The next day the boys had to rehearse until noon, then we went back to the hotel. Nathan looked pretty tired and I knew it was not only appearance, so I proposed to stay in the room to rest.
After lunch we went to the room and we started to watch movies. There were many movies that we could rent, so while he left the bathroom after brushing, I flicked through the TV guide and read the titles to see which one sounded better. When I was just reading the 6th review, he emerged from the bathroom wearing only his sleeping shorts, and I did my best not to pay attention to him. He stood behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
—What...? —I tried to ignore his closeness to me—. What do want to you see? There are so many good movies.
—Does it matter? I don't think I'll be paying attention, anyway. —he turned me around quickly, and if I would have been higher, our noses would be rushing, and his eyelashes would be tickling my cheeks... But I looked up towards his face.
—I'm serious.
—I'm being serious as well.
I raised an eyebrow. He imitated me. I crossed my arms and he did as well. My face fell, and then he laughed. Fucking immature boy.
—You are such an asshole. —I said, and hit the TV control against his chest, I turned around and walked towards the bed and I guess he took control with his hands because I didn't hear it falling.
I felt him holding me back my waist with his hand, but I kept walking. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I just wanted to sleep. Damn mood swings that I didn't even want to have.
—Hey, are you okay? —Nathan said before I dropped in bed, and then I decided to turn around. His face looked worried, and I felt guilty.
—Yes, I... — I touched my forehead with the back of my hand, now everything was spinning—. Don't mind me. I'm just dizzy. —I ended up sitting on the edge of the bed.
He sat beside me, and put the remote control on one of his sides. He gently grabbed my chin and turned my face toward him. — Are you sure it is just that? You look very pale.
I was also shaking. And I was also sweating. He just didn't realize it. I didn't say anything as well, I did not want him to worry.
In fact, since a couple of days ago I had felt that way. Every time Nathan touched me, something inside me got scared, but it was not the first time he touched me. I thought I would eventually get used to being with him all the time and his effect on my would be less intense, but perhaps it would be different with me. I don't know. All I know is that I had also been having a couple of nightmares, that's why now, when I needed to stand up early, I was having a rough time trying to wake up in the morning. And I was very sleepy. Sure it was just PMS or maybe I had anemia, so I was not worried.
—Yes. —I managed to smile, more to convince me than him—, I'm fine.
—We do not need to see anything, if you want, you should only sleep. —He put a lock of my hair behind my ear, and he left his hand there, touching my cheek.
I raised my hand and covered his with mine. —I do not care.
He came closer and kissed me, and I shivered, but I didn't back off, nor let him do it. I lay in bed and he followed my lead.
—You don't have to do this. What I said before was just to annoy you. —He said, just a few inches away from my lips, his breathing already accelerated.
I smiled at the proximity. —Just shut up and kiss me. When you're on tour we will not have time to do any of this.
Yep. My mood swings were definitely PMS.
I slowly kissed him again, this time his lips were more open, and I wanted more. When he removed his mouth from mine, I was disappointed. —You little lady, you're very strange.
I pulled him closer to me and didn't let go.
—You sure you got everything? —Big Kev asked me for the third time as he put my luggage in the van that would take us to our flight to San Francisco.
—Yes, Kevin Myers, I'm sure. —I said and rolled my eyes, ensuring the strip of my backpack on my shoulder. Big Kev laughed, and I obviously knew that he was doing it to annoy me. I couldn't wait to spend the next months with them, all day, all night!
I got into the van and closed the door, seeing that I was the only one left out. I sat next to Bird, in front of Nathan.
When we finally got down to LAX and got all of our things out, a wave of fans was there waiting for the lads, and I think I had never seen such a big crowd in my life. There were too many girls —and boys too—, and though I had already been there before, I could not help but to get nervous. There were also photographers, and while the boys went to greet fans, Big Kev and I finished getting the luggage out.
— It's okay, I can do it. —Kev half-shouted over the voices of other people, but I still kept helping him.
—No... No, I will help you. —He frowned and I tried to ignore him—. I prefer to go unnoticed.
—Do you want me to escort you? —He asked.
—Yes, of course, because that will make people not see me. —I raised an eyebrow.
—A "no thanks" would have been better than your sarcasm. —He pulled a blue suitcase out and placed it on the floor.
I sighed. —It's fine. I'll go alone.
But it has been one of the worst decisions I ever made, because when I started to roll my luggage among the people I was looking for Nathan, and I saw him standing a few feet in front of me, but then the wheel got stuck in the ground, and I turned to see what was happening and when I pulled it away, it was too late. I looked forward again, and I had like 3 photographers on me, with their cameras and flashes going a million miles per hour. To this we must add a lot of girls screaming confusing things, talking to each other, and paparazzis calling me, asking me things that could barely be understood like "Ashley, how do the guys treat you? " or "Hey, do you think you and Nathan will be a long-lasting couple? ". I got more sick that I already was in the first place, and I started to poke my head through the crowd, and cursed a thousand times for being so little and I wished I was wearing some high heels, but I was just wearing my fucking Vans, and saw nothing.
I felt like Snow White when she entered the enchanted forest, the people were hovering over me and every time I turned around, somewhere a flash momentarily blinded eyes. I started to hyperventilate and feeling claustrophobic.
—Nathan! —I called once, but I doubt that he heard me, at least everything seemed louder at that moment. —Nathan! Jay?! Kevin?!
Nothing.
I tried to keep walking, but I was blocked on all sides: north, south, east and west. I wondered what the hell celebrities did to get out of these.
Finally I felt a hand that dug into the top of my arm, and I turned around to see who it was.
Jay.
—Ashley? —He made his way through the people and wrapped me in his arms—. You okay?
I could not answer him, instead he guided us through the crowd, and went inside of the airport, which was also flooded with fans, so he spoke to the people in the customs area to see if they could let us in only for a moment while I calmed down. I do not know what they said, I guess they said yes, because when I took my head off his chest, we were behind some glass doors.
—Are you okay? —He asked, lowering down to the level of my face, his chest rising and falling heavily.
—Yes.. yes, I... —I breathed—. What just happened?
He exhaled through his nose. —I'm sorry. It's always like that.
—Always!? —I started to panic again.
—No! —He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me—. No, not always. In Los Angeles and in New York is always worse than all the other airports.
I swallowed and put a lock of my hair behind my ear. I tightened my jaw. —Where are the others?
—They must be with Nano and Big Kev. They should be coming here, because there are lost of people out so when it happens, we usually go through customs and then we check in, only for safety.
I repeatedly nodded and breathed in. Everything was fine, it was just a bad scare.
Suddenly Nathan ran through the doors, and before I could say anything, he hugged me very strong, strangling me.
—Nathan, you're—
He let go of me, his hands still on my shoulders. His eyes were incredibly open, wild. —Are you okay?
—Yes—
—What were you thinking?
—I—
—Are you crazy? It is like jumping into your own death.
—Listen—
—Shit, Ashley, don't do that again.
—Nathan, listen—
—I can not believe you did that.
—But—
—Ash—
—Would you just shut up and listen to her for a second, please?! —Jay raised his voice behind me, and I turned around to see him. I didn't even know what to say.
I turned around again, and Nathan ran his hands through his hair desperately. —All right.
—It was not my intention... I thought that if I walked in alone I wouldn't be seen. And you do not have to be like this. They were just fans, your fans Nathan, they would not be able to do anything to harm you. Take it easy. I'm fine, and we're both exaggerating way too much.
—And what if those fans were part of the group that does not like you? What if they hate you? What if the photographers began to verbally assault you, or something?
—Wow, calm down.
—Calm down? Ashley. Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again.
I frowned, it was ridiculous. —What is it? I'm fine, you don't have to worry.
—What if it had been something worse? I would have never... —he swallowed—. I would have never forgiven myself if something happened to you.
He run his hands through his hair again, and I did not blame him, I knew that he was a little too overprotective, so I hugged him, and after a few moments I felt his arms hugging me in return.
—The next time you stay by Big Kev's side or mine, okay? —He put a lock of hair behind my ear, and he ran his fingers down my cheek.
—I promise.
He was so ridiculously overprotective. But I loved that. I thought it was even cute. And I knew that by his side I was safe... At least I hoped so.
An hour later we were in San Francisco, and we only had one day to go out and see the city —if we wanted to. It was my first time there, so as Nathan's, so it was fun to be in a city that neither of us really knew.
We arrived at around 2 pm, and we only had few hours to do something, so we asked for a map of the city in the lobby and saw where we could go. Jay joined us as well, while the others went to a bar.
In the end we could only go to the Golden Gate Park, where we spent some time getting to know local people and walking around. It was a beautiful park, in fact, the most beautiful I had ever visited: with its flowers with amazing colors and the stunning Japanese Tea Garden.
Since the Sun was setting, we called a taxi to get to see the Golden Gate Bridge closer. It was beautiful, and I would have wished to stay there all night, only that Nano called the lads, telling them they had to return because they had a big day tomorrow. And he was right: rehearsing at the stadium in the morning for a couple of hours, press meetings and radio interviews in the afternoon and the concert in the evening. Even I felt exhausted with that.
We returned to the hotel and Nathan and I said goodnight to Jay as we headed to our room. I went straight to the room and started to go over my schedule for tomorrow. I would have to accompany Nano to get the motorhomes —something for which I was extremely excited— and to several meetings with radio stations to check that everything was well. It turns out that the end of all, I was going to spend more time with Nano than with the guys.
—Ready to get started with this? —I asked Nathan as he rushed into the bed after leaving the bathroom.
—Perhaps I'm the one who should be asking you that. —he lifted an eyebrow and I snuggled up to him.
I rolled my eyes but smiled. —Shut up and go to sleep.
The next morning was quite moved. I tried to get up early, and although I had a hard time getting out of bed, I had to. I woke Nathan up and changed my clothes fast, and I personally went to the door of each of the boys to wake them up. The first rays of sun where just shining when I went to the Starbucks that was in the same block from the hotel to buy coffee for everyone. When I returned with the caffeine, they were all finishing their breakfast in Nano's suite.
—Well boys —Nano said, rubbing his hands together— I think we're ready. You go with Big Kev to the sound check and to test the venue while Ashley and I get the motorhomes. —Tom said something like "wohoo" and Max raised his fist in the air, and I smiled at them, seeing that they were as excited about it as me.
We went down to the lobby again, and all I could think about was how grateful I was that we were no longer going to be spending our time from hotel to hotel, from suite to suite.
Nano and I took a taxi while the others left in the van, but not before I said goodbye to Nathan with a hug, promising that I would see him later.
Contrary to what many people think, Nano is actually very brilliant and funny. Spending time with him wasn't that bad, he's really a good person, only that when he has to work, he gets very serious and that seemed to me something I had to admire of him: his professionalism. And he really loves the guys, it's just that he doesn't really show it.
We headed to the airport, where I assumed that we were going to get our homes for the next 3 months.
—And, Ashley... How are things with Nathan?
—Huh? —The question caught me off guard while I watched the streetscapes of San Francisco—. Well, uh, good, I think.
—You don't sound very sure about it. —Nano said with a frown on.
—We're fine, really.
—You don't know how many people have called to interview you both.
—What? —I turned my head towards him totally—. Are you...? Are you serious?
Nano nodded. —Nathan did not want to tell you. But I think you that you already know.
—Oh. —I didn't know what else to say—. Sure, that's fine.
—What do you think about that?
—Well I think it's fine. I'm not a fan of giving interviews.
Nano shrugged. —I think that's why Nathan didn't want to tell you. —He looked at me, and I half-smiled—. Good to see that Nathan is not a little girl after all.
—You're talking about my boyfriend there, you know. —I said jokingly.
He shrugged again.
The driver suddenly parked in front of the door of the international arrivals of terminal 2 of the airport, where Nano paid him and then we left.
—I suppose that our man should be here. —Nano said as he took off his sunglasses, looking at his surroundings.
—Hey, Nano? —Suddenly a gentleman with a dress shirt and with tasteful shoes said behind us, and we both turned around. He offered his hand to Nano and and he took it.
—Austin, right?
—Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you. —Austin confirmed and then turned to me—. And who is this lovely girl?
—She is Ashley, my personal assistant. —Nano introduced me and Austin and I shook hands.
—Well, follow me here. —Austin said as he turned around and led us to the parking lot.
Nano and he started a small talk about how was the weather and business issues, and I felt super uncomfortable, but that's very common for me. Suddenly we arrived to where the motorhomes were parked, and I just wanted to get to see them.
—Well, here we are. You can go inside and check them out, and then we can sign the contract. —Austin gave us one of those million-dollar smiles.
—Perfect, are you coming with me Ashley? —Nano said before entering, and I almost said something like "sure, idiot" but I just nodded for my own good.
Anyway, that was probably one of the best places I had been in my life. It was all so, so luxurious. The floor was made out of white ceramic and lights shone on them, and it gave me the impression that my face would also be reflected on the surfaces because everything looked so clean. I raised my eyes and saw that there were scenic windows at each side along the length of the motorhome.
On my left hand, just as I entered, there was a little living room with white leather furniture with beige or brown details that faced a flat screen TV like the one Josh had in his room.
After that you found the kitchen, with granite counters and polished wood cabinets. There was also a half-moon shaped eating booth to eat, also made of granite with a table where a vase of white flowers rested.
After the kitchen, there was a set of French doors which I opened to find the first beds. On each side of the aisle there were double bunks, only that they looked like they were coming out directly from the walls of the motorhome. Each bed had its own red velvet curtain to slide for privacy, and seeing that, I thought it was a cozy place to sleep.
I kept walking only to find the bathroom. I opened the door and that was almost more beautiful than a normal house's bathroom. Small, yes, but very clean and bright. In the corner, there was a shower with glass doors and stuck to the wall there was a sink with a stainless steel faucet.
Then there was another set of French doors, which gave way to the main room. The first thing I noticed was that the bed was huge and that it looked fluffy, just as I liked it. I also saw that the room, on either side of it, had panoramic polarized windows, and you could see the whole landscape around you. I was extremely grateful for that. As the bed took up most of the place, there was only room for a small bedside table on the left side of the bed, where a super modern white lamp lied. On the wall, there was a smaller TV screen than the one of the living room, but still. In the left corner was a door that probably led to the bathroom, and I much appreciated that, because I realized that I wouldn't have to share the bathroom with the guys.
I went back to the front of the bus, where Nano was talking to a man who was not Austin. They both turned to me when I entered the room.
—Is everything all right?—Nano asked.
—Yes, everything's perfect. —I smiled.
Nano nodded once. —Ashley, I want you to meet Jose. —He said and looked at the person who was with him—. Jose will be our driver for all these months.
I approached him and shook his hand. I saw that Jose looked really latino. He had a mustache and his eyes were surrounded by fine lines. His eyes were brown like his hair. He looked pretty friendly.
After that Nano introduced me to the other motorhome driver, his name was Hank and he also looked very nice. Nano went to sign the contract and he told me that meanwhile I could be calling a taxi to get back.
After we spend at least an hour in San Francisco's traffic, we got to the first radio station, where we met the team and waited for the boys to arrive.
In the end, the day went like that, from one side to another, from one taxi to another. With just a few hours away from the concert, Nano asked me to pick up some things in the hotel. When I returned I found it almost impossible to get in as many people were there and the streets surrounding the stadium were full of cars. I had to get off the taxi and walk 3 blocks to enter, and when I finally reached the door, I realized that I had left my backstage pass with my stuff in the band's dressing room. I called Nano so he could come and get me and at the end I was able to get in.
I didn't necessarily have very high energies, but still when the concert ended I helped the team to pick up some things while Big Kev left the venue rapidly with the boys to drive a few laps around the city for safety before going to the hotel. What I did not like was that I was hardly able to be with Nathan for about 5 minutes, but I think it's true what they say: you can not mix love with the job.
—Wow... This is nicer than my own house. —Tom said as he walked through the motorhome.
He was pretty right.
After we loaded all of our luggage to the buses and each of the guys chose their bed, we all hopped on one to spend the first trip together. In fact, I was sure that it was going to be like that all the tour, and we were only going to separate to sleep because Nano wanted the boys to spend as much time as they could together, because he argued that they have better chemistry on stage and give a better show.
—How did yesterday go? —Nathan asked as he sat beside me. I was watching how Jay and Siva settled their precious Playstation on the TV. At least I was going to have nice videogame partners.
—I got a little tired, I guess. If I have to do it every day... I guess I'll get used to it.
Nathan looked at me for a moment, then spread his arms open, inviting me. —C'mere.
He wrapped me in his arms from behind, and I sat between his legs, my head resting on his chest. He played with my hair as I watched the trees of the highway through the window at my side.
—You're occupying the whole damn couch, why don't go to the bed already? —Tom said and I picked up my legs so he could sit down.
I knew that it bothered Nathan when they said things like that, and I knew that that time was no exception because I felt how he tensed under me.
—Leave them alone, Tom. They are still in their honeymoon stage. —Siva said cleaning his hands in his pants.
I could hardly hear Nathan whispering "thank you" under his breath.
About 5 hours later we were back in Los Angeles, and yes, it seems crazy to leave the city to return again, but it was what it said on the schedule.
That night we parked the motorhome at an RV park and slept until the next day, which I must say was not very different from San Francisco: the guys did the soundcheck in the concert venue and also did interviews, especially one that I really liked.
They had been invited to Ryan Seacrest's radio show, which I found a bit unbelievable, and I think that you could say that if Ryan Seacrest invites you to his program, you have succeeded in America. Anyway, the boys were in the cabin talking to Ryan, while Nano, the other producers and workers and I were out in the control room looking inside through the glass that faced the same cabin, when Ryan asked about me.
First of all, I ran out of air. I couldn't believe that he was asking about me, about me.
Second, I looked around me to confirm if he indeed asked about me or if it was just me going crazy, but they all continued with their eyes glued to the glass and I felt ridiculous. I tried to put another monotonous face.
—I know that she's standing out there, so you can't deny it. —Ryan joked when a single "uhh" as a reply came out of Nathan's mouth.
Suddenly Nathan turned around to see me, as if he was asking for my permission. I did not know what to do, and it's not like I care much either, so I shrugged. The last thing I saw before he turned around again was a small smile on his lips.
—She is the most wonderful person I've ever met. She literally walks into a room and lights it up. She is very funny and a nice person, and we all like her —all the guys, our bodyguard, our manager... I'm really lucky to have her.
He was so kind, I just wanted to hug him.
—How long have you two been together?
—Emm, I've known her since forever, and last year we went out for a few months, but I think this year we have been together for... Well, I do not know, a month and a half at most. We are new in this thing.
—Good luck with that. —Ryan ended.
First thing I did when the interview ended was to push everyone away and find Nathan. I hugged him and stole a kiss from him.
—I was going to apologize for saying maybe a little too much, but I think you do not mind.
—Are you serious? You are so sweet... That was very cute. Oh, and I have to get used to this.
Next thing I knew was that we were in Anaheim, and Jay, Nathan and I walked the streets of Disneyland. It was the first completely free day since we had started with this, and instead of staying to rest as the others did, we preferred to go out for a walk. I tried that Jay didn't feel uncomfortable with us, —I knew what it was like first hand, I had experienced it when I went out with Roxanne and Josh—, and I knew that Nathan wasn't amused by it, because I didn't let him kiss me, I felt that maybe it was a bit rough to do it in front of Jay.
I was also impressed by the amount of fans that there were. I mean, the whole country was on summer, and I must say that California will always be one of the most famous places to spend the summer. But it was ridiculous, and I felt a little strange. Literally, the people activated their cameras when we walked by, and that detestable "click" sounded everywhere. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but it was very nice to see the guys joking and sharing with their fans.
In the last hours of the afternoon we decided to return to Anaheim's Honda Center, the concert venue where the motorhome was parked.
I threw myself on the bed just as Nathan closed the door behind us but I stood up again to change my clothes, but just as I was putting on my short, Nathan grabbed me by my arm and pulled me to the bed, where I fell right to his side.
—Can I kiss you now?
It was impossible not to smile. —I'm all yours.
I watched as he raised an eyebrow. —So you're all mine, eh? —I was going to answer that one, but I couldn't because he kissed me, something that came to me as a surprise as weird as it sounds, because it was so passionate, and he was always very subtle. He seemed desperate.
When I felt him playing with the hem of my shirt I backed off a little. —Hey, calm down tiger.
—You —he kissed me in the base of my neck—. Can not say that —he kissed me just below my jaw—. Because you said —he planted small kisses on my jaw line—. That you were all mine. —He looked at me for a few seconds in the eyes, leaving me breathless.
—Remind me that I have to think the things I say to you before I actually tell you. —this time I was the one to put my hand on the back of his neck, tangling my hands with his hair, to bring him closer to me and I kissed him.
—You know how damn happy it makes me to see you talking to the fans, smiling at them, getting along with them, and all of that?
—Really?
—I think that you look so... so... —He looked at me in the eyes again— sexy when you do it.
I poker-faced him. —Don't start with this. Please.
He smiled widely. —Start with what? —He buried his face in my neck and started kissing me there.
—Don't do it, please.
He backed off again to see me in the face. —Why is it that when you do it to me I don't tell you to stop? It's pretty unfair. —he brushed his lips against mine on purpose.
—Because...—I took air—. Because you're a man.
—Thanks for noticing.
He slid his hands under my shirt. —Oh, come on Nathan, our boss is somewhere outside.
—That makes it more interesting.
—Don't—
—You can't resist it.
I would not let him have control of the situation, so with a quick movement I sat astride over him, extending my hands on either side of his head. He raised his eyebrows.
—I'm not going to let me do this to me. —I went down and kissed him, and the next thing I knew, was that he got up quickly from the bed and locked the door, and even though the glasses were polarized and nothing could be seen from the outside, he took a control from the small night table and lowered the blinds.
He returned to the bed and put his hand on the curve of my neck, holding me firm to kiss me. His free hand went down my body and slipped under my shirt again, and I felt dizzy even though my eyes were closed. Damn, he had such an effect on me.
It didn't take him long to take off my clothes, and then I started to get goosebumps and I felt rather blushy. I also left him shirtless and I stopped kissing him for a moment. I looked at his face and he was closing his eyes tightly. It was strange. I put my hands on his cheeks and my thumb stroked his warm skin.
—Hey, it's okay, you are allowed to see me. —I whispered softly near him.
Nothing happened for a moment, I only saw that his eyes slightly loosened.
—Nath, come on, don't be so ridiculous.
—It does not seem appropriate.
I rolled my eyes and smiled. He was such a prude. —God, I'm your girlfriend. I'm giving you the right. And it would be unfair, because I always take a look at you.
Slowly but determinedly, he raised his eyelids and looked at me in the eyes. —Really?
—Yes, I always do it, silly. —I kissed him, as sweet and tender as I could and then I pulled back again to see his eyes. I tried not to shiver as he gazed down my body, from my neck to my bare stomach, from my exposed legs to my feet tangled with the white sheet.
—You're so... gorgeous. —he looked my eyes again, and I tried not to smile but could not bare it—, and pretty, and lovely, and beautiful, and cute, and spectacular. —with every word he moved closer to me, until there was almost no space between us.
—I thought we had left this extreme sentimentalism aside.
His expression changed. —You know how many days I've spent with you since we are together? Barely 12, and it's not like I've been with you all day, I've just literally spend a few hours with you. So I do not care what you say, as you said before, you're all mine and I can call you whatever I feel like calling you.
I didn't know if that was good or bad: a man who knew what he wanted. But I did not care. I liked it.
«I don't care what people say when we're together, you know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep. I just want it to be you and I forever, I know you wanna leave, so come on baby be with me so happily.»