Quit letting your mind telling you things it shall not, the things you tell me are deep and without a thought I never changed who you are. In times I seem distant, unwary of the situation, but you should know you're the closest thing to my heart. I shed a few tears at the thought of you upset and it tore me in half. The silence of you near me ate me up to my neck, boiling over my shoulder making me peek around and make sure I ain't in for a threat. Long distance ride home in silence thinking about you hoping you're good in hopes you didn't think I saw you anyway differently. You tell me your deep secrets, things I don't plan on sharing, things that wouldn't bother me. Your appearance and issues don't phase me, I'm not effected by the changes I figure out on the daily. I love learning new things of those close to me so that they know I'm listening. I phase through your wall, not in your room like a ghost but through your heart as a memory in hopes I get that spot forever. I get attached to it, filling the empty spots in hopes for another smile so that I can live another day knowing I'm still there. The warmth of your hugs comfort me into a mindset where I don't have shady thoughts holding me back anymore, but just for a temporary moment. I just hope that one day you can see that I will never leave you even if things change, I always planned on you in my life one way or another and even though at times it hurts to see how it is currently I pray it changes for the better for the both of us. I just want to be the man you deserve and see that not everyone is going to treat you the same and have you confused on what love is actually like. I always express that I'm not perfect but my perfection is flawed in so many ways that you're perfect just the way you are to me. I never go to sleep normally cause I wait for the few minutes of the day I get to talk to you freely with no strings attached .
Yeah, I did cry today. Do I regret it, no. It shows how I feel. I could never stay with anyone else cause in my mind it just didn't feel comfortable to me. Yeah I did some things in my past I regret. I can't change it, but I can help the outcome for the future. All the girls I was with never could compare to who you are. You're special, ain't nothing less than that. I see more in you than you do yourself and I just wish there was a way I could point out every detail of you that no man ever talks about that I adore you for. I can't give you the world but I can do my best to get you whatever I can cause my world is just one person. It's always rotated around you. I will admit there was only one girl I was with that I tried so hard to work with but it was only cause I was afraid of being alone, and I know being alone isn't a bad thing but it's bad to be alone when you know you possibly wouldn't of had to deal with it with the right person. The person I could have changed her whole perspective for. The reason I wait is for the time I get you myself and show you what difference I am compared to everyone else. Yeah, if I wanted to I could be with someone right now, but it's not you and it's just gonna be a repetition of what I did to every girl after you.
I don't recall the day, but I don't remember not loving you. Even the days we didn't talk or the months that would go with no communication. I still thought about you. You're different than the rest and better than them all and I want to show you what I see in you. These words I type out could never express my emotion to you on a personal level but I hope that it shows you that I am still trying no matter how long it takes and I may seem like I'm trying too hard but nothing I do will ever meet up to everything you did for me. I love you more than I love myself and everything I own. I understand why you do the things you do but I just want you to know there are people who are way different than what you're used to. I hope you had a good day and hope you can sleep. I am thankful for you in my life.