"Stop" Dazai ordered everyone at the other side of the mirror.
"What do you mean stop? He got her by the collar! She is in danger stupid Dazai" Kunikida yelled at his coworker. He was almost gripping the doorknob.
"She is not in immediate danger, she can manage just fine without us" Dazai said calmly, but never taking his eyes off of what was happening in the interrogation room.
"I'll take full responsibility if anything happens." He reassured his coworker. "But sometimes misogynistic men need to be humbled by what they hate the most, and right now, Maru's doing a great job humiliating him, so let her" he added, still staring at the situation in front of him.
"If he doesn't let her go in two minutes, I'm going in whether you like it or not" responded an angry Kunikida, he didn't like the way Dazai worked sometimes, he really thinks that this could escalate into something more serious and his new coworker could end up hurt.
"That's fine by me" was all that Dazai said.
○○○○
"You should let go of me, it's really not gonna help you at trial you know?" I said half joking and half angry as I held a pen, that I snatched from the office reception and hid inside the clip of my board, close to his left eye.
"You tricked me, disgusting little whore" he said angrily while the gripp he had on my shirt became stronger.
"Let me go or lose an eye" and move the pen an inch closer to his eye, almost touching his eyelashes.
And finally he did. He let go and pushed me so hard to my chair it moved and I slammed against the glass.
Kunikida and some police officers came in, they helped me stand up and asked if I was okay, I just kept glaring at the man in front of me.
"The confession was recorded, and was all that we needed, so enjoy prison you fucker" was all I could say as I left the room.
Dazai was standing right outside the door, he gave me a strange look that I didn't have the energy to figure out.
"Excuse me", I whispered and dragged myself to the bathroom. I checked all the stals and thankfully they were empty. I went to a sink and started running the water while looking at my blurry reflection in the mirror.
"You're okay, it's fine, you did the job, you helped the girls" here I am telling my stupid mantras and affirmations trying to talk myself out of a panic attack.
I could feel the walls closing in and my breath getting shallow and shaky, the pressure on my chest growing and seeing black dots on my vision, not good signs. My knees felt like jelly, I was just holding myself up with my arms and using the sink to keep myself steady.
The door opened up and I could see Dazai through the reflection of the mirrors. He looked at me from the mirrors too and just kind of put an arm around my waist from behind and I let myself go, I'm so tired.
We kind of just slipped to the ground until he was sitting on the ground and I was between his legs, he didn't let go of me and I started to cry, full on wailing, I felt like a little kid. I couldn't breathe between my cries. I felt as if I was drowning in my own tears.
"You're okay, you did good" I heard Dazai's voice, he was telling me right next to my ear but he felt so far away, and I couldn't stop crying. I grabbed the arm he had on my waist and pushed it into me. I need to feel some kind of pressure, and I think he got the idea since he wrapped his other arm in front of my chest holding my shoulder and squished me.
He kept talking but I couldn't hear him. My cries did become softer, I could hear his breathing and felt his heartbeat, so I tried to concentrate on that. We stayed like that for about 10 minutes but it felt like hours.
He let go of me when I finally calmed down, but he didn't move, he let me rest my back and my head on his chest for a little while.
"You should go back, Kunikida will think you ditched him to get drinks." I said in a shaky voice.
"I think you need a drink" he responded without moving.
"Ugh yes, I need three shots of vodka" I answered.
"I thought you despised vodka" he turned his head to look at me.
"I do" and I laughed a little bit, and he took that as a signal that he could go. He moved a little to stand up and helped me up.
"I'll be right there, I just have to look less dead" I reassured him so he could leave.
"Death looks good on you" he winked.
"Not committing suicide with you today" I answered while whipping the mascara off my cheeks.
"All you do is tease me, truly a meanie" he joked as he opened the door and left.
The drive to the office was pretty silent, I was the one driving now, if Dazai took the wheel I would end up having another panic attack. We just turned on the radio and listened to music. Dazai was a picky listener, if he didn't like the song he would change the station over and over again until he found something he liked or until the song he didn't like was over. It annoyed me but I let him do that. I was too embarrassed to look at him right now.
I could already hear him blackmailing me with what just happened, he is gonna hold it over my head until I caught him slipping with something and then we're even.
At the office Dazai was telling everyone the good job I did and how cool I was, even Kunikida praised my work in front of others, and I just stood awkwardly in the middle of everything. I wanted to go home.
They did let me go home after writing a report justifying my non conservative way of handling the interrogation, I mean I'm not exactly a police officer nor a member of the Agency, I don't really have any strict protocol to follow, so it was easier getting away with my manipulating skills.
I went home, got into a convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes and some beer, I felt like a teenager. I smoked and drank looking outside the apartment window and cried for a while, but thought of a plan to make me feel less shitty.
●●●
"Kunikida-san, I have a favor to ask" I said in a calm voice but honestly I was quite nervous.
"What is it, Maru-san" he said, not looking at me and just writing some reports.
"I want you to teach me how to fight" I said rapidly, damn my nerves.
The whole office stopped, I hate how everyone was always on each other's business.
"I don't think that's necessary, you are doing fine just as it is, also you don't go on field that much, and if so, a member of the Agency will be there to protect you" he said, still not looking at me.
I don't respond well to not getting what I want.
"The day of the interrogation I got so scared I had a panic attack in the bathroom and Dazai had to come and talk me through it. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Having to depend on someone to calm you down?" Dazai gave me a surprised look, I guess he was gonna keep that as a secret.
"Do you know that I can't go anywhere alone? I always make Atsushi come with me, even if I'm just going to the store next to the building, but I just can't be alone, I get so scared that my ears start to ring and I forget how to breath, and yes I know that PTSD is normal giving the situation I lived, but do you know how frustrating it is to feel weak and incapable of defending myself? It's horrible, I loved doing things alone now I get paralized in fear, worrying that I might get kidnapped again or killed and then it would be an inconvenience for my parents and for the Agency, I can't stand it anymore" I didn't even realized I was screaming until I reached the end of my sentence. Kunikida was now looking at me. Everyone was looking at me. Great, just great.
"I'll teach you how to defend yourself and others if that's what you like" a deep voice appeared in the room, the President was standing by his door looking at me.
"Oh shit, you don't have to do that President, it's fine I don't want to burden you with that" I didn't expect the President to be the one to teach me, I am clumsy and not flexible I know I'm gonna suck that's why I asked Kunikida he was a math teacher before so he has experience with failures.
"Nonsense, I'll teach you, everyone should be able to walk the streets without fear, I'll see you this Sunday here at 8 am" he said as he went back to his office.
"Why would no one get me out of that? Not a single, 'oh no President I'll teach her' you're all bad friends" I said to everyone who were just faking to keep working but I could hear them laugh.
"You want it, you got it, pretty eyes" Dazai said and I threw my shoe at him, I missed but my intentions were clear as day.
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What do you think of Dazai and Maru's interactions?
Feel free to comment!
-M