Not Worth Living:
This chapter contains descriptions of death and suicidal thoughts.
Please read at your own risk.
Freds Pov:
I guess heaven wasn't so bad after all.
It's a nice place really.
What these muggles talk about.
Though they didn't quite get it right.
I mean sure it was clean, it was comfy.
It was alright.
A ceiling full of never ending stars that covered the nights sky.
It was stunning actually.
I don't know why I'd even fear death. Not if I knew before that this was what it was.
All but an endless nights sky filled with stars.
I'd considered all sorts of possibilities.
Being reborn as a frog or some stupid shit like that.
Pure darkness, no light to be found.
Even dementors swirling around my entire body as evil cackles sounded in my ears.
All scary.
Yet this was the most peace I'd had in a very long time.
This was like the feeling I got when I was in Y/N's arms as she whispered sweet nothings in my ears.
The feeling I got when I lay my head on her stomach listening to the heartbeat of our children and feeling them kicking against my skin.
The feeling I got on every walk we'd ever been on together, her hand in mine around the black lake at Hogwarts.
If this was what death was, I could deal with it.
I just hoped she'd be with me by my side one day.
But peace doesn't last long.
——————————————-
"AHHHHH YOU FUCKING WANKER!"
I screamed as I felt a cold liquid splash against my skin, vivid memories of the time when Y/N tipped water on me to wake me up.
How George's face had appeared in heaven, I'd never know.
I hoped he wasn't dead.
"Bloody hell George! You got yourself fucking killed?" I screamed.
I noticed that he looked like complete and utter shit. His eyes with massive bags under them. His lip bloody and face scratched.
His ginger hair now black with soot and muck.
"Fucking hell Fred!" He yelled in return, laying himself on my chest and clinging on tight to me.
Jeez what's this guys problem.
"I thought you were fucking dead!"
Oh.
So I wasn't dead.
I didn't know whether to feel relieved or annoyed that my peace had been shattered.
"I'm not dead?" This time my voice came out in a groan, my throat stinging to speak and I'd literally sounded like a frog.
"No you aren't fucking dead." George sobbed. Honestly you'd have thought someone had died at the rate he was crumbling.
I let out a chuckle, still not aware of the current situation around me, or what had happened previous to me waking.
"Hey where's Y/N? Not had the babies has she?"
And what I didn't think was possible was for George's face to drop.
For him to look even more saddened than by the possibility of me being dead.
And that's when the numbing sensation came over me.
The fear I felt as my heart thudded against my chest was unreal.
A pain like no other.
And as I shook, the memories came flooding back to me.
"Freddie! NO!"
"Y/N!"
It wasn't the wall that had taken me out.
Nothing but a stunning spell knocking me out for a couple of hours.
No.
It was far worse than what I had even considered.
This was it.
There was nothing I could do about it now.
My worst fear had come true.
Y/N.
The wall.
And rolling over onto my left hand side ready to bury my head in my hands and pray that this day had never happened.
I saw a sight that could never be erased from memory.
Never would I get this image out of my head for it was the most horrifying thing I'd ever seen.
And that was when the tears leaked down my face and my heart stopped.
Y/N Lily Black.
My beautiful girl friend and one day wife. The mother to my unborn children.
Bloody and bruised.
Completely lifeless.
"Y/N"
————————————————
Y/N's Pov:
I'd never given that much thought to how I'd die. Up until the war id always thought it'd be something exciting like Y'know death by flying car.
Or something completely stupid- blowing myself up in potions.
Either way I wasn't expecting this.
All that I could describe it as was white really.
And when I say white, I mean really white.
Like the kind of white that hurts your eyes.
The brightness of when you turn your light on first thing in a morning.
Not a good bright.
But a sense of comfort came with it anyway.
I seemed to be in a big hall.
Strange.
White, unlit candles placed around the side of each of the four walls.
Four long tables down the centre of the room, a bench either side of each.
If it wasn't so white I'd go as far to say it was the great hall.
Weird.
Where the fuck was I?
Yep dead.
I know that.
But that didn't explain why I'm for some unknown reason trapped in a awfully white room with nothing but me myself and I.
The babies!
I felt down towards my stomach, extremely happy to see that the bump was still there.
I still felt like they were in there.
It didn't feel any different anyway.
I can't lose them.
Even if I'm dead.
How that was going to work I have no idea but in the situation I just wanted them there with me.
With me even if I'm my stomach.
"Y/N."
The voice was the voice of a woman.
Soundingly mid 20's.
Very light and yet full of wisdom.
"Yes?"
To no response I let my eyes trail around the four corners of the walls, looking for any sign of a door or hole in the wall that could possibly be concealing someone.
"Y/N."
This time a man.
"Who's there?"
I spun around in a circle.
Still no one.
That's it.
I'd gone mad.
"Who is it?"
This wasn't funny anymore.
"Show yourself!"
I wish I had my wand.
And then the first colour that I had seen in what must have been days.
A block of orange as two figures came towards me.
And I prayed with every inch of me that one of the figures was Fred.
That he'd come to save me from this awfully white and lonely place.
That he'd know how to get us home.
But no.
It wasn't Fred.
Or even George.
It wasn't Ron or Molly or Arthur or Ginny or Charlie or Bill or Percy.
It was a woman.
A woman with bright ginger locks of hair, her face full of freckles scattering her nose and cheeks.
A smile on her face and her green eyes sparkling.
Her hand clasped around a man.
A man who's smile was bigger than any id ever seen.
His brown hair messy and blue eyes shining with what must be delight.
I knew exactly who was walking towards me.
And how to act I didn't know.
For I'd heard so many stories from so many people.
All about the odd couple.
Yet never had I expected I would get the privilege of meeting.
Two people who had been part of so many peoples lives.
Lily and James Potter.
My uncle James. And my auntie Lily.
So when the man outstretched his arms in excitement, ready to pull me into his chest.
I didn't deny the affection.
And then another pair wrapped around me from behind, engulfing me between them and for the first time since I'd last been in Fred's arms, I felt like home.
—————————————-
Freds Pov:
"DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! SHES DEAD!"
"SHES DEAD GEORGE AND ITS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WITH HER!
I SHOULD BE THERE LOOKING AFTER HER!
LOOKING AFTER OUR BABIES THAT ARE DUE TO BE BORN ANY DAY!"
"BUT SHES GONE! SHES FUCKING LEFT ME!
EVERYONES LEFT ME.
SHES NOT COMING BACK AND ITS ALL MY FAULT."
This type of pain could not be explained by anyone.
My world was falling apart.
My world was dead.
I'd never felt like I'd wanted to end my life or not even come close to thinking about it.
I was lucky.
I'd never had suicidal thoughts or feelings like I didn't belong.
I'd always been happy with my life.
But now I understood what it was like for those people.
I understand the feeling of not wanting to belong.
Of not wanting to be here anymore.
It's funny how a person could change your life so drastically that it wasn't worth living the same again.
And in that moment it was all I could feel.
All I could think about.
All I could do.
If a world existed where she wasn't a part of it.
I didnt want to be either.
A life without her was not worth living.
———————————-
Sorry for the wait.
And for the chapter.
Hope that you enjoy the read!!!!
And sorry ;)