I know previously in one of my little stories I talked about suicide, and how I wanted to do it so badly. But here I am, still alive and healthy I suppose. Did I ever want to kill myself? Maybe at times I thought about it. I thought about how fast it'd be and how easily people would forget me. But the more I thought, the more I realized that's not true. I know a lot of people love me, I really do. And a friend of mine, well at one time possibly more than a friend, who I never saw a day in my life made me realize as well as a bunch of my friends that they do actually care about me. They may take forever to reply sometimes or have other things going, which I understand I'm fine and capable of waiting. I mean shit I've waited for the best thing in my life for years. Losing my virginity,No, I'm kidding. It was seeing "K". She still talks to me on occasion and stuff like that. And it just makes me so happy when people go out of their way for someone. And right now she's hundreds of miles away from me, but it still feels like at times she's still at home. I don't know if that makes sense, but once you experience what I'm feeling you'll know. I felt like in some of my previous writings I've talked bad on her possibly or made a guilt feeling upon her, when I should honestly thank her. For being there for me when no one else truly was, and after all my dumb mistakes and regrets, you stood by me still. And I appreciate you for that. And that's why I decided to rewrite my mistakes. I know it's been seen by her and I just felt bad for doing that. She's honestly the best person in the world. I told her about my dad and his issue with cancer, I told her about my breakups with my past relationships. I've told her things that no one else knew before her. She was my go to for anything. Her words and her face always brought out the smile in me. I just feel relaxed and comfortable around her when I'm away from my house. She makes me feel like my original home. When I wasn't thrown from place to place and having to quickly find a temporary place that'll allow me to stay with them. I miss seeing her too. I want to take it back to day one when I finally saw her. I wanna relive the moments of seeing her and being there for her like she was for me. I never once wanted to leave her side and I never did but things happen and time wasn't always there for me to message and talk to everyone. Especially when people get jealous. I just wish things could magically disappear, all the bad things. That way we could all live happily. That's all I want, is to just make everyone happy, especially "K".
So no, I don't wanna kill myself. If I did I don't think I would've actually said anything about it and would've had it hidden. I'm happy with how things are working with me. I'm finally seeing my brother again before he gets shipped for 9 months overseas to protect our country. I seen K again about a week ago and just couldn't stop having a good time, even though she had to leave and sadly couldn't return. I didn't get to give her a bear hug. But it's okay, because I feel like there will be another chance. I hope.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm...happy.
