January 3, 2019
STAR'S POV
"You must think I'm gorgeous" I hear and snap out of the sudden trance I'd entered
"What?" I ask
"You're staring so much, isn't it because you think I'm so pretty?" She asks, flipping to the next page of the magazine in her hand and I clear my throat, feeling immediate embarrassment at getting caught
"I wasn't staring" I mumble, looking down at my plate of pancakes
"Okay" she says only
I couldn't help it though, staring that is. You know how you see something gorgeous and you just want to look at it forever or touch it.
That's how I feel.
I'm not even going to pretend and say I don't think she's the most gorgeous person I ever laid eyes on.
I mean I've seen a lot of pretty people but she's just so...wow.
She makes me jealous.
A great face, a great body, a great financial status.
Sigh.
I'd honestly be content if I was even nearly as pretty as she was.
I really can't help but be envious of her beauty. The fact that she knows it too seems to make her even more beautiful.
Usually when someone is staring at you, you think 'is there something on my face?' 'is there something wrong with my hair?' but she seems to automatically think it's cause she's so pretty and eyes can't be kept off her.
Admirable confidence that somehow makes her more beautiful in my eyes.
"Do you know any jokes?" She asks, keeping the magazine down on the island and I look up from my food and at her
"Jokes? I think so" I say
"Tell me some" she says, leaning forward and I clear my throat
"Um..." I start and she chuckles
"What? I didn't even say anything yet" I say
"I know. I just imagined it not being funny" she says still laughing
"Is it that funny?" I ask in amusement
"It is. It's always funny when a joke isn't. The thought alone cracks me up" she says and I chuckle
"I guess you're right"
"I am" she says and I nod
"Are you in a better mood today? You said you were sad yesterday"
"I am. I fucked my way right out of the sadness" she chuckles
"Ah I see" I say with an awkward clear of my throat
"So tell me, what do you do when I'm not home?" She asks and I manage to hide my surprise at her question.
Who would have thought she'd ask a question showing interest in me?
"Um...not much actually. Look for jobs, send in resumes, watch TV, eat, et cetera" I say, picking up my glass of water
"A friend of mine thinks you masturbate all day when I'm gone" she says and I quickly pull the glass away from my mouth, nearly choking on the one that had already started it's journey down my throat
"W..what?"
"Just a thought of his" she shrugs
"I...I don't do that" I say
"Okay"
"I really don't" I say, just to clarify more and she nods
"At all? Or you just don't do it all day" she asks
"Well...um..." I start and trail off, not quite sure how to answer
"It's your private business, sorry about asking" she says when I don't answer
"No, it's fine. It just caught me off guard is all" I assure "I do sometimes but not all day and not everyday" I answer quietly, too embarrassed about this topic to make eye contact
I feel like a 16 year old whose parents asked about her masturbating habits and not an adult simply having a simple adult conversation with her adult housemate.
"Well you rarely go out, you gotta do something right?" she says and even though I know her question is rhetorical, I nod still
"Right" I say
"Apparently some women are unable to achieve an orgasm during masturbation, why do you think that is?" She asks
"Uh... I'm...I'm not sure" I say, knowing for sure from the fact that I feel such shyness and embarrassment that my cheeks are red right now
I'm so awkward with these topics but obviously, she's the opposite.
"But?" She prods
"Huh?"
"You're not sure, but...?" She asks
That was all.
I'm not sure, there's no but there.
"Um...I guess some women just... attain a higher height of pleasure when they have someone else helping them with reaching it" I say
"Are you like that?" She asks
"Huh?"
"Do you attain a higher height of pleasure with someone else or are you fine on your own?" She asks
"Um...well...I mean naturally it feels...um... better with someone else than by yourself" I say quietly
Fuck, all these stuttering.
I should just die already.
"I think so too" she says, picking up the magazine again and I keep my gaze down on my still untouched breakfast
"Are you not hungry?" She asks
"I don't have an appetite for some reason" I say
"Are you feeling sick? You're not looking your usual vibrant self either, you're looking a little pale" she says, dropping the magazine again.
"I'm not sure, maybe just tired. I stayed up a little late last night" I say and she nods
"You should get some rest so you feel better. Go sleep and when you wake up, you can come eat" she says and I offer a small smile
"Thanks" I say before getting off the stool and heading out the kitchen.
I head upstairs to my room, plopping on the bed after shutting the door.
So tired.
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Cold diamonds 🦋
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