"That's okay," I say, giving her small smile before I step out into the hall and shut the door behind me.
I take a minute to collect myself before I start off toward the elevator. Having her so near is making me dizzy. Since she got back it's like I can't focus and nothing feels the same. Not even what I have with Jess.
The cool air is just what I usually need to clear my head, although this time it doesn't help much. I decide to walk to their condo instead of taking a cab or my own car. I could definitely use the time to think.
"Watch it!" A sharp voice brings me back to reality just as I bump into a middle aged man.
"Uh, sorry," I mumble and keep walking with my head down.
I've been such a mess since I first saw her a week ago. I have hardly slept at all, except last night. I thought I would be okay, I thought seeing her again would be just like seeing any other old friend. I guess that's the problem, she was never just a friend to me. She was always so much more, so much more.
I'll admit, my idea of avoiding all these feelings by telling her straight away that I was dating her sister didn't go as planned. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I'll never tell her that was my idea, I hate knowing I was the cause for another one of her break downs. After three years it seems nothing has changed. It still breaks my heart to see tears rolling down her cheeks and gloom in her dark eyes.
I can hardly think straight anymore. I'm hiding a lot of things from Jess but I can't help it, and even more, I don't think I really care. Things haven't been the same for us since Skylar came home. I've felt disconnected from Jess, and on the other hand I've felt completely drawn to Sky. Everything I do, everything I say and every decision I make has revolved around Skylar since I laid eyes on her again.
She's changed, she's grown up. She is still just as beautiful as she always was, if not more so. Her long dark hair, tanned complexion and alluring dark eyes never fail to get my heart pounding. Not to mention her soft curves and small stature, the way she was always the perfect size for me to cuddle or to rest my chin on her head when we hugged. She would have to stand on her toes to kiss me, but it was the most adorable thing. Her tiny and delicate hands trailing over my skin with a feather light touch. She drives me crazy. I thought that would have all been lost throughout our years apart, but apparently that's not the case.
I laugh at my myself and shake my head, running my fingers through my hair. I'm thinking the most ridiculous things. I am supposed to be trying to push away these thoughts and here I am welcoming them with open arms. I thought this would be easy, starting over, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that I need her in my life.
I know she doesn't want me in hers, though. As much as I push, she will always be doubtful. I have no one to blame for that but myself, everything I did in the past is coming back to haunt me and I regret it all. Not one day went by after she left where I didn't bag on myself for being such an asshole. I never deserved her, but I loved her too much to let her leave. I wanted her all to myself.
I have no idea what I am trying to do now. I found her a place to live, I offered her to live with me. I even got her the job she had always dreamed of. I can't admit to why I'm doing these things, I'm not ready for that yet. All I known is that I want her happy and close to me. I'm not letting her leave my life again.
I pull out my phone and text her, not able to stand the thought of her sitting in my apparent alone.
You okay? I'll be home within the hour.
YOU ARE READING
One. || h.s.Teen Fiction
(A Harry Styles AU) What if seeing each other again changed everything? Or then again, what if nothing changed? ... A toxics relationship is what she escaped from, but when Skylar Devin comes back home to New York after three years away in Los Ang...