Levi's POV
The only words I can think of - I'm sorry - sound more like an insult than an apology.
Sorry is what you are when you accidentally bump into someone, what you are when you interrupt someone.
I am more than sorry.
"I'm tired. I should go take a shower and see what I do from that," Eren says, with the fakest smile I've ever seen. His words sound bigger than words usually do, like they expanded in his mouth before he spoke them.
I nod. For a moment, he looks at me as if he doesn't recognize me, then turns away.
Him walking away, makes the sight of him swim before me, or could it be the tears gathering in my eyes?
Mikasa, then, stands next to me. I brace myself for her reaction.
She doesn't say anything, just puts a hand on my shoulder.
She then steers my lifeless body to the table, scoots the chair out, and motions me to sit. Which I do.
She takes a seat directly infront of me and laces her fingers together, setting them on the table.
She finally breaks the silence, "What did you do to him?" Her voice firm.
"Nothing!" I yelp, "I just..." I say, trailing off.
"Well that didn't sound or look like nothing," she says, almost spitting the word 'nothing.'
I stay silent, she doesn't say anything.
She then sighs and says, "We can talk about it tomorrow." Quietly. Quiet is dangerous, with Mikasa.
I hope tomorrow never comes, I think to myself.
She then gets up and heads for the stairs. Disappearing within them.
* * *
That night I couldn't sleep.
Me, lying on my bed and Eren lying on the floor, asleep.
When I'm postive he's sleeping, I slip out from beneath my covers and head out my bedroom door.
As I walk down the stairs step after step, my muscles begin to burn. My lungs fighting for air.
By the time I reach the back door and walk onto the porch, my legs feel like they have turned into liquid.
I set my hands on the back of a chair that we had on the porch. It's plain, wodden, a little creaky.
For a second, I allow myself to re-enter the memory of my phone call with Eren.
The lack of emotion in my voice, Eren's anger afterward, supressed for the sake of my sanity. His empty eyes when he looked at me as if I were a stranger. Mikasa's look of disappointment. It all burns into my mind.
The edge of the chair bites into the palms of my hands. I was squeezing harder on it than I thought.
I stare down at it for a second, then lift it over my shoulders and hurl it over the ledge of the porch.
A faint cry escapes me. It grows into a yell, which then converts into a scream.
Now standing on the ledge of the porch, screaming as the chair hurdles towards the ground. Screaming until my throat burns.
The chair then hits the ground, shattering into tiny wooden pieces.
I sit on the ledge, leaning into the side of the window frame, and I relax, closing my eyes.
I'm tired. Not just because it's the middle of the night, not just of living, but of existing. Tired of being me.
[Author's Note]
This is how I really feel 98% of the time.
[End of Authors Note]
I open my eyes, and stare at the fragments of the broken chair.
I am tired of being me. I have done horrible things that I can't take back.
And they are a part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like it's the only thing I am, a mistake.
I lean forward, holding the side of the window with one hand. Another few centimeters and my weight would pull me to the ground.
I jump a little as I feel a hand brush my back and pull me back from my shirt.
As my feet touched the ground again, I look up to see who it is. It was Eren
Now he's the one that saved me.
I have no idea what to say. So I say nothing.
"Levi, what were you abou-" he says, as I interrupt him by giving him the biggest hug a human could ever give.
My eyes blur with tears and he wraps his arms around the upper half of my back.
[Author's Note]
I don't know.
I thought it would be cute that Eren saves Levi from harming himself, just as Levi saved Eren from committing suicide in the first chapter.
Sorry if this chapter was short. T-T
[End of Author's Note]