Roran knocked on the door to Kell's apartment. Kell opened the door and gave him a once over, her eyes pausing on the sword and shield now riding Roran's hips.
"Can I-" Roran paused, his voice hoarse from yelling. "Can I crash here tonight?"
"Yeah, come in. Your room is next to mine."
"Thanks."
"No problem, want me to take a look at your hand?"
Roran looked down at his knuckles. They were bruised and bloody. He shrugged.
"It will be fine."
"Roran!" Karyn shoved Kell out of the way and grabbed Roran's arm. "Your hand, what happened? Are you alright? Come here, let's get this cleaned up." Karyn dragged Roran over to the table and pushed him into a chair. Yelling across the room, she said "Nul, Roran needs medicine."
Sitting next to Roran, she began fussing over his hand, wiping it down with a cloth and examining the injuries.
"What happened?" she asked again.
"Someone insulted my mother."
"So you punched them?"
"A few times, yeah."
"You went a little overboard. You shouldn't be so reckless, not before a big fight."
Roran shrugged. "They just lost a few teeth, the warden wasn't worried about it."
"I'm not worried about them, I'm worried about you. This is your sword hand dummy, injuring it might handicap you in the fight tomorrow."
"Oh." Roran felt chagrined. He hadn't been thinking about the fight.
Nul came out to the living room with a small jar of ointment. They handed it over to Karyn. She scooped out finger-fuls of the salve and began massaging it into Roran's bloodied hand. Once satisfied that the wounds would heal, Karyn gently wrapped Roran's hand up in bandages, careful not to hurt the bruised knuckles.
"There, that should do it. Keep it bandaged until tomorrow. You might have a little soreness but it should be okay."
"Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me. Just don't die, okay?"
Roran smiled and nodded. Despite all of the rage and frustration brewing inside him, Karyn was too endearing to be grumpy around. Kell came up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
"Want anything? Food, wine, women?"
Karyn snorted but Roran only shook his head. "I'm alright, thank you. I just need to relax for a little bit."
"I understand." Kell gestured towards the stairs. "Your room is next to mine. It's a little sparse at the moment but there's a bed and a place to put your stuff. We can get you settled in after the fight."
Roran rose to his feet, exhausted from the day's events. He trudged up the stairs and found the room next to Kell's. Entering, Roran found a sparsely furnished bedroom. It wasn't huge, but it was bigger than his childhood bedroom. There was a bed shoved against a wall with a trunk at the foot and a desk nearby. The room was spotless, as expected given how close it was to Kell. A small lantern with fairy rocks hung from a corner, the shaders half open to fill the room with dim light.
Taking off his sword and shield, Roran set them on the trunk and sat down on the bed. Curling up into a ball, Roran buried his face in his knees and cried. It felt like he was losing his mother all over again.
She hadn't died from a strange illness. She'd been murdered And for no other reason than petty jealousy. All of Millgrove had known, and they'd helped cover for Kamil, just writing Roran's mother off as a whore that had slept with the wrong husband. Roran felt like a fool. He had risked his life for those people, killed for them. He had given them large amounts of money so they could eat well and have good medicine. All the while, they had sat back and waited for him to die. It had almost been perfect for them, almost. If not for Roran's new friends, he likely would have died in the arena with his mother's murderer living comfortably off his own earnings.
A knock came from the door.
Karyn's voice came through, soft and concerned. "I made you tea. Can I come in."
Roran took a moment to collect himself, scrubbing away the tears and wiping his nose.
"Yeah."
Karyn came in, looking worried. She held a steaming mug of tea, chamomile.
"It's more chamomile," she said. "Just in case there are any symptoms."
"Right, just set it on the desk."
Setting down the tea, Karyn went to the bed and sat next to Roran.
"Are you okay?"
"No. My kinsmen are selfish monsters."
"You already knew that."
Roran nodded. "I miss my mom."
Karyn leaned in and wrapped an arm around Roran. "I'm sorry for your loss. I know this won't make it hurt any less, but I think your mom would be really proud of you. You're a good person and you've done some amazing things. If she could see you now, I have no doubt that she would smile and be proud of the man you've become."
Roran turned and grabbed Karyn, wrapping her up in a hug. She smelled of tea and cinnamon and spice. When Karyn hugged him back, Roran felt tears burning beneath his eyelids. He hugged her and she hugged back until the dam broke and tears spilled out. She hugged him as the tears burned trails down his face and dripped into her hair. Hugged him while the sobs came bubbling out, wracking his body. Hugged him while he shuddered in shame and loss. Hugged him until the tears ran dry and Roran felt like a wrung out wrag, miserable and limp. Finally, she let him go and he collapsed on the bed.
Karyn fussed over him for a bit, putting a pillow under his head and tossing the blanket over him, before collecting the cold mug of tea and leaving the room.
In the comfortable quiet, Roran drifted off to sleep. He woke a while later, disoriented and confused. It took him a few minutes to remember where he was and why. Coming to his senses, Roran climbed out of bed and peeked out the door. The apartment appeared empty and the world outside the window was dark.
Unsure of what else to do, Roran went back into his room and sat on his bed. Feeling anxious, Roran got up and started pacing around. When he got tired of that, he went to his sword and shield. Pulling the sword from the scabbard, Roran examined it. There were some new scratches, but the sword still looked clean and fresh, not yet stained from battle.
Roran sheathed the sword and resumed pacing. He began drumming on his thighs while he walked, tapping out frantic rhythms. After a few minutes of pacing, there came a knock from the door.
"Yes?"
Kell entered without saying anything. Despite being in her pajamas, she had her spear resting against her shoulder. There were bags under her eyes and she looked grumpy. Tossing her spear into the corner, Kell shoved Roran onto the bed. She climbed into bed after him and rolled over, her back towards him.
Unsure of what to do, Roran rolled over, away from Kell. Still anxious, he started fidgeting. After a few minutes, he rolled over again, unable to find a comfortable position. The third time he rolled over, Kell growled at him.
"Stop moving, I can't sleep."
Instead of asking why she was there, Roran settled onto his side and stopped moving. He still felt anxious and struggled to hold still. He wanted to pace some more, to leave the apartment, run out into the street, and run down the road crying and screaming. He wanted to go back to the dungeons, find Kamil and-
"You're breathing too loud. Calm down."
Roran sucked in a breath and held it. He counted to ten before letting it go. Beside him, Kell was breathing in calm, slow intervals. Letting go of his anxiety, Roran matched his breathing with Kells, taking deep slow breaths and holding them briefly before exhaling.
He still felt anxious and jittery, but lying still and breathing slowly was beginning to calm him down. Roran closed his eyes and focused on matching Kell's breathing.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept this close to someone, close enough to feel their presence, to hear them breathing. Despite being crammed in with his kinsmen, they had always avoided him and kept their distance. They had shunned him. But not Kell. Not Nul or Karyn either. They cared about him and were right there, in the apartment around him. Right by his side.
Roran matched Kell's deep, slow breaths, and fell back asleep in minutes.