I often wonder how much you think about me. Is it only when the song comes on or is it constantly? Cause everywhere in my mind I'm always worried about you and thinking about you, and not at just 3am when I'm feeling lonely and think I need someone by me. I think about you quite often.
I just want you right here by my side telling me your problems while I'm holding your hand or your head on my shoulder while we just sit there listening to nothing but the voices of each other.
I wanna have that feeling where I lose my breath at just seeing you and unable to speak when you talk to me. I wanna be able to comfortably make you smile and laugh and not be as depressed. There's no way I can completely get rid of it all at once but I'd try so hard for you. I wouldn't run around in your mind losing my breath and time when I'd rather run to you in person and fucking see you smile and those beautiful eyes of yours. I've continuously waited for your response to respond to me to say "Please come over I miss you I don't care what he thinks no more he's not going to control me no more and hurt me"
I know I fucked and you know I fucked up but the face we go to an app to still talk must show there's something still there and I just wanna grasp it in the air before something small destroys what's left of it. The commitment you have for the wrong people is so strong but awful for your own self and happiness. I just wanna see you come home from work and just glow walking in the door to smiling and the smell of food and the aroma of a happy household. I've wanted to build with you. I know it sounds dumb but I don't care about how much we make as long as it's together. I don't care if I'd have to struggle as long as it was with someone like you I know I can keep going. Your positivity was so enlightening and now the closed door that I think I could've gotten out is being pushed from the other side from the monsters haunting my mind when all I want is peace of mind. I want to relax finally.
I'm running out of ways to show I am so serious about trying to do this.
I keep checking my phone to see if there's anything that's changed, like your mind about my past. I just wish that when I opened my chest open spewing my feelings that my heart and lungs didn't fall out cause it's numb to do anything and hard to breathe when the thought of you isn't there no more.
I want you to be happy.
I want to be happy.
You can't find happiness in someone else they say, but I think it's complete bullshit cause I have never been any happier then the days when it felt like it was just me and you.
