Chapter 10 – Let her go
Dear Ashley,
You've seemed so different recently
You smile and you laugh as you hang out with your friends
I never thought I'd see you with another friend
You seemed so broken and it broke my heart
I'm glad to see someone managed to fix you
- Yours Truly
She smiled as she tucked the letter into the pocket with the others.
She kept telling herself she'd get rid of them. They were sort of stalker-ish, but she just couldn't do it.
When she was alone they were there, and that's what she needed most.
The school day had gone by so slowly she thought she'd die of old age before she ever got out of there.
"Hey Ashley, what are you doing this afternoon?"
She shrugged. "I kind of need to show up at work so Laura doesn't think I quit. I left there on pretty bad terms and I need to fix the problems I created."
Julian nodded just as Scott came up behind him. "Did you tell her?"
Scott glared at Julian, but glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Tell me what?" Her brow rose as a light pink color tinted Scott's cheeks and he looked away.
"It’s nothing. But have you looked at your calendar recently?"
Her eyes widened at the sudden subject change, but shook her head. "Why would I look at the calendar? I already know what today is."
Julian chuckled but quickly made his escape.
"Well, I've been watching the moon's phases and tonight is a new moon. It’s easier to just look at a calendar, but I guess I like doing it the old fashioned way." He shrugged as if it were normal.
"You like sitting outside watching a moon all night?"
He chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. "I use a telescope." He sounded so dorky it had Ashley smiling.
"That makes it so much better."
He rolled his eyes as he put his arm on her shoulders. He seemed to like doing that a lot, but she wasn't going to complain. She secretly liked the excuse to be near him. He provided her with a sense of safety that, as far as she could remember, she had never felt.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Verden with me tonight. Neither one of us would have to worry about staying together, and besides, we have the rope tied to us. I can help you learn more without having to worry too much. Maybe we can hone in your abilities."
She stared at him. "You're kidding right? We just came back and you want to go there again? Do you not remember what happened last time?"
He pulled her out of the school and towards his car. "I'm sure no one is looking for you by now. Since we left weeks have gone by."
"Weeks?" Her eyes bugged. "How did so much time pass? Not even twenty-four hours has passed here. How did weeks pass there?"
He chuckled and opened the passenger side door.
"I believe I told you the time was different. I actually planned on staying there for about a week and we would've made it back in time for dinner. As it was, the few hours we were there, were only minutes here. I haven't figured out the exact ratio of the times, but I do know a few weeks pass when we live a day here."
Feeling slightly numb, she slid into the passenger seat.
She couldn't believe so much time could pass. If she were there for a year, in their time, how much time would pass here? She could live a full life there and come back here to live another life.
Would her body age while she was gone? Would someone assume her dead if she were gone for too long?
"Ashley, are you okay?" Someone grabbed her hand, sending shocks through her.
"Will that ever stop happening?"
He sighed and let go of her. "I don't know. I don't think it’s ever happened with a Secret and Holder before, except the first time they have contact. That's kind of how we know who you are." He shrugged and started the car. “So where to?”
She was silent as she wondered if she should tell him where she worked. He still didn’t know, but they were friends now, right? “How do I know I can trust you with the address of where I work?”
He looked at her in surprise. “You’re kidding me, right?”
She shook her head, barely managing to keep her smile hidden. “You’re the one that gave me the rose and lied about its meaning.”
He groaned, hitting his head on the back of the seat. “You said you were over that. You said it didn’t matter anymore.”
Anger coursed through her as she turned in her seat to face him. “I can’t believe you thought I would let you go that easily. You knew how hard it was for me to trust someone, and just when I start to give you my trust, you betray it. You lied to me. It may have been something small, but how do I know it won’t grow into something that could possibly be life threatening? How do I know you’ll keep me safe when we go to the other world? How do I know that when you stopped me, you didn’t stop me from doing something I was meant to do? How can I trust you?”
His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open.
“If you can’t give me any reason to trust you, then I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can.” She pushed open the door and started climbing out. A small part of her was screaming at her to cut it out and let him explain, but a bigger part, the hurt part, told her she was doing the right thing.
She had promised to stop pushing people away, but there was nothing else she could do. Scott had betrayed her. Something like a flower didn’t mean much, but if you were using the meaning behind it, it obviously would mean a lot, and he had lied. He gave her a rose meaning love and commitment and asked for friendship.
Did he have something more planned for the future? Was he going to try and lure her into his arms and keep her there? Was he going to hurt her?
She shook her head as she walked away. She wouldn’t let that happen. She wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her ever again. For far too long she had let people walk all over her, and it was time to end it.
Just as she reached the end of the parking lot a car drove up beside her, a very familiar black car with a very annoying driver in it, to be more specific.
“Ashley, please, just let me explain. I never meant to hurt you. I promise I would never do something like that.”
“Oh, but you already did. I trusted you Scott, and you lied.” As she continued walking the car stayed with her.
“What can I do to get you to trust me again?”
She stopped and finally turned to face him. “Don’t you remember what I said Scott? I only have so much trust to give. Once it’s gone its gone.” She could see the fear in his eyes, but she easily ignored it. “You’ve lost it Scott. I don’t know if there’s a way to get it back. I just can’t believe I trusted you.”
This time as she continued walking, he didn’t follow her. He sat in his car staring ahead, looking as if he had just been slapped.
“It’s for the best Ashley. He wanted more than you could give and it’s always better to push them away than give them false hope.” Even with her own reassurance, she still doubted that it was the right decision.
Was it right that she had acted with her anger? Probably not. Would she regret what she did later? Possibly. Did she want to go back and change what she did? Most definitely not.
She had made her choice and was going to stand by it. Whether it hurt or not, it was what she decided. If she couldn’t trust her own decision, what could she trust?
Pulling out her phone, she searched through her contacts for the one she was looking for. Finding it, she pressed the call button and put it to her ear as she waited for them to answer.
“Hey, I’m so glad you called. I was getting really worried that you wouldn’t show. I’m so glad you’re okay.” She paused to take another breath. “You’re coming in today, right? You’re not calling to say you quit?”
Ashley smiled at how nervous she wounded. “I don’t want to quit, but I wanted to call to say I can’t come into work today. There’s something I have to do. Is that all right?”
She heard a bit of shuffling around before the mic was covered. Muffled voices carried through the speaker, but not enough for her to make it out.
“Um, Ashley, would it be all right if you just came in for like ten minutes? I have something I wanted to show you and it can’t really wait till tomorrow. Please? It’ll only take ten minutes, I promise.”
With an inward groan she agreed, changing her course to head to work. “Only ten minutes.”
Laura laughed and cheered before quickly saying goodbye.
Chuckling, Ashley shook her head and pulled up the next number. It was the same process until they answered.
“Hey Ash, I’m with Little A right now. Please come and save me. She’s been asking about you nonstop since she got here. I’m going to go insane if you don’t get here.”
“I wanna talk to her! Give me the phone. Let me talk to her!” The little voice on the other end had her laughing.
“Let me talk to her for you Julian.” He sighed in relief and she heard as the phone was moved around.
“Ashley, is it really you?”
“Yes Little A, it’s really me. I hear you’re driving Julian mad.”
She giggled and whispered her reply. “It was really funny.”
Chuckling, Ashley glanced around before crossing the street. “I bet it was. It would’ve been fun to be there to see it.”
She heard a little sigh that sounded just too adorable. “Can you come over?”
“I’m sorry Little A, but I have to go to work right now. Give Julian back the phone so I can talk to him for a moment please?”
“Okay…” Her little voice sounded on the verge of tears and Ashley nearly smacked herself.
“What’d you say to the poor child? She’s about to cry and all her energy has just vanished.”
“I’m sorry Julian, but I can’t deal with that right now. Do you know what the rose means on Verden?”
He groaned. “What did Scott do?”
She walked into the diner, passed all the surprisingly empty tables, and into the kitchen. “He-“
“Surprise!” Confetti was thrown at her and she looked around in confusion at all the people. There had never once been a time where all the employees were in the kitchen at one time.
“I’m so glad you’re still going to work with us!” Laura threw her arms around her, almost knocking Ashley over.
“What is all this about?” There was a ‘welcome back’ banner over the stove, which she thought was a danger, but didn’t comment on it, and everyone was holding cups and chatting loudly.
“It’s sort of a welcome back party for you. I know it’s only been a few days, but it sure felt like forever waiting for you to make your decision. I could’ve sworn a few days had gone by and yet it was only a few hours. Gosh, time is such a weird thing.”
She had to agree on that one, though Laura didn’t know just how right she really was. There was a whole other world where days passed by in moments.
"So I'm still not sure what's going on? Why isn't anyone working? Why did you decide to throw me a party?"
She chuckled and pulled her over to a table with a water cooler.
"We were worried you'd quit and actually planned it as a please come back party, but since you said you were going to stay and everyone was already here, we did this." She shrugged as if it were no big deal. “Here, have a drink.”
“Laura, are you crazy? You know I don’t do parties. And besides, you said it would only take ten minutes. I have somewhere I really need to be.”
“Is that someone on the phone with you?”
Surprise ran through her as she realized Julian was still on the phone. “Oh my gosh, excuse me.” She left the kitchen and into the empty area just outside as she put the phone to her ear.
“I could say anything because you’re not listening to me right now. Dinosaurs are pink. My butt is harry. Scott has a huge crush on you.”
A gasp escaped her lips at hearing the last one. “You’ve got to be kidding me Julian.”
Silence met her on the other end.
“You were kidding, right?” Her voice sounded so hopeful it made her sick.
“You weren’t supposed to be listening to me. I heard a party going on from your end and figured you had forgotten I was even on the phone. Scott is going to kill me.” He sighed. “Can you pretend I never said that?”
She shook her head, feeling aggravated. “I don’t care. Right now all I need is to know how to sneak into your dad’s house. You mentioned secret entrances. Are there more than just the one to Scott’s room?”
"Of course there's more than one. Do you really think we'd be stupid enough to build the place with only one entrance, and to Scott's room of all places? What did you have in mind?"
She actually hadn't thought that far ahead. All she had planned for was to get Julian to take her through one of the secret entrances.
"Um, do you know of somewhere quiet almost no one goes, especially Scott?"
It was silent as he, from what she assumed, thought about it.
"There is one room..."
"Good, can you take me there?"
He hesitated and she knew he was starting to wonder whether it was a smart idea. "What did Scott do?"
Glancing behind her, she noticed Laura was watching her. Moving the mouth piece from her mouth, she faced her. "I've got to go Laura. Thanks for the party, but I really can't stay."
She nodded and waved her away, giving her one last smile before joining the party.
"Scott lied to me. He used my interest in Verden to trick me. He lied to me." Some of her pain and anger leaked into her voice and she silently berated herself for becoming so weak.
"The rose." It sounded as if he finally understood everything. "Are you planning on doing something to him? Want me to help set up a major prank."
She shook her head, but then realized he couldn't see her. "No, all I want you to do is help me get in the house. After that I can take care of it."
He didn't say anything and she started walking toward their apartments.
"Please Julian, I really need this."
He sighed. "All right but tonight you're going to tell me exactly what you did. Knowing Scott, if it has anything to do with you he won't tell me."
"He told you about his crush. What makes you think he won't tell you anything else?"
He chuckled. "His crush is no secret. Didn't he tell you he liked you way back in kindergarten? His crush has only grown since then."
"And that's another thing he did. Did he tell you about the slaughtered kindergarten class?"
"Yeah, I didn't move here until recently, though my dad's been here for a while. It was to sort of protect me from people trying to get to Verden before I became the Gate Keeper. It’s a real tragedy."
"Yeah, tragedy..." She trailed off, wondering if he knew she was the survivor.
"I hear you were there. Do you remember it?"
"No, I don't, but Scott told me everything, including that I'm the sole survivor from that class."
"No way that was you? That is so awesome! He totally saved you by keeping you in the... Oh..." He trailed off. "That's something else you're holding against him, aren't you?" She nodded as she walked up the steps of the apartment building. “I’m almost to your room. I’ll talk to you in there.” She hung up without waiting for a reply. She'd be at his room in a minute.
As she finished the climb, she rounded the corner to his door. Just as she reached it, the door opened and a squeal sounded before a small little girl tackled her legs.
She started falling backwards, but Julian grabbed her arm, helping her to get balanced.
"You said you weren't coming over. I thought you were leaving." She sniffled against her legs and she felt terrible.
"Little A, I'm sorry for scaring you, but I can't stay right now. I have to go, but I'll be back. I'll always come back."
She nodded her head, but didn't move from between her legs.
"Ashley, are you sure you want to do this?" Worry was clear in his voice. Did he realize what she was going to do?
Ashley bent down, taking the little girl's hands in hers.
"Your Uncle Julian is going to take me to his other house. Would you like to come with us?"
Her eyes lit up excitedly as she nodded.
"Okay, then let’s go."
The dark tunnel around her smelt like old stone and dust. Little A hugged her right leg as she walked.
"We're almost there." Even though she didn't mind the tunnel all that much, she found herself breathing a sigh of relief. "We have to go through one more wall." He slowly felt along the wall until he seemed to find what he was looking for. He lightly pressed against it and stone grated against stone as it moved forward and to the right.
"This is my mom's study, though she liked the living room better, but no one really goes in here anymore. My dad doesn't like to be reminded of her so much and Lillian isn't allowed in here."
He led them into the room and Ashley looked around.
A lone desk sat on one end of the room with two chairs in front of it and one behind it.
Pictures hung around the wall but she couldn't see what they were of because of the thick layer of dust.
"This must have been a lovely room before it was left alone."
Julian nodded and walked to the door. "This isn't the room you can be in, but the passage was closest to my own room. I have to maintain at least a little privacy so you can't sneak in there unwanted. When you leave this room turn left and follow the hall until the end. It’s the last door on the right."
He twisted the handle and opened the door a crack. "Come here Little A."
Surprisingly, she immediately ran to him and hid her face between his legs.
"Be careful of the way you push. If you push too hard everything will fall." She felt slightly confused, but didn't ask about it as he pushed the door fully opened and stepped to the side, taking the little Ashley with him. "Do whatever you have to do, but never break your promises."
She nodded to his warning and stepped out of the room. A smile slowly spread across her face as the reality of her freedom only being a few minutes away hit her. Just as soon as it came it was wiped away when the door right in front of her opened and Scott stepped out.
He seemed shocked to see her, especially with the door opened behind her. She watched as fear quickly crept in his eyes.
"Ashley, please listen-"
She shook her head. "I was listening before, and all you told me was lies. I can't live with lies. I'm just here to talk with Julian."
Confusion showed in his eyes and she knew Julian was now behind her.
Without waiting for anything else to be said she turned down the hall and headed for Julian's room.
"Ashley, wait-"
"Let her go, Scott. Let her go." She mentally thanked Julian for holding him back. If Scott had gone after her she knew she would've said something she'd most likely regret in the future.
Walking into Julian's room, she saw that everything was black. The blanket, curtains, carpet; even all the wood for the dressers was black. She shut the door behind her and walked further in.
She knew she needed some place to lay, but she didn't want to take his bed.
He may not ever stay there, but it was still his bed.
Moving further into the room, she spotted a large couch out of the corner of her eye.
That would work perfectly.
Moving over to it, she slowly laid down on it. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and relaxed.
If she followed her mind, she wouldn't be back for a while, but something in her heart told her she didn't want to leave, let alone never come back.
She shut off that part of her heart and listened to her mind.
She was leaving.