This was probably the third or fourth time that I felt the body wash run down my legs as I rinsed my body. I honestly lost count.
Laurent's scent had faded overtime, but I was going paranoid, thinking that his scent was still over me.
Maybe this whole paranoia was actually serving as an escape to the confrontation I was awaited for, just a little longer. The whole time, there were only two kind of thoughts that kept running into my mind.
Getting Laurent's scent off of me.
The possibility of having the boys rejecting me.
That simple thought had the power to make me shiver everytime it crossed my mind.
I turned on the cold water and let it hit the top of my head, hoping it would freshen up my thoughts. However, it didn't feel cold anymore, since my body temperature had gone warmer, making all of this useless. So, with a sigh, I turned off the running water and dried my body before walking to my room, naked.
The amount of times I had been seen naked made me not care much about being caught walking the small distance between the bathroom and my bedroom, wrapped in nothing. Besides, only Nana was home and she was the last person who'd be shocked to see me like this. Like she used to say, she was the one who changed my diapers and washed me, so technically, there was nothing to hide from her since she'd seen everything.
As if my body hadn't changed since then...
When I walked in front of the mirror of my room, I couldn't not notice the changes in my body. I almost forgot how I looked like before, but what I saw right now was that every muscle I could think of were firm, especially my legs and arms.
I quickly interrupted my body check by opening the wardrobe and wearing a pair of jeans, a teeshirt and a vest. Hopefully, not wearing as lightly as usual would give me a reason not to turn suddenly.
What was I saying ? There was already no reason to turn. Everything was going to be alright.
Besides, I had to be careful. The amount of clothes I tore since last September was insane. My pile of clothes were getting smaller and smaller. If I continued like this, I wouldn't have anything to wear by the end of the semester.
Once, ready, I met Nana who was going to walk upstairs until she saw me coming down.
"You're leaving, already ?" she asked me, seeing me in new clothes.
"Yeah. We have a pack meeting, today. Obviously, I can't miss it." I answered, purposely being vague.
Like the boys, Nana didn't know about my attachment with the Cullens...well, with vampires in general. If there was one reaction I should be afraid of the most, it'd be hers.
"I love to see you so involved in the pack. I do..." She started with a small smile before her eyebrows frowned. "But why do I feel like you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders ? Is Sam putting too much pressure on you ? Should I go talk to him ?"
I laughed, softly. "And scold him like a child ?" I said while sitting on the last stairs and tying my shoelaces. "Sam is doing a good job at leading us. He's much more mature and has become someone to look up to. If anything, I'm the one who should take some weight from his shoulders. I sometimes feel like I'm doing a terrible job at assisting him."
Sam was always calmer. He always thought first before acting and didn't let his personal emotions take over his decisions. He always saw the big picture, first.
"And I'm pretty sure Sam thinks otherwise." Nana commented. "Knowing you, you're probably underestimating your contribution to the pack. Ask him, and he'll tell you the same thing. He knows you better than I do, now."
"Probably..." I said while pulling down my pants and standing up. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone again Nana. I'm not on duty on Sunday night, what if we eat together ? I'll come get you after work."
If there was one day I was sure I wouldn't be on patrol, it was Sunday nights. Since I worked on weekends and had to go to school on Mondays, a good night of sleep was mandatory. Now that it was more of us, it became a rule for me.
"As you want." Nana answered.
I stood up and instead of kissing her cheek as usual, I wrapped my arms around her.
I needed that, now more than ever.
Once I'd walk out this door, I'd have these intrusive thoughts again, imagining the worse out of the conversation that was going to happen.
I pushed this secret for far too long.
Now that the past was getting back to me, I had no choice to unravel it.
~~
The boys were already all changed, eating around Emily's table. All of them, except Jacob.
Before I even had time to even worry about where he was, I felt Jacob's presence coming closer behind me. When I glanced at him, he was leaning against the doorframe at the entrance, his arms crossed over his chest and his face as hard as earlier. His eyes were glaring at me, as I expected.
"Aiyanna, you can speak." Sam told me, bringing back my attention to the front.
Paul, Jared, Ricky, Embry, Emily and most definitely Jacob who was behind me, were all staring at me expectedly. I felt like a little girl, fidgeting with my fingers as if I had to confess a mess I made in front of my parents.
"Laurent is the name of the vampire we killed. I know that, because I met him less than a year ago. But before I talk to you about the circumstances of how I met him, I have to talk to you about the root of it all." I started, trying my best to keep a steady breathing. "For almost a year, I dated Edward Cullen and was involved in a close relationship with the rest of his family. All that, while being aware that they were vampires."
The pain.
I waited for it, but I felt nothing.
It was the first time since they left that I said their name out loud. I didn't even call them by their name in my thoughts, fearing that it'd open the hole in my heart. But surprisingly, I didn't feel anything.
So healing from a heartbreak felt like this...
The first sounds that got to me was from Jared who pretended to throw up followed by the sound of Paul's fork falling on his plate. All of their faces showed either disgust or confusion. Sam and Emily were the only ones who had expressions that were encouraging me to continue. But before I could do so, Paul slammed his hand on the table and stood up.
There it was.
In the way Paul was staring at me, I could see that one emotion I dreaded the most. Disappointment.
"You're lying." Paul said in a low voice.
"Trust me, I wish I was." I admitted, sighing.
"How could you have been this...this stupid ?"
Behind me, I heard Jacob scoff bitterly. "You act as if you know everything and we have no choice but to answer to you, and yet you fell into their trap head first."
"Boys, careful." Sam warned them.
"Why ? Am I not saying what we're all thinking ?"
"No." Ricky intervened for the first time.
When I glanced at him, his eyes were glaring at Jacob the same way Jacob was glaring at me. His hands were both on the table but he directed one of his leg in our direction, as if to be ready to jump on his feet anytime.
Hopefully, he wouldn't need to.
I turned towards Jacob and stared at him.
"This whole time you fooled us, some longer than others." Jacob continued.
"When does omitting the choices I made as a poor human count as me fooling you ? Correct me if I am wrong, but I had no obligations to tell you everything about my life before today. I am only doing it now because it is not right for me to hold this kind of information especially since we encountered a vampire today." I cut him off, my calm voice turning into a more irritated one. "If the problem is that you don't want to follow me, then fine. I'll be at the back and someone else takes my role. Jacob, you were the one who was suppose to be Sam's second anyway. I'll step down for you, if that's what you want."
"I told you already, I don't want to have any role in the pack."
"Then do not judge anything I do or say now as a werewolf because of the choices I made as a human." I said in a firm voice.
"Of course I judge them ! Next thing we know, you're going to tell us to let one of them go despite being a threat because they're your neighbors or something. How do you expect us to trust you ?" Jacob answered, stepping forward and uncrossing his arms.
My eye unconsciouly twitched, and instead of feeling hurt, there was this sudden anger boiling deep inside me. I was going through so many emotions at the same time that I didn't know what exactly I should feel at the moment.
"How could you say this when we killed Laurent together ?" I asked, also taking a step towards him. "Yes, I wouldn't kill a vampire if it didn't do anything ! We would be initiating a war for nothing. However, as you witnessed earlier, if that vampire becomes a threat to whom I am supposed to protect, you included, then yes...I'll get rid of it."
I turned to the boys who were still around the table behind me, my face expressions not relaxing even a little bit.
"If you guys want to have doubts about me, you're free to do so. Just like you are free to condemn me for something that already happened. But what I refuse to hear, is you doubting about whether I am going to put a vampire before this pack or not."
"Do not forget who you are dealing with." Sam intervened. "No matter how wrong this is to a certain extent, you all know that Aiyanna puts other's safety before hers. If I trust her it's because I know that no matter what decisions she takes, she will make an objective one to insure that you and I, do not get hurt in the process."
I had never said these kind of words to him, nor did I recall thinking them, but in a few sentences, I was reminded of what Nana said to me earlier :
He knows you better than I do...
In this moment, I was thankful to have someone like him as a leader but also as a friend. Someone who'd have my back in any circumstances.
Sam's eyes flickered to me, and he nodded at me. "You can continue." he told me.
I nodded, thanking him, and took a deep breath to calm down and continue my story.
"The Cullens were vegetarians, meaning they only drank animal blood, which was why they weren't considered like a threat to humans and signed the treaty with our ancestors." I reminded them.
"Was that Laurent vegetarian too ?" Ricky asked.
"He was supposed to be." I answered, thankful that the conversation was focusing a little less on me. I walked towards the kitchen, and leaned against the fridge. "The Cullens and I met Laurent one day, in a clearing. Bella was present too."
"Excuse me ?" Jacob reacted, stepping forward while uncrossing his arms.
"Bella found out about the Cullens as well, and became friends with one of them."
I heard one of them whisper while others kept either more confused or more disgusted face expressions.
"That's why she wasn't scared of the leech" Jared commented, referring to the clearing where we found Laurent and Bella.
"One day, the Cullens were going to play baseball during that day and invited both Bella and I to watch them. But Laurent heard them, and he wasn't alone. There were three of them. One other male called James and a female called Victoria. They were all nomads and weren't vegetarian."
"Bella has a crescent mark on her forearm. Do not tell me..." Jacob trailed off.
"I'm getting to it." I answered. "The Cullens tried to hide the fact that Bella and I were humans, but the three vampires quickly caught it. James, the male one, planned on killing us both but being outnumbered, he reported it to later, once the Cullens would drop us home. That's how the hunt began."
I explained everything, from Laurent's decision to retreat to Alaska to Bella going south with Alice and Jasper while I stayed in Forks.
"To this day, both James and Laurent are dead. Only Victoria is alive, but she didn't come back ever since." I concluded.
"Jacob. Did Bella tell you anything about what she saw today ?" Sam asked him.
"She told me she went hiking today, but didn't say anything about us." Jacob answered.
"In some way, this is good for us. Like others, she must think that she only saw some disproportioned wolves."
"We know now that Bella knows more than she is supposed to. Can't we just tell her about us ? Maybe she can help us." Jacob suggested, which immediately made me frown my eyebrows.
"No." I unconsciously let out.
"I thought you made objective decisions." Jacob said. "I don't know why you don't like Bella, but if she can be of any help..."
"Helping us in what Jacob ? I don't see why you want to get her involved in this. I thought you liked her..."
Jacob's eyes twitched and his body started shaking as I talked about the feelings that we were all aware of but never mentioned, out loud.
"Enough." Sam made himself heard once more. "Let me remind you of some things. First of all, Jacob. I know you are new to this, but get yourself together. Everything does not have to be resolved in a fight. Do you understand ?"
Jacob didn't answer. Our eyes were still throwing daggers at each other. Our relationship didn't start the best way, and until this day, it didn't get any better. His frustration over his inability to get back to his usual life, and to be close to Bella, was still acting as a trigger to his emotions.
"Jacob !" Sam called him once again.
This time, Jacob looked at Sam. "Yes."
"Also, since none of us has imprinted on Bella, I want to remind you all that what we are, what we do and why we do it have to stay secret. No matter how close Bella or any other human may be to you, as long as you are not connected to them by the imprint or by blood, our history must stay secret. If you feel like you cannot fulfill this task anymore, I suggest you to stay away from those people. We can not take any risk." Sam reminded us before turning to me. "Anything to add ?"
"No." I answered while shaking my head.
I believed I said everything that needed to be said.
Sam sat back on his chair. "Then this reunion is over."
A/N : Not going to lie, I am not really satisfied with this chapter which was harder to write for some reasons, but I hope you liked it anyway.
Just as a reminder, since I'm starting to have a little more work at school, I'm only going to be able to update once every 10-15 days. Sorry about that.