I can't stop the constant regrets constantly in my mind. I'm tired of being tired. I feel so bad for being so bad towards the communication to all my friends and family because I got tired of trying to talk to people who never wanted to talk to me. I haven't posted in a while here, but I'm so lonely in my mind and soul. I can't shake the feeling no matter how many close friends and family I have or the temporary love I find now and then, I still feel such a big hole inside of me. I just want it all to go away, but I don't know any way how to get rid of it besides ending it all...which is selfish because I'd be a coward ending my life now. I just don't get what I did wrong to have those close to me push me off for nothing and now I just leave myself wandering in circles. I'm in a constant loop of confusion and misguidance. I just want to feel loved man. I want to feel like my life has a purpose or that I did something with it before I'm gone. I can't stop the constant thoughts running through my head and I'm tired of my everyday life. Money wouldn't solve my issues but It'd be a great start to solving my problems. I don't even feel love anymore I think, I got tired of what I thought love was through a physical father and a lover I'll never have. That's what I think love is. I think it's not something for me. "There's somebody out there for everyone!" Yeah I'm sure but fuck them because the people who were supposed to show me what love was were never showing it very well. I got a few friends but there's so much shady shit and I can feel myself getting replaced or used and I just can't stop the constant mood swings of my mind overthinking everything. I need a drink or five just to put a damn smile on my face, me of all people, that's crazy. I hope you are happy. I hope you find happiness. I hope that whatever you get you deserved it. I hope you show that stranger some love to brighten their day. I hope you go out of your way to kindly help someone. And then I hope you die happily.
