November 6, 2014
- Freddie's POV -
I didn't feel like doing anything anymore. Julia wasn't talking to me so I didn't really see a reason to take care of myself- I had no reason to be okay if she wasn't. She was my reason to keep going and now she hated me.
I liked to lay in bed, with my baby- she liked to move around and stuff, maybe she was hungry because I stopped having an appetite.
My phone buzzed and it startled me. I rolled over and I got it off of the bedside table.
From: Julia 🌸
Are you awake?
I didn't know why she was suddenly talking to me and why she wouldn't just come into my room...
From: Me
Yeah. Why?
From: Julia 🌸
But it's 4:30 in the morning? I wasn't expecting you to be awake...
From: Me
Just tell me what you want, im tired.
I stared at the three dots for a long, long time. After several minutes, a message popped up that made my heart leap:
From: Julia 🌸
Can I come into your bed? I had a nightmare...
Oh, now she wanted me.
From: Me
Of course. You're always welcomed here 😘
I put my phone back on the charger and I watched the door. Sure- I was still upset with her because she was mad at me, and I was positive that she was still upset, but she had a nightmare and she needed me so I needed to grow up for a while.
"Hi, sweetie." I smiled when she slowly walked into the room.
"I'm still not talking to you." She muttered then she climbed onto my bed.
Why was she sleeping with me if she wasn't going to talk to me?
"Okay." I whispered then I tried to spoon her.
"Can you turn around, please?" She never asked me to turn around, she always sunk back into my touch and she'd give me a little snuggle movement back.
"I- sure." I breathed out then I rolled onto my other side- I just wanted to be friends with her again.
I gently tickled my own arm for a while, in efforts to get myself to sleep. I listened to Julia's breathing and it slowly turned into soft snoring- the snores were barely there but they were so sweet. I grabbed my sketchbook from the bedside table and I turned on my lamp- I wasn't going to sleep so I might as well have done something productive.
I carefully outlined Julia's sleeping form then I started really filling out her face. She hated it when I drew her but I had so many drawings that she didn't know about.
Julia was so adorable when she slept, she was quiet and she would smile every once and a while- I could easily get along with this Julia.
Being pregnant made sketching in bed so much easier. I could just rest my book in the crevice between my bump and my chest then my bump was like a little table when I needed it to be. There were definitely some perks to this whole thing- a baby and a built in table.
My phone started vibrating and it honestly made me jump a bit. I quickly took it off of the counter and I read the caller ID, it said: Baby Daddy 😏😍
"Hello?" I answered with a small smile.
"Hey, baby, what are you doing up?" Why were all of these people texting and calling me if they didn't want me to be awake?!
"Because your baby is making my insides a football field." I giggled while I rubbed my stomach. "Why are you awake? It's 5:00." I quietly put my sketchbook back on the bedside table- it'd have to wait to be finished.
"I wanted to leave you a cute message to wake up to, you ruined it." Jim chuckled. "And I wanted to check on my baby girl." He cooed and I hummed.
"She's fine, she's giving me killer heartburn but apparently it means she'll have lots of hair." I lowered my voice because Julia was starting to stir and make noise.
"And how's Julia now?" He asked, quietly.
"She uh, she's in bed with me right now but she won't let me talk to her or look at her." I peered over my shoulder and she was now turned to face me. "When will you be home?" I didn't want him to ask me questions about what I was eating and stuff because I only had some small pieces of chicken on Wednesday- it was Friday and I hadn't eaten much of anything, I stayed hydrated but I wasn't really eating.
"Well I'm planning on leaving in a few minutes then I should be back by 8 or 9." Jim sighed- it was a long weekend so I didn't have to work, I got to stay home and wait for Jim.
"Only a couple more hours before I get to hug you again!" I let out a small squeal and Julia groaned. "Oh hush up." I scolded my sleeping
"Why is she sleeping with you if she's being a brat?" Jim grunted- he must've been moving things onto the suitcase cart.
"Because she's still my baby- even if she is being a brat." I sighed while I gently patted her curly red hair down. "I can't stop loving her because she's being mean." I smiled while I moved my hand from her head to my belly.
"How much did you eat while I was gone?" He always asked that because of everything that happened with James- he was convinced that I wouldn't eat if I was left alone.
"Uh... Cathy brought chicken on Wednesday and Roger made me a sandwich. I picked the chicken out of it- that's the last time I had an actual meal type thing." I breathed out- I couldn't lie to him. "But I'm still taking all of my baby vitamins and I have a little something every few hours." I sighed.
"Freddie, you only are the chicken out of a sandwich?! That's not enough food for you and a baby!" Jim exclaimed. "Where was Julia at dinner time? She's supposed to be watching you!" He groaned.
"She went to John and Veronica's." I spoke softly, again, because it was like she was going to wake up again. "I'll tell you everything when you get home, she's starting to wake up." I breathed out.
"I have to have a little talk with her when I get home." My boyfriend muttered, angrily- this was going to be awful.
"Honey, when you come home, take it easy on her- all of this is my fault anyways." I mumbled while I rubbed my belly.
"I don't care who's fault it was- you're pregnant and I told her to watch you while I was away, you can't do too much on your own anymore." That stung a bit.
"Jim, I am perfectly capable to take care of myself. I'm a grown ass man, I'm sure I can figure it out." I huffed.
"Grown ass men don't skip meals because their daughters won't talk to them." Fuck him, he was being stupid.
I stopped talking because I couldn't believe what he just said- that was too far. He knew that I had issues with the whole eating thing and how it all depended on how I felt- I felt worthless so I didn't need to eat.
"I'm sorry." Jim whispered. "I'm just... I'm mad at Julia because she did that to you and now I'm just taking it out on you." He breathed out and I smiled a bit.
"It's okay." I whispered back then Julia sat up. "Listen, I have to go but I'll see you later." I smiled while she rubbed her eyes.
"I love you." Jim sounded happier than he did 30 seconds ago, which was probably a good thing.
"I love you, too." I made a kissy noise into the phone then Jim and I hung up. "Did you sleep well?" She wasn't glaring at me so maybe she would talk to me.
"I slept fine, yeah." Julia muttered while she pulled her knees up to her chest.
"Are you going to talk to me now? I've apologized a bajillion times and I don't know what else you want from me." I whined while I pulled the blankets up to my chin.
"I'm still mad at you." My daughter whispered while she rested her cheek on her knees.
"Maybe I'm mad at you." I scoffed then I pushed her over- she was all folded up so she just flopped. "See? You deserved that- it's karma because you're being awful." I gave her a little smile and she looked like she was struggling to keep her frown. "Don't smile, Julia, don't you dare smile at me." I giggled while Julia sat up.
"Shut up." She covered her mouth so I wouldn't see her smiling at me. "I'm going to shower." She huffed then she went to my bathroom.
I made my baby smile.
--
I stayed in bed and I listened to Julia sing in the shower- she was so adorable. She always sang in the shower, her music was playing on her phone and she would sing along- it was my favourite thing.
After a while, the bedroom door opened and Jim walked in- I actually started crying.
"Why are you crying?" My boyfriend laughed while he crawled on to the bed.
"I'm crying because I missed you." I cried while I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I missed you, too." He kissed my cheek then he flopped onto his side of the bed. "How about we go and make some breakfast, huh?" He asked and I nodded. "Good, we need to feed our baby because someone was being really moody and stubborn." He rolled his eyes while he poked my belly- I just giggled.
Jim and I got out of bed then we went down to the kitchen. Julia was still showering but she would join us when she was ready.
"What does Baby Nug-Face want for breakfast?" My boyfriend asked while he looked through the fridge.
"I dunno. Grilled cheese." I shrugged while I traced a small design into the countertop.
"Grilled cheese? At 9:30?" Jim laughed and I nodded. "Fine, we're having grilled cheese for breakfast." He smiled then he started making it.
Julia came down the stairs after a while, jim was still busy making us grilled cheese so he didn't even notice.
"Hi, sweetie." I whispered and she just nodded.
Julia sat at the stool next to mine and I started braiding her hair- she didn't seem as mad but I still felt awful.
"Freddie, eat all of it- I don't want any excuses." Jim nodded while he turned around. "Julia." He frowned when he saw her.
I put Julia's hair back and she looked scared- Jim was horrifying when he was angry.
"Julia Maisie Hutton, where do I even start with you?" He muttered while he walked out from behind the island counter.
"Jim, calm down." I mumbled but he put his hand up to me.
"You made your Mother shovel the driveway and exhaust himself because of some stupid pet name thing?!" My boyfriend exclaimed and Julia slowly stood up.
"I DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE I WAS AT JOHN'S! MUM AND I WERE FIGHTING AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE HOUSE!" Julia started yelling and I really didn't know where it was all coming from.
I started muttering about how it was my fault, not Julia's, but Jim didn't seem to notice me. It really was my fault- I said something stupid and she got teased.
"Do not raise your voice at me, young lady!" Jim scolded- I felt so awkward. "Listen to me, you know better than that! I told you that you needed to watch your Mother- he hasn't eaten since Wednesday!"
"Jim, that isn't her fault." I whispered.
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR TWO BLOODY SECONDS?!" Jim yelled while he turned to face me- I actually stopped breathing for a second, he never yelled at me.
"You haven't been eating, Mum?" Julia whispered and I shook my head, to say that I hadn't been.
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT, YOU WEREN'T HERE TO WATCH HIM! HE'S PREGNANT!" Jim was so mad that he didn't even realize that he yelled at me earlier.
"I'M SORRY THAT I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THIS! I DON'T GET OFF TO IT SO I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT!" That was honestly shocking.
Jim opened his mouth to yell something back but what Julia said next shocked the both of us so much that we had no words:
"YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL PARENTS, YOU'RE GETTING YOUR OWN BABY AND THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT!" Her face was bright red and she had tears streaming down her cheeks.
I tried to say something but she ran up to her room. Jim was clenching his fists and angrily muttering things to himself.
"Jim, relax. She's just stressed and you're both angry so you don't know what you're saying." I held his forearm to try to calm him down but it really wasn't working.
"She knows what she said, Freddie, she said that we aren't her real parents!" My boyfriend exclaimed.
"And you told me to shut up." I said, under my breath.
"I told you to shut up?" Whenever he was mad, he didn't really realize what he was saying.
"Yeah, you were yelling and I was telling you that it wasn't her fault then you told me to shut up." I played with my fingers while I spoke- I didn't want him to be mad at me.
"I'm so sorry." Jim breathed out. "Are you okay? I really didn't mean to, I was just... I was mad." He dropped his hand to hold mine and I gave him a little smile.
"I'm fine." I shrugged. "I just don't think that Julia's fine." I really felt awful because she was bawling- I hated seeing her cry. "I'm going to take her some food." I nodded then I grabbed the plate that Jim made for her.
It sounded like Jim was saying something in protest but I ignored him. He had honestly been home for like an hour and he was already causing trouble.
"Knock, knock." I whispered when I walked into Julia's room- she was sitting on her bed and she was hugging a pillow, it was so sad. "I brought you some breakfast grilled cheese." I giggled when I held the plate out to her.
"I'm not hungry, you can have it." Her voice was so stale, it was literally hurting me.
"I don't want it either." I chuckled while I put it on her bedside table. "Do you want to talk about what just happened?" I asked, quietly. "Why were you so mad at me?" Maybe Jim and her fighting was good for us- we were finally talking.
"Because I got made fun of when you called me sweetheart." My daughter whispered while we laid back on her pillows.
"Who made fun of you?" I actually felt awful now- this really was all my fault.
"All of the kids in art- even Andrew." She rolled over and she cried into my chest. "He laughed at me after class and he said that we were dating!" Oh, this was awful.
"Hey, I'm not an awful boyfriend- just ask your Dad." I giggled then Julia looked up at me with a little smile. "So it wasn't your sister that was making you so upset?" I asked while I put my hand on my belly.
"No, I can't hate Baby Nug-Face." She chuckled while she put her hand on top of mine. "I mean, it's weird and stuff and I feel like you're going to focus on her more than me but I still love her." Julia smiled then the baby kicked at our hands. "I think she's hungry- why haven't you been eating?" I knew that she was going to ask this sooner or later.
"I don't know- it kind of started with James. Whenever something happens with one of my kids then I don't feel like I need to live anymore so my body just stops doing things like eating." I shrugged. "But I'll eat now because you're okay." It was so weird. "So do you like this Andrew kid?" I asked, teasingly.
"Yeah." Julia muttered while a deep blush creeped up her face. "He's really cute." She giggled and I smiled.
"I can't agree with you because I teach him but you should definitely go for it- don't tell your Dad though." Jim didn't want Julia dating until she was 16, it was understandable- he was such a Dad.
"I won't tell Dad." She laughed, softly.
"You know that your Dad and I love you more than anything, right?" I asked and she nodded. "And you know that we adopted you which makes us your legal parents?" I laughed and she smiled. "And we love you like you were our own, I promise. Having the baby won't change any of that." I kissed her temple and she sniffled.
"Can we take Leo for a walk?" She whispered and I nodded.
"Help your pregnant Mother off of your bed." I stuck my hand out and Julia grunted as she helped me up. "Can Dad come with us?" I asked while I slung my arm over her shoulder.
"Just as long as he doesn't fight with me." She awkwardly cleared her throat after- I felt like she was going to cry.
"He won't fight with you, I promise." I hummed then we walked down the stairs. "Jim, we're taking Leo for a walk and you're coming because you've been out of town all week." I smacked his ass when I walked behind him and he yelped.
"Okay, okay, let's go and get you into your Winter gear." My boyfriend laughed while he put the dishrag down.
Jim helped me with my boots and he managed to stuff me into a jacket. It was a tight squeeze which meant we had to do some shopping. Julia put little boots on Leo then a leash and we all walked out.
"It's so nice out." Jim smiled while he reached down to hold my, mitten covered, hand.
"Yeah, the snow was pretty awful the other day." I muttered while I looked at all of the houses- people were already setting up Christmas lights. "Julia, slow down!" I called when she started running with the dog- she was going to slip.
"She's fine." The older man hummed while he swung our arms back and forth. "What did she say when you went to talk to her?"
"The boy she likes laughed at her and assumed that her and I were dating because I called her 'sweet heart'." I sighed while I fixed my scarf.
"That's so awful. Maybe I should go down to the school and give him a little piece of my mind." Jim shook his head and I giggled.
"Don't come down to my school, they don't let ugly people in." I laughed and Jim gasped, dramatically.
"You think I'm ugly? You really think I'm ugly?!" He exclaimed then he grabbed some snow out of a snowbank and he threw a snowball at my belly- he didn't actually mean to throw it there and it didn't hurt at all, it was fine.
"Jim!" I exclaimed then I tried to bend over to get a bit of snow. "I can't get the snow, the jacket is too tight." I whined with a small laugh then Julia walked back over and she made a snowball for me. "Thanks sweetie." I kissed her hatted head and she nodded.
I threw the snowball at Jim and he squealed. He threw one back then Julia joined in, this went on until Jim hit the window of the house we were in front of.
"Hey, can you three quit abusing my window?" An elderly woman hollered while she hobbled out of her house.
"Sorry, Mrs. Ross- it was all Jim's fault." I tried to act all innocent because Mrs. Ross liked me and she'd always bring me food.
"Sorry, Mrs. Ross." Jim nodded then she went back into her house. "I hate you." He laughed while he pulled me into him.
I loved him, too.