Hello💛
STAR'S POV
"Why do you sound like you are sad?" My grandmother asks and I sigh, laying down on the couch
"Cause I let a really stupid thing happen today" I say
"What happened? You know you can always talk to me right?"
"I know"
"So tell me, what happened today?" She asks and I sigh yet again
"Well... there's this person that's really nice to me but...she's really bad for me too" I start "I think I like her" I say quietly
"You like her but she's bad for you?" She asks and I nod
"Yeah"
"How so?"
"Well, she's pretty popular with women and she doesn't like me that way either so I'm really risking a heartbreak by having feelings for her" I say
"Does she know you like her?"
"No, I don't think so"
"Then how do you know she doesn't like you?" She asks and I pause, not sure how to answer
"Well...I mean she doesn't seem like she does. Besides, she's always calling me annoying" I frown
"You said she's really nice to you though"
"She is. She's really sweet and kind and pretty..." I trail off as I start going off topic
I really have to gloat about her don't I?
"But she doesn't like me like that. It took a while before she even started seeing me as a friend" I say, turning on the couch and hugging the pillow to myself while keeping my phone pressed to my ear with my other hand
"She must be a good person if you like her right?"
"She is"
"Then I think you shouldn't just assume she doesn't feel the same way"
"But..."
"If you like her, why not just tell her?" She says and I sit up almost immediately
"What?! I can't do that, why would I do that?" I ask, taken aback by her suggestion
"Well if you tell her, then she'll also tell you how she feels and then you'll know for sure" she says
"I'm not doing that. Imagine the humiliation when she rejects me. She's cruel enough to laugh in my face once I tell her how I feel"
"That's not a very nice thing to do. Are you sure she's a good person?" She asks and I sigh
God, she's so innocent and simple.
Just be straight with how you feel.
Yeah right.
This is Logan we're talking about. Not someone like Kira.
No, Logan.
I'm not interested in getting ridiculed.
"She is, Mrs Kingsley but...I don't know. She's nice but she's also mean, I don't know but I can't anyways" I say, not sure how to even explain Logan's personality to her
"I still think you should tell her how you feel if you really like her. If she really is a good person and if she makes you happy, then why not go for it?" She asks
"I'd have to be as courageous as you then. You're so simple and brave and just go for things but unfortunately I am not like that. Sometimes I can't even think around her, talk more of confessing my feelings"
"Besides, she doesn't seem like one interested in relationships. As I said, she's quite popular with women and I'm not really looking to get slept with and then dumped" I say
"My poor baby. You know it's been so long since you said you liked someone. I remember the last time was in your last year of high school and I also remember you were just as scared as this to tell her how you felt" she says and a smile pulls at my lips as I remember that
"You eventually found out later that she actually liked you back but she'd already travelled out by that time" she says and I nod
"Yeah, it was sad" I say
"Didn't you regret it when you said nothing to her?" She asks "You didn't think about what could have happened if you'd told her how you felt? Where it could have gone?"
"Well, I did a bit" I mumble, knowing where she's going with this
"Then I think you know what to do if you don't want to have such regrets again" she says "If she's really a good person and you like her that much, then she should be worth a try. Don't just assume she doesn't like you back or that she's not the relationship type and even if she isn't, you never know what changes she'd be willing to make" she says and I sigh
Always so optimistic.
Maybe if I'd heard this before Kester came, it'd be better
"Yeah I guess you're right" I agree with her, laying down again
"Don't be sad over something like this okay? And even if she doesn't feel the same way, then it's her loss and you move on okay?" She says and I nod
"Okay. Thank you Mrs Kingsley" I say with a small smile
"Of course. Take care of yourself okay? And call me often" she says
"I will. Take care of yourself too and make sure to use your medicines okay?"
"Alright love. Goodnight"
"Goodnight Mrs Kingsley" I say before hanging up, a sigh leaving my lips as I shut my eyes.
It's long ten minutes of me alone with my thoughts before I hear the door open and shut but I make no move to get up and just remain on the couch with my eyes shut.
I don't know if I have the ability to not feel awkward with her now after what happened. I hear a sigh leave her lips as her footsteps walk past to the kitchen and I can't help but do the same thing I do all the time.
Picture her in my head and wonder what's going on in her life.
I know she only sighed but I don't know why I get the feeling that she's sad today as well.
It might all be in my head but it seemed like lately, she was. She had serious mood swings and she was more easily ticked off than before but more than anger, she seemed sad to me.
I'm just glad, she hasn't really directed any of those emotions to me. Half the time, she just sits next to me and rests her head on my shoulder or just brings me into a hug, wordlessly seeking comfort.
Comfort I certainly was willing to give.
After those few minutes of just me holding her and her taking some time to relax, she returns back to normal and it's like nothing even happened.
She's sarcastic as ever and teases me a lot again but still, I know she's not happy.
I wish I could read her mind.
So I know what I could do to make her feel better.
Lost in my thoughts, I don't realize she's back in the room till I feel her slide into the space on the couch behind me, now laying with me on the couch.
She'll give me a heart attack one of these days.
"I'll stay here for a bit okay? Thanks" I hear her say quietly and I can't help the small smile on my lips at the fact that she's being so polite even though she thinks I'm asleep
Carefully, I feel her pull me into her before her arm remains settled around me and she relaxes against me.
She makes me want to hug and console her.
Would it be weird if I suddenly "woke up"?
"You feel warm" she says quietly "I really like it" she continues and I feel warmth spread in my heart at her words
How am I supposed to stop liking her when she acts like this?
"I don't know why but it makes me feel so much better" she says with a sigh
"Did you have a bad day today?" I ask quietly, unable to keep up with my act
"A bit" she says and I don't think too much at the fact that she's not even surprised that I'm 'awake' now.
Maybe she knew I was from the start?
"I'm sorry"
"It's alright" she says and I turn my body so I'm now facing her and I almost want to turn back when I meet the sadness in her eyes
Why does it hurt that she's hurt?
As much as I love staring at her eyes, I don't like seeing all of these sadness in them.
They look so sad and I kind of want to cry when I see them.
"Do you want to talk about what's wrong?" I ask as her arms slide around me once again
"I miss someone. I don't like thinking about her but I can't help it" she says quietly, shutting her eyes and I can't help but feel sad at her words.
Her.
Who is 'her'?
An ex? First love? Current love? I have no idea.
All I know is she misses this 'her' and that breaks my heart.
And I'm supposed to tell her I like her.
Yeah right.
I don't see how that ever will work out.
"I'm sorry" I say quietly
"It's okay. Let's sleep a bit, I'm really tired" she says and I nod
"Okay"
Sigh.
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Cold diamonds 🦋
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