“Nico? Are you sure you’re okay?” I stopped in my tracks and glanced behind my shoulder to see Silena timidly walking up to Percy and me. Percy and I were about to leave the field and go back home after their football practice. We were one of the first ones to leave, mainly because Percy was concerned about me.
I nodded, fully turning around to converse properly with her. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m learning to get over it, thanks to you guys.” I still felt kind of depressed over the whole ordeal, but I didn’t want to worry Silena anymore more than she already is.
Silena ran up and wrapped her arms around my neck, but it wasn’t the suffocating hugs she usually gave me as a greeting. It was a more comforting and gentle hug. What’s the word? Affectionate. It was an affectionate hug that she gave me. One that I haven’t gotten in five years, and the last one I got it from was Bianca. She was so gentle with me during this hug, like I was made out of glass.
“I’m sorry,” She apologized again, pushing away and rubbing the tears off her cheeks.
I sighed, but gave her a sympathetic smile. “It’s fine. It wasn’t your fault anyway. So, you have nothing to be sorry about.”
She nodded once again. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Nico!”
I nodded, my smile dropping. I couldn’t keep a smile for more than five seconds or something. “Yeah. I’ll see you.”
“Why did you decide to tell Silena?” Percy asked once he closed the front door. There was a note on the door stating that Sally went out grocery shopping. I only shrugged my shoulders before shoving my fists into my pockets.
“Did something happen today?”
We both spun around and faced the couch to find Paul reading yet, another new book called The Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan. I think I’ve read that book. I guess it was a good book, but I still feel kind of sympathetic to this one character that I can’t recall the name of. He was kind of like me.
“Uh, no,” Percy faked a smile, “nothing happened. Thanks for being concerned though.”
Paul nodded, though he didn’t seem very convinced. He could probably read through all of Percy’s fake smiles by now. “If you guys say so. How was football practice? Sally told me you went with Silena to the school to watch them, Nico.”
“Yeah, I did.” I rubbed the back of my neck as if it could erase the memory that happened.
“And, football practice was t-ir-ing.” Percy groaned while stretching, while I glanced anywhere in the room other than Percy.
Paul chuckled in amusement. “At least you’re getting the exercise you need.
Percy only rolled his eyes as he took my wrist and dragged me upstairs. “Have fun reading?”
Paul smiled and shook his head. “You need to understand how important reading is in your life.”
Percy didn’t reply as he dragged me upstairs. I already knew he was going to repeat his question from earlier when we first entered his house. I decided to just play it like it was no big of a deal.
He dropped my wrist once we made it into his room and closed the door By now, I was glad I wasn’t nervous when I was in his room anymore. I was still nervous about sleeping in his room with Percy present in it, which I did last night. But, I chose to sleep on the ground, even though Percy offered me his bed. Paul insisted that I sleep in Percy’s room until the paint on my walls completely dry. So, one more day of sleeping in Percy’s room, and I finally get to go back to mine.
“Why did you decide to tell Silena?” Percy asked me, standing in front of me as I seated myself on Percy’s dark blue Amia chair that was placed by his desk.
I shrugged. “She wanted to know, so I told her. I mean, I trust her a lot too. And, I feel like I owe it to her after all she’s done for me.”
Percy sighed heavily and sat on the edge of his bed. I spun the chair that I sat on so that he faced Percy. “You always think you need to ‘owe it’ to us, don’t you?”
I frowned in mere confusion. “Well, yeah. That’s how life works.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Percy objected. “Some people don’t want anything in return.”
“Did you not want me to tell her?” I decided to ask.
“I thought you didn’t want to tell anyone.”
“I don’t, I hate thinking about it, let alone talking about it with someone else.”
“Then why did you tell Silena?”
I sighed. “I…I don’t know, I guess. Maybe it was because I thought it was unfair if I told you and not her. You guys…are the only people I actually consider my friends. The others are just kind of there. I don’t pay much attention to them. It was why I felt so awkward when both of you left to talk to each other about my…past.”
It was silent for a while, before Percy collapsed on his back on the bed. “I don’t even know why I’m asking this anyway. It’s your past, so I shouldn’t be telling when or when not to tell someone.”
I shook my head and rested my feet on the edge of his bed. “It’s fine. Thanks for being…concerned I guess.”
Percy held himself up with his elbows and smiled at me. “You don’t have to thank me either, you know.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Don’t take my kindness.”
Percy chuckled and sat up. “Don’t be like that, Neeks.”
“Neeks?” I raised both my eyebrows at him.
“Yeah,” Percy’s smile only grew wider, “I needed a nickname for my best friend, you know.”
“But…Neeks?” I stared at him incredulously. “Seriously?”
Percy only laughed. “Yep. It seems perfect.”
I sighed. “You know, I hate nicknames.”
“That’s what makes giving you a nickname even better.”
I rolled my eyes. “Then, since you give all your best friends a nickname, then what was Grover’s?”
“I called him G-man.” Percy shrugged. “It fit him so well.”
“Wow,” I sarcastically commented, “you are the master at nicknames.”
“I know right!” Percy triumphed.
“Whatever, what should I call you then if you’re going to give me a nickname?”
“Hm,” Percy thought for a minute, until he replied, “most of my friends call me Perce.”
“Perce? As in…purse?” I clarified.
Percy shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much. I don’t remember who gave me that nickname though.” There was a pause before Percy asked, “Do you plan on telling anyone else?”
“Telling everyone about what?” I stopped before the gears turned in my head. “Oh, you mean about...Well, no, at least, I don’t think so. It kind of depends.”
“Depends on what?” Percy ventured.
“Depends if I make anymore closer friends,” I replied. “That I actually trust, of course.”
“I think you will make more friends that you can trust though,” Percy said.
I arched an eyebrow. “And, why is that?”
Percy shrugged and leaned his back against the wall his bed was next to, stretching out his legs. “I don’t know. You just seem like a guy that’s easy to get along with.”
“Seriously? My eyebrow continued to be raised. “I pushed you guys away like three times.”
“Well yeah,” Percy agreed, “but when you finally gave in, it was easy talking to you. It just felt…natural. It felt like I’ve been friends with you my whole life.”
I didn’t really know how to respond to that. Actually, I felt like that too when I first met all of them, minus the awkwardness from being Percy’s secret crush. Why was it so easy for me to talk to people? I thought I hated people? Maybe I just couldn’t be honest with my feelings. Maybe I feel somewhat differently now that I had friends who actually liked me for who I was. Things can change; everything does.
“I…guess so,” I finally replied.
“I don’t see why you push people away.” Percy sat Indian style on his bed. “You’re a nice guy.”
“Thanks,” I thanked slowly, “I’ll…take that as a compliment.”
Percy grinned. “No problem. So, what do you want to do now?”
I shrugged. “What do you want to do? And hey, where’s my birthday present?”
Percy’s grin turned into a smirk. “So you do want a birthday present, huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m just curious as to what it is. You guys didn’t have to go out of your way to buy it anyway.”
“Of course we do, we’re your friends,” Percy said. “That’s what friends do you know.”
I fidgeted in my seat. “I don’t know. I just feel…spoiled...that’s all.”
Percy raised an eyebrow. “You feel spoiled…seriously?”
I nodded. “Well, yeah. What’s so wrong about that?”
Percy sighed exasperatedly. “You feel spoiled even though you haven’t gotten a single thing from anybody in five whole years. There is definitely something wrong there.”
I frowned. “Well…I got money from my boss. Does that count for anything?”
Percy rolled his eyes. “No, that doesn’t count for anything. You had to work for that money. This time, someone’s giving you a present out of compassion.” Percy rubbed a hand down his face. “You are so oblivious when someone’s trying to be nice to you.”
“Well excuse me,” I huffed. “I’m just not used to this concept anyway. I threw it away years ago. Now I have to adapt to it again.”
Percy smiled. “We’ll always be there for you, you know. Don’t think we’re ever going to bail on you.”
“I really doubt that,” I muttered quietly to myself, but Percy seemed to have caught it.
His hands clenched into fists, like he was ready to pucnh me, but he refrained himself from doing so. “Nico…sometimes…you really piss me off. Why can’t you just trust me that I’m not going to leave you?”
My heart fluttered over the fact that he only mentioned himself not leaving, but I decided to try and ignore it and think he was just thinking too fast to mention the others. “Because I did that five years ago, and look what happened,” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest and slouching.
Percy’s expression mirrored sadness. “It’s not going to happen again. Just trust me, Nico. I’m not going to die or leave you on your own.” His eyes became even sadder. “I’d never be able to do that to anyone.”
I thought about that for a few moments. What if Percy really did leave me? What if everything backfired one day and he stopped caring for me because he thought I was a nuisance? I certainly did feel like one. I felt as if I took all his free time away from him. When he could be going out with his friends, he chose to stay home with me. My heart clenched at the thought, not from happiness, but the complete opposite. I was pretty much taking his freedom away, yet he still told me he didn’t mind. What if he really did mind, but he just wanted to be nice? He was just probably giving me the one thing I hated from people: sympathy.
I didn’t want to think about it. I trusted Percy with my whole heart now. I didn’t close him off anymore. I didn’t know when that exactly happened, but it happened at one point. And, the one thing I hated about life was that I couldn’t reverse anything I did. Once you do something, you can’t erase it. It’ll always be there. If you write something out and then erase it, it’ll still be in your memory. It’ll always be there, and I hated that. So, what if I did something wrong that I didn’t know of? What if I made too many mistakes? I tend to make many mistakes in my life. I guess I see why my father called me a failure.
I unconsciously gritted my teeth. My father. I haven’t thought about him in awhile. What a coincidence that I suddenly thought about him when I was thinking about Percy leaving me. My father left me, even if he was still in my life. Percy could leave me whenever he wanted to as well. I mean, we were only friends. It could happen any time. Life wasn’t perfect, especially for someone like me. I was pretty sure our friendship would end by the end of the month. That’s why I didn’t want to get close to people anymore. I was afraid…afraid of them leaving me. Like my mother and Bianca.
Suddenly Percy was up from his spot and in front of me, caressing my cheek, while lifting my face up so that it faced his. His hand was wet, but I couldn’t figure out why. He had a look of concern, worry, and sadness written across his face. What did my expression look like to make Percy feel that way?
“I don’t know what you’re thinking in that head of yours,” Percy started, “but I know it’s something stupid.” His tone was serious, one of the things that frightened me about Percy. “What are you thinking?”
“N-nothing,” I stuttered. My voice was unwavering, and I realized Percy’s hand was wet because of me. Because of my tears, the tears that I didn’t know that were currently rolling down my cheek as Percy wiped them away.
“It’s obviously something,” Percy objected, his grip on my cheek tightening. He was obviously angry at me. He probably already knew what I was thinking, but he just wanted to hear me say it to him. Or he just wanted a confirmation of what he thought I was thinking. Either way, I still didn’t want to answer, but his serious expression scared the Hell out of me.
I gulped, and I knew Percy could tell I was nervous, because his grip on my cheek loosened. I took a deep breath, before I told him. “I was just thinking of what might happen if you actually…do leave me. I was thinking about how much I take away from you, and how much of a bother I was to you. I mean, to be honest, I trust you with my whole heart. But, I never wanted to because I was afraid of being close to someone. I was afraid of them leaving me. I don’t…want it to happen ever again. But,” My heart clenched even more at the thought, “I know…I know it’s going to happen soon. I know it will. It will happen, and I know that person that’s going to leave me is you. The person that I care about the most is going to leave me, because that’s how my life works.” I smiled, but it was humorless. “I’m pretty much a walking bad luck charm, so you better stay away from me, you know.” Another tear made its way down, but I let it fall.
Percy didn’t respond, which made me even more nervous. I didn’t know what he was thinking, and I didn’t think I wanted to know. His expression was now unreadable, and nothing reflected in his eyes. It made me scared. I just wanted to shove him away, run into my room, and lock myself in there for who knows how long. I was too scared to know what Percy thought. What if he was thinking about the possibilities from what I just said to him?
Percy released his grip on my cheek, and he let his hand fall down to his side. He glanced down towards the floor, until he looked up at me with determination in his eyes. My eyes widened at the sudden change in emotion, but I waited to see what he would say to me.
“I won’t be the one to leave you, Nico.” Percy began with a new set of determination. “And I know that for a fact. I will stay by your side for an eternity. I trust you with my whole heart too. And, life changes, Nico, all the time. And I know you know that. I will never leave you no matter what happens, or no matter what you say. You can push me away, but I won’t leave. I stand my ground here, with you. I don’t care what anyone says about you. I’ll defend you the whole entire way. You’ve suffered too much, and you don’t need any more suffering in your life. Sure, I’ve been through the same thing as you. But, I had my mom to support me. You…you had to deal with your dad and your mom’s and your sister’s…” He hesitated, but I nodded to let him know it was okay “…deaths.” He stopped for a moment, probably thinking of what else to say, but his last sentence hit me so hard, I didn’t think I could speak for days.
“And, I love you, Nico.”