Thirty Five.

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His rough lips press gently against mine, his hand squeezing my waist delicately and it's bliss, but only for a short while.

Harry pulls away, reaching for the remote to pause the movie which has been playing in the background.  He knows me too well and knows I'm avoiding answering him.  In the glow of the TV I see that his eyes are on me intently, a sort of sadness present in their bright color.  He reaches out slowly, the tips of his fingers brushing over my cheeks ever so lightly.  A chill runs down my spine and I swallow hard.

"Skylar," he whispers, his voice deep and smooth as velvet.  "I know this is a big question, but I need to know.  I care too much about us to carry on like... well like this without actually knowing what's going on." He is sincere and it kills me to see that he is the one fighting for us when he let us slip away so easily before. 


"I know I've said it before but I won't stop saying it until you see that it's true, that I have changed.  I didn't even realize until recently that I only changed for you," he says quietly, his eyes searching my face frantically.

"For me?  But, Harry, I wasn't even here..." I sigh.  This is more than I had ever imagined getting out of Harry, the boy who's eyes are usually so guarded and who's thoughts are locked away.  But, I haven't seen that boy in a while.  Recently, I can read Harry better than I ever could, he's expressing himself and his eyes are full of life, no longer a barrier to his mind.

"Skylar, I never stopped thinking about you.  You must know that." He takes my hands in his, holding them securely in his lap.  "You've been on my mind since the day I met you, and it has only gotten worse since then."

"I -" I start, but stop to take a breath, calming my breathing and my shaking hands.  "I can't tell you what you want to hear.  Harry it's too soon to commit again.  We've both changed so much, I need to get to know you again.  I agree that we can't keep doing whatever we are doing, but I'm... I don't want to stop."

His face relaxes, his eyes softening and the hint of a smile forming on his lips.  I can't stop now that I've started and I don't want too.  I don't know what I feel for Harry yet, but I know the pull he has on me is so strong that I'd be breaking myself all over again if I tired to pull myself away.

"Tell me what you want, I need you too," he whispers, dropping his head and resting it against mine, one hand gently cupping my face and the other secure on my waist.  "I think I've made it pretty damn clear that I want you, but I'm willing to do whatever you want, willing to wait as long as I need to for you to decide.  Even if - if you decide this isn't what you want in the end, I'm still here and I'm ready to find out.  Just let me know that you want to find out too."

I don't notice the tears falling down my face until Harry wipes one away with the pad of his thumb.  I've been dreaming of this, dreaming of Harry putting me first and telling me that he'd do anything to have me.  Three years ago, if he had said these words I would have never considered leaving him and moving across the country. 

If I could be guaranteed nothing would go wrong and everything would be like I've always wanted it to be I would more than likely tell him I'm his, here and now.  That's not possible though, I need more time with him to see where things really can go for us.  I've been haunted by my past too long for it to suddenly disappear and leave me to live freely.

But, I'm not above giving myself a chance to be open minded and finally doing something to make myself happy.

"Okay," I sniffle, a smile spreading slowly across my face as I nod vigorously though my tears.

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