„You are going nowhere young lady." Mattia pulls me away from the door and I stumble over his feet right into his arms.
„Mattia! What if he's in trouble?"
He shrugs and pushes his hair back.
„Well, okay you're right but Kairi, you need to stay here."
„I'm going nowhere." Kai sits on a chair next to him and nearly falls asleep.
Damn.
We walk out of the door and start searching for him. I call his name repeatedly and Mattia tries to call him but to our unfortunate, no answer.
„Where could this jerk be?" Mattia huffs angrily.
„Try to call him again.-"
„and then what? It won't change anything."
When will this boy stop interrupting me for god's sake.
„So what do you suggest?! Just leave it?" I start raising my voice and when his hands reaches his pocket I watch him pulling out his juul.
„Oh my god are you serious?! Don't you dare smoke in front of me!" I catch his juul and throw it away.
„What the fuck?! I just wanted to calm down!"
„Calm down?! Smoking calms you down?" I can't believe what I'm hearing.
„Yes! And you just threw it away! I'm nervous and I'm afraid something happened to this idiot." He turns his flashlight on and stared searching for it.
„Damn it Mattia! Leave your fucking juul alone and let's go look after him again." I practically beg.
„Yeah, and thanks to you by the way." He says under his breath and storms past me, pissed.
„Wow really? Are you mad at me because I threw your juul away?" I kinda laugh but he doesn't return it.
„Just... Just don't annoy me and look for him."
Annoying? I am annoying just because I care about his health? Alright Mattia.
„You know... this used to remind me of something, when my mom found my first juul.
Oh damn, you should have seen her face! She was so pissed. I thought she was going to kick my ass no cap." I stop and smile.
„Well, she begged me to stop but I couldn't, so I sneaked out every evening to smoke. Without letting her know." My smile is disappeared by now and my voice starts to get shaky.
„She was the only one who really cared about me... my dad used to love me once too but that's just too long ago."
He starts to walk slowly and finally turns around to hug me.
„I'm sorry for you." He pulls me closer and I swing my arms around his body and bury my head into his warm chest. He kisses my head and strokes my back.
„What I want to say is that I care about you and I know smoking is maybe not something worth talking about but you know... after my mom died, I stopped and destroyed this fucking juul. I would have done everything for her." I whisper the last words.
„I'm sorry for reminding you of your mom."
„No, it's okay we've never talked about her." I pull away a bit.
„Are you ready to talk about her?"
„Yes, I guess I am."
„Damn it. I'm a fucking douche. I've never asked you about your family..." he chuckles embarrassed and I join him.
„Well... I was happy once back then. We were a family we stuck together no matter what. My parents loved me and my sister? I've never met her unfortunately. She was more into that drug thing. She came home, either drunk or high... maybe both. When I was born, my mom kicked her out. She said that my sister wasn't a good influence for me. She wanted me to be a good girl. I guess that's why she was so angry when she found my juul. So things went worse. Money killed my mom and my relationship to my dad. They worked in an restaurant which got closed. That's why my dad started selling drugs. He was a drug dealer but he never took some himself. Well at first. My mom hated to see me growing up like that and I hated to see her being so worried. She tried to search for some other opportunities. Weeks passed and I heard them arguing and screaming at each other. I fell asleep with tears. I literally cried myself to sleep. I covered my ears with pillows to escape all this negativity. Once I woke up, my mom packed all my clothes together and I was wondering what was going to happen. She explained that I'm moving to my rich, pretentious aunt for the first time. This was hell to me, leaving my mom alone. I wanted to be near her to help her because she had to make an important decision. She needed to betray my father.
He knew about it and he begged her not to.
I took my stuff and my mom was about to drive me to my aunts house and she told me to stay in the car but when I heard my parents scream again at each other I turned around and ran into the goddamn house where he pulled a gun out and shot her right into her chest, in front of my eyes. I screamed. I fell to ground and tried to keep her awake but when I saw blood pouring all over I her, I knew it was too late. She was already gone.
I yelled for help, I looked down at her. She was laying in my hands and I was covered with her blood. I wanted to take the gun and kill myself. I just wanted to be with her.
I lost her in my arms.
Nobody was ever asking me how I felt, how I saw things. I dreamed about her. I saw her one last time as an angel. She told me not to cry over her, she told me to be strong and I should took care of my dad and then she got shot again. I saw the bullet puncture her.
And my dad? He never got caught. He started taking drugs he hated himself for what he did. So did I but I promised myself to help him because my mom wanted me to. That's why I keep my mouth shut."