Bakugou's POV:
We've been here 4 days now, everything is still the same. Me and Shouto keep to ourselves most of the time, we haven't made friends with anyone else yet. But who cares, we're probably leaving soon anyway. Hopefully..
Strangely, the hospital has a gym. Though the time you spend there is limited. Nurses have to keep an eye on individual patients so they don't over exercise. The 'happy nurse' is watching over me right now.
I'm lifting small weights as of now; most of my strength is gone. I glanced at Shouto's time table beforehand, he has a therapy session right now, though it should be ending soon.
I feel free in the hospital, yet lonely and isolated. Most of us are very private, though people like to be really fucking loud in the cafeteria. Like really loud.
I've gotten a lot off my chest during the therapy sessions, they prescribed me some medication to help with my depression or some shit, but I refuse to take it. So does Shouto. It feels messed up to rely on a pill to make you feel happy. It makes me feel weaker than I already am, if it's even possible for me to feel weaker.
2 days ago, a patient committed suicide by overdosing. The nurses don't understand how he managed to do so, they monitored his medication intake carefully. Not carefully enough, apparently.
I heard some other patients talking about wanting to give it a try as well, though it'll probably get more nurses in their business if it fails. No privacy in this place, I swear.
After Shouto comes back, all the patients have to go to the activity hall and a nurse is going to talk about suicide to us. What a load of bullshit.
"Alright Katsuki, no more gym time for you today." The happy nurse calls to me. Nurses insist on calling you by your given name, to make us feel more 'at home'. Unfortunately me and Shouto didn't exactly enjoy being at home.
"Might as well go to the activity hall now, let's go!" She exclaims cheerfully after checking her watch, skipping out of the gym with me trailing behind her with my head held low. We head to the hall and I see Shouto in the middle of everyone else, looking around for me probably. I push past the crowd of others and go to his side and we sit down in the chairs previously put out for us.
"Alright, settle down and take a seat!" The head nurse commands into the microphone. The loud chatter is replaced with chairs scratching against the floor as everyone else takes their seats.
"As most of you know, a patient committed suicide 2 days ago. This is truly saddening as the patient seemed to have been getting better.."
I roll my eyes at that, just because they put up a smile doesn't mean they're happy.
"Because of this event, we, the nurses, will be monitoring your medication intake more carefully so some of you don't try this. Remember, suicide is never the answer."
Then she keeps going on about how you should never harm yourself or this or that. A bit too late for some of us, no? I figured out that most of the nurses are here because they wanted to help people like us, because they experienced it themselves and don't want it happening to others. You can't help everybody, unfortunately.
While she's babbling on about a bunch of stuff to do with mental health, my mind starts to drift.
I wonder what would've happened if I did jump off that roof... (reference to chapter 17)
I wouldn't be in this shit hole, that's for sure. I didn't know Shouto then, so I had no reason to live anymore. Why didn't I fucking jump? I should've done it. I'm such a damn coward.
Yes, you are.
I know.
And why are you a coward?
Because I couldn't do the one thing everyone wanted me to do.
Smart. But you're still weak and hopeless.
I know.
Shouto probably wishes you jumped too, I bet he does.
That's a lie.
No, it's not.
You're lying.
No, I'm not.
He wouldn't.
Would I lie to you, Katsuki? I'm your friend, I can help you. You still have that blade, don't you? The one behind the photo?
....
Yeah...
Then use it. Everyone wants you to and you know they do.
Fine.
Good boy, now don't hold back.
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"Katsuki? Open the door." Shouto calls out, banging on the bathroom stall.
............
"No.. I deserve this.." I mutter, making sure it was loud enough for him to hear.
"Katsuki-"
"Don't you dare tell me to stop when you do it yourself."
This seemed to shake him a little. I sounded cold as fuck. The banging stopped, and I heard his hand slide down the stall door. I give a careless shrug before pressing the blade against my skin once more and dragging it along, making the blood break through slowly. The voice comes back, telling me to make more, that Shoto would be happy. So I did. I made 3 more before shoving the blade into my pocket and opening the stall. I still need to clean the blood off.
When I opened the stall, I'm greeted with Shouto sitting on the floor, head in his knees and hands in his hair. Maybe I was too harsh to him...
"Shouto? Look at m-"
Before I can even finish my sentence, he whips his head up to show me his face. I can hear my heart break. I can feel it.
He was crying the whole time I was in there, with tears still streaming down his cheeks like the raindrops on a car window on a rainy day. I'm such an ass of a boyfriend, no- a person.
"I-I-" he takes a pause to catch his breath. " I don't want t-to live anym-more..!"
I let out a sad sigh, thinking over my choice of words carefully. I furrow my brows and look him in the eye.
"We're stronger than this, we can last longer." I say, even though the voice says otherwise. Apparently my attempt to brighten the situation didn't work, as he protested with how he felt and his loss of hope. I want to fucking cry, I didn't know he felt this bad. I knew it was bad, just not...like this.
"I-I don't see the point anymore! I'm probably g-going to fail at being a hero, I can't handle any of this!" He cries as I take him into my arms and play with his hair soothingly.
"Why don't we just....end it?" He mumbles. I can tell he didn't mean to say it out loud as he instantly threw his hand over his mouth with a small gasp.
I don't want to give an answer, so I just hum and close my eyes. Cherishing the feeling of having him in my arms, taking our time like there's no such thing as tomorrow. Like we have no worries or problems to face.
It feels peaceful, like I finally found the heaven people were so desperate to know about and be apart of. Shouto is my heaven.
We've been sitting here for a couple minutes, me cradling Shouto in my arms until I hear soft snores from him. I realized I still haven't cleaned my new cuts as there's dried blood covering most of my forearm. Maneuvering around Shouto, I pull down my sleeves and lift him up and take him to our hospital room which is thankfully just across the hall. I gently set him down on my bed and leave to the bathroom.
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I checked both our time tables in advance, thankfully we don't have anything else today.
So now, I'm just going to relax and lock the feeling of Shouto sleeping in my arms, on my bed into my memory. He smells of all the beautiful flowers as beautiful as him, his pale skin almost glistening in the light of the now setting sunset. The calm expression on his face just shows that he's at peace, he trusts that I won't let anything happen to him while he sleeps, and nothing will. I'll make sure of it.
I love this boy, I want to marry him. I don't care about our ages, or if it's too early to be considering marrying your lover; I'm going to be his forever and he'll be mine forever.
Till death do us part.
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-THE NEXT MORNING-
I slowly open my eyes to see the morning sunlight coming out from the random window at the back of the room; still the room is plain and dull looking. Shouto is still fast asleep beside me, I caress his cheek with my hand lovingly, watching the skin tense up under my touch. I glance around the room slowly, noticing how the sunlight can't reach some areas of the room; leaving said areas dark and gloomy. Almost like humanity in a way, there's the happy ones and the unfortunate ones.
"Shouto, baby, wake up." I say quietly, pinching his cheek slightly to get him to wake up. He scrunched his face up adorably as he stirs awake, glaring at me for waking him from his beauty sleep.
"It's visiting day, our classmates are probably going to come in to see us." I remind him, though I'm pretty sure he didn't know to begin with.
I get out of my bed slowly, savoring the feeling of feeling well rested after..well... I don't know how long really. I hear a couple more groans from him as he drags himself out of the covers and over to his dresser. We flick through our clothes until we make a decision and change. We change in front of each other, it's not awkward as we shared changing rooms in UA.
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"Bakugou!!"
I hear Uraraka call out from the entrance, I look over and see her with my mother, Kirishima, Denki and Aizawa behind her.
What a crowd, I thought.
"Mum.." I say, holding my arms out with a warm smile on my face, welcoming her in for a hug. She let's out a relieved laugh and jumps into my arms. I can hear the others talking with Shouto in the background.
"Why didn't you say anything before..?" She says while looking desperate for answers, I look down and think of my answer carefully. An answer that was actually true.
"I thought you'd be ashamed of me, I thought you wouldn't understand." I reply. I do still think that though.
So I guess it was a lie after all.
"Oh Katsuki!" She whines whilst throwing her arms around me again. I give a little chuckle and break out of her embrace and talk to the others.
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We had a fun time, it was sad they had to leave. Time flew by, I guess. Though I couldn't help but notice that Shouto looked undeniably upset about something. I'll talk to him about it now.
"What's bothering you, huh?" I ask once everyone was gone and we were in the comfort of our own hospital room after we both finished our last therapy session of the day. I poke his cheek softly since he looked deep in thought.
Shouto takes a while to answer, as much as 12 or 13 seconds.
"My father didn't visit."
He finally admits, looking down at his hands as they clench up into fists then relaxing again. A tear drops from his eye to his palm.
"Oh shouto.." I say sadly, bringing his head down and onto my lap so I can play with his mismatched hair. He let's out a few more tears into my jeans as I continue to comfort him and caress his skin slowly and lovingly.
He was always there for when I needed calming down, so I'm going to be there for him too. In every possibility I get.
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A/N - another short chapter sorry- I just don't know how to finish it ;^;'