Andi Rhoades
"Okay guys, c'mon one more day and then we all have a long weekend ahead of us."
I get a few hums and responses in return as all of my students find their seats before we get class started. It's Friday, it's been a week since Harry's birthday, and a week of me sitting with all my thoughts and emotions, trying to figure out what they mean.
I'm waiting for the right moment to have the conversation that I've been dreading with Harry. There's a part of me that's terrified that I'll bring it up and instead of pushing us ahead in our parental relationship, it knocks us down and we have to start at the bottom. I can't do that. What we have going right now is really good, all things considered.
We've obviously shown that we can communicate and parent together when it comes down to it, but I'm scared that we're only able to do that because we've just scratched the surface when it comes to our own issues.
I'm spending a couple of days of my long weekend at my mom's in Fresno, and I'm leaving right after school gets out. I had offered to take at least Ellie with me, to give Harry a break, but he insisted that he would be fine and he owed it to me since I would be on my own for the next six months come April.
I do feel a little guilty leaving him alone with them, he truly never gets a break unless he has to work and they're at daycare. We're still searching for a nanny that we like and feel is qualified to be around the kids.
I've learned just how picky Harry is when it comes to the kind of people he wants around Ellie and Rome, and I'll admit that it makes my heart do a funny thing whenever he shoots down someone simply if they look at us the wrong way.
After knowing what I do about Ellie and Harry's relationship, and how she was basically the thing that got him to stop drinking, it makes every interaction the two of them have that much more precious. He loves her so much, and she's lucky to be loved by him.
Being loved by Harry Styles is one of the greatest experiences of my life.
I'm snapped back into reality when the tardy bell rings and when I look out into my classroom full of students, I can't help but laugh at just how done they all look. They tend to get like this on Friday's and I'll admit it makes it hard to get anything done when they're so checked out already, but I can't blame them.
"Alright! Today's the day you're handing in your emotions project. Like I said, I'm not going to read them, out of respect for your privacy, but I do want to have some sort of discussion over anything you might have learned."
After some chatter, I instruct everyone to hand in their essays where I collect them and place them in a folder to save inside a cabinet. When I planned this assignment, I didn't know what exactly I was going to do with twenty kids' most vulnerable feelings written down, but I've decided that for now, I'll just save them until they graduate and then give them back in hopes that they can reflect on any growth they've experienced.
"Have any fun plans this weekend, Miss Rhoades?"
"I'm going to visit my mom up in Fresno, actually. Only for a couple of nights, though," I tell them.
They seem satisfied with my answer enough to hopefully let me continue on with class. I don't mind telling my students about some parts of myself and my personal life, I like to be as relatable with them as I can. But sometimes I have to make sure I'm not crossing any lines when it comes to how they view me and telling them too much about my personal life would definitely be crossing one of those lines.
"Did you always want to be a teacher?" Will asks me as everyone is passing in their essays.
I nod, "I think so, I knew I wanted to work with kids somehow. Thought about being a psychologist, but I think teaching is better suited for me."
It's true, I always loved working with children of any sort, but once I did my student teaching, I decided that high school would probably be best for me. I love little kids, but I'm just not sure that I have the patience for children under thirteen. The freshmen that I teach are already cutting it close to being too much for me.
"I wish there were more young teachers like you," Harper tells me. "The rest of them are so old they don't understand what it's like being young in this day in age, and it's like all of them are just riding on a power trip."
"Oh c'mon, they're not that bad!" Although I know they're telling the truth, I just know I shouldn't bag on my colleagues. I remember feeling the same way when I was in high school and even college.
"No," she pauses with widened eyes, "they are. You teach us differently, you make us feel important and not just like any other student, and you dress super cool."
I laugh at the end of her sentence, because if not then I'm afraid I might start tearing up at her words. She has no idea that those are the kind of things I've been needing to hear since I started teaching. I'm always worried that I'm not doing enough. I don't want to just skim by on doing the bare minimum, my goal has always been to find a way to somehow impact every single one of these kids for the better.
"Well thank you, Harper. I really appreciate it."
The rest of the day goes by fairly quickly, but like everyone else, I'm itching to get out of here for the weekend. All of my students seemed to be already checked out by the time they got to English, and I don't completely blame them.
I've always thought that you're either a science/math person or an English/history person. I can usually tell which kids are the math and science kids because generally, they absolutely hate English.
I loved to read growing up, and I'm a stickler when it comes to grammar and spelling, but that's not what got me interested in teaching English. I had a creative writing professor in college that was my absolute favorite. She didn't grade a real assignment the entire semester, she only had us show proof that we were writing in our personal journals.
It sounds silly, but I learned so much about not only writing, but myself that semester because of that class. It helped me sort out everything going on in my life, and I felt like an entirely new person by the end of it.
As soon as the bell rings and I've cleared off my desk and grabbed my things to head home, I'm quickly walking through the halls to make it to my car so I can hopefully try and beat some of the traffic on the way to Fresno.
"Miss Rhoades, may I speak with you for a moment?" I'm halting my steps when I hear Principal Shillings calling my name from behind me.
I try not to show any sign of annoyance as I turn around to face him, "Yes, sir, of course." I turn and follow him to his office, all of my things piled up in my hands. I like Mr. Shillings fine enough. He's a bit of a raging sexist, but I've unfortunately learned to deal with that at this point. Most of the time, I avoid him at all costs.
"Sorry, I won't keep you long, Andi," he uses my first name, catching me off guard. We certainly aren't that close.
I fight the urge to roll my eyes, "It's fine, just try to beat traffic before I head up north."
"Right, right. I just wanted to talk to you about a certain article floating around with your name in it."
What the hell? I had seen the article that was put out in regards to Max and Lila's death and how Harry was one of the legal guardians to the kids they left behind. They, fortunately, did as I asked and didn't mention me by name, that's why I'm confused as to what he could be talking about.
"I-I'm sorry, what article are you referring to?"
Mr. Shillings spins around in his desk chair to grab something from the table behind him before turning to face me once again and places a printed piece of paper in front of me. It looks to be a page from an online article from some shady gossip tabloid.
HARRY STYLES AND EX-GIRLFRIEND
ANDI RHOADES LEFT CUSTODY OF HAYES'CHILDREN AFTER TRAGIC ACCIDENT
My stomach basically falls out of my ass after reading the headline, wondering who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to publish this? It was obvious in the original article that I didn't want my name printed, or else it would have been included, but now I don't get that privacy anymore.
This is what these people do, though. I should have known that everyone would know that I was the nameless person in the article because everyone knew that Harry and I were godparents together. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, but it's just the principle of the matter that has me infuriated.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Shillings. I did not give them permission to do this, I... I actually specifically asked for them not to mention my name."
Mr. Shillings has a concerned look on his face, obviously seeing how distraught I am over this. "Madison high school doesn't encourage the publicity of its students or staff, Miss Rhoades."
I nod, "I know that. Again, I'm sorry."
Principal Shillings knew of my situation in the public eye when he hired me. He knew when he did my background search, that with a quick google search you could find out most anything about me, including who my ex-boyfriend is.
"Am I in trouble?" I ask as if I'm a fucking student here.
He takes a deep breath, and I can feel my heartbeat quicken and my hands become sweaty, "No, this is a warning for now. I know the situation at home is hard and I'm sure a lot of it is out of your control, but please try to stay out of the news as much as you can."
"Of course, of course, yeah. I'll be extra careful, I promise," I say with a reassuring smile.
He only gives me a nod and I take that as my hint to leave his office, which I don't hesitate to do. Jesus Christ, now I have this to worry about. How do I even go about fixing this or at least trying to prevent it from happening in the future?
I could call Jeff, which is something I don't really want to do, and I don't know how much he would help me. Skye could maybe call some people and help me to at least navigate how to prevent this in the future, but I don't really know what anyone else can do.
I end up leaving work feeling a little helpless and off from the mindset I had when I was trying to leave the first time. I really can't have this messing up my job, the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach.
Obviously, I'll do anything for Ellie and Rome, but my job is the one place I have left that I can be normal and not a legal guardian or an ex-girlfriend. I need to find a way to prevent my two different lives from colliding.
Luckily, on Friday's it's more acceptable to dress a little bit more casual at school, so I took advantage of that today so I would be comfortable for the three-hour car ride home. I'm wearing simple black baggy jeans, an old AC/DC band tee, a denim jacket over top, with my black checkered vans.
I didn't want to look too out of place as I rolled into my mom's house in the suburbs outside of Fresno, so I feel like I'll fit in alright with this outfit.
The drive goes by pretty fast, and before I know it, I'm pulling up outside my childhood home just down the street from where Lila grew up. The thought has my chest tightening, but I quickly do my best to shake it off and head for my front door.
I knock a couple of times before letting myself in, knowing that my mom was already home from work.
"Mom! You need to start locking the doors, people aren't as nice as they used to be," I yell as I close the door behind me.
I hear a bunch of clashing and a gasp before my cute mom comes rounding the corner into the small living room from the kitchen. "Oh! You made it! How was the drive?" She asks me, ignoring my previous statement, of course.
"It was good! Not too bad at all actually. Kinda nice to just spend some time alone." I decide not to tell my mom about the meeting with Principal Shillings, knowing that she'll worry about it as much as I am, which will only stress me out even more.
"Good, good. Okay, I'm making dinner, so set your things in your room and we can eat and then decide what to do next, sound good?"
I nod and carry my small weekend bag to my childhood bedroom. Luckily my mom has since redone my bedroom and made it more mature for when I come to stay, otherwise I'd be surrounded by posters and old perfume bottles.
It hasn't been long since I was last here. I spent Christmas with my mom, so it's only been a couple of months, but I miss her and I worry about her being lonely up here all by herself, so I try to make it up as often as I can.
As soon as I get all my things settled as much as I want for my quick trip, I head back out to the kitchen to help my mom with dinner. As we're cutting up tomatoes for the salad, catching each other up on everything going on, she turns to me and puts her knife down.
"So what's going on with you and Harry, hm?"
"What do you mean?" I ask her.
"Are things progressing between the two of you?"
I sigh, "If you mean are we talking and doing the best we can as unprepared legal guardians to our best friends kids then sure, I guess things are progressing."
"Oh Andi, c'mon. You know what I mean."
Shrugging, "I don't know. Yeah, we're better, I think maybe we've reached friendship status, but I don't know if it could ever go further again."
"I understand, he hurt you. Do you believe in second chances?"
"You know me, I'm always too quick to forgive people, but this is different. He was the one person on earth that I thought would never turn their back on me."
My mom simply brings me in for a hug and kisses the side of my head, going back to chopping and dropping the subject for now.
I know how my mom feels about Harry. She's told me time and time again that a little bit of communication could solve all of our problems and give us another chance to be happy. On one hand, I do believe her. I know that if I allowed myself, Harry and I could possibly work things out again if that's what both of us wanted, but I'm not holding my breath.
It's going to take a shit ton of apologies, promises, and communication for me to even consider that. I know that starts with us having our conversation, so I'm going to try to do that sometime in the next few weeks, at least before he leaves on tour.
In fact, it might be good to do it right before he leaves so we both have time to cool down before we see each other again.
My mom and I eat dinner and talk about random things like the weather, politics, work, actively avoiding the conversation of Harry and me. After dinner, we hang out and watch a movie before my mom goes to bed since she has an early morning shift tomorrow.
Just as I'm getting back into my room to get ready for bed, my phone starts buzzing with a facetime from Harry. Knowing it's probably just Ellie wanting to say goodnight, I don't hesitate to answer it.
Sure enough, Ellie's smiling face shows up on my screen, "Hi babycakes, how was your day?"
Ellie goes on babbling basically nonsense about her day at daycare with her friend Stevie. I catch some words about her and Harry making cookies, but everything else, I just nod and over animate my reactions to show that I'm listening.
"Alright Ellie, time to go to bed, do you want Andi to stay on while we read your story?" I momentarily forgot that Harry was there until I heard his deep voice come through my phone. Ellie agrees to his words, making Harry prop his phone up on the nightstand to give me a view of the two of them while he reads her a story.
Harry's always been attractive to me, obviously, but seeing him in this element with Ellie and Rome has me rethinking every other time I once thought he looked nice, because this is truly as good as it gets.
"The end," He finishes only a few minutes later. I say goodnight to Ellie with promises that I'll talk to her tomorrow and I hear Harry kiss her goodnight before carrying his phone with him out of her room. I wasn't sure if he meant to keep facetime going to speak to me or just accidentally forgot to hang up, but I stayed on anyway waiting for something to happen.
It's silent until he makes it to the guest bedroom where he's flicking on the light and bringing the phone up to his face so I can see his disheveled hair and tired eyes.
"Hey."
"Hi," I say with a smile, wondering what's going on.
"How was your day?"
I try not to show on my face that I'm slightly surprised by his casual conversation. "Oh, it was uh... it was good. Yours?"
"Yeah, pretty good. We missed having you here tonight."
Hearing him say 'we' has my heart beating fast, even though I know it was just a slip-up. "I missed them so much, it's weird how attached I've gotten to spending every day with them."
"But it's alright, you need time to visit your mum," he says. "How is Caroline doing these days anyway?"
I lightly laugh, "She's good, feisty as ever."
Harry hums in response, "Well I'll let you get to bed, but I'm sure Ellie will be begging to call you in the morning to tell you about her dreams, so I guess I'll talk to you then?"
I nod smiling at the thought, "Sure. Get some sleep, you look tired, H," I say with a wink.
"Yeah yeah, I look like shit. Goodnight Andi Louise, dream good dreams."
Harry hangs up and I'm left with the stupid big grin on my face that I had been hiding for the last five minutes. As much as I try to stop it, I can't lie and say that Harry isn't slowly making his way back into my good graces.
Deciding to get into bed since I have nothing better to do, I open up my bedside table drawer to find a book to read until I fall asleep. My eye catches an unfamiliar photo tucked away inside a notebook, and when I pick it up and see the small polaroid of Harry and me laying on this exact bed, kissing, the memory flashes through my head as if I'm reliving it all over again.
// FLASHBACK // JUNE 2017//
"Goodnight Caroline, it was lovely to meet you," Harry says with his best polite voice before we head towards my childhood bedroom.
"Goodnight Caroline, it was lovely to meet you," I mock him in the worst English accent we've ever heard causing us to both double over in laughter. "You kiss ass."
"Can't help it, my love. Gotta make a good impression on your mum, I'm afraid you're stuck with me and it'd be easier if your mum was on board." Harry grabs my waist and pulls me into him, causing a squeal to leave my mouth.
"Oh yeah? You think you're in this for the long haul, huh?" I joke.
Harry hums into my neck as he places a few hot, open-mouthed kisses along my throat making me arch my back into him as we back up against the door. God, he's so fucking hot. It always amazes me how he can go from being so soft and sweet to sexy in an instant.
"Harry," I whine quietly. "We're at my mom's."
"And?" He says as he reaches up to cup my breast, massaging it lightly making me melt into his hold. "I wanna fuck my girlfriend."
I already know I'm a goner when it comes to giving in because, at this point, I need him that badly. His hands roam my entire body, all over my chest, hips, ass, neck, until they're running down my arms and grabbing my wrists to bring my arms up over my head.
Harry presses himself into me, and I whimper when I feel his growing erection pressed up against my lower stomach. His attack on my neck has me throwing my head back against the door to my bedroom.
When his hand travels down my body to the waistband of my shorts, I'm instinctually thrusting my hips up into it in order to feel anything where I need him to be. He slowly teases the waistband before letting his hands fall completely to the bottom of my shorts where he pulls both my shorts and my panties to the side letting the cool air hit my core causing me to clench around absolutely nothing.
Harry's fingers dance around my center before one fluid swipe collects all my arousal making me moan. "Quiet, baby. You have to be quiet, remember?" He kisses my lips in order to muffle my whimpers as he carefully pushes one finger inside me.
My knees almost buckle underneath me at his words mixed with the feeling of his fingers pumping harshly in and out of me. Harry slows his pace and slowly slips his fingers from me before running them up my slit to my clit where he rubs in slow antagonizing circles.
"Harry, oh my god... oh fuck, just like that."
"Yeah? Does that feel good baby?" I hum into his mouth again as he roughly circles my bundle of nerves. He continues kissing me to hopefully hide the sounds coming from both of us, but at this point, it's just a lot of heavy breathing into each other's open mouths.
"I'm ah... I'm gonna come," I whisper in between breaths.
Just as I can feel my high about to overcome me, Harry's fingers disappear, making me shoot my eyes open to figure out why he stopped. His fingers are instantly brought up to my mouth where I part my lips and swirl my tongue around them, tasting myself as he drops to his knees and pulls my left leg over his shoulder before attaching his mouth to my core.
"Oh fuck, oh my god." It's only a matter of seconds before I'm brought right back to that spot, about to come all over Harry's face. With one last harsh suck, I'm coming undone, my knees buckling underneath me as Harry uses one hand to keep me sturdy while shoving his fingers of the other hand deeper into my mouth to avoid my moans being heard.
As I'm riding out my high, Harry is quick to stand up and guide me to my bed where he throws off his shirt and shorts before crawling over me and kissing down my chest, where he takes off my shirt leaving me bare, and slides down my soaked shorts and panties as he kisses my hips.
"Been thinking about fucking you in this bed ever since we got here," he tells me to which I pull him down by his hair and kiss him hard.
"Do it then," I whisper into his ear before running my tongue along his hot skin.
Harry pulls back and raises his brows as if questioning me, "Turn onto your stomach, love. Need to have something to muffle my name falling from your lips," he says before pressing a quick kiss to my lips and grabbing my hips to twist me onto my stomach.
Harry presses long, wet kisses along my neck and spine causing goosebumps to erupt on my skin as my face is pressed against the pillow, my arms under my head.
His fingers trace gentle circles along my torso, down my ribs, to my ass, around my thighs before he's running them slowly from my clit to my opening, collecting all of my come before pumping himself a few times and tapping his hard cock to my cunt and slowly gliding in.
My back arches at the feeling of him this deep, and my moans are hopefully being soundproofed by this pillow I'm screaming into. He feels so fucking good at this angle.
"You're doing so good for me baby, I knew you could be quiet if you wanted my cock that badly."
I moan into the pillow again in response and grab at the bedsheets as he mercilessly fucks me over and over again.
I'm caught off guard when Harry grabs me under my arms to pull me up to him, my back to his chest, both on our knees. He grabs a handful of my breast with one hand while the other comes to clamp over my mouth in order to keep me quiet.
"Can't fuck you for long without seeing your pretty face," he whispers into my ear before harshly sucking on my neck.
I moan into his hand that's covering my mouth as he continues to fuck me just as hard as before. His hand that was just teasing my nipple has now traveled down to rub my clit, about to send me over the edge.
"Are you gonna come again, baby? Wanna see you come, Andi."
I nod into his hand just as I feel my second orgasm hit me like a train. My head falls back to Harry's shoulder as he continues to circle my clit, while still thrusting his hips into mine to achieve his own high.
I soon feel him still against me before releasing inside me while a string of curses falls from his lips straight into my neck as he kisses me over and over again. The two of us eventually collapse forward into my mattress, breathing heavily as we come down from our orgasms.
Harry quickly slips on his underwear and sweats before traveling out into the hall to get a towel for me out of the closet so I can get cleaned up. He comes back in a matter of seconds and begins slowly and gently wiping between my legs, cleaning up the mess we both had just made.
Flinching when he touches my sensitive nerves, his eyes instantly fill with guilt, "Shit, I'm sorry baby, almost done I promise." With one last swipe, he's kissing my hips before grabbing a clean pair of underwear and sliding them up my legs.
"God, I love you," I tell him exactly what I'm thinking.
"I love you most, Andi Louise, and don't you forget it. Now go pee so we can cuddle, yeah?"
"Just a second, come lay with me," I pout and reach my arms out to get him to come lie next to me.
Just as he's about to crawl over to lay down with me, something catches his eye. "Ooh, what's this?"
"Hm never seen a polaroid camera, huh?" I joke with him.
"What kind of pictures was young Andi taking in her bedroom?" He smirks.
Rolling my eyes, I try snatching it out of his hands, "C'mon come cuddle with your girlfriend, I'm needy."
"Take a picture with me."
"And then you'll cuddle?" He nods, "Alright."
Harry lies down next to me on my bed, craning his neck to kiss me on the cheek, making me scrunch up my face in surprise as he takes the picture.
"You ass, I wasn't ready!"
"Bet you'll still look perfect, just you wait and see."
We wait a few seconds for the photo to come out and develop properly before looking at it to see that it had turned out to be a pretty cute picture of the two of us, all things considered.
"Too bad you can tell I'm naked or else I would be showing this to the entire world it's so fucking cute," I tell him with a kiss on the cheek.
One arm is covering my boobs so you can't really see anything, but this is obviously a photo for only Harry and me. Both our lips are swollen from passionate kisses, our hair messy, and our cheeks flushed.
"Let me write something on it, so we remember," he tells me. I reach into my nightstand to find a marker before giving it to Harry. He's immediately hiding the words he's scribbling down so I can't see until he's done to which I roll my eyes. He's a literal child.
"Let me see," I grab the picture from him once he's done and I'm instantly laughing. "Freshly fucked, A + H 2017, huh? You fucker, now this is definitely never seeing the light of day!"
Harry tackles me to the bed and attacks me with kisses all over making me laugh harder and harder with each one. "You love meeee," he sings quietly to my ear.
"I do," I tell him with a kiss.
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sorry, but until we get present-day smut, I feel It's only necessary that I throw In flashback smut to compensate. also, I just love writing them in love, I can't wait to do that all the time ;)
next chapter is harry's pov and we're going to the charity gala!!
ily <3