Forced Reconciliation

24.

Andi Rhoades

I've always thought of myself as someone that's very prepared for anything that could be thrown my way. I'm normally pretty quick-witted, able to come up with things on the spot when needed, and I strive to have an answer to everything. If I don't have an answer, I'll find it and get back to you.

My therapist said it stems from my childhood and growing up with a single mother. I always had a bit of anxiety in not knowing what to expect in my surroundings since my father left, and I did everything I could to try to plan for what was coming.

Throughout my life, I've instead learned to adjust accordingly, and have grown to be pretty well-rounded when it comes to handling whatever comes my way.

So, someone please explain to me why a group of seventeen-year-old kids have me standing with eyes wide, mouth open, completely speechless from one simple question.

"Miss Rhoades, are you and Harry Styles together?"

Yep. Fuck me, right?

I walked into work today, on cloud nine from my weekend with Harry. My smile was wide, I had a cute outfit on, and I was just excited to get back to work and teaching. I'm not exactly sure why it didn't cross my mind that my students might watch the Grammys and see me on their tv on Sunday, but I surely wasn't prepared for this.

For the last two years, I've been able to be completely anonymous when it comes to my life outside of work, and I guess I was naive to think it would stay that way. It's almost as if I've been living a double life, apparently, I was just genuinely oblivious to the idea that one day my two worlds might intertwine.

What do I even say? Lie? I can't lie when there's literal proof of us being together at the awards. Tell them my entire life story? Not happening.

"I- I uh. Well, yes. I mean... it's complicated but- but really it's not a very appropriate conversation for a teacher to have with her students."

Nice job, Andi. You fucking idiot.

Harper has the biggest smile on her face, "You looked really good at the Grammys. I loved your dress!"

My cheeks are no doubt bright red, and I'm shuddering at the thought of my students seeing me in my black lace dress. "Uh- well... Thank you, Harper."

"So wait... you and Harry Styles are dating?" Will asks me.

I just give Will a look, hoping that he'll catch on and we can drop this conversation before it gets back to my supervisors.

He doesn't. And neither does Harper.

"C'mon Miss Rhoades! We're basically graduated, we're old enough to understand. You're barely older than us, it's not weird unless you make it weird."

It takes everything in me not to curse out loud and scream, so instead, I rummage through papers on my desk while I try to navigate how I'm going to go about this conversation in a way in which we'll all be satisfied and I won't be sharing too much.

"Yes, my life outside of Madison High School is a little... different."

Harper laughs, "Not to be dramatic, but I wouldn't exactly call you dating a literal rockstar 'different.'"

I can't help but crack a smile, "Well, I know this is a little inappropriate, but I would appreciate it if we could keep this conversation between us as a class?" I get a few nods in return before continuing, "I just... I've tried really hard to keep my personal life separate from my work life, and recent events have made that a little bit more difficult."