I dont know how to say what I feel, but right now I feel pretty shitty. Chose to do drugs over family and now look what its done to you. You got caught, slipped up, stuck in county jail, and have nowhere to run to. Every thing around you gets destroyed from families to friends to your own mothers house that you were living in. I dont know how you can cope with the fact that you never blame yourself for your actions. It was all your fault, the people you brought around, the time you wasted on things we didn't want you to do, or that you say you were never wrong.
But it's okay, drugs got your back right? Go and take another huff or whatever the term is, forget life for a few minutes and inhale the demons that never could see you succeeding. You lost your job, wife, life, over some damn crystal and yet you cant get it through your eyes that you're the reason everything fell apart. You are always "perfect" and anything that happens was never your fault. You were never one to justify if you were in the wrong but now you're held up in county over shit that we all knew was coming, and I bet you feel guilty or think someone is going to help you, who? Because all I can remember about you is what you've done wrong and I can't hardly keep in my mind the few good memories we had cause all I can think is Physical and emotional abuse and constant lying, guess that's where I got my lying from to protect those around me from knowing what I really think inside my head...
These drugs are going to end up killing you, putting you in a hole or burning your ashes as if you were lighting yourself on fire your whole life. One day I'm gonna forget what you looked like , cause you dont look like what you used to. People wonder why I dont try and lose weight and its because if I do people are going to think I'm following your steps and becoming a drug head as well. I ain't going to lie and frown like I havent thought about doing it to help cut weight down at one point but those same thoughts are always counteracted upon me staying bigger to show I don't do drugs.
One day, maybe, you'll open your eyes and your heart and see what you've been doing to hurt everyone around you. I still love you cause you're who brought me in here, I just don't love the choices or the hand of cards you dealt me to believe I need to struggle to be successful. I'm gonna miss you. I just dont know how much or how long I truly will miss you.
