—It was negative.
Nathan let out the breath that he was holding through his mouth. He ran one of his hands through his hair and then he saw me again. —It was very unlikely. We have been responsible, we've been protected...
—I know. But you have to understand that I was very scared.
Nathan said nothing for a long time. I guess that he was thinking about it. I was only able to see how I played with my thumbs while the light of outside struck me in the face.
—It's a shame. At least I know that you would have been an excellent mother.
I turned around, and although I wanted to slap him, I did not, because one way or another, I found very sweet what he had said. —I will be a mother. With you. Someday. It's only that now is not the time. —I covered his hand with mine.
He saw me with a lost-in-love gaze, the kind that made me melt. —Wow. Now I want you to be a mom. Let's make a child right now. —He leaned into my neck in an attempt to kiss me, but I put a hand over his mouth and stopped him.
I laughed, his breath tickling me. —Nathan, stop, don't do it.
He stepped back. —I was just kidding.
—I know. But I wasn't. —I sighed—. It really scared me... a lot. Waiting to see the result were the longest and more intense 2 minutes of my life. I know that a baby is a miracle of God and life and the whole thing, but this is the last we need right now. Our lives would have completely flipped. You would have had to leave the band for a while, so I know that thousands of people around the world you would kill me, and I... Well, I wouldn't have finished studying after all the mess that we had to save the faculty. It would have been chaotic. Not that I do not want a baby because I do want to be a mother, it's one of my dreams, but not just yet.
»And I started thinking that maybe I should take care of myself as well. So after seeing the result I called Roxanne. She told me some birth control pills that I can buy. Apart from that, I mentioned her the dizziness and all of that, and she told me that it might be anemia. After all, she's anemic, so she knows the symptoms pretty well —apart from being a medical student. She also told me that I should start taking iron pills or just eating iron, and that's exactly what I'll do. There's no need to worry, I'll be fine.
Nathan ran his thumb over his lips. —We should go to a hospital so you can have a blood test done.
—No, it's okay, I'm fine. It's only iron, so it's not like I'm taking any dangerous medical drugs.
—Still, we should be safe that what you have is anemia.
—No, Nathan , she knows more than we do about this.
—It's not that I do not trust Roxanne, it's just that it's better to hear it from a professional.
—Well, I do trust her and I will not go to any hospital.
—Yes you're going.
—Oh, yeah? And who are you to decide for me?
—I'm your boyfriend, Ashley. And you have no idea how worried I am. It's nece—
—See? —I threw my hands in the air and let them fall against my thighs—. This is exactly what I did not want to happen. I'm saying I'll be fine, that you certainly don't have to worry, but you exaggerate everything, right? You make it three thousand times worse than it actually is. Nathan, I 'm not a girl anymore and I can take care of myself. Besides, you're not my dad and you are certainly not my mom to be taking care of me. And if you didn't know, the inoffensive and innocent girl you met many years ago, the girl that didn't defend herself... She no longer exists. She's far gone.
I had not realized how much I had raised my voice until I heard it echoing against the walls. My chest was rising and falling with aggressiveness. And Nathan... He looked shattered. He was standing there looking at me as if he did not believe it. His face was a hard mask, but I knew that I had just hit him where it hurt him the most. And I... I could not believe what I had just done.
But I couldn't say anything, he began to speak first.
—Why do you keep pushing me away from you? Can't you see that all I wanna do is love you? I will not hurt you... —he looked at the floor and I could not speak. My throat was full of knots and I was a emotional wreck—. Would you let me know when that girl is back? Because I fell in love with her.
And then he left the room, closing the door as he left.
What the hell had I done?
I guess I could not think of anything as I stared outside the window and processed everything that had just happened. The minutes passed and my knees weakened and I had to sit on the edge of the bed, still incredulous.
Was I stupid? Yes, that was exactly what I was.
I ended up balled on the giant bed, wrapping myself in the duvet and in Nathan's flannel, listening to the voices of the guys outside, and I remembered that the concert was tomorrow and not today, meaning that they would be out there all day.
I thought of all the things that I had gone through with Nathan, all the times we had been together —at home in England when I loved him to death, when I saw him in New York, including the most recent times, in San Francisco... I thought about the times I hated him as much as I could and the times in which I loved him as much as I could.
It was impossible not to cry. I felt my face wet and swollen, and I felt a terrible emptiness in my chest that I had not felt before.
And I began to wonder what was he thinking or what was he doing at the time. Was he happy? Sad? All that I saw in his face was how shattered he was.
I spent all day in tears and dreams, between darkness and memories, until I noticed that it was dark outside. I sat on the bed and I noticed that I had the worst headache ever. I put a hand to my head as if that would fix something and my face contorted with pain.
I started to stand and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the door and turned on the light. I almost didn't recognize the person in the mirror. My bun was completely smashed and my hair was all over the place. Not to mention my face... The skin around my eyes was red and swollen, and my dark circles looked much darker now.
As if that had any effect on me, I rested my hands on the sink and my elbows started to get weak. I began to cry again, remembering the great pain I had caused to the people who loved me. Not only Nathan, but everyone who had ever cared about me. I was a bomb about to explode, hurting all those around her.
When I could finally stand up from the floor, I washed my face and drank some water, I didn't care where it came from, I just wanted to get rid of the sandpaper that now functioned as my throat. I tied my hair in a bun again and I breathed deeply several times.
I looked at my watch and realized that it was almost 10, I was very surprised that the day had passed by so quickly. I can barely listen to sounds from outside, which made me think that they were already preparing to sleep or had gone out somewhere. I wondered if Nathan was sleeping in another side or if he had gone out with them. That just made me cry even more, but I did my best not to.
I finally opened the bathroom door as I stared at my feet, and when I raised my eyes again I found Nathan in the middle of the room. My heart raced and his face broke my heart. It was as if he had aged throughout the day: there were fine lines on his forehead and his eyes did not look as alive as before. My stomach dropped to my toes.
—Nathan, I...
—It's all right, you do not have to say anything. I just wanted to ask if I can sleep here tonight. You know, it's my bed and yours. —he scratched his neck and I got weak.
I pressed my lips together. —Yeah, okay.
It was pitiful. It was probably the first time we used the expansion of the bed at its most. He was back to me on his side of the bed and I had my back to him on my side of the bed, a sea of white sheets between us. I bet that neither of us could sleep —at least I couldn't, and I like to think that he couldn't as well.
But it was also pathetic. He was pathetic and I was also pathetic and we were both pathetic, because I could not sleep without the warmth of his body against mine, and at the middle of the night my head was pressed against his chest, his arm wrapping me up. That was the only place in the world where I felt safe: in his arms. And the last things I heard before having a few hours of sleep was how Nathan whispered again and again against my hair thinking that I was already asleep the words "What am I going to do with you, kiddo?" And I don't want to confirm it, but his voice was broken, and I was also broken as well, and all of that was my fault, because of my pride and my poor selection of things to say.
«If these sheets were the states and you were miles away I'd fold them end over end to bring you closer to me, because I don't sleep at all without you pressed up against me. I settle for long distance class, I'm lost in empty pillow talk again.»
I woke up early the next day and tried to scape from Nathan's arms around me, and I did it without any problems, which I found odd because whenever I tried to get up without disturbing him, he finished waking up as well. Which meant that perhaps he had slept badly the night before. I hoped that it wasn't the cause.
I was confused. I did not know where we were exactly. We had not spoken anything but I still snuggled with him last night. I decided not to think about that and went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. I went into the hallway, where Max was already awake. He greeted me and looked at me condescendingly. Sure he knew what was happening.
I went to look for Nano, who was already active doing things for the day. I told him that the my day off had been boring so I wanted to do more things today, just to keep my mind away from Nathan. He gladly gave me more to do than normal, and I thanked him.
The concert that day was earlier than the other, because it was a weekday and all that, so it ended when the stars were just beginning to appear.
I didn't exchange a single word with Nathan throughout the day, which worried me, but we did exchange glances. I tried to stay away from him, but the truth is that it was very hard, after all, my job was to be with them all day.
During the concert I stayed backstage literally staring at the ceiling. I did not feel like going out and listening to them, though it was very unlikely with the large volume of the screams and the speakers that amplified their voices. It was a torture.
When it finally finished, I stayed longer than usual trying to help the group of the stadium to pack up the stuffs. I finally went to the bus when Nano gave it to me as an order.
Still, I didn't enter in the motorhome. I could hear the laughter and conversation of the boys inside, but I was leaning against one side of the bus watching the stars that didn't appear that night. I noticed how mosquitoes swirled around in a yellow light in the corner of the stadium's parking lot in which we were and listened how the crickets chirped. I tried not to shiver, but it was quite chilly outside.
Suddenly, Nano walked out of one of the aisles of the stadium. —Ashley? I thought I had ordered you to go inside.
I sighed. —I know, but I wanted to have a moment for myself.
He stood beside me and pressed his lips together, the line between his eyebrows that characterized him suddenly appeared. —Okay, I do not want to interrupt your moment alone, but I have to talk to you.
I turned to him. It reminded me of Nathan. —Yes, tell me?
—I do not mean to trespass on your relationship with Nathan, but it would be good for you to keep how you feel about him outside of work. Today I noticed that he was... Well, let's just say that he was not his usual self, and every time something happens to the boys is reflected on their performances, and today the concert he gave was not like the others.
I did not care. I just wanted to cry.
—Just trying to say that you should be as professional as possible with this. You are excellent, but you can't let yourself engage too much with all that's happening around you. And you know I care about you. If you need anything, feel free to talk to me. —He patted me on the shoulder and went inside one of the motorhomes.
I was about to break. Not only had I affected my relationship with Nathan, but also my work. What an idiot.
The yellow light cast a new shadow coming out of the bus. —Ashley?
I raised my eyes. It was Siva, his hands resting on either side of the door.
I said nothing. —Well, I was just looking for you.
I snorted softly. —Apparently everyone's looking for me these days.
Siva backed away. —I'm sorry, is it a bad time?
I felt bad about it. —No, no, no. Sorry for my sarcasm. Come here. —I motioned for him to stand at my side—. Join me in my misery.
Siva stood beside me and said nothing for a while. —Hey, I'm sorry about you and Nath.
What had he told them?
—Yes, I'm sorry too. —I said, kicking a rock.
—About that... It is not my business to get into your personal stuff, but I think that yesterday we could all hear what was happening. You know, you were screaming at each other... —I faced him—. I'm really sorry.
—It doesn't matter.
—What I mean is that I understand what it's happening. I've only been with Nareesha a couple of years, and I know that my wisdom can not be compared with the one of an elderly couple who are still married, but I think we all want the same thing: we do not want to hurt anyone. Unless you're a sociopath or something like that —I wanted to laugh, it's only that I couldn't—. And I think that's what you want the less: to hurt Nath. —He paused.
»I can only tell you that with all of these things happening... All you're doing is hurting him more. And another thing, if you really love him... You should not let him go, because that guy in there, —he pointed at the RV's door—, that kid is not the same since he is with you. I've never seen him so happy in his life, and it's like seeing a new phase of him. Just wanted you to know. Don't lose him.
I stared at the floor, noticing the moon casting its light on it. I thought about what Siva had said. He was right. I knew that Nathan had changed and that he didn't deserve all of this. But I think it was good that this had happened. I already had my own insecurities about everything, and this gave me an opportunity and excuse to talk to Nath.
—Thanks, Seev. —I turned around and finally said, putting my hands on my back.
—Come here, give me love. —He opened his arms and I hugged him, and I realized that each of the boys gave special and unique hugs.
I smiled.
—Another thing I know is that you should not stay outside for so long, unless you want to be live bait for mosquitoes.
—You're right . I'll go inside in just a moment.
—Well, we are eating and talking, if you want to come. —Siva said as he walked away to get back to the motorhome.
—Yes, I... I'm coming. —I dismissed him with a wave of my hand and after seeing him entering I stayed outside for about 5 minutes.
After I swallowed my pride and took deep breaths several times, I finally decided to get inside, and I hid my hands behind my back so nobody could see how nervous I was playing with my fingers.
I went in and all conversations in the room stopped, and last but not least everyone stared at me, knowing how I felt about being the center of attention. I swallowed and my eyes strayed to Nathan, and I couldn't read his gaze: it said nothing. It was hard but I knew that it could break with the ease of a snowflake. I took a breath and walked quickly to the refrigerator and pulled out the first thing I saw. A bottle of beer? Well, it was worth it.
When I closed the refrigerator door they were all eating and talking normally, and I did my best to join them. Thankfully, they also tried to make me feel good and at ease, without asking anything of what was happening to me and talking with me about everything but love, like how was in college, why I liked my career and everything.
It was good to see that I could drink without getting drunk, however, I limited myself. After a while everyone started to say goodbye and the ones who sleep on the other bus left, leaving me with Max, Nano, Jose and Nathan. They also began to say goodbye and I knew that it was time to go to bed.
I had not even seen him and I was already nervous, and I took advantage that was the first to enter the room to take a bath. I took a few extra minutes, because I know that this time I would not stop talking to him. After washing my face I finally got out and he was already in bed, wrapped in the duvet, his back to the bathroom door. I just wanted to hug him.
I got on the bed and nothing happened for a while, and I tried to think of what I would say. But nothing came to mind.
—Hey, Nathan, I can't go on like this —I finally managed to say and I sat on the bed, putting my head in my hands.
He did not move for a moment, but then he turned around and sat, approaching me. —I also can't go on like this.
I turned my face towards him and noticed that he was very close to me, his shoulder rushing with mine. I liked the contact. It seemed an eternity since I had last touched him.
—I... I did not mean to hurt you. Really. Sorry. I am so stupid. I shouldn't have done it.
Silence.
Then, —I understand that everything came out at once, but if you said it, it was for something, and I know something is bothering you. There must be some truth in what you said.
I pressed my lips together, evaluating what he was saying. He was right. He was always right.
He took my chin with his thumb. —Do you trust me?
I did not know how to answer that.
And the look in his eyes was like watching his heart breaking into small pieces. —Wow... —he whispered and looked away— You don't even trust me. —When I could see his eyes again, they were watery.
I felt a pain in my heart . —I do trust you.
—So you're able to tell me what it's bothering you.
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. —I... don't know how to say it so you understand. I guess all my life I had this idea in my head that no one was going to be with me and that I would never be loved, and now suddenly you come and tell me that you love me, you offer me the world in a silver platter... And it's very strange to me. And I close up and push you away, because I feel that it's something that goes against me. I do not want... I do not wanna be torn, or much less to hurt you. I am just afraid of what might happen. I didn't mean to push you away, it's just something that my body does because it knows that you're probably the only person who can hurt me. I am afraid of you, but I love you too, and all this is so twisted and I don't know what to do anymore.
—Hey, don't cry. —Nathan said running his thumbs over my cheeks, but it made me cry even more—. I thought we already talked about this.
—I also thought I was over it, but I think it's still there.
—You have to change that way of thinking, I think you don't allow yourself all of this. And that's not possible. —I smiled, because when he said it, it sounded so ridiculous—. You don't allow yourself to be happy? How weird is that, eh? —He continued after noticing that I had smiled and then he laughed a little bit—. Do you see how bad that sounds? I know you feel better about yourself, and your self-esteem is better, but I think you have residual effects from fighting yourself all this time. You have to allow yourself to feel, because if you don't feel, then what are you? Humans feel and that is the most beautiful part, don't you think? The feelings, the senses...
»And yes, Ashley, I'm going to hurt you so much —damn it, God knows the damage that I might cause you— but that's part of everything. You are going to hurt me as well, and what pain you've caused me, but we learn from that. I told you once that I suck at love, and I know you have no experience as well, so what do you say about learning with me? It's a new experience for both of us, but we're going to learn something from all of this.
He didn't say anything for a while as I sniffed. And he looked at me with those eyes, and for a moment I felt bad because I felt that he was looking at me like a helpless animal, hopeless, without a chance of living again, with shame...
—I only see you, and all I can think about is that you are very broken and damaged. You fixed me once before, will you let me save you this time?
He was so close to me that his breathing crashed into my face, and it felt like the first time he invaded my personal space, but I liked it, I loved the proximity and the way in which my heart was beating fast. It was as if all of this was happening again. He saw my face the way a guy looks at you before he kisses you for the first time: with heaviness in his eyes, his gaze wandering from your lips to your eyes and vice versa, and all I could do was look into his eyes and try to remember how to breathe and talk.
I couldn't remember, so I just nodded repeatedly and a small smile formed on his lips, the kind that took away your breath, the ones that made you want to slap him because he knows what it causes you. After that, he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulled me closer and closer and closer and I fell in love with him all over again.
He kissed me and it was like breathing again, and I felt as fragile as glass. And, although it was delicate, and backed away after just touching his lips with mine, our mouths were still rushing with each other and I was breathing his same air.
—Don't stop. —I whispered against his lips, and I felt that my voice came out strangled, because it was difficult to feel that way when I didn't want to.
He put his hand on my neck, firm and strong, and kissed me again, and it was like every tissue in my heart that was broken and open closed slowly again, like he could heal my wounds with his hands. He was my disease, my cure... And he was all that I needed.
—Remember that time you said that every time we argued with each other we were going to have makeup sex? —He sighed against my mouth.
I laughed. —I never said that.
—I know. —I felt him smile—. I just wanted to make you laugh. —he backed away from me, and the light outside stuck his face, leaving him white as a ghost—. Please, don't be sad... That's the only thing that hurts me. You are my weak point. You fall, I fall.
A small smile formed on my lips. —As long as you're with me... I'll be fine.
He smiled and then hugged me.
—I never thought I would say this, but you smell like a mini bar. —He smiled as if he really felt joy, as if he were very happy, and that filled my heart.
—Really? God, I already took a shower and brushed before, during and after taking a shower, and I still smell like Homer Simpson should smell? I don't like this. —I pretended to get out of bed to clean myself all over again, but he did not let me. He pushed me down onto the bed.
—It's okay. I don't. —He gave me a small kiss on the lips.
Just then I felt the door opened. I completely pulled away from Nathan and I turned around. It was Max, with a pillow in his hand.
He looked up and then his face turned into half amazement. —Oh, I... —He paused for a moment—. I thought it was weird that you were mad at each other and had to sleep together and so I was going to join you, plus, Nano snores a lot , and it's hard to sleep. —He looked very uncomfortable.
I could not help but to laugh low. How considered. I almost got up to hug him when Nathan spoke again. —I think we're good, bro.
—Yeah, I see. —Max said and rolled his eyes, as if it were obvious.
—Thank you Max.
—Anytime. We could have a threesome.
Nathan threw a pillow at him. —Go away. Now.
Max was laughing low now. —All right, all right... Sleep well. —He paused, and then turned around one last time—. If you're going to sleep at all. —He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I only smiled.
After a while I was back in Nathan's arm, and I knew that maybe home was not a place, but a person and a feeling.
—We are very dumb, aren't we?
—Yes, too much.
—I mean, look at us, I just want to be with you and I push you away from me, I just want to love you and all I do is hurt you. —I snorted, because it was so ridiculous and contradictory.
—Hey, —he turned to see me—, I'll let you break my heart a million times, if that means that I can be by your side.
It touched my heart. —When you say those things I can only think, why me? Of all the damn people in the world, what makes me so special?
There was silence between us for a few moments while the question permeated the air. —Someday, kiddo —he kissed my nose, and I noticed that he's been calling me like that a lot lately, and I liked it— I'll be able to answer that question. I promise.
«Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "maybe we should be just friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.» —Neil Gaiman.
—But look at them! —Siva said and exclaimed—. The two lovebirds!
Nathan and walked together into the kitchen area, he with his hand around my waist, where everyone was having breakfast. I instantly smiled.
—We suck at fighting each other. We did not last even two days. We have to practice. —I hit Nathan's chest playfully.
—No, please. —He kissed my forehead and I almost regret having said the previous comment.
—Ready to go? —Nano announced.
—Where are we going now?
—To London, last night I told you guys, if only you paid more attention—
—London? —I almost choked when I drank from Nathan's cup of tea.
—Yeah, about that —Nano said, lowering his head a little—, I think I forgot to write it down on the tour schedule. We have to go because the boys have to run with the Olympic torch.
I was happy for them, but at the same time a little sad because I knew I was going to be only 2 hours away from my family.
—Maybe Nano's a good person and he'll give you these days off. —Nathan said after seeing my face of obvious frustration—. You know, maybe the best boyfriend in the world talked to him about that already.
—God, you are the best.
—I know.
—Aw, come on, —Tom complained across the bus—, man up and kiss her already. It's not as if we haven't seen Max make out with a complete and random stranger on the car when we leave a club.
—Hey. —Max warned, but before I could say anything, Nathan stole me a kiss and it I thought that it was cute of him.
After about 10 hours we were in London, and I felt very at home. I missed reading Starbuck's menu with the prices in Pounds, the British accent buzzing in my ears, the British flag waving everywhere...
—Ashley —Nano called me and I separated from Nathan for a moment to go where he was—. I know you have a long time without seeing your family, and since we're here I feel that you should go see them these days. I can take care of the kids by myself. —He smiled and I almost cry and after I thanked him with a hug I went to where Nathan was, and although he had already told me about it, I didn't think Nano was going to consider it.
—I can't believe you just did that. —I said hugging him—. I love you so much.
He could only smile proudly. —Anything for you. —he hugged me again—. See you on Monday, say hello to everyone for me, okay? —he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear—. Take care of yourself.
—I will. —I nodded and smiled like a good girl—. I'll call you when I'm at my house. —I left him with a kiss and said bye to the other guys with wave of my hand, I did not mean to be so dry, but the truth is that I was desperate and excited to see everyone.
After evading the immensely and outrageously large group of fans considering the late hours of the night waiting for the guys outside the airport, I hopped in the first free Addison Lee that I saw and cursed a thousand times the time difference between Dallas and London, because here was midnight and my body still felt it was 6 in the evening and I wasn't even sleepy.
Two hours later I was arriving in Abbeydale, and when I entered the street of my house my heart raced. I got off quickly after paying the taxi and rolled my suitcase to the door. I searched the spare key in the place where we hide it, and I was grateful that it was still in the same place. I opened the door.
As I expected, everything was off, but my dad was not home yet —I noticed that when I saw that his SUV was not in his usual parking spot— and I decided to wait, because again, I didn't want to sleep. I did not know what to do, so I stayed in the living room, turned on the TV and I lowered almost all of its volume. After going through the channels without seeing anything good to watch, I remembered that I had to tell Nathan that I was home and then I called him.
After talking with him for about half an hour about the stupidest things in the world, I felt someone opening the door and told Nathan I had to leave. I removed the duvet off me immediately and went to open the door.
The face of my dad and his hug was incomparable. I felt the same thing I feel when I am in Nathan's arms: security, freedom and love.
The next morning I greeted James and my mom, and I spent the whole day with them because dad had to work, although he promised to come back early so we could go to dinner in town. Went to buy some things at the grocery store and then we returned. I spent most of the day helping my mom cook and playing video games with James. When Dad finally arrived in the afternoon, we went out for dinner as he promised.
When I went to bed I thought that maybe it was a bit unfair not to visit Nathan's family, because he visited mine when he was here, so I texted Jess, his sister, to see if tomorrow I could go there for a while, to which she replied:
From: Jess.
"Ashley! Great to know that you're here! Wow, I haven't seen you in ages ... It would be great if you joined us tomorrow. Moreover, it is perfect, because tomorrow some friends are going to come to my house to try on our dresses for prom and Phil said he was going to cook :)."
I answered immediately, saying that it sounded great. I was a little confused when I read the name of Phil, but then I remembered that he is Karen's couple, Nathan's mother, as she and Harry were separated. It was weird that I haven't met him before. Bad timing, I guess.
So the next morning I walked to Nathan's house, and it was very strange, because I knew where his house was, but I had never entered before. I thought that maybe I could enter into his room as a payback of him coming into mine and checking my stuff without my permission, but before that I greeted Jess, Karen and Phil. We all talked for a while and I tried not to look nervous, and I was grateful that Jess helped me out with that. After a while, Phil and Karen excused themselves saying that they had to cook lunch, leaving me and Jess alone. We decided to go upstairs.
I really did not know how I would help them choose and try on their dresses. I hardly knew anything about it, and seeing Jess' friends, I knew that they were going to be able to do it by themselves. Still, it was fun to spend some time with Nathan's family.
Speaking of him... Jess took me to his room and I could finally take revenge. I was not like him, I did not check anything, I really just wanted to come in, and I can tell you that it was much neater than I expected it to be, the decor was quite serious and mature. I don't know why, but that made me laugh. In one corner there were some empty white vertical shelves, and basically that was what attracted the most attention, as there was nothing else in the room, apart from the strong scent of his cologne mixed with a little smell of stored things.
To my face skepticism, Jess said, —Don't be surprised. It's only this clean because he almost doesn't come, and he spent last year living in London with Jay. Although, speaking of that, —Jess added—, I think the contract of that apartment has to be renewed, and I don't think they're not going to renew it, so he has to come to live with us again. What a loser . —We both laughed.
And then I noticed something that caught my attention. I walked to the small bedside table next to his bed and took with my hand a picture frame with wood edges, where there was a picture of us kissing in Paris in that bridge full of padlocks. The memory burned me in the best possible way.
I felt Jess standing beside me. —He was completely depressed when you two broke up, and all he did when he came here was see that picture. He has at least about 10 copies of that photo, and I bet you that he spent his time in Lodon looking at it. —At that time I just wanted to be with Nathan and hug him—. I don't know what happened between you two, but I'm glad that you're back together. No one approved Nathan and Dionne together, nobody liked her.
All I could do was laugh. —Yes, apparently, she wasn't everyone's favorite person.
A couple of hours later, Jess turned on her computer and I don't know what she did, but she began to show us pictures of the boys with the Olympic torch. She said that England's The Sun had just published them. I was extremely proud of all of them, they had come so far in their career. And speaking of the King of Rome, Nathan sent me a picture of them all together after they ran with it, and I noticed that I had forgotten to tell him that I was with his family, so I did tell him.
It was almost painful to say goodbye to everyone, but I knew that I had to go to sleep now, because I had to leave early in the morning to London so I could be on time to reach our flight to Kansas City.
Still, I was happy that at least I had been able to be with my family for a weekend. It was not that much, but it was something, and I was very grateful for that. If it hadn't been because of Nathan... I would not be here, so the first thing I did when I saw him the next day was to steal a kiss from him.
—Yes, I know, I also missed you so much, but I thought you'd never do that in public. Especially with all those photographers out there. —Nathan said as he backed away shortly after I kissed him.
—Fuck it —I kissed him again—. It is not as if they had never seen Max making out with complete and random strangers when they leave a club. —I copied Tom's words—. And all those photographers out there? —I turned my head to see them—. They also can go to hell. —I smiled at Nathan and pulled my middle finger to the photographers as I kissed him again.
—Nano and Scooter are going to be so mad at me—, Nathan said, laughing—, but I love you so much and I do not care what they say. —And with that his middle finger joined mine, and my lips met his once again.