Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide. Voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time. The night is my companion and solitude my guide. Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied? And I would be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard. I'll take your breath away, and after I'd wipe away the tears.
Just close your eyes...
After the heated discussions that where held in Namjoon's room, I decided to take a breath of fresh air. There wasn't a choice where I could escape through the lobby and walk through the park that was in front of the hotel... So a porch ten stories up was the only choice of 'freedom'.
I sucked in the city air as my vison casted over the bright lights below us. My hand gently caressed my bruised and sore side as I watched the people below me like ants through a magnifying glass. There were so many happy, confused, and lonely people roaming the streets this late at night... I thought of all the decisions and scars these mystery people must have...
"what are you doing out here by yourself?"
I turned my body around to the familiar voice and watched as Taehyung closed the glass door behind him. I never really realized what he was wearing until I was staring directly at him. He had a muscle tee on and I could see almost all of his tattoos clearly. My eyes scanned his casual body and stopped as I stared at his armless shoulder. "I-I came out here to get some air." I stutter as I turn back around and look down at the busy roads.
There is no hiding what I caused to happen to Taehyung. He lost his arm because I was selfish and wanted to get revenge which turned out into something so different.... Those men came over here and destroyed half of the people I began to know and ripped away a piece of someone I'm becoming to know... "you were hit too weren't you?" Tae asked knowing exactly what was on my mind. "why isn't it bothering you that much?" he asked as he leaned against the railing with me.
My eyes widened as I tried to remember how the bullet felt as It ripped through me... Matter of fact; why was I shot? I quickly straightened my back as I tried to remember the position I was in as Namjoon and I traveled down that hallway... My back was flushed against Namjoon's and the shooter could have stared directly at me... Knowing exactly who I was... "Tae why was I shot if those men were sent on a rescue and recover?" I asked as my mind flooded with questions...
Tae straightened his back as he stared down at me. "What are you thinking (y/n)?" He asked as he furrowed his eyebrows together. Honestly I was thinking of the worst... That those men were sent to kill me and anyone who got in the way... so does that mean they think that completed their mission?"(y/n)?" My eyes scanned Taehyung as he continued to stare at me. My vision freezes on his arm tattoo and an image of after I was shot came flying back to me...
The man wore all black but I could see his arms...he had that same tattoo...
"Nothing I'm probably j-just overthinking things..." I say softly as I try to rid my thoughts of anything negative circling the two men in my life with the matching tattoo of the man that tried to kill me. There had to be a coincidence... I cleared my throat as I carefully go around what I was going to ask, "tae what does that ta-."
"there you are!" Yoongi yelled as he slammed the door open and rushed out to me. "We need to be back at our hotel." He said as he wrapped his arm around mine and began to pull me away from Taehyung. "we need to discuss what is going to happen tomorrow and over the course of our stay here."
"wha- fine." I sigh as I softly lift my hand and wave goodbye to taehyung. "sleep well." I say before I duck through the door with Yoongi. Something in me wanted to punch Yoongi for interrupting my question but another part of me was happy he did...
~
The talk was long and boring; but was necessary. Yoongi explained to me how we were all the continue our charades for the next week to make sure our cover was locked down. He then proceeded to tell me that Namjoon has our new base being set up as we speak and should be done by the time the week is up. I wanted to ask him what we should all do while the time passed but he waved me off and said, "here's an example." And then laid on his bed.
So now I was laying on the opposite side of the room, eyes wide, and thinking about the tattoo. What could it have meant and why did Hoseok and Taehyung have matching ones... it's probably just a coincidence that the man who shot me had the same one... I thought of my wound as I stared up at the blank ceiling. There were soft pins of pain every now and then when I moved but it wasn't like I wasn't use to pain or anything...
I rub my hand down my shirt to quickly draw it back and sit up. I squint down at the liquid that rested in my hand. "Yoongi." I say as I turn to his bed and flick the light on. "Yoongi wake up im b-." I paused seeing that his bed was empty with a little note on it. I leaned over, cupping my hand at my side and read the small note.
Gone with some of the guys for drinks. Namjoon is in his room if you need anything.
I crumbled up the card and threw it across the room as panic filled my mind. I looked down at my stained white tank top as I stood to my feet. "great." I sighed and headed for the door. "where the hell is his roo-." I paused as my eyes land on the room number that I needed. "Namjoon." I grunted as I beat a slow rhythm in the wood of his door. "Namjoon I need h-."
Suddenly the door fly's open and my mouth is cupped and I'm being pinned against the wall. I opened my eyes as the door shut. "are you dumb?" Namjoon began as he threw his hands from my hold and rubbed his hand through his messy bed hair. My eyes scanned his shirtless body as he sighed in front of me. "you could have gotten yourself-." He paused as his eyes land on my bleeding shirt. "killed." He finished as all anger left his body and worried replaced it. "what the hell happened?"
"i-im fine." I stuttered as I pushed my hand against his open stomach from his closeness. I've felt his body so many times before...I guess I was expecting it to feel completely different from all the times that I have felt his body... but Itwasn't different at all...
"you don't look fine!?" he said as he grabbed my arm and led me to his bed. He pushed on my shoulders so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed and he kneeled down between my legs. Heat rushed through my body as I thought of how many times he did the same thing to me but with a different outcome...
"You're going to have to take your shirt off for me (y/n)." He said with a rushed tone that immediately made me follow his order. His eyes flicked from my popped stitches too my half naked body as the air in the room heated. I watched as he swallowed and leaned towards the drawer by the bed. I should have worn a bra...
"I'm sorry you have to do this..." I begin as I watch him rummage through the drawer for anything he could sow me up with. "all of this is my fault... If I just didn't come find who 'killed' you then..."
"shut up and lay down (y/n)." He said with his gruff voice and I did say he said. "on your side." He ordered again with the same dark voice he always used on me when things got 'heated.' I closed my eyes as my heart pounded loudly in this quiet room. I prayed quietly hoping Namjoon didn't hear how loud it was... "this is gonna hurt a little." He said as he climbed on the bed.
"Namjoo- Ah!" I moaned as I felt the needle pierce through my skin. Namjoon quickly began chuckling behind me as he slowly continued to close the gash. "why are you l-laughing you ass." I said through blushed cheeks and was so happy that I was turned away from him.
"nothing." He said as he continued to chuckled.
"nothing my ass." I grunted as he finished off the stiches. My eyes opened as I felt his finger rub solution against the strings. "t-thank you." I stuttered as I relaxed on the bed. "that feels good." I groaned softly as I felt myself become sleepy and comfortable with the soft pain.
As the words left my mouth, Namjoon ceased his movements and cleared his throat. "alright all done." I opened my eyes from the chilling air kissing my skin and rose to a sitting position again. "here you can wear my s-." he paused as he looked down at me, the outstretched hand lowering...
"what?" I questioned as I reached out for his shirt. "Namjoon give me the shirt so that I can-."
"do you still think about it too?" he asked making my eyes widen. "you know the future you wanted to have with me?"
"do you ever think about our future?" he asked making my eyes widened to the thought to starting a life with Ben. I wasn't going to lie; I thought about it before. Little kids running around our house, Him kissing me goodbye before he left for work...
"yeah."
"Namjoon just give me the shirt." I begged as I pulled the material from his hands and onto my freezing chest. I stand up feeling the lump in my throat grow. "thank you." I say as I push past his frozen body and leave through the front door.
Why did he have to ask me that question? Why did he run his hands over me the same way he always did? And why did he blush when he saw me half naked? If he didn't care about me he wouldn't have been so gentle with me...why did I like it
"Why did I play the role so well..."
I froze my movements as my heart fluttered in my chest. I thought I knew the feeling of 'love'. I thought it was only happiness and perfection... But as I stared down this empty hallway thinking of everything that was going on in my life and everyone who came into it... I thought of Namjoon. I wasn't thinking of my memories with Ben... No, I was seeing the ones I made with Namjoon...
I shook my head from my thoughts. This is no time for crush's. I felt my chest burn from the pain of realizing what I was feeling.
The fighting,
"but I thought you like it rough baby~." He said making my heart skip a beat from hearing, not Namjoon, but ben say the thing I loved to be called.
Before I could stop myself, my hand slapped hard against his cheek. "fuck off."
The Hatred
"no you don't get to do that. If that prick wants to apologize to me-." I paused as I stared directly where Namjoon was sitting and prepared myself for what I was about to do, "THEN HE CAN GROW THE BALLS TO COME OVER HERE AND DO IT HIMSELF!"
The Caring
"stay with me (y/n)." He grunted as he slapped my cheek bringing me back from my swirling abyss. His eyes filled with worry as he squatted in front of me. "Don't die on me damnit."
I didn't love Ben...
I love Namjoon.