16
Justine scurried inside her Ate Den's car, closing the door after her.
"Jus, did you?!" Dennise demanded accusingly, her eyes pinning on Justine.
"What? No! Why would I do that?!" Her sister replied forehead creased in a dismayed manner. "Ate naman. Bakit ko gagawin sa inyo 'yun?"
"I don't know! God," Dennise vented out as she pounded on the steering wheel. "Paano niya nalaman?!"
"Hindi ko nga alam. Basta last night while we were having dinner... tinanong ako ni Dad. He asked me if you are seeing someone and of course, I lied. Sinabi ko na hindi ko alam at hindi pa naman tayo nagu-usap tungkol doon," her sister relayed calmly. She held and rubbed Den's arm to sooth her. "Tapos si Dad, he didn't look convinced tapos bigla nalang niyang naitanong si Ate Alyssa."
"Bakit niya kilala si Alyssa?"
"Hindi ko rin talaga alam, Ate."
"Anong sinabi niya about kay Ly?"
"Kung sino raw ba siya? And I did not want to look too obvious, ate kaya para matapos na 'yung usapan, sinabi ko na lang na you guys are good friends at 'yun lang ang alam ko. I am sorry, Ate. Hindi ko rin talaga alam."
"So alam na niya?"
"Yes, Ate. Alam ko na alam na ni Dad," Jus said. "Let's go. They are waiting."
Dennise started the engine of her car again then she cruised two streets down before they arrived in front of their house. Justine got out of the car to open the gates and let Den's car in the driveway. Dennise parked beside the family SUV. Her heart could burst of panic and anxiousness but she kept herself in control.
Justine knocked on her window to remind her that they had to go. Dennise followed Justine inside their house and she could not help but to feel a little funny. She grew up in the same house in Paranaque. This was her home and will always be her home and yet, for the first time in her life, the soles of her feet felt uncomfortable against the cold tiles.
She was met by her younger brother and her Mom's blank face. She greeted them with kisses then her eyes roamed around, looking for her dad.
"M-Mom?"
Her mom shook her head in disappointment, making Den's eyes tear up. She has never seen her mom this disappointed at her. Not when she almost failed one of her major subjects in college. Not when she broke up with Myco. Not when they got in a petty fight few years back then.
"Bring your things to your room. Dad should be here in any moment." Her mom instructed her before she busied herself with arranging flowers in the vase again.
Sensing that her mom would not talk to her about it yet, Dennise just did what she was told to do. She climbed up the stairs then she walked to her room.
Her room was supposed to be her comfort. She has always loved going home to their family house but today, she wished to be somewhere else.
She removed her clothes before she entered the bathroom for a warm bath to at least, calm her nerves. Her phone was ringing but she decided to ignore it. She knew it was Alyssa. She has not talked to her yet since they parted this morning and all she told her was that she has to be home for their usual family dinner. She did not inform her about her Dad nor the sticky situation she was now in. She did not want to get Alyssa into her own predicament even if she knew it would be impossible.
She just wished she could do this alone-- for her and for Alyssa.
She dressed herself into her casual clothes. She peeked on the glass window and saw one of the helpers open the gates for her Dad's car. Dennise gulped as she formulated the best explanations in her head. However, her mind could not even function well and instead, a million worst-case scenarios had plagued her rationality.
"Ate Den, let's go?" She heard Justine calling her name from the other side of the door. "Dad is here."
Dennise forced her wobbly legs to work. She turned the knob slowly and even her hands were shaking. Her sister noticed it that she decided to hold her Ate's hand to remind her to relax.
Relax? Really?! She wanted to shout but no voice escaped her trembling lips.
"Dennise." A cold and shrilly voice from her Dad almost made her jump.
"Dad?"
"Where is she?"
"Sino Dad...?"
"I want her here for dinner. Invite her over and I will talk to the both of you." He said while removing his neck tie. "You understand?"
"Dad... she's busy and she does not know-"
"I don't care, Dennise Michelle!" Her dad hollered. He cleared his throat to regain his composure before he directed his adamant gaze on his oldest child. "She has to be here, Dennise. Kapag wala pa siya rito mamaya, I will make sure you won't see her again."
"Dad, biglaan naman po kasi..."
"Hindi sana magkakaganito if only sinabi mo na agad sa amin 'to," his dad remained.
"She has work too, Dad and please, don't get her into this. I will explain to you, Dad just don't drag her into this. I am sorry. Ako nalang po."
"We will have dinner in thirty minutes, young lady." Her dad insisted unyielding before he walked upstairs.
Dennise was still trembling in fear when Justine handed her her phone. "Call her, Ate. She will understand."
"No, Jus. I had the chance to tell her about this pero hindi ko sinabi. She would be mad, Justine."
"Ate Aly will listen, Ate. You know she will so please, call her. Besides, you will need her too."
*
If the sound of spoons and forks hitting the plates could make someone go crazy, Dennise would probably be a lost case for science. She has been choking on her own breathing, waiting for anyone at the table to break the madness.
She glanced to her left, to where Alyssa was seated beside her. Her usually lazy and slouching posture was rigid. The way she held the utensils was too stiff. And maybe if Dennise tapped her shoulder, Alyssa would freak out from her seat.
Alyssa finished her meal. She reached for the glass of water on her right and drank it straight. She gulped hard.
"You done?" Dennise whispered beside her. Alyssa nodded timidly.
Dennise hated to see her this way. She has understood well that Alyssa has always feared rejection. And to call and ask her to be with her tonight made her feel guilty. She secretly held Alyssa's cold hand under the table, squeezing it from time to time to remind her that they were together.
When everyone was already done with the dinner, Dennise gathered all the courage she has in her before she met her Dad's eyes. She gulped a few times as she forced the words out of her mouth. She thought she was about to lose it all until she felt Alyssa's thumb drawing circles on her hand. And then amidst the tension, a sense of belonging came across from her touch.
She breathed slowly and then she finally gained her voice back.
"Dad, Mom, I know you already know her but I want to formally introduce her to you. This is Alyssa, my girlfriend." She said firmly. My girlfriend. Her heart raced with the statement and she could not help but to feel proud right in this moment. She kept her eyes on her Dad as she waited for any response.
"Your girlfriend..." Her Dad repeated as he dabbed his lips with the table napkin. "Do you understand what you are trying to say, Dennise?"
"Yes, dad. I know that I love her," she answered. "And... and dad, I know this is new and unconventional even but, Dad, I love her."
She glanced at the passive and sullen Alyssa, her head low. She knew this was hard and overwhelming for Alyssa and if she could take it for her, she would.
"Dad?"
"Dennise, have you ever considered the consequences of this?"
"Dad, I did. Of course I was scared, Dad but heck, ngayon lang po ako nagkaganito."
"Of course, ngayon lang because you were never gay!"
"It's not about me being gay, Dad." She continued to argue while her Mom and sister were silently watching the two. "Dad, I am in love and it is the first time."
"With a girl?" Her dad raised her eyebrow.
"With Alyssa... who happens to be a girl." Dennise let go of Alyssa's hand for a second to wipe her tears. "Dad, please."
"I need reasons, Dennise. I want what is the best for you and if-"
"Dad! Siya na 'yun eh. She is the reason why I am doing this. I love her, Dad and I have every reason why I do. Just give her a chance. Just give us this chance, Dad." Her defenses finally collapsed and so did her voice. She turned to Alyssa to find more courage in her but what she saw only added to her fallout. Still, she could not blame her. This was all her fault. She came here unprepared. She dragged her into this. "Dad, if I have to beg... If I have to do anything... please..."
"Den..." Finally, Alyssa spoke softly. Dennise immediately found comfort in her voice. She closed her eyes to keep her tears from falling yet the more she tried to stop herself from crying, the more she did. She wanted to be strong for Alyssa too. She knew she had to. "Den, it's okay."
"No... no, Alyssa. I am sorry." She put her hands on her face to conceal her crying from her family. She had always hated being too vulnerable even in front of them but with Alyssa, she just could not help it. She would let all her guards down and her walls crumple for her. "Please, tell them..."
"Shh..." Alyssa let out a soft laugh. She held Den's hands in hers then she lifted both to her lips. This gesture confused Dennise. She wondered why Alyssa was doing it in front of her parents. She wondered why her smile was giving her the impression that everything would be okay. Or maybe it was only her imagination, acknowledging how her smiles always would remind her that everything would be okay. "O, tahan na."
"I love you."
"Yes, I know."
"Dad... Mom... please... I will do anything." She pleaded once again with a more desperate voice. She leaned on Alyssa's chest, taking the opportunity to breathe Alyssa's soothing scent. "Aly..."
Alyssa kissed her temple softly while running her hand on Den's back.
"Tito... I think..." She suddenly addressed Den's dad casually much to the surprise of Dennise. "Tito... let's just tell her."
"Awwww! She's a crybaby anyway. Bakit ka nagpadala?" Her dad answered with a snap of fingers. Dennise quickly tried to grasp everything and by the way her dad was pouting, she knew she was missing out on something. "O, basta. Labas ako."
"Hala! Walang laglagan, 'di ba? It was your idea po kaya!" Alyssa pouted.
"Tito? You are calling him Tito?" Dennise gave her a quizzical look which Alyssa completely ignored by looking away. "And what idea? What is this?"
And a laughter came shortly after which answered her suspicion. Justine tried her best to stifle her laugh but she failed miserably when their Mom just broke out a hearty chortle. Soon, their Dad followed.
Only Alyssa, who was still avoiding Den's questioning eyes, and Dennise, who still could not keep up with what was happening, were left out.
"Ano 'to?" She turned to Alyssa for answers and when the other was about to ignore her again, Dennise just forcefully made her face her. "Alyssa?!"
"I remember... Tita, I brought the brownies and tart. Nasa car. I should get it." She hastily stood up and left Den's family still in their fit of laughter.
"Dad?! What is this? Bakit kilala na niya kayo?!"
"Ate Den... grabe! You are such a crybaby!!! Ang d-drama niyo!" Justine struggled to keep herself from laughing at her sister but the more she tried, the more she failed. She was now tearing up from too much laughing. "Grabe, Dad! Galing mo! You should be in the movies, Dad!"
"And she was so unsuspecting!!!" Again, laughter erupted in the dining room. "Den... Den, baby, Daddy loves you pero nakakatawa ka talaga kanina!"
"Dad?! Mom?! What is this fuss all about?! You haven't answered my question yet!"
"Ah, bahala na si Aly mag-explain." Her dad winked at her.
"I told you, she'd be mad!" Alyssa was back in the room. She placed the boxes of brownies and tarts on the table while still ignoring Den's death glares. "Tita, as requested."
"Very good! You know I tried baking brownies pero iba pa rin 'tong sa'yo!" Den's mom complimented. She, too, was ignoring Dennise.
"I'll give you the recipe po, Tita."
"Hey! Why am I being ignored here!!" Dennise noticed. She flailed her arms in front of Alyssa, making the others laugh again.
"O, iwan na namin kayo. Ha?" Den's mom told her as she took the two boxes with her. "Jus, get Mosh. He loves the tarts. Dad, tara na."
"What? The drama is just getting started!"
"Hay nako, Dad. Hayaan mo na ang mga bata." Her mom also pulled her husband with her, leaving the two alone.
God, I am doomed. Alyssa scratched the back of her head as she fidgeted on her feet. Eto na... she's mad.
"You've met them before already?! And you schemed up behind my back?!" Dennise demanded, each word resonating with frustration. "Ano 'to?!"
"Parang ganoon pero kasi ayoko naman talagang-"
"At kaya ka hindi umiimik kanina dahil alam mong niloloko lang ako nila Dad?!"
"Yes pero-"
"Alam mo bang halos lumuhod na ako kanina para lang sa'yo?! Alam mo bang natakot ako na baka bigla ka na namang bumitiw?! Tapos ganito? Joke lang?!"
"Calm down, hon."
"Calm down?!"
"Holy crap, you are really mad..."
"OF COURSE, I AM!" Dennise dragged the chair and sat on it, her hands pressed on her face in absolute frustration. "Nakakapikon kayo!"
"Awww. Sorry na, Den."
"Bakit ka ganyan? Ilang oras kong kinimkim 'to. Inaalala lang naman kita kasi ayokong matakot ka ulit. I don't want you to get hurt, Alyssa."
"Please don't cry na. I love you too, Den."
Three seconds of silence.
"But we're okay with them?" Dennise lifted her gaze to Alyssa. Her puffy eyes were glowing with hope. "We are really now okay with them?"
"Yes po. Tahan na, ha? Usap tayo mamaya." Alyssa smiled at her. She was enjoying every bit of Den's childlike adorableness though she knew better than to tell Dennise how adorable she is whenever she throws tantrums.
"Of course, we will!" The tiger Dennise snapped again, giving Alyssa the hint that she still has to deal with Den's frustration later. "Pikon pa rin ako!"
"Can you be more obvious with that?" Alyssa joked and got glared at. "Joke lang. Uhm... Give me a hug... or sabi ko nga... mamaya na."
"Will you go out first? I need a moment."
"Hon..."
"OUT!"
*
Still in the state of confusion and slight annoyance, Dennise joined her family in the living room. She watched how her mom and sister talked with Alyssa with so much delight.
Wow, they love her.
Since she realized that her mom would not let go of her girlfriend until she learns the recipes for the brownies and cakes Alyssa bakes, Dennise left then and just settled at the veranda.
She stood near the little pond they have for the koi fish as her thoughts drifted away, taking her to when she first realized she was in love with Alyssa. She remembered their first kiss and how it lingered on her lips. She was sure that right in that moment of pure enchantment, she fell in love with her and fell in love with her even more as they days went by.
This is really happening, right? I am not dreaming, right?
She pinched her skin just to be sure and when she felt pain, she smiled almost stupidly.
"O, 'nak... what's with that smile?"
"Dad!" Dennise was startled. She glared at her dad in her pretend resentment. "Nakakaasar kayo, Dad!"
"Oh, come on. It could have been worse, yes?" Her dad grinned a boyish grin. "Ano, inaway mo ba siya?"
"I was disappointed, Dad. I felt betrayed kaya."
"It is just your ego, 'nak. Don't worry. We all expected naman na you'd cry."
"Dad, not helping!"
"Sweetheart, shouldn't you be thankful na ginawa na niya 'to para sa'yo?"
"Of course, I am po pero..." She wanted to justify her ego but her dad was right. There was no reason for her to be mad at Alyssa. "Well, I guess I was too hard on her kanina. Kasi naman, Dad eh!"
"Oo na. It was my idea talaga. I just had her cooperate with us."
"Dad, so... I want to hear it straight from you... Okay po ba talaga kayo na ganito ako?"
"Hindi ka naman nagbago, Den. You are still our kid. Pero syempre, nagulat din naman ako at ang Mommy mo pero wala naman na kaming magagawa but to support you and make sure you won't get hurt, sweetheart."
"Thanks, dad."
Her dad opened his arms to which Dennise quickly ran to give her man a hug. She nestled her face on his dad's neck like how she would always do as a kid. "Awww. Missed you, Denden and I am so proud of you."
"Love you, Dad. Ako pa rin ba ang favorite?"
"Of course! Just don't tell the other two," her dad quipped. "Basta ako pa rin bago si Aly, ha?"
"Hmm..." She was pretending to think hard about it before her dad pinched her side, making her giggle. "Parehas na lang po kayo, Dad! Hehe!"
"Hay, she better take good care of you or else... Nako, ha." Her dad kissed her temple before he let go of her daughter. "Tara na sa loob."
*
It was also in their plan to keep Alyssa for the night so they could spend more time with her. And Dennise was initially against the idea since her mom and her sister were so fond of Alyssa she could not have her for herself.
Even her dad would not stop talking to Alyssa about their family business and investments. Even her youngest brother would rather ask Alyssa to help him with his homework than her Ate Den.
Grabe. Looks like I am no longer the favorite!
Even when they have called it a day already, her two siblings still joined Alyssa in her room as they played board games.
"Hala, tapos na akong mag-shower e nandito pa rin kayo?!" She crossed her arms against her chest as she glared at her two siblings. "Tulog na."
"Ay, Ate Den... tabi raw pala kami ni Ate Ly sa kwarto ko. Okay lang?" Her sister inquired with a silly grin.
"Syempre, hindi!"
"See, she is so possessive! Ang damot!" Jus pouted. "Let's go, Mosh. You have school pa tomorrow. Good night, mga ate!"
"Night, guys." Alyssa kissed their cheeks before she shut the door after them.
"Aba, close ka na talaga sa kanila?"
"Hi." She quickly stepped in front of Dennise to block her way. "Galit ka pa rin?"
"Mag-shower ka na rin, ha?"
"You know it is making me uncomfortable when you are being like this..."
"Well, you really should." Dennise replied.
"Hay. Sorry na po." She blinked her two expressive brown eyes slowly while biting her lower lip in the most adorable manner. "Kiss me?"
"Ayoko nga."
"Please?"
"Tabi." She moved to her left but yet again, Alyssa intercepted her way.
"Isa lang?"
"Don't give me that puppy eyes..."
"Grabe, hon. You know I attended several meetings today at lahat 'yun, pinilit ko nang matapos para makasama na ulit kita tapos susungitan mo lang pala ako."
"Ugh. That's a cheap trick!"
"But it works, right?" Alyssa cheered again, making Dennise smile at her adorableness. Dennise leaned closer before she lightly brushed her lips against Alyssa's to give her what she has been requesting. "Yes, worth it!"
*
Dennise was lying on her tummy as she engrossed herself with the paperback she was reading. She failed to notice Alyssa who just entered her room after taking a shower.
"Hon, mga mata mo, ha?" She reminded Dennise as she sat beside her. She placed her hand on the small of Den's back causing the other to be alarmed. "Hey."
Dennise rolled over then she sat up, her back on the pilllow against the headboard. "Hey."
"Maaga pa tayo bukas. Hindi ka pa matutulog?"
"We haven't talked yet." She shut her book close then she beckoned Alyssa to snuggle with her. The latter wasted no seconds in taking Den's offer. She kissed Den's cheek first before she reclined on Den's chest. "Don't get me wrong, hon. I was not mad pero I also did not like how you played with me. Ikaw kasi eh."
"Yes, hon. I know." Alyssa sighed. "Is this comfortable to you?"
"Comfortable enough." Dennise rested her chin on top of Alyssa's head as she synched her breathing with her. "So ano? How did you meet them?"
"Noong galing nga akong Bataan, Den. I went straight here first. I just wanted them to know that I would pursue you."
"You went here alone?"
"Yes, hon. Alam mo ba 'yung kaba ko noon? Gusto ko nang mag-backout. Halos 'di na ako makahinga at ni hindi ko na nga rin naintindihan 'yung mga pinagsasabi ko kina Tito at Tita. But I lived, see?"
"Why did you do that, Ly? You could have told me about it." She stroke her thumb against Alyssa's forearm absentmindedly.
"Den, I had to do it alone. Okay? I had to prove it to myself. If there was one thing I have learned from her, it was that the world would not wait for me. It would not pity me and certainly, would not always go according to my ways. I do not want to be a kid anymore, Den so I faced my fears."
"Had it turned out the other way, Ly... anong gagawin mo?" Dennise chose to ignore any thoughts about Laura even if somehow, her heart ached a little.
"I don't know, hon. I don't know what I won't do for you," she chukled at her cheesy line. "Kasi, Den, I have convinced myself that if I was able to face rejection again, then I would be able to face anything for us. Okay?"
After a momentary silence, Dennise relaxed her shoulders. "But just to remind you, Ly, you don't have to be alone. Okay?"
"I understand, hon." Alyssa's hand found Den's left hand. She held their clasped hands in front of her, admiring how her fingers fell perfectly in between the spaces of Den's fingers. "Yung mga sinabi mo kanina... it made me so happy."
"Oh, please. Don't remind me of it." Dennise laughed awkwardly before she breathed out a long sigh. "I just really love you, Alyssa."
Alyssa lifted her face a little to glance at Dennise. Slowly, a smile formed on her lips before she rested her head on Den's chest again.
"You are making me so happy, Den."
"You are making me the happiest too," replied Dennise. She breathed a contented sigh while her hands played with Alyssa's hair. "So what did you tell Dad pala noong nandito ka?"
"Well... I asked him to talk you out of your work since it has been causing you so much stress."
"Hindi 'yan. I mean, anong sinabi mo sa kanila?"
"It stays between us na lang."
"Daya naman."
"O, magtatampo na naman 'yan..." She joked. She propped her hands against the bed again to brush Den's lips lightly. "I want to cuddle you."
"Yes?"
Alyssa rolled to her back before Dennise climbed on top of her and nuzzled her face on the crook of her shoulder, breathing the other in. "Are you sleepy na?"
"This night could go on forever." Dennise had their lips meet again for a gentle kiss.
"I know, right! Bukas, I miss you already since tomorrow, you have classes and I have work na naman. Ang clingy ko na tuloy." Alyssa answered in between their kisses.
"Don't worry. I think I am still the more clingy one." Dennise squeezed Alyssa using her free arm then her hand eventually landed on the latter's side while her thumb stroke her skin. "Sometimes I really get too clingy and nagging you won't like it."
"You mean you get jealous easily? Kasi I have figured that one out already," said the other as she nibbled Den's lower lip gently.
"You don't like it, 'no? Aminin mo."
"Not that I don't like it. Ayoko lang naman ng unreasonable masyado. Don't worry, Den, I will give you every reason to trust me, okay?"
"But I do trust you." Dennise mused. She pressed her nose against her cheek. "God, I love you so much."
"Why?"
"Did you just ask me why?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Because why not?"
"Nice one." They laughed.
"Ikaw. Why?"
"You don't want to know why."
"Why not?"
"You know... it was not love at first sight for me." Alyssa felt Den's frown on her cheek. She smiled and fumbled with Den's hair to assure her. "Pero I have to agree I was attracted to you. I gave it a chance like how I gave the others chances din. There was nothing special, Den. May sparks pero hanggang doon lang eh. I was just free kaya ganoon. I gave ours a chance. Tsaka feeling ko kasi, you fell in love with me already eh so might as well try, 'di ba?"
"Ahhh, so ganoon pala. You tried lang."
"I did try, yes and it turned out better than what I asked for. You are not hard to love, Den. You were already pretty but you became more beautiful to me. I fell in love with your wits, your tantrums, your determination. The little things, I fell in love with those. That was how it worked. Even your flaws, Den. I fell in love with your flaws like how you also embraced mine." She started, her words coming out of her lips with a sense of sincerity in each. "Den, let us work this out. Please. I will do my best. Let us stay honest with each other. In every way, I want us to be honest. I know everything won't be okay and let us not pretend like it is. I hurt people, a lot. I make mistakes. I will hurt you at some point. Kaya I want you to tell me, Den. Get mad at me if you must. But please, do not give up on us."
"Of course, I won't."
"You how how life is flawed and unfair. We will have our ups and downs. We will argue and we will fight and during those times, I want us to grow. Help me make myself a better person, Den."
"We will grow." Dennise agreed in a whisper.
The two settled in silence again as they absorbed everything that has just been said.
It was one of those moments that reminded them of how life could be this wonderful. Just being together, without much actions to be done, just letting the comfortable silence speak for each other.
Dennise scooted a little to Aly's side to catch a glimpse of her eyes. Alyssa cupped her cheek lovingly.
"I will tell you how I feel," she said without taking her eyes off Dennise. She saw how the other's eyes moistened, the tears dwelling on her eyes reflecting Alyssa's smiling face. "I will tell you how much I love you. I may not say it often and I won't say it out of habit. I won't say it just because you have said it first. But each time I say it, Den, please know that I am being sincere. I love you. It is not probably as much as how you love me but I will love you in all ways you deserve to be loved, Dennise. I love you already and I know I can only love you more."
"I understand. I will understand."
And so, Dennise made herself understand why her heart ached. It could be from her happiness and contentment. Or it could be the thought that Alyssa has loved someone else before her. It could be the thought that she has a large void to fill in Alyssa's life. It could be the idea that she will have to break her heart just to offer the broken pieces and complete Alyssa's.
She made herself understand that Alyssa is worth it. And even if she is not, she will choose to understand.
Note:
What do they say? Calm before the storm?
This update took a long time for me to finish. Medyo tigang kasi ang barko. Yung KaRa, lumalayag. Ba't ganern. Sana may article din ang AD from Bengs. Like yung sa KaRa nga.
Anyway, game 3. UGH. Dreaded do or die game.
Another thing, may early Christmas gift sana ako pero mamaya or some other time ko na ibibigay. I have to attend a meeting with our org muna so byeeee!