I don't know what time I woke up, but there was an unfamiliar weight pressed across my torso. I blinked my eyes hard to adjust to the dim light of the Undercroft where the candles had mostly extinguished themselves overnight.
The weight was from an arm. Sebastian Sallow's arm to be precise. His front was also pressed firmly against my back. We were spooning.
My body froze. I didn't know what to do. So I delicately and expertly slipped out from his grasp and could finally breath again. He let out a small grunt and rolled over onto his other side.
Thank Merlin.
I placed his robe that he'd generously given me last night on the top of him for extra warmth and slipped my boots back on, making a quick escape to the common room.
Unlucky for me, it was later than I expected and I ran into Imelda almost immediately.
"Where have you been? You didn't come to bed at all!" She accused me, quite loudly.
"I... uh... I'll explain later."
No I wouldn't, I just needed to get away from this conversation.
I gave myself a cold shower to try and wash away the sins, unaware I'd even let him get that close to me. It then had me second guessing if anything had actually happened. Surely not, I'd remember that, right?
The cold shower did nothing to alleviate my feelings so I took myself to the Great Hall and fed myself way too much food, hoping a full stomach would bury the guilt inside me.
"You left early."
The owner of the rogue arm sat down next to me at the table with a loud thump that almost shook the bench I was sitting on.
Imelda was listening and threw me a shocked look, her mouth agape.
Fuck. She thought we'd slept together. Shit. Well... I mean, technically we did sleep together. Just not in the way she was probably hoping.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn't want to disturb you but had to get ready for the day."
"That's alright. I hope you were warm enough, it got pretty cold."
Ah. That's why.
"Sebastian... did we... uh, do... anything?" I scrunched up my face as I asked. I can't believe I just dared to ask that.
"What? No! What makes you say that?" He looked almost offended I would ask.
"Nothing, sorry. When I woke up your arm was over me and you were pretty close to me, that's all."
"Ah, I see. Sorry about that. As I said, it got pretty cold. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."
Damn. That's not really the answer I wanted. I burned to tell him it was alright, that I didn't mind. But instead, I smiled and ate my toast. Pretending I was still mad at him was so much easier than confessing any sorts of feelings I had, whether they were good or bad.
"How are you feeling after last night? With Ominis?" I asked, noticing Ominis sitting up the other end of the table with some other students.
"Ugh... not too great. I don't know what's worse. The fact my best friend has been fucking around with my sister or the fact they both decided to lie to me. It's a good thing Ominis and I aren't really friends anymore because we certainly wouldn't be after this."
"I know it's not really my place, but have you considered how this could possibly be a good thing?"
He furrowed his brows and looked at me, his fork with bacon on it hanging in the air as he dared me to explain myself.
"Well, they've been friends for years, yes? That means Ominis really cares about her and you know he has good intentions... besides, shouldn't Anne be able to experience all these things? You get to."
"What do you mean 'I get to'?" He spoke with his mouth now full of the food he was waiting on eating before.
How do I take back what I said? I could obliviate him... no, that would be stupid, there's witnesses. I did mean that he will get to live on while she dies. He'll get the chance to move on, have a family, fall in love, have his heart broken, but Anne... she won't. So why shouldn't she get to experience love before the inevitable? But I couldn't very well tell him that.
"I just mean... you're here with free reign of where you go, who you talk to and she's stuck in St Mungos."
Smooth recovery, Olive.
"Yeah, I suppose you're right. But did it have to be Ominis? It's disgusting!"
For the first time in a long time, we shared a laugh together and for a fleeting moment it was as if nothing had changed between us. But that wasn't true.
✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
"You're confusing, Olive." Imelda called out to me from her bed.
I was thankful our other two roommates were immune to her loud abruptness now.
I huffed a little as I bookmarked my place in Sebastian's borrowed copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard and slid it back into my bedside table.
"How so?" I challenged her, turning on my side and propping myself up on my elbow.
"You hate Sallow, then you spend all your time pining over him but ignoring him, then you spend a night with him but you insist you didn't do anything and now you're eating meals together. I can't keep up!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"He's been asking questions. Unlike you, I have the unfortunate luck of being stuck in almost every class with him. All he did today was ask about you. Strange things too."
"Strange?"
"Like your fathers name, your mothers maiden name. Weird shit."
This clearly had something to do with what I'd told him about yesterday and I didn't like it. I dismissed Imelda as I did most of the time and shut the curtains on my bed. But I didn't manage a wink of sleep. I vowed to confront Sebastian about it as soon as I saw him.
Which conveniently was the next morning in the common room. It seemed he slept as much (or as little) as I did. He was awake with disheveled wet hair and in his robes for the day, it was clear he'd showered and began his day already.
"Sebastian!" I said quietly, but in a loud and angry whisper, noticing him bent over a pile of parchment and books at a small table by the fire.
He quickly slammed the books shut and shoved the parchment under the lounge he was sitting on.
"Olive. I—I didn't expect you up this early." He said, slightly startled.
"Why the fuck are you asking Imelda all these weird questions about me?" I said, standing in front of him with my hands firmly planted on my hips.
"I knew I shouldn't have trusted her..." He muttered.
"Nuh-uh, Sallow. Don't blame her. What are you doing?" I demanded, shuffling my feet a little to get a stronger, more intimidating stance.
He sighed and shook his head, as if he were battling with his own mind.
"I'm trying to find out about your mothers family. I think it will give you a lot of closure to know where you came from, to know more about your magic."
My eyes widened at his confession, unsure whether to feel flattered, excited or offended. I decided to go with offended.
"Why? Did you even think to ask if that's what I wanted? That's incredibly invasive, Sebastian!"
He opened his mouth to speak, and quickly shut it. I watched the small sparkle he had in his eyes darken.
I rolled my shoulders back and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, "Did you find anything?" I spoke softly.
I could see him trying to hide a small smile, not wanting to show he was pleased with my intrigue.
"No. Imelda gave me very little to work with."
"That's because I don't know much myself. My mother, Juliette, was born in France but was disowned and sent over to England when it was known she was a Squib. I never learned her maiden name. My father's name was Edward Raywood. That's all I have."
"I'm certain I can work with that... if that's what you want." He said. I could see he'd picked up his quill again and was twirling it in his fingers, eager to write down what I'd just told him.
I resigned to the idea. Anything that would get Sebastian Sallow distracted enough to not worry about Anne and self-destruction was probably worth it.
"All right."
His face lit up and he quickly pulled out one piece of parchment from under his feet and scribbled down the information he was given.
"Oh, by the way, you aren't scheduled to walk with Weasley today, are you?" He asked, tucking away his notes into his bag.
"No. We do that on Mondays," I said, cocking a confused eyebrow.
"Think you'd be interested in going on one with me?"
Yes.
"Uhh, if you'd really like to. Do I need to lose weight or something? What's what all the men taking me on walks!"
"No! No. Nothing like that. You're perfect. I just never get to spend time with you anymore and since we are both up bright and early, I figured we could actually do that." He said.
Hm. Perfect.
I nodded and he stood up eagerly, excusing himself to his dormitory quickly to put his belongings away before running back down the stairs eagerly ready to join me.
"Alright, where to, Sallow?" I asked, heading towards the castle exit.
"You're the seasoned hiker, you tell me what's good and I'll follow."
I didn't really feel like taking Sebastian all the way to Aranshire. I'm not sure he realised just how far Garreth and I actually walked when he suggested we go on one and it was slightly later than I normally went, so we'd likely miss breakfast.
"I know of one place. It does require a break and entry." I smirked.
"Oh, you know me too well, Raywood." He chuckled, a glimmer of mischief in his eye.
We took the short walk out past the fountain and I led him to the Quidditch pitch, approaching the gate.
Sebastian inspected the barricade, realising it couldn't be opened with a simple Alohomora.
"We climb." I told him, suddenly remembering that this was an impromptu walk and I was wearing my entire school uniform. Long skirt included.
Sebastian looked me up and down, the corner of his mouth upturning into a small smile.
"Avert your eyes please." I scolded, folding my arms until he obeyed. He raised his hands in defeat and turned his back.
I sighed hard and lifted my skirt completely up and tucked it in to my vest. My knickers were now completely out on display. I began to scale the fence, careful to not lodge a boot in it this time, which I did successfully, but this time my foot slipped on my descent and I landed flat on my back. The thump had Sebastian turning around quickly and I groaned as I struggled to quickly whip my skirt back down over my body to maintain some sort of dignity
"I said turn around!" I said, sitting up quickly with a pained moan.
"You fell! What was I supposed to do? Leave you there?" He laughed, beginning to clamour over the fence slightly more delicately than I had.
When he landed with a soft thud on both feet, he extended a hand which I graciously accepted. We walked in awkward silence up the stands until we reached the tallest point. My cheeks still felt hot and bright red from my fall, knowing I'd exposed all my undergarments and basically my arse to Sebastian.
"Quite the view, do you come here a lot?" He asked, finally breaking the tension.
"Just the once. I normally go to Aranshire."
"Aranshire?! Fuck, Olive. That's quite the bloody hike, all the way around the lake!" He said, shocked.
"It is. But it's worth it."
"Well, if Weasley won't mind you showing me all your hidden spots, you'll have to take me there." Sebastian said casually, leaning back against the bench behind us.
I felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over me, I didn't even think about how this place was somewhere Garreth and I discovered together and if I had ruined it by bringing Sebastian here.
"Of course. If you're up for the walk." I said through a small, forced laugh.
"I'm up for anything with you, Raywood."
Excuse me?
He must have noticed my confused expression as he quickly backtracked, "Uh, I mean, I'll walk anywhere with you."
It was odd. The Sebastian I knew last year would have just let that slide as if it were intentional, which a lot of the time I believed it was. It was like his confidence had taken a beating lately and he seemed more insecure. I caught glimpses of his old charismatic nature, but he'd quickly retract. I hated it, I missed it.
"Are you alright?" I asked, finally allowing myself to look at him rather than the sky in front of us.
"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" He asked me, looking a little puzzled.
"You seem different. You aren't the same Sebastian I knew."
"Well, obviously. Shit has happened, Olive..." He said blankly, as if this was a matter of fact statement.
"I know that. But you speak differently around me. You act differently around me. Is it because of how we started this year?"
"No, not at all. It's nothing. I'm just not getting enough sleep these days and it's taking a toll on me."
"Perhaps you should be trying to stay in bed rather than getting up at the crack of dawn worrying about my ancestors, Mr. Sallow," I smiled.
"Well, maybe you should heed your own advice, Miss Raywood. I believe it was you who approached me this morning."
Ah, there it was. The back and forth I missed so much.
"So we're agreed then. We both need to stay in our beds until after 7am," I suggested.
"I will if you will," He held out his hand to shake mine.
I took his hand in my own and shook it firmly, nodding my head as we sealed the deal.
"I'll ask Ominis about this, I have to make sure you're keeping to the terms of the agreement," I added as a condition of our deal.
"I have bad news, Olive. Ominis is blind, so I'm afraid you're at a disadvantage there, he will never know if I sneak away. Especially if I get Imelda on my side to keep an eye on you."
Oh, it was on. The one thing that drove me absolutely wild about Sebastian since the moment I met him was just how fucking competitive he was. While he never challenged me to another duel until the most recent Crossed Wands tournament, every time we were out in the Highlands wiping out poachers and Ashwinders, it was always an unspoken competition to see who could cast the most extravagant spells with the best flourish and flair.
I always declared that I won, only for my ability to swish my long hair and flick my skirt as I did it. It never looked quite as good when Sebastian tried to pirouette a Confringo into a goblin.
"Fine. We'll see," I said with a light chuckle.
The sun finally blessed us with it's presence as it crept over the steeples of the castle, giving Sebastian's wild, though now completely dry hair a copper glow. It was evident he hadn't even attempted to do anything with it as it dried into a fluffy mess. It was... cute.
No! Stop it, he is absolutely not cute. He's fucking insufferable.
But I couldn't take my eyes away. He scoffed a small laugh away as he caught me staring, my eyes narrowed.
"Can I help you?" He smiled.
"You need to brush your hair," I said, my eyes still fixed on his wild mane.
I elicited a deep belly laugh from him as he quickly ran his fingers through his brown locks, trying to push most of it to the side and away from his face.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake..." He was making it worse, "Here."
I shuffled closer and cast a short burst of Aguamenti on my hands. With wet fingers, I ran them through his hair, realising just how fucking soft and thick it was.
Lucky boy.
I slicked it back, but kept my fingers tangled in the locks, "Is that alright?"
"I trust your judgement," He said, taking his own hand and looping his fingers around my wrist. He let his eyes meet mine, the deep brown of them moving back and forth between my own, as if he was trying to get a read on me. I gulped hard as he removed my hand from his head and slowly, oh so slowly, placed it on the bench between us. I could almost hear his frantic heartbeat as it pounded against his rib cage and I wondered if he could hear mine doing the exact same thing.
He inched his face closer to me, his lips parted only the slightest amount and I found myself mimicking him, my lips betraying me and parting as much as his were. I could see the golden beams of light tickling the smattering of freckles across his nose, they almost seemed like they were sparkling. He was exquisite. I caught myself wondering if his lips matched his scent, like he'd just swam in a bath of coconut ice from Honeydukes. I could definitely find out.
No.
I shifted myself back quickly and snatched my hand from his grasp, using my hands to flatten out the invisible creases I'd just now imagined were visible on my skirt.
"We should go back. We'll miss breakfast." I said, now finding my shoes utterly interesting as I stared at them.
"Oh, of course. Can't uh—miss that bacon, I guess." He cleared his throat and adjusted his own robe, standing up and leading the way back down the stands and helping me over the fence with his head turned to the side and his eyes squeezed firmly shut.
He walked me to the Great Hall and sat me down at the table but took a plate, piled it high and left me alone. Merlin knows when he went.
My head was spinning with thoughts and what ifs. Had I imagined it? Maybe he wasn't making a move and I was just truly delusional.
Well, I guess I would find out soon since we had Defence Against the Dark Arts together for first period... great.