i'm so happy with this imagine omg i think i did well, hope you guys agree !!
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Imagine arguing with Kai, which ends up with him leaving the house and coming home later drunk and trying to get you to not be mad at him anymore
Saying that your and Kai's relationship was full of cracks, waiting for them to widen enough to break your entire heart, would be an understatement. You and him had been dating for some months now and each day you became more and more convinced that he was doing his everything to hurt you. The two of you argued very, very often and he easily came off as intimidating and threatening but shots were fired on your behalf as well. You were what many would describe as toxic but it was too addicting to be let go.
You were hooked on him and his love, which he barely showed anymore but you lived for those shreds of his caring, loving and solicitude. You ached for them and whenever he gave you the least bit of love, some kisses and hugs or maybe a smile, your heart filled with love only for him to take it all out which felt quite literal because of the verbal abusing you two were often all about. It felt like he was tearing your heart from your chest.
But even if you had your doubts, and so many negative feelings and so much hatred to carry on your heart to weigh it down, you were no good without him. You needed Kai which made things so much more difficult for you.
You never really understood what was even wrong. Fighting just came naturally from you, and him. He was often described as a villain, while you just happened to own a stubborn, badass attitude and when those two were combined, it turned into something so poisonous it would one day corrode you and your blind heart. Your relationship could be fixed so easily though, but neither of you understood it nor bothered to even try.
"I hate you", you growled to Kai's face on yet another eventful evening. You and him had decided to watch one of your favorite movies but somehow it ended up with him throwing the popcorn to the floor, smashing the TV remote into a wall and yelling at you to which you responded by shouting equally mean, hurtful things. And there you were now, face to face with each other, both trembling with anger, and hidden sadness. The tension, which was on the verge of tipping to a sexual direction, was evident and you weren't sure whether you wanted to punch him or kiss the life out of him.
"Well, I hate you too", Kai said, and you raised your hand, not sure for what but your unknown intentions were paused by your boyfriend who quickly grabbed you from your wrist and gave you a warning look. He bit his lower lip, until it started to bleed, and through gritted teeth spoke again, "I hate loving you." He dropped your hand, and you were left frozen on the spot, even when he put on a jacket and opened the front door.
Only when he was nearly outside, and about to close the door, you called out his name and insisted on knowing of his intentions. Kai scoffed, and gave you a glare but no answer as he walked out and away, leaving you all alone for hours.
You faltered, trying to say something to yourself to break the uncomfortable, intense silence in the room but all you could do was fall onto the couch and sigh heavily. You pulled a blanket on top of your shaking body, and closed your eyes, hoping that you could fall asleep and when you'd wake up, none of your current situation would be reality. When asleep, you could dream and enjoy your time and be happy with Kai, but when awake, you were smacked in the face by truth and reality. Which was, you and Kai were not working, not cooperating and it caused your relationship to slowly break right at your hands.
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You woke up several hours later, when it was three a.m. The sudden noises from the front door startled you awake, and you quickly picked yourself to see who had entered the house so violently and loudly, but when you saw Kai, a sigh of disappointment slipped out of your mouth. You got up from the couch, and slowly walked to Kai, opening your mouth to apologize like you always did but then you noticed his eyes slipping, and the sloppy grin on his face and the terrible balance as he stumbled around the floor.
He was drunk.
"So you went to drink your problems away. How Damon of you", you mocked, and turned your back to him to leave him with his own company, but he touched your arm and begged for you to hear him out. So, though against your will, you did.
"I didn't mean what I said earlier. When I said that I hate you. I don't, Y/N. I love you. I didn't mean it", Kai rambled, and gave you a sheepish smile as he took a step closer to your cold body. Something about the situation gave you chills, you didn't know how to act - Kai never opened up like this, and never apologized properly. Now that he was drunk, he seemed more genuine and sincere than ever before.
"I-I didn't either", you mumbled, admitting that you did not feel hate towards him. Not real hate, at least. Not the kind of hate that lasts. You hugged yourself, and when Kai saw the way you were protecting and warming yourself up, he sighed sadly and gave you an apologetic look. You uncomfortably looked into his sad eyes, and warily fidgeted on your feet while Kai pushed his fingers through his dark hair and tried to smile. He seemed so different. But still, more genuine than when he wasn't drunk.
"I should be the one hugging you and making you feel safe and warm... I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, babe. I swear I'm not a bad man. I don't even know why we've been fighting so much, I genuinely love you and I don't want us to break up. Please promise me you won't leave me, because I need you and I won't be able to survive without you by my side. I'm so sorry for being so negative towards you. I don't know why, I guess I just can't-- I don't know how, Y/N. How to be a good boyfriend. Or a good person, anyway", Kai admitted. You broke into a wild smile - you could not believe you were hearing this but you did love it. Kai was being sincere and loving and it was true that he cared. He wasn't the cruel, rude asshole he had made himself lately.
"I love you too, Kai", was all you could say. You felt the same way, you did love him, and you wanted to stay with him, but your heart was about to burst from joy and you weren't capable of saying anything more. But maybe you didn't need to, either.
You opened your arms and took Kai in for a warm big hug, feeling so loved for the first time in forever. Kai kissed your cheek before placing his head on your shoulder, humming along a song and letting you walk him to the bedroom after holding him in a soft embrace. You set him on the bed, and after you undressed him and climbed next to him, ready to cuddle, you felt happy.
You felt like you wanted to, not like you needed to. And you knew that was what it was all about. Wanting to be close to him, wanting to spend every second with him instead of doing it against your true desire. But now, that desire was all about Kai, and you never wanted to let your relationship fall into corruption again.
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i was struggling through this whole imagine with not making any ""nicotine"" lyric references and i succeeded whoop whoop
but guys
made in thE AM IS COMING OUT TOMORROW WHo's dead already i know i am