My mistake

Pain Doesn't go Away

The Distance is far, I wonder if I cross your mind. You sure do cross mine. All the time. Other girls in my DM's, but they're no where near who you are. You're this..beautiful girl, funny, and most sincere. You always cared about me, even when I didn't acknowledge it. You were always there for me, but now I don't know if you are. It's hard when the last time I saw you, I didn't get to spend much time with you. The time flew by, you had to do your thing, I was waiting and didn't get to see you again before that goodbye. I wish I would've known it was going to possibly be the last one, cause I would've prepared to say it earlier. I miss you. I care for you, I wish the best for you. The pain isn't going away, but it makes no sense to you. You say I'm too good for you, that I could find anyone. That may be true, but the other girls are the reason I don't want anyone. They don't compare to you. It would take all those girls before a chip came off of how much better you are in my eyes. And it's not even just based on your looks, it's your heart and soul and the way you listened to my problems when no one else would. When I was lost finding my way you guided me back to the right path of travel before going on the dark shadowy way where I couldn't see in front of me what was about to happen next. What's the message I'm trying to write in these lines? What am I trying to prove to you? Am I trying to fix my past? Am I trying to come back and help you again? Am I jealous?
Maybe.
Maybe I am.
Maybe the other guys upset me when they're touching you and feeling your touches on their body. Maybe I wonder what it's like to have you and take care of you the way I should have from the start. Maybe I should have never changed who I was. I wish I could be that same guy. I wish I never met anyone after you. I wish for so many things that would never happen, but I hope that the one wish I've always had would finally come true, and that is to be with you.
But what's the point? Why should I take a broken girl?
Well, who said I wasn't broken? Maybe the pieces were missing can be filled by the pieces the other has. Maybe it can make a whole, a smile on one of our faces, even if it tears me apart it's what I'd risk to see your beautiful face. To see your beautiful smile, to hear that cute laugh, to see your face blush and you try to hide it.  You trying to hide the pain but I can always see it and sense it. The day I met you, the day I fucking finally met you I can sense how broken you were. I'm pretty sure you could sense the pain I was suffering from the mistake I was with. The girl I for some dumb reason chose over you. Why did I do it? Why am I that dumb? Why did it happen? Why didn't we happen? Is it too late? Can we actually try? Before it's actually gone? Can I get a sign of what I'm missing?
-silence-
A simple sign. Unsure. I'm gonna hurt you like everyone else. All boys are the same. We all want one thing and that's to get in the panties. We don't care about you unless it benefits us.
-wrong-
I'm not like other guys. I'm packing extra weight to help lift you up. I don't care about what's under your clothes I care about what's under your skin. I care deeply about you. And even if I don't always message just know I'm always missing and wishing for a notification. Your name pops up on my phone one time, and it disappeared. I felt confused. But it's in the past. I regret my past, but I don't regret you. You're my favorite person. And I thank you. And the pain I caused I know will never go away, but I hope you don't go away either.
-until next time-
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