The next morning I was running to the Agency after the small discovery I made while suffering from insomnia and a very high fever, so maybe I was hallucinating, but anyways, I did find a solution for me not to fry like an egg.
I opened the door and everyone was already there. I saw Kunikida stand up probably to scold me but I raised a finger up motioning him to shut up. I walked up to the corner of the office. Beside Rampo's desk there was a small table. I placed three candles that were inside my bag there. I could feel everyone approaching to see what I was doing.
Then I walked towards my desk pulling out a small pocket knife and walking again to the table with the candle. I made a small cut on my hand letting the candle bath with it until the metal base that caughts the melted wax was filled with red. And then I snapped my fingers and a little violet blue flame appeared in the candle wick.
"How did you do that?" Kunikida asked me, looking at me with comical fear, as if he was a priest and I was an evil witch. I just smiled at him and gave him a wink.
"I have figured it out. You see, she needs an outlet, so I thought that if it's fire that she brings then I should just light up a candle with her flame so she can burn as long as she wants! I am a genius!" I yelled in excitement, all honesty I felt pretty manic because I am running on two hours of sleep, suicidal thoughts and an oreo.
"...are you okay?" I heard Atsushi ask as I just watched the candle burn, and was putting my blood on the other two.
"I will be" I whispered as I lit them up. I turned around and the Agency members were looking at me with curiosity and worry. I eyed Dazai, we have not spoken since yesterday, I heard him leave my apartment an hour after I felt him in the bathtub, and since then, silence.
He stayed on his usual window looking from afar as our other friends were fascinated with the weird flame emitting from the candles. I gave him a soft smile and he returned it, except it was one of his fake ones, the ones he gives to other people, and now I have to accept it and act like I did not notice.
"Does it work then? There to be outside flames decreases your fever?" The President appeared from his office and watched the candles burn.
"I tried it last night and well, I did not die, also I felt better, like if there was pressure in my head had lifted" I answered and the President nodded.
"I also had the time to try to see what I can do with my blood!" I said as I lifted my hand and the blood stood upwards forming needle-like lines, then turning into a knife-like form, Kenji was mesmerized.
"I cannot control the blood that has left my body for a while or that is far away, for now. Lilith says that with practice I can do a variety of tricks." I said still making small forms with the blood on my hands.
•••
Dazai and I were not avoiding each other but we were not exactly being friendly. Most of our interactions were awkward because we didn't really know what to do with each other. Yesterday we bumped into each other in the small kitchen in the office and we both stuttered. Us. the most talkative people in the Agency.
The last time we were not talking it wasn't awkward because we were fighting, going back and forth with indirect remarks, now there is just a weird tension between us. I couldn't give an answer to any of the members of what was going on between us.
"Oh, it's nothing, we are the same!" That was the denial option.
"Oh, we have been so busy with our own stuff I guess we have grown a little apart!" That's the almost honest one.
"Honestly, I don't know either" and that was the sincere one.
It has been two weeks, and the only thing we talk about is my ability. What have I figured out, if I had any side effects, and that's it. Pure business. It has been hard not talking to anyone about the situation or what I'm thinking. Atsushi and Kyoka often invited me to go to their apartment and watch movies, they tried to get me to talk but they are children, I am not telling them my grown up stuff.
Yosano and Rampo tried to ask once and I couldn't tell them what was going on, the only person I wanted to tell the situation was Dazai, and well, I couldn't.
"It's a good sign, you know? That he is acting weird too, means you are relevant enough to change his behavior, means he cares" Rampo has told me a million times when he sees me eyeing Dazai from across the room.
I was doing some paperwork, it was weird going back to normal, doing paperwork, profiling criminals, going on small missions with Atsushi and Kenji, sometimes even Tanizaki, but never with Dazai, for obvious reasons. I was reading a file about some specific murders going on in the city and my right eye started to hurt, like a sharp type of pain and my vision got kind of blurry.
"Shit, what is going on with your eye?" Dazai asked, looking concerned. As I looked at him, I saw a weird shadow or mist around him, black with white and light blue sparks just floating around, it was like looking at a starry night sky. I felt something drip down my cheek, was I crying?
Dazai started to look for something in his desk and he screamed for Yosano, and everyone turned to look at me with a look of terror in their eyes, just what the fuck is going on? I thought. Then I saw a drop of blood fall on the photograph that was on my desk. I reached to touch my hurting eye and saw blood on my hands.
The fire in the three candles we kept forever lit up grew and almost roared, as if it got angry, and that's when everybody started to freak out and ask me to stop.
"I don't know how!" I screamed as I kept crying, my head was hurting.
Everyone had a mist around their bodies, Kenji was bright yellow and warm, like sunlight, very powerful. Kunikida's was forest green, very calm but deep and relaxing which was weird given his strict nature, guess its because he is reliable, Atsushi's was blue, and it sounded like a calm river, it even had foamy edges as if crashing a shore. I closed my eyes, if I saw another one my head would explode. I was yelling without even noticing, everyone was telling me to calm down. Lilith was not answering me.
Then there was calm. I felt Dazai's hand hold my head and close my right eye with his palm, he was standing behind me. His touch nullified whatever was going on with me, even the flames on the candles went back to their normal intensity. I unconsciously held his hand and pushed it into my face, and I started to sob. Seeing the strange colors and textures surrounding the people I care about was heavy and overstimulating, as if I shouldnt have a peek at them.
Dazai caressed my hair with his other hand and kept telling me that it was okay. I felt like my eye was going to fall out. I felt dazai moving his hand and I reached out to put it back in place, in fear the pain would come back as soon as his touch left. He then gave me a kiss on the top of my head and reached out to grab something from his desk.
He started to wrap my right eye with bandages to keep it closed. The bandages were wrapped messily in my head, hair sticking out from a lot of places, I had stopped crying. Dazai turned my chair around so I was facing him. He started to try and fix up my hair, he cleaned my tears with his thumb and then bit one of his fingers hard enough to draw blood and made a slight smudge on the bandages on top of my eye.
"That's disgusting" I whispered, and he smiled.
"As long as my blood is in there and your eye is closed for now, you should be fine" He said, still trying to fix my hair.
"That's not how your ability works" I said, laughing softly.
"This is not about my ability, it's about our blood pact" He whispered the last part, and took a step back, making a frame with his index fingers and thumb.
I looked at everyone, they looked between scared and relieved. Kenji was the first one to run and hug me, then Kyoka, then Atsushi, and then everyone was hugging me, even Kunikida. The kids were crying by now.
"I am fine I think, everything is okay now, I am not in pain anymore" I kept telling them while patting their heads, I felt like I needed more hands to hold everyone.
I mouthed a "thank you" to Dazai, who was the only one who was not over me asking me if I was okay. He was looking at the situation from afar, half sitting at Rampo's desk. He just mouthed a "you're welcome" back.
I miss the little devil being on my shoulder, instead of turning into a guardian angel from a distance.