Days have passed since I talked to the boys about my past relationship with the Cullens, and since then, everything had turned back to normal.
It took time, especially for Paul and Jared who I had been the closest to even before we turned, to stop avoiding my eye contact. For Embry, he admitted that he was disgusted at first, but quickly stopped caring about it. As for Jacob, he didn't care about it anymore either because now that he was aware that Bella knew more about this world that he thought she did, he was tormented as he tried to avoid spilling the truth about our kind.
Although it put Jacob in a difficult position, I was thankful that this rule existed. The last thing I needed was to have Bella in almost every area of my life.
This animosity between Bella and I...it all started when she started to lay her eyes on Edward. It was an animosity controlled by jealousy. But now that my heart healed from the hold he once had on it, I found myself questioning the relevance of this war between us.
Edward and the rest of the Cullens were never coming back. So, who were we fighting for ?
Bella had told me to move on but actually, none of us completely did. Everytime we'd see each other, we would be reminded of the past and keep on hating each other for something that was gone forever.
The only ones who didn't change around me were Sam, who was already aware of my past choices and Ricky who I was now, patrolling with.
From the beginning, his reactions had been different. Maybe the fact that we only got to know each other after he turned played a huge part on the fact that not once had he judged me for my choices.
"There was nothing to be judged in the first place." Ricky suddenly intervened.
It was too easy to believe that we couldn't hear each other's thoughts because we weren't close physically. While I was patrolling in Forks, Ricky was in La Push.
"Sorry about that." I told him, realizing that he had to deal with me, overthinking.
"It's okay."
I sighed. "I never found the right time to say this, but I want to thank you for standing by my side the whole time. It really helped me not feel like garbage."
Until the boys' anger towards me died down, Ricky always made sure that I never had the time to feel alone. From always checking on me, even on days when our patrols didn't match, to conversing to me as if nothing had ever been said.
Ricky didn't answer right away. For a second I wondered if he had turned back to human, leaving me alone, but I could feel his presence in my thoughts, and see the images of the dark leaves his paws stepped on.
"There's no need for you to thank me, Aiyanna. I will always be by your side. As a pack member, as a friend...and whatever you want me to be for you."
The familiar tingling sensation in my stomach that always manifested in his presence surfaced again. From that night in front of my house when we indirectly confessed that we weren't indifferent to each other, this sensation stopped resurfacing that much around him. Maybe because I was getting used to him. But even though we knew what we thought and felt for each other thanks or because of the wolf telepathy, neither him nor I made the first step. And it was for one unique reason.
"I know what you think about this..." Ricky said. "...that it'd be cruel of you to wish for me to be something else than a friend or a pack member."
"I got to know what a heartbreak is. Who am I to inflict that to anyone I was not destined to in the first place ?" I answered.
"And what if someone was willing to try, despite the consequences ?"
At first, I wanted to believe that the imprint was not inevitable. That the possibility of being something else than a lover to whom we were decided to be with, existed. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I saw the bond that linked Sam and Emily and the more it seemed inevitable to me.
This kind of bond...I couldn't understand how I could be with someone else, someone like Ricky and have an imprint with who, I would have a stronger connection.
We were told that we would be anything for the one we would imprint on. But it didn't mean that we were free of doing what we wanted on the side.
And I hated it. I hated that I wasn't given a choice.
I stopped walking when I realized where my feet led me. I started to pay attention to my surroundings when I caught the sound of the running water separating Forks from La Push. My feet might have unconsciously led me there...where he also was.
On the other side, I could distinguish Ricky's dark eyes from the darkness of the night.
While staring at him, I was reminded of the first day we met. If only everything could have been more simple. Why hurt ourselves by succombing to something that couldn't last ?
Ricky had been respectful enough to not make the first step until I decided to try.
However, if I dared to step forward, wouldn't I fall willingly head-first into a kind of pain I knew oh too well, just like I would right now fall into that river if I moved towards him ?
With a last sigh, I avoided Ricky's eyes and shook my head. "We can't, Ricky."
~~
Sunday came by quickly, and after closing the store later than normal because of last minutes clients, I hopped in my car and drove home. As promised, I was taking Nana to eat. Both of my parents would be working late today, and I felt bad for leaving her alone all the time whether it was because of school, work or the pack activities.
When I parked in front of my house and opened the car door, a familiar scent got to my nostrils.
A vampire came here.
It was either still here, or it left only seconds ago.
"Nana..."
I rushed to the front door in hurry, almost making my keys fall while trying to open it. Once I flung the door open, I was hit with a scenery I never wanted to witness.
What happened in less than two seconds felt like it was all in slow motion.
There, at the end of the corridor, laid Nana in front of the doors that led to the backyard which were wide open with none other than Victoria on the other side of them, staring at me while wiping off the blood left on her lips.
...while wiping off the blood left on her lips...
The moment I realized what happened, the horrified scream I let out almost concealed the howl that came from the woods.
Victoria's presence in Forks had been caught by the pack. But it was a few seconds too late.
"Nana !" I yelled while running towards her.
At the same time, Victoria disappeared from my sight.
"Aiyanna ?" I heard her a weak voice call for me.
The second I was called, I was already on my knees, supporting the back of Nana's head.
"Nana...Nana..."
The longer I looked at her, and the more clearly I could see them. The crescent teeth marks on her left wrist, her arm, her neck...
I stopped breathing as I froze in shock. What was I supposed to do ?
Analyze the situation.
As an answer to my thought, I looked at my grandmother whose eyes were looking at me. I could see her lips moving as if she was trying to speak to me, but no sound came from her lips. Or was it me, who couldn't hear anything ?
My eyes moved to her right hand that pulled the hem of my shirt, forcing my senses to focus on her.
"Aiyanna, bring me a knife from the kitchen" Nana ordened, as if she knew what she was doing.
That was good. At least one of us knew what to do.
In this moment, I wasn't a Beta who was sane and sure of what she was doing. I went back to being a little girl, listening to what the elders had to say.
So, after carefully resting Nana's head on the floor, I ran to the kitchen and did as I was asked.
Once I opened the drawer where all of our knives were stored, I started panicking. My hand was rummaging through them, but I didn't know what to bring, much less what it would be used for.
I finally picked one of them but the moment I did, I started to get caught by dizziness. I was breathing too quickly, and the sight of this knife was threatening and terrifying me.
I supported myself against the sink and put my head down to work on my breathing. I had to calm down. There was no time to panic. I had been through worse, hadn't I ?
No. There was nothing worse than seeing a loved one between life and death.
A painful groan followed by the word "Please" screamed in pain brought me back to reality. It reminded me how there was no time for me to calm down either. Whatever state I was in, I had to find a way to help Nana get better.
I ran back to her and fell on my knees again. Nana had her eyes closed, her face muscles contracting because of the pain.
"Nana ? I'm back. Can you hear me ?" I asked, my voice thick with tears.
Tears I couldn't control fell on her face. I quickly wiped them off, as I waited for her to guide me.
As she opened her eyes and looked up at me, I could see her tears running down her temples.
"D..d...do it."
"Do what ?" I asked, not quite understanding where she wanted to go with this.
There was one thing I refused to let myself think of as I eyed the knife I was holding in my hand. She couldn't possibly expect me to do the impossible, right ?
"St...stop i..it..." she pleaded me.
I shook my head. "You want me to cut off your arm ? What about your neck ? You can't live without your neck."
"I know. Th...that's why...end this."
A gasp escaped my lips at Nana's suggestion but also because at the same time, her head started to lean back and her eyes rolled back.
"Nana !?" My voice cracked.
I didn't control anything anymore. My voice, my shaking, my breathing or the thick tears that heavily poured down my face. I was helpless.
I knew why she wanted me to kill her. She'd consider herself an abomination if the transformation ever completed. In all the stories Nana talked about, she always put werewolves first, as any Quileute would. For her to turn into one of our first and only enemy would only destroy her, but I couldn't bring myself to kill my own grandmother.
Even if I wanted to, could I really do it ? With my hands shaking as violently as they were ?
"Aiyanna !" she screamed at once, her hand grabbing onto my shirt tightly.
I had to. She was asking me to. If I let her turn, I would lose her and she'd hate me for eternity. What kind of person would I be if I let her turn into what she hated the most ? What kind of granddaughter would I be, if I deprived her from returning back to her imprint ?
The pain in my chest was unbearable. The sharp waves of pain were wrapped around my heart tightly, making it pound in my chest with such force that it overpowered the sound of Nana's almost inaudible heartbeats and the sounds of her cries.
My left hand joined my right one, around the handle of the knife. I shakily brought it on top of her left chest, trying my best to see past the tears forming in my eyes.
"I love you, Nana ! I love you so much!" I said, raising my voice for her to hear it over her unstoppable cry. "I'm so sorry."
As I took a deep breath, I also dried my face with the sleeves of my shirt before I tightened my grip around the knife's handle. I wasn't going to be able to do it if I still felt dizzy from my fast breathing, or if my vision stayed blurry because of my tears or if my hands kept shaking because of the fear.
I had to end this. All of this was my fault. I owed it to her to put an end to it.
"I love you." I said one last time, before I proceeded to do the inevitable.
~~
Heavy.
That was the word.
My arms were falling on each sides of my body as if they were heavy, but I couldn't even feel how heavy they were. As a matter of fact, I couldn't feel them at all, or even the rest of my body.
When did I become so numb ? I felt paralyzed both physically and emotionally.
I no longer felt things I knew I should. There was no room for feelings inside of me. Why so suddenly ?
Should I wait for them to come back ? Maybe that was the best idea.
Waiting was the only thing I could do anyway.
Wasn't it fascinating to witness how such a short time could change a person ? I used to be shaking uncontrollably and now, I was surprisingly staying perfectly still, even though I wasn't doing it on purpose. My body simply couldn't move.
My eyes that refused to have Nana out of sight stared at her face, as if to mesmorize it. From the dried tears on her face to her relaxed face muscles which were once contorsioned with pain. At least the venom ceased to put her through such torture.
I looked at the knife I ended up throwing away when I noticed how Nana stopped moving even before I could even touch her with it.
Her blood probably rejected the venom. We were Quileutes. We couldn't be turned into vampires. It was the only explanation I could think of.
So all I was left to do, was wait for her to wake up. I didn't know in what state she'd be in when she'll open her eyes again, but I wanted to believe that she would be okay.
I looked up at the door in front of me when I saw a silhouette in the backyard, running in my direction. I recognized Embry when his legs gave up under him and made him fall on his knees in front of me. His mouth stayed opened and his wide eyes were unable to look elsewhere than Nana's body.
"What's the situation outside ?" I asked, in a surprising calm voice.
Embry's eyebrows frowned when he looked up at me. "Who cares ? What happened to Nana ?"
"She was bitten. She was in a lot of pain, but then she stopped. I think her body rejected the venom." I explained to him.
"The redhead..."
"Did you catch her ?"
Embry lowered and shook his head to say no.
"Good. I've been thinking of several ways to kill her for the past minutes. I'll catch her myself and..."
"What are you saying ?!" Embry cut me off. When he looked up at me, I could see his eyes filled with tears. "You don't...you don't sound like yourself."
"I am myself." I tried to reassure him in a measured voice.
Soon enough, two other silhouettes were running towards us. Sam and Paul.
Like Embry, it seemed difficult for Paul to stay on his feet as he fell on his knees as well at the sight of Nana's body laying on the floor.
"It's okay. I think her body rejected the venom. When vampires turn, it takes 3 to 5 days of extreme pain for them to turn, but look at her. She's so calm."
"Aiyanna..." Sam started.
"I know what I'm saying, Sam. They told me. The venom takes 3 to 5 days to pump into the heart before it..." I protested, but wasn't able to finish my sentence as I connected what I was saying to what was happening.
"The heart is not beating anymore, Aiyanna. You said it yourself. Three to five days. Isn't it too soon for it to stop now ?"
All this time, I had been so focused on the pain Nana went through but not once, had I paid attention to her heartbeat. How long did I stay in this position, not noticing that her heart had stopped beating ?
"A heart attack." Sam mumbled, lowering his head. "She could've had a heart attack before the venom infected her."
A heart attack.
Did it mean that Nana would neither turn into a vampire nor wake up as a human ?
Did it mean that I just watched her die in front of me, without being of any help ?
I lost her. We all did.
Whether it'd be as a vampire or a human, I would have lost her anyway.
As we all seemed to come to the realization that she'd never open her eyes again and laugh at our endless bickering, or feeding us endlessly as if we'd never been fed before or sit us down in the living room where she'd tell us the stories about the last pack of wolves before us, I heard Paul break down in a cry I've heard before.
It was the same painful cry as the one he let out the night he first turned.
Howls from the boys who hadn't turned back to human yet echoed clearly in the woods.
I looked at both Embry and Paul who were crying over Nana's dead body. They were going through so much pain, and yet the only thing I could do was watching them.
I didn't have the strength to react as they did. I doubted I had the physical and emotional strength it took to get back on my feet after breaking down like this.
I wasn't able to do anything for Nana while being submerged by panic. Being numb as I was probably would've helped better. I probably would have been able to do something to save her.
Sam walked around the boys and kneeled beside me. I looked at him and he looked at me. He didn't say a word and neither did I. I couldn't say anything now that I was processing what just happened.
He then, put his hand on my shoulder and brought me to his chest.
"I'm sorry, Aiyanna."
A/N : First and foremost, I want to apologize for not updating in 2 months. I had my final exams to prepare for next week so, I prefered focusing on that first.
It was kind of difficult to write this chapter, both technically because it's been so long since I last wrote anything and "emotionally" because it's never easy to make a character die.
Just to let you know, I will be more regular with my updates starting from the last week of June. There are not much chapters left for "New Moon" which is exciting since it means we'll be moving on to "Eclipse" (it also means that while Eclipse will be in the writing process, I will be able to focus on my Shadowhunter story as well)
Anyways, thank you for your patience and I hope you liked this chapter.