us start to spin and I feel as if I'm about to vomit any second. God, the color of the damn walls had to be the most hideous color of the spectrum.
"Wait, you're not making any sense," I say, holding onto the edge of the sink beside me. "Why would you want to know that?"
"Because I liked you."
Harry's words crash into me like a train, my balance almost falling back. I feel like I've lost control of myself and my thoughts. Regrettably, my heart drums quicker and my breathing has become shallow and shaky. The world feels as if it's shaking from underneath me yet I somehow manage to stand still.
I've asked him, so many times in the past, the question of whether he liked me. I can remember the specific instances. The golf course. Then again on the cruise. And only now do I realize that he's never said the words, "I like you", out loud. He always got around it with another question or with a slick crack.
"I liked you but I didn't want to pursue anything," he continues, his words filling my silence. "I didn't want to go after someone who already had their heart set on someone else. And I still don't. I understand if your heart is elsewhere."
"Elsewhere?"
"Your ex-boyfriend."
"What?" My ex-boyfriend? He, of all people, should know that I would never ever go back to him. Harry knows what he's put me through.
"Kai, the guy who showed up at your house when I was there."
He means ... Chris?
"That wasn't Kai." A breath of relief fills my lungs. "That was Chris."
"Chris? Whatever, it doesn't matter now."
"You think my heart is set on Chris?"
He doesn't answer me right away which only confirms my suspicion.
"Isn't it?" His gaze falters to the tiled floor as he speaks. He's already anticipating my answer to be the worst. He's a lot farther from me than I remember.
"No." My simple reply is enough to lift the tension in the air.
In this moment, I honestly still don't know what to do. I've just heard Harry Styles mutter the words, "I like you." I'm still trying to recover from that.
I've been fighting everything up until now. I've been doing in everything in my will to suppress this feeling. But in this moment, seeing how selfless and considerate Harry is, I finally realize how long he has endured his feelings for me. Ever since the beginning, he's always been loyal to his feelings. And for once, I want to be loyal to mine.
But there's just one thing on my mind that still leaves me insecure about everything.
"If it's not too late, can you now explain to me why you left me after the night, on the cruise, the night we --," I trail off, hoping he'll understand what I'm referring to. By the dawning look on his face, it appears he does.
A/n: I rewrote this chapter like two times. It was waaaaaayyyyyy different, but I think this will have to do.
On another note ....
How are you all? Omigghooooosssghhh. I feel like it's been forever !! My spring break is coming up soon so I'll have more time to write and relax. And my presentations are all done this week so all I have to do for next week is listen to other presentations so there might be another update next week! Yay!