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Harry's POV
"Harry? What ... what are you doing here?" Niall asks, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he leans in the doorway of his condo.
"I just - I don't really know. I wanted to, like, talk I guess," I mumble, scratching the back of my head. "Do you think I could just come in before Jess shows up somewhere?"
"Yeah, of course man, come on in," he nods, opening the door more so I can step through and shuts it behind me.
I don't exactly know what I'm doing here, all I know is that I'm in a right mood and needed to get out of my apartment. Apparently, I thought it'd be a good idea to come to the building where both my ex's once lived to see Niall. This building doesn't do anything for me except bring back old memories and makes me paranoid that I might run into a face I'd not like to see.
Still, Niall is really the only friend I have who I know that will listen and maybe even give a crap about what I have to say. He is friends with Skylar too after all, so maybe he can help me.
I have to admit that as soon as I figured out it was Zayn who was taking her out tonight I wanted to drive around the city until I found him and smash his head in. I guess he hasn't gotten the hint like I hoped he had. What makes me even more angry is not the fact that Zayn asked Sky to go out, but that she agreed. I knew that if I tried to persuade her to stay in with me she would only want to go more, so I let her.
It seems that when I took two step closer I also moved one step back. I'm nowhere near as close as I want to be with her and I don't know what else to do. I can't just straight up tell her, that would push her even further away from me than she is right now and that's the last thing I want.
Niall's place, or should I say his parent's place, looks similar to Skylar's family's condo. He leads me through the living room and motions for me to sit in an arm chair.
"Want a drink?" He asks, his blue eyes eyeing me suspiciously. "Or are you still not drinking?"
"I'll have a drink, thanks," I mumble, giving him a small smile and he nods.
"Beer okay?"
"Isn't that all you've got anyways?" I chuckle despite the anger building inside me. All Niall drinks is beer, never anything else and he has always been that way.
"Yeah, I suppose it is," he laughs, shaking his head
"So where are you parents?" I call to him.
"Out at some gala, I don't really pay much attention," he shrugs, walking back from the kitchen, handing me two beers and settling down onto the sofa.
"No plans for yourself tonight Horan?"
"Clearly," he laughs, motioning to his grey sweat pants and white T-shirt. "Just me, a beer and apparently you as well now."
I bring a bottle to my lips as he does, the cool liquid slipping effortlessly down my throat, the smooth flavor and small punch from the alcohol. Mostly I used to drink liquor and booze, but I find beer quite refreshing. I take another sip before looking over to Niall who's eyes are on me.
"So, where's Skylar?" He asks, tapping the bottle with his finger.
"I knew you'd ask," I groan, sinking back into the arm chair and taking another swig. "She's out with Malik. I don't know where so don't ask questions."
"Zayn again? I had a feeling those two would hit it off," he says slowly, raising an eyebrow at me before bringing his bottle to his lips.
Fire builds in my chest and I exhale loudly, finishing off my bottle of beer and setting it on the coffee table in front of me before I crush it in my hands. I'm fuming, brooding and pouting right here in front of Niall and I don't even care. "Yeah, its great isn't it?" I snort sarcastically and roll my eyes as I open the second bottle.
To my surprise Niall laughs, a hearty laugh. This time I don't laugh along with him, instead I sit up straight and furrow my eyebrows as I watch him catch his breath.
"What's funny?" I snap when he's breathing regularly again.
"I knew it, Harry. I knew it the whole time," he tells me, jabbing his finger in the air in my direction.
"Knew what?" I sigh and roll my eyes, not in the mood for a good laugh even though I could use one. I just can't seem to shake the chip that's not only sitting on my shoulder, but digging into it with full force.
"When the two of you came to the coffee shop, that's when I knew for sure," he continues on as if he didn't hear me.
"What the hell are you talking about Niall?" I exclaim. I push my hand through my hair, shutting my eyes and pulling it at the roots. I'm beyond frustrated with everything and I don't know if the alcohol is making it better or worse. Nevertheless, I nearly chug the second bottle of beer.
"I always thought you and Zayn were friends, but the way you were acting when I was at your place and Skylar was talking about her date with him made me start thinking that you didn't like him much. Then I saw the way he was acting around you at the coffee shop and I pretty much assumed you two weren't on good terms. I never could figure it out, but now I know," he explains, a smile set on his face and his eyes shining as if he has just uncovered the biggest mystery in history.
"Well?" I urge, raising my eyebrows.
"It's Skylar, you love her," he states, his eyes watching my face carefully.
Hearing it out loud makes me sound like a completely idiot. I know I love her, but the fact that I love her when I know she could never love me again is a complete waste of time. I'm trying not to make it a waste of time, and sometimes I think it's not when she does things like run her fingers through my hair or let me hold her at night. The only problem is that those moments when I think I'm finally reaching out to her are so short and they soon turn into her treating me like she did before and wanting to be away from me.
"Do have any harder liquor?" I mumble as I push myself from the armchair and head into the kitchen.
"In the cabinet under the sink," Niall calls from the living room. "And bring me another beer while you're at it."
I open the cabinet under the sink and grab the first bottle I see along with a glass from the cabinet over the stove. I grab Niall a beer from the fridge and make my way back info the living room. Niall watches in amusement as I crack open the bottle of rum and pour it into the glass, downing half of it in one gulp. The burn of the alcohol is familiar and I welcome it as it settles in my stomach, giving me something else to focus on other than my failed attempts with Skylar.
"So I'm right," Niall states cheekily, a smirk painted on his lips.
"No shit you're right," I say, taking another swig from my glass.
"What are you going to do about it?"
I sigh, finishing off my glass and pouring another. I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know where to start or where to go from here. It kills me knowing that I might end up losing her again because I can't win her back or make her see that I've changed for her.
"I don't know, Niall," I tell him, shaking my head.
"Well, what have you done already?" He asks, leaning forward on his elbows and setting down his empty bottle along side the other ones.
I can't tell him that Skylar and I agreed to having sex with no strings attached, no one can know that. I'm seriously so desperate to have her that I'll do anything to get her, to have her close and be able to kiss her and hold her whenever I want.
"I don't know, I've just been being there for her like I wasn't before I guess," I shrug.
My anger is disappearing and being replaced by hopelessness. I set down my half empty glass and close up the bottle of rum, slouching back into the arm chair. I shouldn't really be drinking anyways, I only wanted it when I was imagining pounding Zayn's head in.
I can feel it in my system, everything is blurred around the edges and my emotions are at one extreme, in this case utterly and completely hopeless. My mind is fuzzy and Niall's voice sounds further than it did before. The only thing that is clear to me at all is that I need to make Skylar love me again.
"That's a start, mate. That's important to her," he tells me as if I didn't already know. I know her much better than he or anyone else does. "Why not try not only being there for her, but doing more for her too. Show her that you care without saying anything."
"Good, because I'm not saying anything, she'll only pull away if I say something too soon."
"You'll have too eventually, Harry."
I just hope the day actually comes where I get to tell her how I feel. The time I will tell her is when she stops all this back and forth and ends up deciding to stay with me rather than push me away.
"Are you trying to help me?" I ask, straightening up and looking him in his clear eyes.
"If I wasn't going to help you then I wouldn't be giving you advice would I?" He smirks, a small laugh escaping him.
"I thought you were against us being together. You were the one constantly pushing her to give me up when things got bad, why the change of heart?" I wonder and Niall's smirk turns into a smile, his eyes softening.
"I care about her, she's my oldest friend but you're my friend too. I've had a change of heart because you have too. You're a new person Harry, and I know you two really loved each other once. I wouldn't ever want to keep her from true love unless it was hurting her, and it was before. This time, I have faith in you. The only problem is that Skylar will take a lot to convince."
"Do you think she still loves me?" The question leaves my lips before I have time to think about it. I don't recognize my voice; I sound so desperate like I'm hanging on to one last thread. That's what I feel like right now.
Niall thinks about this a minute, scratching his chin and straightening up. His eyes move to the floor, his eyebrows furrowing before he looks back up at me again, his eyes thoughtful and soft.
"I think... I think somehow she does, but she is scared to admit it to herself. You did a lot of damage three years ago and that won't be easy to fix," he says gravely.
"I know," I mumble, picking up the glass again and finishing off what was left.
I hate myself for being the douche that I was, for putting her though fire and hell. She never deserved any of it but I knew she loved me and I thought she would never leave me because of that. I loved her more than anything, I still do, but I was too much of a pretentious idiot and was always feeling too sorry for myself to really show her I cared. I never changed for her even when I knew I needed too. I figured things would work themselves out, and in a way I guess they did when she left me and moved across the country.
I have a chance to fix it all now, right here in front of me is a golden opportunity but like Niall said, it won't be easy. I'm willing to do anything to have her back, to have her be mine, I just don't know how to do it or what to do.
"It would be easier if Zayn just left her alone," I snarl, thinking out loud.
"Hey, all is fair in love and war," Niall smirks, resting his hands behind his head.
"Yeah, sure, everything is fair but not everything is legal," I snort and join Niall in a light laugh.
Somehow, having him laugh along with me makes me feel like he's more my friend than he is Zayn's. He's helping me, not him. I was afraid I had lost my only real friend to someone else, but sitting here drinking with Niall, talking and laughing, I know I haven't lost him.
Out of all the friends I've had, Niall is by far the best I've had. All my friends back in England were assholes and were never actually my friends, they were just the people I partied with. At a younger age you have many friends who you run around and play with, but I grew apart from them and got into bad habits at a young age. Thus, my terrible friends.
When I came to New York, Niall was the first person I met. He was my only friend for a long time before I ended up doing the exact same thing I was doing back in England. He never judged me though, he stood by me through it all. He introduced me to Skylar hoping she would turn me around, but I ended up turning her around. I bet that is his biggest regret; getting his innocent best friend in a mess with me.
"It's getting late, I should go," I say and attempt to stand from the arm chair several times before actually succeeding. Niall laughs as he watches me struggle, standing himself with ease.
"You're not driving are you?" He asks as we near the door. Leave it to Niall to look out for me.
"No, I'll take a cab and pick up my car tomorrow after work," I tell him with a smile, trying my best to focus on him in my haze.
"Good idea mate," he chuckles, holding me steady as I pull on my shoes. "Have a good night, Harry," he says, clapping me on the back and holding the door open for me.
"Good night man," I call over my shoulder and give him a small wave.
I hear him chuckle as he closes the door behind me and I attempt to keep myself upright as I make my way to the elevator.
Somehow I end up in a taxi on my way home, the city passing by outside the window. I know I'm nearly home when the Parker building passes by and that's when I remember I have to work tomorrow. Fuck.
I manage to get up to my apartment safely and on two feet. When I get in its nearly half ten. All I want to do is sleep and pray that I don't have too much of a hangover tomorrow. I didn't even drink a fraction of what I used to have and I'd wake up without any sign of a headache. I guess it doesn't help that I don't drink as frequently and haven't even been drinking at all really for the past two years.
Skylar's coat is still gone from the hook and I'm reminded who she's out with. Anger sets back inside me immediately like a rock in my gut, weighing me down and impossible to overlook. Why is she out with him anyways? I figured she wouldn't want another relationship after what happened between us, I think she may have even said it her self but I can't remember through the fog in my mind.
I make my way into my bedroom just to double check that she isn't here, and she is not.
Normally I would take out my journal and wait for her to get back, but the alcohol in my system tells me to to something different, and I don't argue. I storm out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, ripping open the fridge door. I pull out the bottle of red wine that I only use to cook and don't hesitate to tip the bottle upside down against my lips, gulping down the sour and bitter liquid. I don't even like wine but its all I have.
I grip the counter, breathing deeply as I imagine the many ways I'd hurt Zayn if I could. Of course I would never do it, but that doesn't mean I can't think about it. If this was any time between three and four years ago, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be out in the city looking for her, just waiting to throw my punch in Malik's face. I wouldn't hesitate if it were back then. I couldn't do it now, I would never forgive myself and I'm sure Skylar wouldn't either.
By the time the apartment door clicks open I'm fuming, ready to fly into a rage the minute anything sets me off, the bottle of wine empty and sitting in the sink in front of me. I can hardly see straight but there is no mistaking the tears streaming down her face.
"Fuck, what did he do?" I growl, the anger growing until all I see is red.
"Just stop, he didn't do anything," she mumbles, wiping the tears from her face. She doesn't look me in the eyes as she kicks off her boots and makes her way to the bathroom.
I should feel bad, I do feel bad, but the anger I feel is much more prominent. I hate the way she blows it off like it's no big deal she's crying after being out with him, it only aggravates me more.
"Like I believe that," I scoff and follow her. She tries to shut the door behind her but I catch it with my foot. "After several attempts at shoving me and kicking my foot, she gives up and lets me in. "What did he do?" I ask again, needing an excuse for all the times I've imagined hurting him since he starting talking to Skylar.
"He didn't do anything! Stop thinking he's such a bad guy because he's not," she raises her voice, the tears finally having stopped. She shakes her head as she pulls her hair into a bun and pulls out a wash cloth from underneath the sink.
She doesn't ask before doing things anymore and it makes me feel like she feels at home here. That's all I wanted for her when she moved in. I could care less if she eats the last of my food or leaves the cap off the toothpaste, as long as she is here that's all that matters.
"I never said he was a bad guy," I mutter, folding my arms and leaning in the doorframe. The fact that she thinks he isn't a bad guys is the real problem. My blood boils every time she sticks up for him and now is no exception.
Once she's done washing her face she turns to look at me, her face serious, dark eyes narrowed. "You smell like alcohol."
"What does that have to do with anything?" I snap, taking a step closer to her into the small bathroom until I'm nearly hovering over her.
"It means you should think twice before you say anything," she says harshly, her eyes hard as she holds her ground and stares up at me.
I don't hesitate to laugh in her face, my first line of defense to show her that she doesn't scare me. "I'll say whatever the fuck I want, especially about Zayn. I know him a whole lot better than you anyways."
"What's your issue with him anyways?" Skylar asks for the millionth time. I can tell she is growing frustrated with me but I'm past the point of caring.
"I don't have an issue with him, I've told you a million fucking times Skylar! So just drop it yeah?" I raise my own voice, gripping my hair at the roots as I follow her down the hall.
"That's funny, because you even told me once what the issue was. You told me that the problem wasn't him, but it was him liking me. Why is that, what's that all about huh? If you want me to take your advice and not see him again then you'd probably better start being honest with me here because I'm not about to drop everything and do what you say like I always did! Just stop trying to control me!" Skylar's voice grows increasingly louder and by the end she's nearly shouting, her hands balled into fists at her sides.
I know I should stop, let her say what she needs to say and throw the towel in, but the alcohol in my system has other ideas. All I want to do if fight back and prove my point even though I'm pretty much lying through my teeth when I say I don't have problem with Malik. Still, I feel the over powering need to be right and don't drop the conversation when I know I should.
This is why I don't drink anymore. Or at least I didn't.