Word Count: 4,284
For as long as Keith could remember they'd always been there.
The colors.
Bright flashes of light flitting across his vision at every sound that met his ears.
Sometimes, it was- peaceful, almost serene, it helped remind him in tough times that no matter how many foster homes he'd sift through, no matter how many people gave him hard looks or made fun of him for being the orphan of the group, sound never changed.
Color never changed.
It was the one thing in his completely screwed up life that always remained the same.
And he was grateful for that.
He wasn't sure how he'd feel if this "gift" was taken away from him (his earlier foster brother had called him a freak every time his commented on how ugly the color was that came out his mouth was, after a few more times of bringing the ability up to a few grown-ups Keith quickly learned to keep it to himself).
It never kept him from exploring though, recalling the memory of him picking up an instrument for the first time- a weathered guitar, looking like the thing had seen much better days. His pale fingers wandering over the strings the moment the smooth wood made contact with his skin as he gave it an experimental thrum, bright blues mixing with pinks and greens in a swirling, dipping, mixing collage of color that made Keith's head spin in awe far after the colors faded from sight.
He loved it.
After some convincing and waiting for his current foster father at the time to loosen his grip on the instrument, he got the same rickety guitar as a birthday present a year later, Keith not even bothering to care that the thing looked to be days away from falling apart.
He loved it.
He'd been near inseparable from the thing ever since.
The instrument grounded him, helped him remind himself that even in a bright big world of noise, he could still have control over what he could hear- er- see to be more exact.
It was amazing-
-whimsical almost.
He liked being able to see what he could hear, the sensation almost like watching fireworks explode across his vision at every whisper that met his ears.
But sometimes-
Sometimes it was a hell of a headache to deal with.
Like now.
Especially now.
He couldn't deny the days where he wished more than anything in the world for the earth to quiet, for him to be the only one in his head, silence reigning supreme in his ears, his vision clear of any colors, of any sounds, just-
Silence.
Of course, in New York City, silence was hard to come by.
He clenched his teeth as the subway finally came to a stop with the ear-shattering sound of breaks, a bright collage of putrid yellow and green exploding across his vision, nearly blinding his sight and Keith stumbled forward the second the car under him came to a stop, pushing past the mass of bodies trying to enter and leave the train much to the annoyance of several passengers who shot him dirty looks over their shoulders when he pushed past without a sound-
He didn't care.
He had to get away from the noise.
It- it was too much.
He needed silence.
He burst off the steps, inhaling the city air, car horns sounding, teal color flashing in front of him and Keith- nearly breathless by now, heart beating out of his chest and it wouldn't stop- he clutched at his ears squeezing his eyes shut as if that alone would stop the sound from hitting him, get the colors to cease for just a little, please-
But it didn't, it didn't stop anything and he nearly shouted when the deep thrumming noise of people assaulted his ears, splashes of yellow and orange mixing dipping, swirling as a seemingly endless mass of bodies walked into him, pushing past his small body with no remorse as they came up out of the station, shoving him out of the way despite the clear look of fear and helplessness radiating off him.
No one noticed.
No one cared.
And Keith just barely made it to a nearby bench before he broke, clutching his arms to his chest, tears threatening to spill as the bright explosion of color continue to burst in front of his vision, and he hunched over, head hitting his knees as he thought helplessly of what he could do.
How he could make it stop and-
Violet eyes widened just marginally as he gathered the courage to get back to his feet, rubbing his cold nose with his sleeve, gathering himself before rising to his feet and moving to cross the street as the destination came to mind.
(A bell rang nearby, a dark blue bloomed across his eyes.)
There was only one place to go for the silence he was looking for, for a teen who'd just lost a fight, flunked a test, ran away from home (not exactly in that order, but it's enough for you to understand his point, right?). After he'd gotten cornered in the cafeteria of all places to be assaulted with lies and words and God he hated the sound and the reds and browns of their voices and the dull gold of the crowd that had gathered to watch the beating-
He couldn't stand it.
He needed it out of his head.
So he ran.
Ran out the doors, down the steps, only stopping once he'd reached the nearest station, hands itching for his guitar, guilt bubbling in his chest that he was running again, guilty that he hadn't grabbed his instrument, fear mixed with resignation at the thought of what he was doing again and with that he ignored everything in his head the moment he got underground, leaving it behind him, fingers clenching, fighting hopelessly for some control in his own head.
He wanted out.
But there was only one place in the entire city that could help him, help wipe away those sounds for just a little while, clear his sight, let him reset, at least until he gathered up enough courage to head back to his foster home-
Central Park.
He'd spent a few nights in that park before, during the times when he wished nothing more than to have his current foster family to burst into flames. Granted, sleeping in a tree wasn't the most comfortable way to spend the night, but he knew a place, hidden in the trees that blocked the sound from his ears, gave him a small sliver of peace in his head when the flashing colors in his vision became too much to bear.
He just didn't count on running into someone before he got there.
"Keith?"
He paused, just about to turn into the park, having successfully navigated his way across bustling city streets and sidewalks, clearly in no mood to get back on the subway after that mass of sound attacking his eyes-
He saw, more than heard the name echo from behind him. A bright swirl of black fading to purple exploding out of the muddy brown that had currently consumed his sight.
He froze when a hand landed on his shoulder, not having to turn to know just who it was standing behind him-
Mr. Shirogane.
He'd nearly forgotten literally running into the teacher in his mad rush to get out of the building.
He must've followed him down here, trying to see just where he was headed until he picked the perfect time to strike-
Dammit, he was in trouble now.
Keith kept his mouth closed when Shiro moved to stand in front of him, making sure to keep his head down, expression tight, silently screaming that the man would leave him alone-
If he kept his head down, he'd leave him alone-
"Keith?"
No, no, he didn't want to see the color, didn't want to see how the purple shifted to blue at the change in tone in his voice, he didn't want him to be here-
"Keith, come on."
Clenching his fists, trying to fight back the tears threatening to spill at the reality that he'd been caught. He wasn't able to make it to his quiet place, he- he was going to break right here, right now and he couldn't stop it-
A gentle squeeze, "Keith, bud, just look at me," he flinched at the command and not know what else he could do with the hand clamping his shoulder (he- he couldn't run, he was trapped), he looked up at brown eyes just as a particularly large crowd pushed past them on the sidewalk, a concoction of golds and brown surfacing at the dull rumble of the crowd. A flash of blues and reds mixed into his vision as someone shouted at them to move before more bodies slammed into them.
Shiro's hand loosened at the force of them.
He ran.
He ignored the spark of orange at the teacher's yell for him to stop over the noise of the bustling sidewalk and people closing in. Heart lodging itself in his throat as he forced himself to run. Finally rounding the corner Keith burst into the park with a wave of pigeon wings as the birds took flight when he ran through them, sprinting off the concrete paths and towards a very promising clump of trees. He pushed harder when the sound of pursuing feet thudded behind him, the sounds a dull grey spark with each step, arms pumping, heart beating, mouth going dry as they neared closer.
He ran faster.
"Keith! Stop, please!"
No, no, no, no, he was not stopping, not for some stupid teacher that just wouldn't leave him alone.
Why couldn't they leave him alone?
"Keith! Wait up!"
He shook his head, no, no, no no-
"Keith, please, I'm only here to help!"
No he wouldn't, he was a grownup, grownups never understood, he'd take him back, take him back to his fake family with fake parents and fake siblings all in this fake world that never cared if he lived or died-
In a blur of pumping legs and swinging fists he finally lost him in the trees, trumping through fallen leaves as the carefully mowed grass gave away to tall stalks of fading green and thick sticks lying on the ground as he vaulted over a fallen log, the light grunt behind him enough to assure the man was slowing down.
He kept running.
Just in case.
The fallen leaves were loud in his ears as he passed a couple walking back from the massive twist of trees surrounding them, one of the men giving a joking shout to slow down as he zipped past, not giving them a glance because the shout was noise and he hated it.
He needed silence.
Quiet.
Silence-
Please.
It was only when the bright red flashes of his footsteps through the undergrowth was the only sound that met his ears for several minutes that he allowed himself to finally slow to a walk, his chest heaving for breath, lungs screaming for air, fingers clenching into his palms.
But-
His ears strained for a moment longer, just be sure what he was hearing was real, dammit, it had been so long since he'd been out here, but-
The dull hum of the city streets was gone, lost in the slightest swaying of the leaves overhead, his thoughts finally able to be heard in his own head, no other park walkers daring to be this far out in the untamed forest-
It was quiet.
Keith heaved a sigh of relief at the dull silence around him, the birds chirping only dull flashes of blue and the now slowly flashing pinks as he continued to walk further into the forest sprawling out in front of him and-
He could finally see.
The colors were nearly gone. Of course, he doubted they'd ever go away completely, he knew they were a part of him, that would never change, but they were about as gone as they were going to get, and Keith finally breathed in the first true breath of air since- well, ever.
He could breathe.
He could think.
He could see.
He made it.
Shoving his hands deep in his pockets with a huff of breath, Keith continued on, taking in the spots of sunlight that found their way across his skin with a little more appreciation than before, his own footsteps eventually quieting out as he grew accustomed to walking on the forest floor, silent as a ghost.
He liked the quiet.
It was calming.
Sane.
He had a fleeting thought of never leaving this place, the park rangers never came this far into the woods, he could manage stealing a few things and living out here, no one would even miss him-
"Keith."
He startled at the hand on his shoulder, fingers digging into his skin when he tried to bolt, fight or flight instincts screaming to run, panic hitting the roof almost as sudden as the voice behind him-
"Hey, hey, Keith calm down, I'm not here to hurt you-" Black and purple-
Dammit, he was back-
"Get away from me!" He finally yelled, throwing all his weight into getting away.
The fingers on his shoulder dropping only for him to burst forward a few feet before being jerked back again, thick arms now tightly wrapped around his shoulders, Mr. Shirogane's lips by his ear, the man's voice breathless as he fought to get the teen under control, "Keith, please, I need you to calm down, I'm only here to help."
"Shut up!" He couldn't stand the sound, he didn't like the flash of black ever present with the teacher's voice, didn't like how it almost looked purple with every word and any sense of peace he'd managed to grasp only seconds before was gone, leaving panic and fear in its wake. "Just shut up, please!"
He was going to take him back. He wouldn't go back he wouldn't-
"Shut up? Keith, I'm only trying to help you-"
"I don't need your help," he forced the words out in a whisper, his own voice bouncing back in his ears sending small pulses of red through his eyes, you wouldn't understand-
No one understood the noise- it was always about the noise-
"Understand what?" Violet eyes widened, realizing he'd spoken the thought out loud, "I'm trying to, Keith, but it's a little hard when you keep running away from me."
He growled under his breath, feet bracing, pushing harder to break free. But after a few more seconds of struggling with no avail, Keith finally stilled, heart still going a million miles a minute, each beat pulsing painfully loud in his own ears.
Shiro seemed to get the hint after a few minutes of heavy breathing from the both of them, arms loosening just barely, and Keith didn't try to run, already giving up on his defeat, resigned to his fate.
Life was a bitch.
"You good with me letting go? You're- you're not going to run?" Mr. Shirogane's words were softer now that he wasn't struggling, his breaths sounding steadier now that he wasn't chasing after him.
Keith hated it.
Hated the fact he was already giving up on himself.
He could feel the tears of frustration welling up already, but he forced them down, bottling them up and shoving them as deep back in his mind as he could go, now wasn't the time for crying, Kogane, suck it up and deal with it-
He nodded.
Shiro paused, seeming to test his word before the arms fell away a second later, and Keith backed out of the grip, turning to face the teacher, stepping back as he did so, nearly tripping over a tree root in the process, eyes never once leaving the man in front of him, white forelock drooping into his face, glasses halfway down his nose, who now looked a little lost for what to do next now that Keith was calmer.
Of course, Keith knew exactly what to say.
Taking advantage of the silence he opened his mouth first, fists clenching, spitting the words out in his best attempt at looking tough, "I don't need your help, Mr. Shirogane, I'm fine-"
"First off," he raised a hand, cutting him off, Keith's mouth hanging open mid-sentence, "don't call me Mr. you can call me Shiro, it's alright-"
"What does that have to do with anything? I never wanted you to come after me, why can't you just leave me alone like everyone else-"
"And second, why were you running, Keith? You could've very well worked out what happened with a teacher, you didn't pick the fight so it wasn't your fault. The least you could've done was come talk to me before you left, not leave the campus without saying anything, this all could've been easily avoided, and I know you knew that-"
"I couldn't stand the colors anymore, alright?" Keith pressed his palms over his ears, shouting the sentence into the air, squeezing his eyes shut as if that would make everything stop.
Dammit, just stop.
Please.
He- he wanted the sound to stop, he wanted the purple to stop flashing in front of his eyes, wanted people to understand him, wanted to wake up tomorrow and not hate the- the "gift" he'd been given, he wanted to just-
Stop.
The fallen leaves around them rustled, a stray breeze picking up his hair and tickling his nose.
Green met his ears.
God, Keith never remembered a worse time he'd had with this than now.
Was it his fault?
Probably. Everything was his fault, that was just a fact of life now, there was nothing he could do to change it no matter what he tried-
"Keith, I- I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."
He didn't open his eyes, didn't open his mouth to explain.
He didn't want to.
Over his fingertips, he could hear Shiro inhale a breath.
A pause.
Keith's knees shook.
He- he was shaking.
"Could you explain?"
He bit his lip.
Shook his head.
No.
No, he did not want to explain, he let the sentence idiotically slip, he didn't mean to say it out loud, didn't mean to mention the colors that would burst in front of his eyelids with every sound, didn't mean to hint at the very real detail that he was nothing but a pathetic, orphan, freak.
Heck, he could see sounds, what other person could do that? It shouldn't even be possible, yet here he was, having the worst breakdown he could remember in his life, still clutching at his ears like a little kid, trembling in the closest thing to a forest that was still surrounded by nothing city, standing in front of a grown-up that probably already knew how much of a loser he was.
Why did life have to be so cruel to him?
"Keith," he could hear the desperation a little clearer when he finally lowered his arms, still trying his hardest to block out the globs of purple in his vision, "I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."
"Then don't help me," he found his voice, a slight tremble in his words as he fought to keep himself under control, "don't help me and just leave me alone, I didn't ask for this."
"Keith, I followed you out here to get your side of the story, I still want to know what happened to get you into that fight, and you running off gave me a pretty good reason to come looking for you-"
He thought he was talking about school.
No, he was talking about him.
He. Keith.
He was broken.
Why couldn't he just see that?
"It was nothing," he interrupted the teacher's rant. Shiro going silent and Keith could practically hear the man's brow rise at the sentence.
"Nothing?" He echoed, "You getting into a fight was nothing?"
"It wasn't a fight," Keith bit back, gaining enough courage to look him in the eye, the familiar color of his own voice offering him just the slightest courage in the situation. "They cornered me because they knew I was a freak, I didn't purposefully get into that and you know it."
He watched the grown-up sputter for a moment, eyes widening at the jab before speaking again, voice firm, "Well, that still doesn't explain why you ran off campus. Why are you here, Keith? Just because we're not on school grounds doesn't mean I still can't call your parents and tell them what you've done today."
His eyes widened at the threat, taking a step back his fists clenched again, nails digging into his palms. He knew Shiro was only looking for answers, he knew the man wouldn't carry on the promise just as long as he was willing to give an answer.
But the answer Keith had wasn't the answer he'd get.
"I got tired of them," he could feel his lips grow stiff with the lie as he forced himself to keep going, evening his voice back out, praying that Shiro wouldn't catch up on it, "so I left."
The man was shaking his head before he even finished the sentence, "I don't think that's what happened, Keith, I'm a teacher, I can tell when someone is lying to me."
Fingers tightened.
Fuck.
"Please, I only want the truth," the man continued, his tone lowering, hitting in the verge of desperate, and Keith caught a glimmer of sincerity in his gaze at the statement, guilt bubbling in his chest for only a moment at the intention of not giving him the answers he wanted.
"Why are you so insistent to help? You don't even know me," he fired back, brows furrowing.
To that, Shiro's expression only lightened, "You're right, I don't. But sometimes we all need a helping hand."
Keith, frowned, thinking over the words carefully, running them through his mind as he fought over what to do next. Run? Lie? (it worked so well before)-
"Look, I know you don't want to tell me why you came down here, I get that, so just tell me one thing before I leave-"
He straightened at the prospect of him leaving him alone-
"What makes you so scared of colors?"
"I- I'm not scared of them, I-" his eyes widened, realized what he'd just walked into, the situation he'd just set himself in. But Shiro was still standing there, waiting patiently for an answer, any sign that he'd mark him as a freak nonexistent in his brown eyes and Keith bit his lip, looking to the ground, fists grasping at the hem of his shirt before finally forcing the words out, for the first time in seven years he was about to reveal something most had taken as a disease before pushing him away. Was-
Was he really ready to tell someone? For real? It wasn't like Keith didn't know Shiro, he knew the guy as a teacher, a very kind one at that, he did recall a few rare times the man would find him alone during lunch, only to sit down with a tray of his own to eat together in silence, neither of them saying a word, the quiet around them almost comfortable.
But this- this was something different, Keith had no idea who the guy was outside of teaching, he didn't even know how he would react to this, or if he would even take it well, Keith had grown so used to people smacking a label on him that just screamed 'freak' because they didn't know how to understand what he was telling them-
"You can trust me, Keith. I promise," he hadn't even realized he'd taken another step back, hands wringing themselves as he looked to the ground, taking a breath before muttering the words that could make or break him: "I can hear in color."
He closed his eyes. Waited for the questions to come, waited for the next explosion of sound that demanded why the fuck would he give some stupid answer like that? The possible backlash that he was just being ridiculous and lying to him again pressing on his shoulders like a weight as he anticipated the exact moment the man would yell at him-
But it never came.
He opened his eyes, marginally, squinting them open to find Shiro's retreating form through the trees, confusion quickly taken over by curiosity as the man's earlier words rang through his head.
One thing before I leave.
Keith frowned, not having any urge to run after him and demand just what the heck he was doing walking away after hearing that Keith could visually see sound.
Some part of him was glad he wasn't asking any questions.
Another was curious to why he didn't stick around.
A large part of him just sat in numb silence, unsure of what to think at all.
Before I leave-
Huh.
He wandered the rest of the park in silence.
...
The next day, he came to his desk to find a small note, requesting that they'd meet together at the park again after a school (he'd never been to the park zoo before). Shiro had something he wanted to talk to him about, stating very plainly that he didn't have to come if he didn't feel comfortable with it.
Positioned at the bottom left-hand corner of the page, in small letters, faded from being erased and rewritten so many times, was one word Keith had never seen before in his life:
Synesthesia.
...
This is just basically my little shout out to the amazing 4% of the world's population who can see sounds, taste colors, stuff like that, synesthetes are friggin amazing and surprisingly, some scientists concluded that you're actually pretty likely to have some form of synesthesia when you're a little kid, but most fade as you get older, though that sensation can still leave a lasting memory (tasting colors is the coolest XD)
If you happen to be as curious as I was to find this out, you can check out this site for some really cool information about synesthetes >>>>>
I'll see you guys next chapter!!