"This is your home. Are you -"
"Mom, what happened? Why are-"
No. I'm not. I'm not your Mom. I don't know you. I don't know any of you.
Your hands twitched desperately to cover your ears. But you were frozen under the eyes looking at you. You brought the blankets closer and curled up staring at nothing with your head hung low. The unfamiliar faces continued to speak in desperation, sadness, in confusion. Their voices became a painful buzz. Their faces faded into a blur.
I don't know you. I don't know any of you. Stop...
The moment you woke up surrounded by a bunch of people you didn't recognize. People who claimed to know you claimed this place was your home. No, that's ridiculous. You don't belong here. You went out with your sister who got lost and you were searching for her and then....then...
You didn't remember anything. Nothing came to mind. What happened? Did Amber make it back home? Why were you here? Did she get into trouble? What about Mom? Dad? They must be going crazy.
You begged them for an answer but all you got were blank, confused faces. There were looking at you perplexed, expressions filled with pain, relief and sadness which slowly morphed into bewildering. Why..? You don't get it.
Alarm went off in your head. Something was wrong.
You shot up, throwing off the blankets and ran out. Ran until the walls came to an end and the blue sky became visible. Only to collapse on your knees. A majesty view of palaces, of grand and exotic gardens, with Knights and maids marching all around. Such a sight you only seen in movies was happening in front of you.
You blinked as tears burned your eyes. This wasn't your home. Where are you?
Your inside curled up as you blankly stared ahead, the bright sun mockingly shining down on you as if laughing at your misery.
Someone picked you up, with such tenderness as if they were afraid you'd break, afraid they'd break you. You almost missed the shaking as you buried your face into the sturdy chest.
"Lucas,"
You jolted from your thoughts.
A black-haired man with red glowing eyes was staring at you and a blonde girl stood beside him anxiously.
You blanked out when he started to speak. Your head became a mess.
Past memories. Another life. Reincarnation
That's what he told everyone.
Your fingertips went numb and started shaking.
That means you died.
I died. You painfully swallowed the lump in your throat. How..?
What about Amber? What about your parents? How'd they handled this news? Or was it they are already over it?
"Past life? She remembers her past life..?"
A rough, cold voice asked stiffly. You shifted away slightly. The owner of the voice was standing near the bed, closest to you and his voice was making you uncomfortable for some reason.
Lucas shook his head and sighed in annoyance when the blonde beside him started shaking, "...No, she always had memories of her past. Only now her current life memories have regressed."
Your head throbbed.
"Her memory loss might be permanent. Or it can come back in phases. It's hard to tell." He continued with a grim expression.
The room fell silent. The eyes focused on you more than ever.
"Her memories will come back."
It was then a strange sensation filled the room and a soft voice spoke.
"She will regain her memories."
Like a switch, the atmosphere in the room turned tense and cold. The new presence was clearly not welcomed.
The cold voice of the mysterious woman made you shudder but you didn't glance up and only curled up tighter against the blanket.
A shadow fell over you and you looked up. It was the same blonde man who picked you up and brought you here. He was standing in front of you like a shield.
He must have felt your gaze because he looked over his shoulder and his dull eyes met yours. His cold expression wavered for a split second.
"(Y/n)..."
The quiet, breathless mumble laced with deep regret, pain and longing made you recoil and look at him shaking pupils.
Shutting his eyes at your response, he turned away.
A painful sensation poked at your heart as you stared at his stiff back. You frowned at the odd feeling.
A cold laugh echoed throughout the room as the mysterious woman smiled in amusement. "My, my, such hostility. You might end up scaring her away."
Though her words were meant for everyone, you had a feeling she was taunting the blonde man specifically. He was the only one who wasn't shocked by her sudden appearance and was openly showing animosity.
You tensed up when she directed her smile at you. "Don't be afraid. I'm not someone who wishes to harm you. I came to ease your mind. You will regain what you lost. Be strong, child."
Just like that she disappeared. Leaving you reeling back and others hopeful.
Only one person remained on edge, glaring at the empty spot with a bitter expression.
***
Two days went by so easily. It felt like you were submerged in a dream. A dream you couldn't wake up from.
"That Tower you see," You snapped back to attention Felix the red-haired man started to speak happily once again. "There was an identical Tower, you used to work there as a Healer. You were quite famous among the knights because of your excellent healing talents."
You forced a smile. Ah, they are at it again. Trying to make you remember things you have forgotten about, memories you were supposed to have.
"Mom!"
You flinched.
Athanasia and Jennette both of them came rushing to you with flowers in their hand.
"Ah, isn't it pretty?" Athanasia looked at you with a bright smile, a flower crown in her hand. You leaned away in discomfort, forcefully keeping your smile from twitching. "You taught me how to make flower crowns. I can finally make it perfect like yours. Do..do you recall anything?"
"Ah," You shook your head and hesitantly took them, forcing a smile. She looked disappointed. Probably she expected some other sort of response.
"Miss, I brought you this." Jennette handed you a single flower with a happy smile. You slowly took it, twirling it between your fingers. "I can't make a flower crown like Princess but I thought this suits you. This reminds me of you. Pretty and beautiful."
You liked this child. Unlike everyone who was trying to make you remember one thing or another, she made you feel like a normal person who didn't have an issue which needed fixing. She didn't point out random things and start spewing out history you had no memory of and expect you to remember it, only to be disappointed when you stay blank-faced.
Yeah, you definitely like her. She was good for your sanity and a genuine delight to be around.
"Thank you." You said as you placed the stem of the flower behind your ears and smiled at her, a smile not entirely forced. She brightened up and smiled happily.
"Hehe."
Athanasia grabbed your arm, taking your attention away from Jennette."Mom, let's go. I want to show you our tea time place! We always spent our afternoon there. You, I and Dad together."
Her eyes were full of anticipation as she urged you to follow her. You slowly removed her hand from your arm as you nodded.
Athanasia smiled bitterly as she started walking.
Your eyes flickered behind. He was there right behind you, as usual, a sight you were becoming familiar with. His signature calm, stoic expression was unchanged.
Claude de Alger Obelia. The Emperor of the Obelian Empire.
And your supposedly not official husband, boyfriend and lover. You internally cringed. Of all the people, you choose an Emperor to fall for. And an intimidating one at that. He was quite scary looking with his overwhelming presence, even though he never directly approached you or even spoke to you.
He followed you with others. Always standing behind you like a guard. But he rarely spoke and was distant, almost apathetic.
Sometimes he would reach out to you when you were a little too far away only to flinch away with an odd pained look. It was like he was afraid to come near you but terrified of you being far away. He was a confusing guy.
At least he wasn't coming on strong like others, trying to get you to remember. You should be thankful for that.
"That's the lake. You once rescued Princess from drowning."
"Look, that's Ruby Palace! We used to live there initially before we moved to Emerald palace."
"We should visit it. We have lots of memories there. Isn't that right, your Princess?"
"Lily's is right! We should go there afterwards!"
"It's okay if I joined?"
"Of course, you can join us, Jennette! You're part of the family after all."
"Ah, maybe we should show you around the Garnett palace. You might remember something."
"Sir Felix is right. It might help you remember."
You stopped. Eyes blanking looking at the happily chattering people. Your forced smile had long disappeared as a feeling of suffocation slowly crept on you. It was hard to breathe as if something heavy was pushing on your chest.
Confusion was visible on their faces as they looked at you.
Your pale expression was making them concerned.
"I can't do it..."
You spun around and run off, stumbling on your feet but desperate to get away.
"She's overwhelmed. Stop overwhelming more than she already is." Claude sternly said as his cold gaze glowed with a warning. Everyone flinched and a guilty expression overtook their faces. Claude didn't care.
"That's enough for today. No one will approach her nor speak a word to her."
Claude turned around after the cold command to find you.
"Dammit."
......
Panting hard, you stumbled on the ground and stayed there. You shut your eyes tightly.
"Shit."
You mumbled through gritted teeth.
"I'm an idiot."
What the hell were you thinking, running away like that? You probably made them more worried with your childish action.
You smiled bitterly as you looked around. You ran off to a clearing beside the lakh, hidden within the trees. No one would find you here. That fact you felt relieved at that worsened your guilt.
They were not strangers. They were someone who were worried about you and wanted the best for you. Yet you wanted to run away.
No, it's not them you wanted to run from. It was the reality they represented you wanted to run away from.
The reality you died. The reality you were no longer in the world where your family was and the fact there was no way to contact them. You were worlds apart from them. Literally.
"Haha,"
You scoffed out an empty laugh. It was so ridiculous. The current situation you were in. The things you only read in novels were happening to you.
You stiffened when a rustling sound reached your ears. Someone was heading your way.
".. It's you."
Claude inhaled sharply and then slowly let out a rough sigh. His shaking pupils roamed your face as he slowly walked forward and crouched across you.
"I.."
You avoided his gaze, mindlessly looking around as you fidgeted with your sleeves. He had not answered your calling and was still silent as he scanned your face. It was making you nervous.
You jumped when warmth engulfed your right cheek. You looked at him without saying a word. Claude was gently wiping your cheek with a pained look.
"Don't cry."
"Huh?"
The grass under you was wet. Wet with the tears you let out unconsciously.
You hastily jerked away and wiped your cheeks with your sleeves. "When did I...."
More tears came spilling out as you acknowledged you were quietly crying without knowing it.
Claude pulled away your hands which were violently wiping away the tears.
"You're hurting yourself."
You almost cried harder at his gentle voice.
"...I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Claude asked as he gently brushed away the tears.
He was right. Why were you sorry? Yet you felt a need to apologize. Your head was a mess. You were a mess.
"(Y/n)."
Your head was jerked upward. There was a tender pained glow in his blue eyes as his trembling lips let out a crying-like sigh.
"It's unfair to you. The situation, everything. You're not at fault." Your body started to tremble as you listened to his low voice. He had an odd expression that looked like he was laughing, crying and angry all at once. "None of this is your fault. Don't keep it in. Cry it out if you want."
The tears came harder as your crying face twisted up with bitterness and despair. "It's unfair. Why? Why did it happen to me?"
Claude pulled you in his arms, into his lap as you clenched his robes and cried out.
"I don't know get it. I didn't even get to say goodbye. It's so unfair!"
With that, the dam broke and you fell apart crying in his arms.
"It's so unfair...!"
Unlike your first impression of him, he was gentle. His touch carried certain tenderness as he stroked your head, kissed your crown and rocked you back and forth as you continued to cry on.
At some point you had stopped crying, only small hiccups and quiet whimpers came from you as Claude carried you back inside.
"I'm not hungry."
You said as he placed on the couch. A table with a variety of foods was across you.
Claude shook his head. "Eat, even a little is fine. Don't sleep empty stomach."
You looked at his exhausted face and the dark bags underneath. You mumbled, "...Alright."
He passed your plate piled up with your favourite foods and took a seat beside you. You started eating, chewing mindlessly as you looked at him and frowned.
"Why aren't you eating?"
"I don't have appetite."
You stopped eating and looked at him with a vexed glare.
Look at him talk nonsense when he was just skin and bones. You could see sharp edges of bone peeking out from the exposed part. He looked ragged and not in a good way. It was definitely not his normal physique.
Did he starve himself to become like this?
Claude frowned as you stopped eating. "Is something wrong? You don't like the food?"
You continued to stare.
"Uhh," Claude squirmed slightly in discomfort and let out a sigh when he understood. Rubbing the back of his neck, he avoided your piercing gaze as he reached out for the food. "I will eat. You can stop glaring at me."
You resumed eating with a more upbeat energy.
Only to stop after a few bites when you saw the tiny amount of food on his plate.
Is he an ant? Just how small his stomach is? How does he even rule over the Empire eating only that much?
You scowled and dumped more food on his plate with quick and sharp motions.
"Hold on," Claude started, stunned at the amount of food being piled on his plate. "That's too much-"
You cut him off before putting more of the delicious food onto his plate. "Eat. The more you stall, the more food will pile up on your plate."
Claude looked at your blankly as you handed him the fork.
"That's unreasonable..." Claude grunted. Yet there was a small smile playing on his lips
You waved him away. "Sure, sure. Now eat. Eat till you explode."
"...." Claude slowly chewed on the meat and swallowed. "You want me to explode?"
"Just keep talking." You happily chimed, feeling somewhat relieved to see the tired, sorrowful look gone from his face. "More food for you!"
Claude quickly shut up and obediently continued to eat.
"Why are you so slow?" You said taking another bite. Almost instinctively you reached to him. "Here, take a bite of this." You shoved the large steak piece into his mouth.
'What the hell and I doing?' You put on an awkward smile as you brought down the fork, stunned at your action.
Claude looked at you, his cheeks puffed up from being stuffed with food. He didn't look surprised, almost like it was a usual experience for him. "..."
Pfft- he looked like a hamster with his cheeks stuffed. You didn't know why you thought of him as an intimidating man.
"Want me to feed you?" You asked cheekily as his brows twitched. Seeing as he wasn't sensitive to your actions, your awkwardness disappeared.
"...You will?"
Your smile dropped. You looked at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?... No, don't give me that look! I was only kidding! Eat yourself!"
"Mhmm."
Claude looked disappointed as he looked at you. You pretended not to notice and avoided his amused gaze till you were done eating.
What a grown-ass child. No, he was worse than a clinging, sulking child.
You grumbled to yourself as you got under the blankets. You peeked at Claude. For the past two days, he had been sleeping on the floor outside your room. Though you were concerned and kinda freaked out, you were uncomfortable confronting him about it.
"Are you going to sleep outside the room like a stalker again?"
Claude raised an eyebrow. You shrugged your shoulders. "What? You keep acting like a stalker."
Claude's lips curved upward. "No. Change of routine. Today I'm going to stalk you from inside the room and stare at you like the stalker I am. Is that okay?"
"Are you asking my consent for stalking?" You asked dubiously. Claude nodded his head, a playful glint shining in his eyes. You smiled slyly. "I kick and punch in my sleep. Ah, also sometimes I stab with a big ass knife I got somewhere on me. If you've no problem with that, go ahead."
"I know." Claude nodded. "Your kicks and punches pack some real strength. I don't know about the stabbing though. I haven't experienced it yet."
"What?" You deadpanned. He was pulling your leg, right?
Claude shrugged with an innocent expression.
"No way." You breathed out.
"Why do you sound so shocked? I'm your lover. We've done far less innocent things than kicking and pun-"
"Shut up!" You yanked the blanket over your head. "I don't need to know!"
A chuckle echoed in the room as you buried your face into the pillow and started freaking out.
You perked up after clawing at the poor pillow. It was too quiet.
You peeked out of the blanket. "Aren't you going to sleep?"
"I don't want to." Claude was leaning back on a chair beside the bed.
You frowned. "You look like you haven't slept for ages. You know you'd start looking like a fancy panda."
Claude smiled and shook his head. "Have you ever seen a handsome panda like me?"
Your eyebrows shot up. His smug face made you smile. "Aren't you a modest panda?"
"Aren't I?"
You shook your head in disbelief at his arrogance. "You should really get some rest. You have this zombie dead expression on your face."
"I got demoted, huh? Tsk."
You blinked. He was deflecting.
"Nightmares?"
Claude flinched and swallowed hard. "...Yeah."
"Is it because of me?" You asked after a pause with a guilty look.
"No."
You looked at him. He still had the same calm and stoic look but he looked extremely tired.
After debating that this was a bad idea, you sighed.
"Come here." You moved over and patted the empty space beside you.
Claude raised an eyebrow. You insisted motioning him to get on. He looked at you and then the bed and again at you. Slowly he stood up and laid down on the bed, turning on his side to face you.
Why does he keep looking at me like that? You thought as you adjusted the blanket to cover him too.
Urgh. This is going awkward.
"Here." You placed your open palm on the pillow between you. Claude briefly glanced before looking at you. You sheepishly continued. "Hugging helps with nightmares but I'm not comfortable with it. So maybe you can hold my hand. If you want.." You didn't get to finish.
Claude laced his fingers through yours and brought his lips. Pressing a lingering warm kiss, he then pressed it to his forehead and held it there in a prayer sort of way.
You were stunned speechless.
"Are you okay?" You asked, worried. His hands were shaking. You clasped your fingers around his.
A small smile curled up his lips. Claude breathed out softly. "You are here. I have no reason not to be okay."