I couldn't sleep one night in the second week.
For the past week or eight days, I had switched off between Matt and Eric and I'd gotten countless orgasms, it was extremely exhausting and I was trying to remember how I survived four husbands instead of two. The atmosphere in the group was good though, we laughed loads, everyone got immensely drunk and there were no fights.
But on the friday of the second week, the 12th day we were here, I had fallen asleep in the arms of a protective Matt, but I woke up and I couldn't sleep. So I decided to get out of bed and I grabbed a shirt of his and a pair of his underwear and I walked out of the hut and decided I wanted to take a stroll down the shore, so I walked down the path and I walked up to the shore.
To my surprise, I wasn't alone though, because for one second I thought that Eric was sitting at the shore, on his bum with his legs spread and his arms over it while he was staring at the moon. But looking at the shape of his back I realised that it was Eddie. I wanted to turn around and walk away, but that was impossible.
"I already spotted you minutes ago, you don't have to walk away." Eddie's voice said and I took a deep breath as I turned back around and I decided to sit down next to him. He looked sideways for a second before looking back at the stars and I crossed my legs over one another and looked at the stars as well. "Couldn't sleep?"
"No. Restless. What about you?" I asked and he let out a small breath.
"Same." He said as he let out a sigh. "I have difficulty sleeping every now and then. I'm restless and fidgety and can't really focus on sleeping." He said and I nodded slowly, having an idea why this was the case, but I was sure he didn't want to know from me. "You apparently know me better than I know myself, you have any idea why I have that? Did I have that during our time together?" He asked as he wiped a tear away from his face and I looked at him for a couple of seconds before I looked back at the stars.
"You used to have it before I was taken every now and then, and you had it after I returned almost every night apart from one." I said staring at the stars and he looked sideways at me. "It's apparently the myth or whatever." I whispered dramatically, putting my shoulder against his and he stared at me confused for a second before looking back at the stars and I did the same thing. "Whenever I'd be gone for a long period of time, you'd get angsty and your mind couldn't focus on this and now, and usually when you saw me again, it- it stopped." I said calmly looking ahead. "When I returned, you had that for the majority of the time, until that night that we talked about a week ago or something, where Oliver walked in on us cuddling."
"So you're basically saying I can't sleep without you?" He said and I chuckled at that a bit as I bit my underlip for a second.
"Yeah sort of. I have the same problem. Not just because of you, but also Mike." I said staring at the moon which was just so clear, so beautiful. "But even with Matt or Eric. For example, I love Matt, but if you guys were on that Yacht for any longer, I'd probably not be able to sleep cause I missed Eric."
"Mike or me tonight?"
"I'm not sure." I said after a long silence. "I'm never really sure. That's the annoying part of being the wife in this equation. The four of you have- had it easy. You knew whenever that happened, that the solution was me. With me, I had no idea."
"Eric and Matt have it too?"
"Yeah." I said looking at the moon. "Myth."
"Myth?"
"That our souls are intertwined." I said leaning back. "Olivia believed it, and Julia believed it to a certain extent."
"Do you?"
"I know they are." I said looking sideways at him. "Mike." I said and he let out a small breath and he nodded staring ahead.
"So basically you're saying that we're inevitable?" He asked and I chuckled a bit as I looked back at the moon.
"Well, bringing your girlfriend on this trip doesn't really make me want us to be inevitable, but sadly, yes." I said and he scoffed for a second as he put his hand through his hair.
"Will you go easy on her?"
"What?"
"Whenever Kim and I inevitably break up, you're going to lock her up in Gotar. Can you go slightly easy on her? She's a nice girl." He said carefully and I looked at him for a couple of seconds and I couldn't help but smile before I shook my head and I looked at the moon.
"What makes you think I will lock her up in Gotar?"
"Because Grammy wasn't strong enough to do that to Heather." He said calmly. "And I always thought she was stupid for not doing it. So I'm sure that you think the same way, as we're apparently mirrors and our souls are intertwined and shit." He said and I chuckled at that a bit and I nodded slowly.
"I'll try." I said looking sideways at Eddie and Eddie nodded looking at me. It was quiet for a very long time, before I thought of the conversation I had with Matt. "You hated me too before you know." I said carefully. "When we first met, you thought the exact same thing as you do now, but you did think I was hot." I said and he smiled a bit looking at the moon.
"How did you win me over?"
"I'm just very good at everything I do and you loved that competitive side of me. We also used to have a lot of laughter together." I said and he chuckled at that a bit.
"Just a bit?"
"Just a bit." I confirmed with a small smile and he smiled looking ahead.
"You do know that I'm going to be a dick to you whenever we're in a group again right?" He said after a long silence again.
"I know." I confirmed and I let out a small breath. "I guess I'll just have to deal with that when the time comes."
"Ok." He siad and he looked back ahead. "It's nothing personal really, sort of."
"It kind of really is." I said looking at him with a huge smile. "You hate me because I remind you of every memory you've lost. You hate me because I'm the reason why you lost all the memories and I'm the reason why your brothers aren't as nice to you as they used to be." I said and I looked back at the sun. "And you hate me because you secretly do think I'm pretty awesome but you obviously can't admit that because you're not ready to get grovelling for forgiveness." I said and he laughed at that.
"Don't forget the fact that you're a stranger in my eyes but you know more about how my mind works and my feelings are than I do at times. It's pretty scary you know? Intense even." He said and I let out a small breath and I nodded.
"I get that. I had the same thing remember, not as extreme as you, because I did remember you guys, I just didn't know if those memories were correct." I explained and he nodded carefully looking at me and I stared back ahead. "I want to say I'll try to be less intense, but it's just- I can't help it. You're a vital part of me and it's hard to not talk about you as if you're my husband, because you were and are." I said and he let out a deep breath and he nodded slowly at that.
"I get that too. It's not easy for you. I'm not entirely heartless. I just, I don't know how to deal with it so you know, I act like a dick." He said and I nodded.
"I know, you are Matt's brother." I reminded him and he laughed at that and I couldn't help but laugh either.
"Although I'm sure that if I choke you, I will literally get killed."
"No." I said shaking my head looking at him. "Eric and Matt each get two hard punches and I'll ignore you for about a year, before fucking you for a week." I said and he laughed at that and he shook his head as he stared at me for a second and I could see he was trying to think of something, but he couldn't quite place it, so he looked back ahead and he wiped a tear away.
"When do you think I'll be ready?"
"I don't think you'll ever be ready to be honest." I said casually. "I definitely wasn't ready. Do you think I was ready to be with four guys?" I said looking at him. "Do you think that I was ready to give my heart, soul, mind, body- my everything to four guys that weeks before that were strangers to me? Do you think I was ready to be so captivated by you four perfect idiots? Never. But I didn't get a choice in the matter. It happened to me. One day I woke up and realised I couldn't live without you, and I couldn't stop it." I said and I felt tears appear in my eyes and they slowly rolled down. "You don't have a choice in who you love or when you decide to love them. It just happens. So no, I don't think you'll ever be ready for us. I mean I even now am not ready to go back to Matt and Eric and be adored, but I can't wait to show them how much I adore them." He nodded slowly at that.
"What about Mike?"
"What about him?" I asked as he laid down a bit and I decided to do the same thing and I put my arms behind my head so that my hair wouldn't get intensely sandy, but as I did that, I realised I should probably put a bun on the top of my head and he looked at me.
"Was he ready for you?"
"No." I said laughing and shaking my head. "No. He wasn't ready for our fucking rollercoaster." I said as I went and laid down and I stared better at the stars now, but I wasn't able to see the moon; but I was fine with that. "Just like Matt and Eric aren't ready. We don't really have a choice in the matter though, it's out of our hands. It wasn't as if one day we decided we were going to love one another. I mean it was a sort of arranged marriage, but it wasn't as if we got married just because we thought- you guys thought, I was a good fit. No. We fell and we fell so fucking hard, that I understand you lost your memories." I muttered nad he let out a chuckle and I smiled a bit at that. "Mike and I- we were." I shook my head as tears appeared in my eyes. "It's good that he isn't here."
"O he would be so annoying right now." Eddie sighed. "All Mikey with the 'Eddie get your act together, you'er a king of Locatlie, not some peasant.'." He said and I laughed at that and I nodded looking at Eddie and Eddie had a huge smile on his face. "He was so degrading to anyone that wasn't us and yet he was the most passionate and loving person I knew." I bit my lip as more tears appeared in his eyes. "Fuck I miss him. That's the hardest part maybe, about this whole situation you know." He said looking sideways at me. "One day I go to sleep, and the next I wake up and suddenly my brother and sister are dead." I nodded looking at him as I wiped some tears away before putting my arm back down. "Fuck I miss him." He said and he shook his head. "And his smug face and those darned eyes, o you must've been obsessed with those eyes."
"I was obsessed with his whole face. I'm a bit obsessed with King Hugo as a person, and he's the physical embodiment of that." I confirmed and he chuckled at that. "And he was a great kisser." I added and he laughed at that and I chuckled. "And he was really hot."
"He was very attractive." Eddie confirmed. "Great bum too."
"The best." I confirmed and he laughed at that and I chuckled as I looked back at the sky. "And that smile." I shook my head. "If you were in Gotar, it was the only thing that could cheer me up when I had a shitty day."
"Why?" He said and I looked at him. "Why if I wasn't around I mean?"
"Mike knew the right things to say, but it sometimes did't get through. If he smiled at me, my whole heart would lift up and I'd forget all my worries." I said and I licked my top row of teeth. "But you? You knew exactly what inappropriate sexual thing to say to make me laugh." I said and he laughed at that and I laughed as well looking at him. "And your laugh." I sighed looking at him and I then stared back at the stars. "I've missed your laugh." He was quiet for a bit. "Sorry, that was intense."
"It's- I get it. My laugh is pretty awesome." He said and I chuckled at that a bit and he let out a deep breath. It was silent for a bit and after a while I felt him staring at me, but I decided not to look at him. I couldn't.
"I'm sorry I'm causing you so much pain. I wish all of this never happened and you could be happy. But I don't know how I can become that person and I'm going to probably need a lot of time to figure all of this anger and frustration in my body." He said and I let out a small breath and I nodded as I looked sideways at him now and there were tears in his eyes. "You're a nice girl, Kitty. You don't deserve all this shit you've been thrown at because of our family." He raised his arm and wiped a tear form my face and I closed my eyes as he touched me, and my whole body seemed to calm down. He let go of me, and I opened my eyes and looked at him and tears appeared in my eyes again.
"I'm going now." I said as I sat up as I felt close to breaking.
"Did I say something wrong?" Eddie said worriedly as he propped himself up on his elbow.s
"No. No." I reassured him. "That's the problem." I said with a small smile looking at him and he stared back at me. "And I don't want to be too intense for you right now." I said and I rubbed my hands off of my legs. "I'm just exhausted all the time and I miss you, I miss us, I miss everything about us, but I don't- I can't. We can't." I said and I let out a small breath. "So, I'm going back to bed and you should probably go sleep too" I said and he looked at me and he nodded. As I wanted to walk away he grabbed my hand and I turned my head to look at him.
"I really am sorry."
"I know you are." I whispered and I let go of his hand.
"I'll walk with you." He then said and I nodded slowly as I walked a couple of steps ahead of him as I stared ahead while walking, trying not to focus on him walking two steps behind me at all times. I then arrived at Matt's hut and I turned around and Eddie stood still as well as he looked at me.
I stared at him for a couple of seconds and I then decided that I was just going to ask it. "Can I ask you something weird?" I asked as he had his arms crossed and he nodded carefully. "Can I have a hug?" I said and a small smile appeared on his face as he moved his head to the side.
"How did we even hug? I'm like ten meters taller than you?" He replied and I chuckled looking at him as I put my hair away from my face.
"You would lean down a bit, I would stand on my toes and it just worked." I said with a shrug and he then walked up to me and he bend down and wrapped his arms around my waist and I put my arms around his waist and I took one relieved breath. He still hugged the same, it was still magical and I still felt protected and safe. I kept hold of him for about fifteen seconds before I let go of him and he nodded carefully.
"It did work. You're right."
"I usually am." I said as I crossed my arms to look at him. "Good night."
"Good night." He said and I turned around to walk towards Matt's hut, tears streaming down my face. I took off the shirt and the underwear and I went and laid down next to Matt and he right away put his arms around me and I continued to cry.
"What happened me amore?" He whispered softly as he rubbed my belly and I let out a few deep breaths.
"I couldn't sleep. Bumped into Eddie. We had a deep conversation and he said things that were just like I was talking to Old Eddie that's all." I whispered and he let out a deep heartbroken breath.
"I'm sorry my love." He whispered softly. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.
"I know you are." I said and I turned around and buried my head In his chest. "I love you me amore."
"I love you too me amore, more than I can even put into words." He whispered kissing the top my head.