HERO
My eyes open and the familiar rumbling pitter-patter of feet down the hall that always wakes me nears closer and closer until the door opens. Only this time, the door opens slowly, quietly. Unlike other times, Mila creeps over to me in bed while I stay lay down and pull the duvet back for her. As she nears, I only then realise it's still dark and much earlier than usual for her to be waking up. Way too early, my clock reads 5:30am.
"Are you okay, princess?" Mila stays silent, curling herself onto my chest. Her head resting just above where my heart beats.
"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, daddy," I wrap my arm around her, holding her close to me.
"It's okay, darling. Plenty of room in here with me. Close your eyes," I watch her as her eyes close slowly while I stroke her head. I gently stroke the back of her head, calming her. It's not often she wakes up in the morning this early but when she does, she always comes to me for comfort which I'm more than happy to give to her.
"Love you, daddy," I look down at her seeing her eyes are closed and from the sleepy, slow tone of her voice, I can tell she's on the edge of oblivion.
"And I love you, princess."
I haven't really gone back to sleep since Mila came in at 5:30am. I've laid here holding her, watching my little girl sleep in my arms. I look over to my phone, careful not to knock and disturb her and see it's nearly 7:35am. Usually around now is when I'd expect her to come into me. But she's already here, so I'll have to wake her which I hate doing because it really can go one of two ways. Really well or really bad. She's never liked being woken up so I have to be gentle with her. I don't want to take her to Summer Club in a bad mood, when she's in a bad mood she's really a handful. Mila's not the type of girl to be in-between emotions, she's like her mother in that way. So I have to be gentle and tentative waking her up.
I start by rubbing her back softly, shushing her still as I did a few hours ago to get her back to sleep.
"Mila... it's time to wake up, sleepyhead," I keep my voice nice and quiet, softly waking her up. She begins to stir on my chest, her eyes scrunching closed tighter as she fights me.
"Come on, sweetheart. It's time to get up so we can have breakfast," Mila's head begins to shake slowly, and she grunts what sounds like a no as she clings onto me.
"I know, I'm comfy too. But daddy's got to train today and you're going to Summer Club," usually she's excited about going but for some reason today, she doesn't want to leave the bed. As lovely as it'd be, to stay here all day we both have a full day ahead of us.
"No... daddy. Stay, go asleep," her hold tightens on me as she tiredly tries to stay on my chest. Slowly, I sit up, holding her against me, cradling her in my arms.
"I know, darling. I'd love to stay here too. But we have things to do," tiredly, her eyes open as she looks up at me, her blonde hair standing on end as it always does when she's woken up.
"Hmm... can we have pancakes for breakfast?" I smile, pulling her closer to me.
"I wouldn't say no to that. How does pancakes, Nutella and banana sound?"
"Yummy," I lift the duvet off both of us and stand, keeping hold of her as I push out of bed and out of the bedroom. Thankful that I've woken her up in a somewhat good mood.
"You have training today," I nod, telling her I do as I cradle her in my arms, wandering down the stairs. I take us into the kitchen and place her on one of the stools at the breakfast bar before putting the kettle on for both of us.
"Can I come with you today?"
"Come where, princess?" I feel her watching me as I get everything ready to make a cup of tea before preparing our pancakes. Once her tea is made, I slide it over before getting the pre-made pancakes and place them in the microwave. I know it's cheating but I don't have time for fresh ones in the morning when we have things to do. Especially considering next week, I'll be dropping her off at school for the first time. It's come around so bloody quickly. I've not allowed myself time to process or think about it, really. I don't think I will until the night before because I don't envision getting much sleep that night. I have no doubts in my mind that she'll be absolutely fine and she'll thrive at school but that doesn't remove the fact that my baby girl is growing up much quicker than I thought she would.
"To Rush Green with you," I smile, smearing some of the Nutella onto the now warm pancakes. She's very clingy this morning, more so than usual.
"You don't want to go to Summer Club?" She shakes her head no, her eyes pleading with me. It's only on rare occurrences I take her to Rush Green - mainly when I have to because I don't have anyone to look after her.
"No, I want to stay with you today, daddy,"
"But daddy's training today, sweetheart. And you're going to Summer Club to play with your friends before you start big girl's school next week," she huffs, knowing she's not going to win this one. I'd love to stay home with her for another day and do absolutely nothing other than sit on the couch and cuddle her but I can't. I have a job to do.
Rather than smother my pancakes in Nutella, I opt for a healthier option of yoghurt and blueberries. It's a longer training session today so I'll be eating something substantial no doubt at training and will only be picking Mila up from Summer Club around 4:30pm. It's a long day for both of us. Taking hold of my plate, I work my way around the breakfast bar and take my seat beside her, watching her take her time with her breakfast. Just as I start to eat mine, Mila looks up at me, chocolate smeared across her little face.
"Daddy?"
"Mila?" She giggles, tiredly.
"Have you spoken to Josephine?" I smile, finishing off a bite of my breakfast. It's something I can't help. She knows the answer to this question, she just wants all the juicy bits, I'm sure. Me and Jo - which I've told Mila to call her - have spoken every day since we first started messaging on Monday. It's now Thursday and we've spoken, or rather texted, every day. Somehow, a girl I've never met in person and only know through her leaving her number on a return address has managed to work her way to the front of my mind every day. Even today she has too, but I text her after breakfast to allow her to wake up. She's off work after all and should be enjoying a lie-in. I certainly would be.
"She likes to be called Jo, remember?" Mila nods, her eyes wide as she looks at me expectantly. Waiting for me to tell her more. Anyone would think she's fourteen, not four.
"Princess Jo," I don't know where she's coined this from but in her mind, Jo is a princess. A real one apparently.
"I have spoken to Jo. Every day," it's the truth, I have. We've texted every single day. Primarily at night because I've been in training and sorting Mila. But we've spoken. She's made me laugh just as I've made her laugh too. She's funny and still so genuine and down to Earth. It's not constant texting, it can't be with the life I lead but it's been daily which is seemingly good enough for both of us.
"What've you said to her?" There's a lot that's been spoken about between me and Jo. Mainly we've just been getting to know one another. When I told Mila that she was a school teacher, understandably she asked if she taught at her school where she'll be starting next week. She was slightly disappointed that Jo works at a different school but she said she could ask Jo for help with her homework. Maybe that's going a bit far because despite texting her like I know her - and know her quite well - we've not spoken on the phone or anything. I don't even know if that'd be a possibility or even a step too far somehow. But all of this feels very right. Which doesn't concern me; no it massively intrigues me.
"You're very interested in Jo, aren't you, princess?" Mila nods, looking down at her plate. I know why she's interested, despite barely having any time with Sara she'd love to have a mother figure around the house. It's just me and her but I know she would love that. What little girl wouldn't? I wrap my arm around her shoulder knowing deep down, even though this is very new and perhaps nothing, she's getting her hopes up.
"I miss mummy too, darling. Every day," she sighs, nodding. She barely knew Sara but she's missed out on so much. I've given her my all but she wants someone else too. Someone to call mummy - she'd never say this herself but as her father, I know it. I'm getting way ahead of myself...
After clearing up from our somewhat sombre breakfast, Mila takes herself upstairs to go and get ready while I follow behind her. After brushing our teeth together in the main bathroom, she goes into her bedroom while I take myself to mine. Closing the door over behind me, I head to the bed, pulling the duvet into place and fluffing up the pillows. I sit down carefully on the edge and reach over to my phone, pulling the charger out of the bottom before loading up mine and Jo's messaging thread.
Good morning :)
Hitting send, I turn my phone off silent in case she messages me back and walk over to the wardrobe. Hoping that I hear the familiar message tone before leaving. I continue getting ready, my eyes casting over to my phone every now and again hoping the screen lights up and the sound rings through the room. I pull over my training jersey and just as my head pops through the top, I see my phone light up and the message tone ping through the room. Wandering over to my phone, I lift it up so I can see the message waiting for me.
Good morning :) you've probably been up for hours. I'm just waking up now.
I smile reading her message before replying.
Yeah, early wake up call this morning. I'm training pretty much all day. Do you have any plans today?
I hit send, dropping my phone back on the bed and continue to get ready. Jo's next message lands when I'm pulling my ankle socks into place, ready to put my trainers on. My studs are at Rush Green, I always keep them there just like all the other players. I'm too forgetful and have Mila to worry about so I'd probably forget them. It's easier if I just keep them in my locker.
Other than planning lessons, there's nothing else on my plate really. I am going out to dinner with my friend Mia tonight in Leicester Square though. I'm looking forward to that :)
Me and Jo have taken to putting smiley faces at the end of our messages. It just seems to be a thing between us.
Leicester Square, how touristy of you :)
I'm a sucker for a day of sightseeing :)
So, she likes going into central London...? And likes sightseeing. There aren't many Londoners who like sightseeing, simply because we see said sights so often and have done so many times. But whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I've seen them too many times now. I have to get going, speak to you tonight? :)
Just as I hit send and I see the three dots bouncing up and down on my screen, the door opens slowly, Mila waiting on the other side in her jeans and one of her past-season West Ham hoodies.
"Hey, princess. Look at you," she smiles, wandering over to me, sitting on my knee. Just as she does my phone buzzes again.
"Is that Jo, daddy?" I load up the messages in front of her, letting her see that it is in fact Jo. She gasps, reading the messages.
"You're going to speak to her tonight? In-person, daddy? Can I speak to her too? Please," I laugh, pulling Mila tighter to me.
"No, I'm just going to message her, sweetheart," she sighs and I watch her eyes roll. She's exactly like her mother when she does that.
"I think you should call her. Then you can actually speak to her,"
"Since when have you been my wingwoman, little miss? I've not known Jo for very long, remember?" She nods, turning and smiling at me.
"I know but I think she's nice. What's a wingwoman?"
"Ask your auntie Mercy next time you see her. Let me reply then we'll get going," Mila hops off my lap and stands in front of me. Watching me reply to Jo. I don't know why, because I certainly shouldn't, but I feel kind of nervous with her here with me.
Yeah, speak to you tonight. Have a good time with your friend :)
After hitting send, I slide my phone into my pocket and stand. Mila slides her small hand into mine and I lead her downstairs so we can get going.
***
As I expected, Mila was absolutely fine when I dropped her off at Summer Club. As always, she hugged me, gave me a kiss and then ran off to join her friends. I'll put her being the way she was this morning down to tiredness. She doesn't like waking up too early, very much like myself. And once she's awake, that's it, she's awake. I was surprised she fell back asleep on me, I expected us to lie there this morning and have a conversation about various things - knowing Mila recently, likely about Jo. She's so invested and I don't want her getting the wrong end of the stick. She's too young to realise... everything. It's a lot but I'm choosing to run for it. With my second promise in mind, despite the difficulties, I'm facing.
Arriving at Rush Green, I park up in my usual spot. I pull the handbrake into place and switch the car off. Automatically, my hand reaches for my phone to see if I have any notifications and to no surprise of mine, I don't. We said we'd text tonight... but that doesn't remove the fact that I want to message her now. She's busy planning her lessons for her students though. One thing I've learned about her over text is that she's dedicated, very dedicated to her job. She clearly loves what she does for a living. Equally, I do too.
Resisting the urge to send her just one last message, I wander into the training centre, seeing Pam, our receptionist as I go.
"Good morning, Hero. Oh, look at you, you've got a spring in your step," I smile at her as I wander past. I feel her eyes watch me.
"Morning Pam," I turn on my heels, smiling at her.
"Oh, it's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that, mister," is it really that obvious that I feel happier? Like there isn't a constant weight on my shoulders that I'm carrying for both me and Mila. I feel my smile widen at Pam before I turn again and continue on towards the changing rooms. As I pull the doors open, then bright white lights hit my eyes and I walk into the large room where our lockers line the square.
Sitting down at the number 8, I check my phone one last time to see if she's surprised me or not and feel slightly disappointed it's the same as it was a few minutes ago in the car. But it's no matter, we'll text tonight. Like we said we would. Mila mentioned calling her... would that even be something she'd want? I'll just see how it pans out, no point rushing anything when we only started messaging out of the blue on Monday. They always say things happen when you least expect it. This really caught me off guard but I'm glad it did. I like texting Jo...
After changing into my training gear and locking my things away, I grab my water bottle and towel waiting for me by my side and head towards the gym. As always, Theo is standing by the treadmill. Looks like I'm running.
"Morning skip," I smile, walking over to him.
"Morning, mate. You good?" I nod telling him I am.
"You sure? You seem... hmm, I don't know. Lighter, somehow," I pinch the bridge of my nose, smirking. Knowing I'm caught yet again. I don't think there's been that much of a change... has there?
"Hmm, you could say that," he slaps my shoulder, swaying me slightly as we both laugh. I'm not going into detail. Not unless I have to. Mine and Jo's messages are between me and her. And Mila when I'm feeling kind.
"Ready to go for a run?" Considering it's raining at the minute, I nod knowing I'll be in here for a bit until it subsides. I fucking hate playing and training in the rain but you get used to it. I do live in the UK after all.
"Yeah, let's get this over with."
Theo really pushes me and has me do forty-five minutes on the treadmill rather than my usual thirty. He lets me have a few minutes to gather myself after the run where I take a few gulps of my water to refresh myself. As I drink, Jack wanders in, walking over to me.
"Morning skip,"
"Morning, mate. Where've you been?" He tells me he's just arrived, doing different hours to me. Which also means a different training schedule.
"Ah Jack, you can tag onto Hero's weight and resistance training if you want. Get them out of the way then we'll go onto the pitch," looking at Jack, I nod, silently telling him he can tag onto my training if he wants to. I have a feeling me and Jack will be working closely together here, at Rush Green, and on the pitch too. We did during our first match and he's a bloody good player.
"Yeah, sounds good."
Both of us focus our attention on some light weights and various resistance exercises. Theo also does some reaction training with us too. Testing us to see how quickly we and our bodies react to different scenarios. We've started to do these more under the new manager and they're clearly helping. We hounded our opponents for the ball and responded quickly in our last match whenever we lost the ball and had it in posession.
"You two go and take lunch, we'll get more of the lads together for dribbling and shooting practice later," after putting the weights back, me and Jack follow Theo's instructions and head into the canteen together. Some of the other squad members are already in here. Everyone has different training schedules and has to be in different places.
Admittedly, despite focusing on my training with Theo and Jack earlier, my mind continues to wander to the texts on my phone and my want to continually text her. If I could have my phone with me continually, I would. Both Theo and Jack have had to break me out of my thoughts a few times in the past few hours. And I can't help but think this desire to speak to someone else - albeit over text - has all only happened once before when I was a teenager.
"Hey skip, can I ask you something?" Jack sits down opposite me at the table, both our trays in front of us as we start to tuck into our tuna pasta.
"Yeah, what's up?" Jack eyes me carefully as I begin to eat. But he doesn't touch his food. Not one bit of it. He's too busy looking at me and it's got me wondering what the fuck is going through his mind.
"You seem... Distracted. Is everything okay?" Distracted? Fuck, I must be being too obvious. I have felt a shift in my mood and have felt lighter like Pam mentioned before. But I didn't know it was so obvious and clear for others to see. And I know it's all to do with her, with Jo. It's got to be. But I can't let it come in the way of my football, I have a job to do. For the team and the fans - Jo being one of them.
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. All good," Jack's eyebrows raise, questioning me silently on the validity of my words. I'm not lying, everything is fine. More than fine. I'm happy. Happier than usual which is a change for me.
"What's going on? Something good must've happened. You're distracted but in a good way. If that makes sense?" I can't help the smile that crosses my face at Jack's words. He's not wrong, something really good has happened. Right when I least expected it too.
"Yeah... it does," realisation slowly crosses Jack's face as I stay silent and continue to eat my lunch. He leans over, keeping his voice hushed as I feel a smirk grow across my face.
"Have you met some, skip?" My smirk grows into a smile I can't contain. It must be a lot more obvious than I thought. Jack's not been with us here at West Ham for long but he knows my story. Just like everyone else.
"I might have,"
"Nah man, that's the face of I've just met someone. Who is she? Will I know her?" I know why he's asked the last question, footballers usually get with celebrities, models, actresses or singers who are known by the public.
"Her name is Jo. She's a primary school teacher. We've just been messaging each other but she seems nice. She's funny too," there've been multiple instances over the last few days where her messages have had me laughing and howling.
"Ahh skip, look at you. I'm happy for you,"
"It's strange how we met - believe me - but... I like texting her and I have felt... happier, somehow,"
"Well, all good things have got to start somewhere, right? I think you out of all of us deserve some happiness in your life and for your little girl too. Everyone deserves to be happy," I know deep down Jack is right. It's been such a long time since I felt genuine happiness.
Sara made me promise her that I'd find happiness, one way or another. Is this the start of that journey? Granted it'd be a long one, but is it? Is Jo the happiness me and Mila have been waiting for? I've only been messaging her for a few days but can things really move that fast? I've got to run with this. No matter how hard I find it to let go of my past, I've got to run with this, even if it's nothing. Jack's right, everyone deserves happiness and I've got to find out if this is mine.
——————
A new chapter to start the weekend off with 📖
So he's choosing to run with it. He's got to find his happily ever after with someone. I wonder who that'll be with? 😏🤭
I'm loving how much I'm keeping you all guessing with this story so far. We've got a long way to go but thank you for all your love and support so far. You're all amazing 🥰
Until the next one, Jen 💜