TW: character having cancer
"Well Miss Murphy, what seems to be the issue?" Doctor Oudyk asked, sitting on a stool beside Zoe's E.R. bed.
"I've been getting these awful headaches. Like really bad. I figured it was just a migraine thing so I started ignoring it and taking Advil and stuff. But then I started getting clumsier than usual and feeling really weak all the time and so Evan brought me in." Zoe said. Evan grabbed her hand and Doctor Oudyk started typing things into her tablet.
"Okay, we're going to get you admitted, and then run a few scans and see what we can find, okay?" Oudyk said. Zoe nodded.
"Can you give me something for the headache? I've had this one for the past 2 days." Zoe said, grabbing Oudyk's arm.
"Absolutely. I'll talk to one of the nurses and see what we can get." Oudyk said. Zoe smiled.
"Thank you." She whispered.
+++
"Okay Miss Murphy-"
"Zoe."
Doctor Oudyk looked puzzled.
"I'd prefer if you called me by my first name. It's Zoe." Zoe explained.
"Of course. Zoe, we got your scans back." Oudyk said.
"Okay. Is everything okay?" Zoe asked.
"Your scans show a high grade anaplastic oligodendroglioma on your frontal lobe." Oudyk said. Zoe sat up a little straighter and Evan grabbed her hand.
"What exactly does that mean?" Zoe asked. Doctor Oudyk pulled up the scan on a monitor and stood beside Zoe.
"So this is a scan of your brain. This bright white spot, is a brain tumour called an anaplastic oligodendroglioma. It's very aggressive and unfortunately can't be removed quite yet. We'll need our neurosurgery team to look at the scans and figure out a game plan." Oudyk said.
"So what do we do?" Zoe asked.
"Chemotherapy and radiation it start with. This tumour is aggressive, so we'll have to be equally as aggressive with treatment options. The tumour will grow. It will grow quickly so you will be experiencing more symptoms. However, it will be easier to surgically remove once it's larger." Oudyk said.
"So, basically, I have cancer. But I can't do anything about it. I have to sit and let it grow." Zoe asked. Oudyk nodded.
"Unfortunately, that seems to be our only option right now." Oudyk said sadly.
"Okay, um so am I living in the hospital then?" Zoe asked. Oudyk nodded.
"You are. Your boyfriend can get some stuff from home to make it seem more comfortable. We can also have a cot set up for him so he can stay with you." Oudyk said. Zoe's eyes filled with tears and Evan grabbed her hand again. He kissed her hand and Oudyk walked out of the room.
"Evan, I have cancer. And I have to stay here. Everything is falling apart." Zoe said. Evan kissed her softly.
"I know. And it's hard and it's awful but we're going to fight through it. Don't worry." Evan said.
"Too late." Zoe muttered. Evan sighed and kissed her forehead.
"Everything will be okay love." Evan said. Zoe sighed and let Evan try to talk her down.
+++
"Okay. So what's the plan?" Zoe asked, sitting in the chair.
"So, we're starting our first round of chemo today. So you get hooked up to this for a little while." Oudyk said.
"So that's what the thing in my chest is for?" Zoe asked.
"Yes. The port in your chest is designed for your chemo treatments." Oudyk said.
"Fantastic." Zoe said. Oudyk chuckled and started setting Zoe up. Zoe winced several times and Oudyk sighed.
"I'm so sorry about the discomfort. It's always the worst the first time." Oudyk said.
"What discomfort?" Zoe asked, her face screwed up in pain. Evan grabbed her hand.
"You're doing so good Zoe." Evan soothed. Zoe gasped as Oudyk finished.
"Okay. So the treatment should take around an hour, but feel free to occupy yourself with whatever you'd like. We just need you to stay in the chair." Oudyk said. Zoe nodded and grabbed her phone. Evan kissed her on the cheek and she put her phone down.
"What if it doesn't work?" Zoe asked softly. Evan looked at her.
"It will. Zoe it's going to work. And as soon as they can take you to surgery, they will." Evan said. Zoe sighed.
"But what if it comes back?" Zoe asked. Evan kissed her forehead.
"Then we fight again." Evan said. Zoe sighed.
"Now, lets not worry about this right now. You're going to beat this." Evan said. Zoe smiled sadly and rested her head on his shoulder.
+++
"Okay, lets go get a new scan!" Oudyk said. Zoe sighed and squeezed Evan's hand as her bed was wheeled into the hall.
"What happens if Lucifer hasn't grown?" Zoe asked. Oudyk looked at her.
"What?" She asked.
"Zoe has named her tumour." Evan said.
It was Zoe's idea to name the tumour. She said naming it made her feel in control of something in her life. So she had chosen the name Lucifer and it had stuck.
"If Lucifer hasn't grown, then we continue treatment as usual. But judging by the recent migraines you've been getting, I'd say he's grown a bit." Oudyk said.
"If it's grown enough, then you can operate, right?" Evan asked. Oudyk nodded.
"I'm trying to hold off for as long as possible. But once the tumour hits your optical nerve, it will be the ideal time. So judging by the fact that Zoe can see still, we're not quite there." Oudyk said. Zoe sighed as Oudyk pushed the bed towards the room. Zoe sighed and got onto the platform sticking out of the machine.
"Okay Evan, you can't be in here." Oudyk said. Evan sighed and kissed Zoe before she was wheeled into the smaller room.
+++
Zoe was lying in bed clutching Evan's hand as Doctor Oudyk showed her the scan.
"What do you mean the chemo isn't working?" Zoe asked, tears coming to her eyes.
"Your tumour has stopped responding. So we can do one of two things; we can stop the treatments completely, or we can try again with higher dose chemo and radiation. You will feel awful with the higher dose but it might shrink the tumour." Oudyk said. Zoe felt tears spill down her face and she looked at Evan.
"Wh-What do you want to do?" She asked. Evan cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.
"What do you wanna do baby?" Evan asked gently. Zoe shook her head.
"I don't know." Zoe said.
"If we stop the treatment, it's possible that the tumour will grow faster and we can get it out faster. But there are a lot of risks." Oudyk said. Zoe felt more tears fall.
"I don't want to choose. You choose for me." Zoe begged.
"I can't baby. It's your choice." Evan said gently.
"Please Evan. Please don't make me choose!" Zoe begged.
"Baby, this is your brain. It's you. You should choose." Evan said. Tears fell down his cheeks and Zoe wiped them away.
"What do you think would be better?" Zoe asked, turning to Oudyk.
"It's your-"
"I know. I want your opinion." Zoe said. Evan kissed her forehead.
"What are the risks of taking her off chemo entirely?" Evan asked.
"The tumour could kill her. She could have a stroke or a heart attack or something similar." Oudyk said.
"What's your opinion?" Zoe asked. Oudyk looks at her.
"I'd say that taking you off the chemo is probably our best bet." Oudyk said. Zoe nodded.
"Then we stop the chemo." Zoe said sadly. Evan pulled Zoe into his arms and she buried her face in his chest as she sobbed. Oudyk nodded and left the room.
"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry." Evan whispered.
+++
"How are we feeling this morning?" Oudyk asked. She walked into the room followed by 5 other people.
"Doctor Martin, present." Oudyk said. Zoe looked at the people in front of her.
"Zoe Murphy. Age 24. Diagnosed with an anaplastic oligodendroglioma. Doctor Parker is working on a neurosurgery plan to remove her tumour and chemo has proved ineffective. She's been off chemo for 2 weeks now and she seems to be doing well." The man said. Oudyk nodded.
"How are you feeling Zoe?" Oudyk asked.
"My vision got fuzzy last night for a few minutes. Then it went away. But it's back now. But I'm okay." Zoe said. Oudyk looked at the people behind her.
"One of you page Doctor Parker 911 immediately." Oudyk said. The five people nodded and pulled out their pagers.
"Okay Zoe, is your vision blurry right now?" Oudyk asked. Zoe nodded and reached for Evan. He sat beside her and she rested her head on his chest.
"Doctor Oudyk. How are we this morning?" A woman asked as she walked in.
"Doctor Parker, this is Zoe. Zoe, this is Doctor Parker. She's going to take your tumour out. Doctor Parker, we believe today might be our day." Oudyk said.
"Perfect! Let me take a quick look, and then we'll get a scan. How has your vision been Zoe?" Doctor Parker asked.
"Blurry. It was fuzzy but now it's blurry." Zoe said.
"Okay. I'd like a scan but I'm guessing we're at the optical nerve! Have one of your interns set up a scan and I will ready my troops." Doctor Parker said. She smiled at Zoe and left.
"Okay. One of you get a scan. Doctor Parker is officially in charge." Oudyk said.
"Wait what? That woman barely talked to Zoe. And now she's taking over?" Evan asked.
"It's fine." Zoe shushed.
"Doctor Parker is the best neurosurgeon in the country. She will take excellent care of Zoe during surgery and make sure every part of Lucifer comes out." Oudyk explained. Zoe looked in Evan's general direction.
"See? Parker is good!" Zoe said. Evan kissed her forehead and sighed.
"Okay. I just want to make sure you're getting the best." Evan said.
"I promise, Doctor Parker is the best neurosurgeon in the country. She's very excited to remove this tumour." Oudyk said. Zoe nodded and reached for Evan's hand.
"Evan I don't want to do this." Zoe said. Evan looked at her.
"What? No, Zoe, this surgery is going to save your life." Evan said.
"If you're nervous, you don't have to be. Doctor Parker is very good!" Oudyk said.
"No. I don't want this." Zoe said.
"Zoe, you'll feel better." Evan said.
"But what is this is meant to be? Like what if this is what's supposed to happen to me?" Zoe asked.
"It's not. You're going to get the surgery and you're going to get better." Evan said.
"Evan..." Zoe said.
"No Zoe. I am not letting you die. Not after you've fought for this long. You have fought for too long to give up now." Evan said. Zoe felt her eyes well up with tears and she turned to Doctor Oudyk.
"Okay. I'm ready now." Zoe said.
"Okay. We've got one more scan and then you go in." Oudyk said. Zoe nodded as she was wheeled out of the room.
+++
"Okay Zoe. It's time." Parker said. Zoe looked at Evan and smiled softly.
"My chariot awaits." She whispered. Evan chuckled and took her hand.
"Can I walk with her?" Evan asked.
"Until we get to the doorway to the OR hallway." Parker said. Zoe got into the smaller bed and Evan grabbed her hand.
"Evan, can you promise me something?" Zoe asked.
"Yeah of course baby." Evan said.
"When I die, you need to move on and be happy."
Evan looked at Zoe, who looked completely at ease.
"You're not dying. We talked about this." Evan said.
"Evan, I signed a DNR." Zoe said. Evan felt his heart drop into his stomach.
"You sighed a what?" Evan asked.
"Wait, just stop. Stop for a second!" Evan yelled. Zoe sighed and grabbed his hands.
"Why would you sign a DNR Zoe?" Evan asked.
"Because. If something goes wrong during surgery, I don't want to be hooked up to machines for my whole life. I don't want to be in a vegetative state for my life. I want to live. And if this is how I go out, then it was a good run." Zoe said. Evan cupped her face in his hands and felt tears slide down his face.
"Zoe, please. Tear it up." Evan said. Zoe shook her head.
"No. I don't want extraordinary measures. I want to just be me." Zoe said. Evan sighed and kissed her.
"I love you so much." He whispered.
"I know. I love you too." Zoe said.
"I'll see you in a bit." Evan said. Zoe nodded and Parker looked at Evan.
"Okay Evan, this is your stop. Someone will be giving you periodic updates. The surgery will take probably around 17 hours. Feel free to sleep, eat, walk around. We'll get you updated when we can." Parker said. Evan nodded and kissed Zoe once more.
"I love you." She whispered. Evan smiled and stroked her cheek softly.
"I love you." Evan said. Zoe smiled and was pushed through the doors.
+++
Almost a week had passed since the surgery. Zoe hadn't woken up.
"I don't understand Doctor Parker. You said you got the whole tumour and that nothing happened during surgery. Why hasn't she woken up?" Evan asked.
"Sometimes the brain needs more time to heal. Give her time. She'll wake when she's ready." Parker said.
"You're sure? Because her DNR says if it's more that 30 days, the plug is pulled. And I'm not doing that." Evan said. Parker nodded.
"I understand. She'll hopefully wake up soon." Parker said. Evan sighed and sat down as Parker started filling out paperwork.
"Zoe. Come on baby, time to wake up. I know you hate getting up, but it's important this time." Evan said. Nothing happened and Evan sighed.
"Come on baby. Come on." Evan begged.
+++
Four more days passed. Evan sat beside her and played wth her fingers when he saw her eyes open.
"Zoe! Oh my god you're awake!" Evan said. He pressed the call button and Doctor Parker walked in.
"There she is!" Parker said happily. Evan smiled as Parker started to take the tube out of her throat. Zoe coughed and Evan handed her water.
"Drink up babe." Evan said. Zoe drank the water and smiled.
"I'm okay." She said smirking. Evan smiled and kissed her.
"You're okay."