"I know, you see it too." He whispers behind me and I blink hard, breathing audibly, trying to focus on my stance.
"I want you to close your eyes right now and forget everything. Let go of all the fault proof moments and all your illusions of perfection. Listen to my voice," his voice sounds a little hoarse and closer than it was before.
I obediently close my eyes and let his voice be the only beacon in the darkness I was engulfed in. My breathing, my hearing and all my other senses heightened and guarded, my eyelids flutter in anticipation.
"And let my hands guide you." I feel his fingertips make contact with my palms and he raises them up till my arms are splayed out on either side of me, his cold fingertips sliding from the inside of my palms all the way up to my bare arms as I shudder against his cold touch.
"Chin up, princess." He lifts my chin with his two fingers. His long, slender fingers I know too well gliding down my neck, tracing my collarbones, my breathing getting ragged.
The familiar touch threatening me to lose my footing but I stand strong, my knees wobbling.
And the man behind me who knows my body and reads my mind like his own, grips my shoulders firmly as if on cue.
"What did I teach you? Shoulders back at all times except when you're about to fall. Arch your back. Bend down a little, regain your balance....and back again," pulling my shoulders back in a swift motion, I feel his breath warm and damp, tickling the back of my neck.
"Now..." he begins but the word hangs in the air like heavy fog on a winter's night and I am suddenly aware of the lack of warmth behind me and the eerie silence when I hear the familiar sliding of his skates against the ice.
And a song I hadn't heard in five years.
"I'm right here. You're back in 2014. If you go on straight," Ian is still speaking but all I hear is the melody and the words I learnt by heart. The words that never failed to give me goosebumps.
So I drown it out, like I always do.
Dancing through our house with the ghost of you.
My legs mechanically move ahead, smooth and natural. My chin in the air, eyes still close. All the thoughts and worries vacuumed out of my head, the song putting me in a trance and I feel my muscles relaxing.
"Now your step sequence," Ian's voice comes from far away and I wait for the right moment,
We're too young, too dumb to know things like love,
But I know better now.
A few tendrils escape from my tight braided bun and I lose myself in the step sequence my legs still remembered as I sway left and right.
"Beautiful. A triple toe loop, Lyana." His voice not that far anymore. A little reluctantly I jump with my eyes shut and fall on one knee, my hands pulled up by Ian's strong ones and he holds me by my forearms.
So I drown it out like I always do,
Dancing through our house with the ghost of you,
And I chase it down with a shot of truth,
That my feet don't dance like they did with you.
The song lulls down and a tear slides down my cheek. Ian flicks it away and I open my eyes revealing dam full of water in them ready to overflow.
"Welcome back to Figure Skating, Lyana."