Aiyanna
I sighed for the umpteenth time as I walked back to Forks.
I had left Canada on four legs and turned back to human as soon as I set a paw in the State of Washington.
I was thrilled to go back to my pack that became a safe place to me, despite the never ending quarrels and the recent shocking events. However, I didn't want to share my thoughts to them, especially not now that all I could think about was the Edward I left behind with everything I knew about the imprint and what I decided to do about it.
Or Jasper, that I only noticed after taking the decision to go back home, who looked at me with an apologetic expression as he apologized for attacking me on my birthday party.
And finally Emmett, whom I didn't look at long enough to decipher his expression
I thought I had moved on, but it wasn't completely true. It was only when I saw them again that I realized how hurt I was that they left me all so suddenly. Not just Edward, all of them. They all used to play a role in my life but...not anymore.
I was still covered with Edward's shirt that I had wrapped around my ankle before turning. His scent still lingered on the piece of fabric, and numerous times, I caught myself trying to inhale it, like an addict.
Stupid imprint
How would I have reacted to the Cullen's return if I hadn't imprinted on one of them ?
The feeling of shame for imprinting on a vampire had played a huge part in my fleeing. It was actually, the only reason why I ran away at first.
I probably would have reacted the same way I did but without running away. At least, not for that long.
I had been so caught in my thoughts, almost forgetting about my surroundings, that I didn't notice the wolf that was trotting towards me from my left side until it stopped in front of me.
I recognized him. The color of his fur, the scent that emanated from him, the eyes that always seemed to look at mine with worry...there was no way I couldn't recognize him.
However, everything felt different now.
With a sigh, I reached my hand forward and ran my hand through the fur of his jaw.
"Had it been you, and it would have been so much easier. Everything's gone now. I see you, but I can't feel anything. I'm sor..."
Before I could finish my sentence, he turned to human right in front of me.
My eyes only followed his face. I was used to see first turners naked once they'd turn back to human so I wasn't surprised anymore. I knew how to avoid seeing things I wasn't allowed to.
"You could've hidden yourself. I wasn't going to leave." I reminded him.
"What are you sorry for ? Are you okay ?" Ricky asked, looking me up and down, looking for any injury.
"I'm fine, now dress up."
"Yeah, sorry."
I turned my head to the left, giving him an ounce of privacy, although this concept was easily baffled in our pack.
"I've been looking for you." Ricky confessed.
"I am pretty sure Sam told you not to."
"He didn't explicitly order me not to."
Ricky was caring. Although he didn't talk much, he listened a lot and knew how to read the room and through people.
I used to see him in a different light than the rest of the boys. I did once feel attracted to him, but the longer I stared at him and the more I realized that there was nothing left of that attraction. It was as if someone had cut a string that used to link us.
Just like our grandparents, we weren't meant to be anything more than what we already were.
"Ricky..."
"I know." he cut me off. "I was too late. Maybe I should've been more upfront."
"I'm glad you weren't. At least, you avoided the hurt I would've caused you." I told him.
Ricky sighed. "So what are you going to do ?"
"Nothing. I won't let this imprint thing take control over me. It seems easier said than done but that's my decision."
"Are you sure this is the best idea ?"
"I'm not sure of anything anymore, except that he is the one who was choosen for me. Other than that, everything else is just drowned in an ocean of confusion." I answered in a sigh.
I couldn't help but notice how deep the creases in between his eyebrows were getting, as he breathed more deeply.
"Is that his scent on you ?" Ricky asked, bringing his hand to cover his nose and mouth. I answered with a nod, unable to mirror his action because of how addictive the scent was to me."Did you see him ?"
I nodded again. "He must have been hunting in the area. I told him everything and shared my decision on the matter."
"How did it go ?"
~~
Edward
I lost her.
In all ways possible.
It was as if nothing changed since I left our house. As if, her presence which I thought would be my cure, had lost its effect.
Wrong.
I had it all wrong this whole time. All this time, I had tried to convince myself that only being around Aiyanna would be enough. But all I truly wished for, was to be with her again. All I only wanted, was to go back to the relationship we once had.
But she made it clear to me that our desires were different.
[2 HOURS AGO]
"The imprint. I have imprinted on you, Edward." Aiyanna declared.
I had heard this word on the beach, but despite my research, I wasn't able to find out the real meaning of that word.
"What does it mean ?" I asked her, longing for more explanation.
Aiyanna sighed and her heart started to beat faster. This time, she was the one who avoided my eyes.
It allowed me to shamelessly discover her with a new eye.
She was completely different from the girl I had to leave last September. From her obvious hair cut to her body changes. Her once round face had lost of its density as she seemed to have lost weight. Her body on the other hand, especially her legs that were the most visible to me, looked way stronger and bigger than what I remembered.
It reminded me of the words she had used earlier.
The Aiyanna who once had the right to do so, is long gone
How far was the Aiyanna I was used to ? What was left of her in the person I was in front of ?
Would there still be a room for me in her new life ?
I was hoping that she would answer positively to that question, but deep down, I couldn't save my hopes from the constant doubts that were growing stronger.
"The imprint is a phenomenom that is said not to be common to shapeshifters. It is when..." Aiyanna started, but stopped herself as she chocked up on her words.
"You don't need to speak." I reminded her. "I can hear you."
Aiyanna nodded, but never looked up at me.
"When imprinting happens, a wolf is gravitationally pulled toward that person. Everything else in the wolf's life becomes secondary to place the imprint as its first priority. It is not love at first sight. It's... much more...profound."
I listened intently to her thoughts, feeling a sudden heat in every member of my body. The more she spoke, and the more it spread. I had never felt as such in my existence, which made me unable to control myself when I closed the distance between Aiyanna and I.
My body acted as an illustration of her words. I craved for more of her presence, but I was terrified of touching her. Not only because I dreaded to scare her away, but also because of how weakly I suspected my body would react to her simple touch.
At my sudden action, Aiyanna stepped back, surprised. Her fists were clenched, and she had to take a deeper breath.
"Let me finish." she pleaded in a small voice.
"I'm sorry."
Aiyanna sighed again, and continued :
"Imprinting leaves us with a deep need to do anything to please and protect our imprint. We would try to become whatever they need us to be, whether it's a protector, a lover or a friend. In simple words...it is an unvoluntary mean for a shapeshifter to find its soulmate. It's a phenomenom that bounds me to you for the rest of our lives."
I should have been delighted and reassured, knowing that from the beginning I had found a soulmate in Aiyanna. Knowing that the choice we once made to choose each other had been the right one. Knowing that the pain and sudden fatigue I felt during those two weeks away from her had a reason.
However, Aiyanna's reaction to that revelation also made all sense to me now.
"You don't want this." I deducted.
Aiyanna finally looked up at me after taking her time to breathe in. Once again, her eyes met mine and this time, I could not only hear but also see her internal fight through her expression.
I hated myself for being the cause of such distress.
It had already been hard for me to imagine it after breaking up with her. Now that I saw it, it only stirred up the hatred I carried for myself.
Aiyanna sighed once more, and stabbed my chest with the three words I dreaded to hear. "No, I don't."
~~
Aiyanna
After leaning his head backwards and howling to the sky to signal my presence, Ricky ran with me on his back, holding onto him with the remaining energy I had left in my body.
I had no strength to turn once more. I had used up the little bit of energy I had left to turn back to human. It was as if, after seeing Ricky, someone I knew I could lean on, all of my survival instincts left me. All I wished for at the moment, was to shower, eat properly and rest.
I did want to see the boys, but didn't think I would have enough energy to handle their presence all at once. I was already submerged with emotions when I heard their howls, in response to Ricky's signal.
I felt my heart beating faster as my ears noticed how clearer and closer their howls were getting, which showed that I was getting closer to home. The difference between our howls were almost inaudible to normal human beings, but to us, it became natural to recognize each other's sounds as it allowed us to better communicate with each other at a long distance.
Which was why, I started to feel uneasy when I heard howls that I couldn't recognize.
Not one, or two but three of them.
They didn't welcome three wolves in just two weeks, did they ? No, not that fast. Right ?
My fatigue was probably clouding my senses.
The way home was quick. So quick, that I was surprised when Ricky stopped running. I looked up, only to see that we were in the woods behind my house.
From where we were, I could see both of my parents' car parked in front of the porch.
I felt chills running down my spine which made me shiver suddenly, when I remembered in what circumstances I had left home.
It was right after Nana's passing.
I had cried my heart out when the weight of her loss had hit me on my first days of running away. I doubted tears would ever come out again, now.
What kind of daughter was I, to only think of myself and not think of the worry I would add to my parents' life when they already had to deal with the loss of a loved one ?
With a sigh, I came down from Ricky's back after he lowered himself enough for me to get down. However, even when doing so, I was unable to stand firm on my feet because of how weak I felt, both physically and emotionally.
Too many things were happening inside of me in such a short period of time.
From seeing Edward again, to feeling the pack near me, and now being only a few steps away from my family.
My hand was still holding onto Ricky whose ears were pointing upwards, ready to listen to whatever I would say.
"Just a moment." I answered to the small whining sounds coming from him.
"I'll take it from here, Ricky." a voice I recognized oh too well, talked from behind me.
I had sensed him a few miles back. He had been following at a distance, which made me wonder why he stayed hidden this long.
I smiled, happy nevertheless. "I thought you wouldn't greet me before I'd get home." I admitted.
"If I knew you would come back in this state, I never would have let you run away." Sam answered as he stopped in front of me. "What happened to you, Aiyanna ?"
"Do I look that bad ?"
Sam looked at me from head to toe. I saw his nose slightly twitch after seeing the shirt I was wearing. He then shook his head when he saw how Ricky's bermuda shorts was hanging low on my hips, threatening to fall on my ankle.
"Worse." Sam answered.
I scoffed. "You sure know how to talk to a lady." I told him.
Sam didn't answer, but instead turned around and squatted down. "Climb on my back." he ordered me.
"Yes, sir."
Without complaining, I let myself fall on his back feeling at ease knowing that I was supported. While his arms found their way in the back of my knees, I wrapped mine around his neck.
As soon as I was settled, Sam turned towards Ricky.
"You can go home. We will gather at my place when she'll get enough rest." Sam told him.
Ricky's eyes flickered to mine probably as worried as he had been when he first saw me.
"I'll be okay. You too, get some rest." I said.
To that, Ricky answered with a nod and started running in the opposite direction.
I felt Sam sigh under me, before he turned in my house's direction.
"What ?"
"I had doubts at first, but this one listens to you more than he listens to me." Sam confied to me.
"As long as our instructions don't come in conflict with each other, I don't see how that's a problem. I'm only the Beta, you know. At some point, he'll have to listen to you more than he listens to me." I answered.
Sam was walking slowly, allowing us to speak longer before I would recover from exhaustion for who knew how long.
"It wasn't easy." Sam sighed after a small silence.
I scoffed and rested my cheek on his right shoulder. "Is that your way to say that you missed me ? Or was it really that hard to handle the boys ?"
"Much more difficult than you can imagine."
While my voice was a little bit more lighter, Sam's voice on the contrary stayed serious. And it worried me.
"Did something happen ?" I asked him, worried.
I didn't know if I should talk about the voices I thought I heard earlier. Maybe they were only from my imagination. Maybe my senses weren't at their full capacity.
"Nothing that can't wait until you get better." Sam answered.
I rolled my eyes. "Sam. Who knows when that will be ? I could probably sleep for a week."
I, myself, had no idea of when I would get better. No amount of sleep or food would be enough for me to be better. I knew what...who my cure was, and yet my morals chose to ignore it.
"Then it will wait until you wake up next week."
Refusing to say anything only made me more anxious, but I wanted to believe that if he wanted to wait to say anything, it was because it wasn't as important as I thought it'd be or didn't require my intervention.
"Okay." I sighed before changing the subject. "How are my parents ?"
"On the verge of pointing a gun to my head for letting you run away." he answered immediately.
Very typical of them. I felt sorry for adding fuel to the fire by disappearing in such circumstances.
Sam was now walking around the house once reaching the backyard. The more he approached the porch, and the quicker I realized that my car was also parked in front of the house.
I remembered that I had left it at the school's parking lot after hearing Sam's howl when the Cullen's and Victoria's presence had been felt on our territory.
Not once had I thought of her during the past two weeks. Every thought that had run through my mind had been focused on Edward.
Once again, I was reminded of his face expression when I left him. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to think about it now.
When I opened them again, Sam was already walking up the steps of our porch. I could hear my parents' voice inside, wondering when I would be back.
One of the boys must have warn them.
Once in front of door, Sam's right arm left the back of my knees to knock on the front door of my house.
Both Sam and I were able to hear my parent's heartbeats speed up at that sudden sound. I could hear their footsteps coming closer to the front door, in a hurry.
Being a complete contrast to the noise inside, Sam's voice remained calm as he said : "Welcome home."