I fell asleep during most of the conflict.
It's almost embarrassing. After the retrieving Q mission Dazai took me home and tucked me in as little kid, and I woke up 17 hours later, then woke up, took a shower, ate a cold bagel and fell asleep again, and by the time I woke up and process that I had totally neglected the fact that there was a war going on. Atsushi and Akutagawa had saved the day?
Dazai called me saying how cool it was and that I should have been there. I hung up on him out of frustration.
I called Chuuya but had no response, I don't know if he was still sleeping. I figured that he could be out cold for a while, considering the severity of his injuries and well, they don't got a Yosano.
It looks like our normal work dynamic is gonna go back to normal. I still haven't thought about what I'm going to do with Dazai and Chuuya. I have not forgiven the lazy detective. Well, I have but my pride has not, he keeps getting away with a lot of things, and I don't want to contribute to his selfish behavior. And I also want an explanation from Chuuya, and that's about it, if he decides we are going to cut contact then I want him to say it to my face not just ignore me.
I was on my way to the Agency with some pastries, the city has been peaceful since the ruckus caused by the Guild. I got a text from Chuuya in the morning saying "I am alive, kind of, thank you" and that's it. Guess things are still weird, I'll handle that later.
The office was the same as before, the siblings being weird and acting so not like siblings, Rampo was eating some chips and drinking a soda early in the morning, Yosano was looking at pictures of bodies, Kunikida was beating the shit out of Dazai and Atsushi was trying to get him to stop. Nature was healing.
I took a seat after leaving the pastries in the small kitchen we had and started to write the report of the night we fought that thing called Lovecraft. Since there were some parts where I was separated from Dazai I had to fill those holes in the report, it was supposed to be done by the both of us, but good luck getting Dazai to do his work.
Dazai sat down on his chair and slid his way into my desk, having no respect for personal space like always. I continued to type the report acting like I hadn't noticed his presence. He kept staring at me and putting his face close to mine, his nose almost touching my cheek, I just kept my deadpan face and kept ignoring him.
"Why are you ignoring meeeeee" he whined in my ear making me flinch, I threw him a dirty and angry look, then proceed to keep typing the events of that awesome night.
"Are you still mad at me?" he said faking being hurt and sad and I rolled my eyes in response.
"Tell me what can I do to make it better? Should I throw myself in front of a train? Or I could swim with sharks and let them take a limb or two? How about I bath myself in acid to end this endless suffering of not having you by my side? Oh please just forgive me... pretty pretty pretty please!" He said fake crying, tears were coming out of his eyes, he is a talented actor.
"Keep giving options that would end up in you dying, I wont forgive you by doing exactly what you want, stupid" I said in a monotone voice, still not looking at him. I gotta be honest with myself, I like this. Dazai giving me attention was sublime, especially when even though his options for earning my forgiveness aren't realistic, he still wants me to forgive him, for his own selfish reasons, but still I have something that he wants, and that gives me power.
"Do you really want me to forgive you?" I said in a low, almost seductive voice. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. His eyes lit up at the attention I was giving him.
"Yes! I'll do anything! I'll even sacrifice Atsushi to the Gods if necessary!" He said pointing towards the poor tigey boy that looked horrified.
I stopped typing on my laptop, I let out a long sigh and turned at him. His face inches away from mine, I grabbed him from his bolo tie and pulled him near me, so my mouth was near his ear.
"I want you to tell me why you left the Mafia, no made up story, no half assed truth. I want you to be real with me. If you try to lie I will notice and I will cut your fingers one by one and never speak to you again" I whispered in his ear. I was smirking, fully knowing he would tell me, he had promised me this before so he has no excuse.
I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away. He was not happy I could tell. He had a fake small smile on his lips but his eyes were dark and his body language was tense. I was looking at him with an innocent smile, looking like a spoiled brat that had asked her parents for a new doll after breaking the one she already had.
"Fine. you want it, you got it, pretty eyes" He said softly and went back to his desk.
"You guys need to stop that kind of behavior in the office, this is a work environment" kunikida said looking shocked.
"Yeah be weird in the commodity of your own home but not here please" Atsushi added looking flustered by the interaction of his fake parents.
♦♦♦
I heard a knock on my door. I knew he was going to come so I mentilized myself, I got the hello kitty cups out and got everything under control.
"Since when do you knock?" I asked him while opening the door. There he was looking...different. His hair was brushed, one strand of hair tucked behind his ear. He wasn't wearing his normal trench coat, or vest, and khaki color pants. He was wearing a beige color jumper, navy blue collar coming out of it, untucked shirt, and black pants. The only familiar thing were the bandages wrapped around his body.
"I just came to pick you up, you ready?" I was confused, and I'm sure he saw it on my face cause he just gave me smirk.
"No I am not ready, you didn't tell me we were going out, what is going on. Don't try to get yourself out of the deal we have" I told him squinting my eyes, he just laughed, and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the apartment.
We were walking through the city, we were not really talking, just small chat and casual remarks, the air between us was kind of shy, I looked at him from the corner of my eye once in a while and he did the same. I looked at the stores and the people, I noticed the stolen glances of others, we standed out because one, I am a foreigner, two, Dazai is handsome, the turning heads type of face, he was tall and walks like he knows he is attractive.
It was making me self conscious. Not that I think I am horrible looking, I am pretty average, in both looks and body complexion, I would even be considered a little chubby in asian beauty standards, not that that matters, I am healthy and that's what matters, but oh the stares. Looking at Dazai then at me, and then a face. I know it shouldnt mean nothing and these are just my insecurities getting the best of me but I felt small.
I kept my gaze on my shoes, black DrMartens. Converse are too frail for the type of job we do so I switched, it took a while breaking this bitches in but they were finally comfortable. I know I am rambling because I am nervous.
Then I felt him search for my hand, he took it and intertwined our fingers. I looked up to him, with a confused stare, but he just acted like he didn't notice my eyes glancing at his.
"What are we doing Osamu?" I asked him in a defeated tone. I am getting irritated.
"We are on a date of course! And don't worry we are almost to the place I want to take you!" he said in a cheerful tone, and I felt my ears get hot. This man always does what he wants.
"And when did I agree to go out on a date with you?" I said in an angry tone, I was not angry I was just embarrassed.
"You want me to take you back to your apartment so you can watch Gilmore Girls for the tenth time?" He said, looking at me raising an eyebrow and wearing a triumphant smile he knows what my answer is.
I kept quiet and followed him along, letting him drag me by the hand to God knows where.
We made it to a small park, it was kind of far, we have been walking for like half an hour. He led us to a bench where he told me to sit down and then he proceeded to climb the tree beside us, bringing down a small locked box. He sat beside me and opened it. A bottle of sake was inside, along with two cups and cat treats. I am so confused.
He whistled and cats came. A lot of cats, like 10 cats of different sizes and colors, and I am in heaven.
"Now we drink and give treats to the kitties" he said with a smile on his face, one that almost seemed honest.
We started drinking just talking about the cats and giving them names and playing with them, and this dynamic is getting me pretty drunk, Dazai has a pretty incredible alcohol tolerance, it's kind of unfair.
"What's unfair?" oh I said that out loud.
"That you don't get drunk" I said, might as well tell the truth.
"I do get drunk, just not easily" He laughed and took a sip of his drink.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, loved the liquid confidence. He looked at me and stared at me for a while. I was looking at a cat playing with a leaf.
"Because I want to" He said, turning to the sky.
"I know you always do as you please, but why is this something you want?" I asked, looking at him while he looked at the stars. He looked so normal making figures of the stars, if I couldn't see the bandages on his neck I could have confused him by a normal person with a normal job.
"Do you want to know my answer or want self reaffirmation that will cool down the insecurities that appeared while we were walking down the street" he said in a monotone voice.
"No, we are not doing that, you are not flipping the script each time I try to get close, you are the one that brought me here, you are the one that told me that wanted me here." I said looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. I took a sip of my drink and turned my gaze to the ground.
I heard him sigh.
"I want to feel like I am really human. Like I can enjoy things that are enjoyable for everyone else, I get tired of faking it you know? I wanted to know what a date is like when you don't have to act. And I couldn't think of anyone else who would at least notice some of my performances and call me out on them" He said looking now in front of him as if, once again, there was something that I could not see. "So yes, this is also one of my selfish desires in which I don't give you a choice but to comply" He finished saying and took a sip of his drink.
"Why do you feel the need to take things instead of asking for them?" I asked, now looking at the stars.
"Because when I have what I want, it disappears the moment they touch my hands, so I grab them and hold them capriciously, in hope they will stay a little longer. It never works though" He said in a sad tone, no defenses were up, whether it be the alcohol or the sudden closeness, I will take this honesty.
"I won't disappear, you know? You have to ask for me to have me. Otherwise you will lose me" I said without thinking about the emotional implications that it could bring.
"And no one likes losing their favorite toy, it's really a bummer" I said, turning my face to him and pouting. He looked at me as if there was a map on my eyes, and he was trying to get somewhere.
"You are not a toy anymore, I have got bored of playing with you, it's not fun when they ace my tests." He said in a low tone, his expression not changing. "You are someone I wish to know, without any particular reason" he reached a hand to touch my cheek, and then he squished my face with his face, "but I gotta tell you that in my grand plan you do have a part, hopefully you will participate willingly, and I am telling you this because I respect you as your own being" he said in a joking tone even though he wasn't joking, his face was close to mine and he just kept looking at me, my cheeks are getting red and he isnt letting go off my face.
So I just stared back, waiting for his next move... and he let go and turned around, avoiding my gaze. I don't know if I have won or lost. I don't know what I wanted him to do.
There was a moment of silence, the alcohol was doing its job and so I decided to entertain him.
"So if you want a date, I'll get you a proper one. Lets go bar hopping, but not your bars, lets go latino bar hopping" I said standing up and extending my hand. He looked at it then at me, then the goofy smile of his was right on his face again.
We got to this bar (that I founded with Chuuya, but we are not going to say) it is run by Cubans, so you get great rum and great music, as soon as we entered Dazai looked at me with his eyes big and almost excited, like a child looking at christmas lights. There were people dancing and singing.
"You are going to genuinely have fun if it's the last time I do today" I told him and we went to the counter and asked for shots of cheap rum, and then a good one that you could enjoy. After my fourth one, I was drunk enough to dance, and so I took the lanky ass boy to the dancefloor. I love salsa, I was just swaying my hips to the music and singing, and dancing with the other señoras. Dazai just kept looking at me like he had just met me, as if I was a brand new toy. I have never seen him doubt in the time I have met him, until he entered that dance floor filled with latinos.
So I took his hands pulling him to me so he could follow my lead. His shoulders felt tense out of nervousness, looking like a baby taking first steps.
"You don't have to know, you have to feel! No one cares about technicalities here, there is no win or lose!, come on pretty boy let yourself be free for a while" I yelled at him, probably slurring my words and hoping he would hear me through the sound of the music.
He did, he started to look around, how other people danced, and he copied them, grabbing me by the waist and the hand and just dancing. I hate that this man does everything perfectly once he understands it.
Having him close I could see he was getting buzzed, so this mission is going well.
We got out of the bar, and turned to face him, he had a soft smile on his face, not forced, not fake.
"I know that bar hopping and some dancing is not going to take away your demons and your pain, but I hope this can remind you that you can enjoy little things, that you are capable and deserve some comfort despite what you have done and lived, and I will always rather get you drunk and dancing than to mourn your absence." I held his hand this time, and gave it a little squish, he looked at me with surprised puppy eyes.
"But you gotta stop being a pain in the ass sometimes, talk shit get hit, always remember that" I said to ease the tension.
We went to the next bar, it was a Mexican one with mariachi, and norteño, I blacked out after that.