"Oh, c'mon!"
"I said no. Stop nagging me already."
You puffed your cheeks, agitation clear on your face. You were in a pretty tight spot. To discuss Lawrence without triggering Claude was impossible. And triggering Claude might as well be poking a sleeping dragon.
However, meeting Lawrence was crucial since your past with him was unsorted. Doing that without getting Claude upset was a hopeful wish, given his immediate cold reaction at the mention of Lawrence. But there were times you needed to step your foot down and do what was necessary. And now certainly was one of those times.
"Claude, don't be like this. I already told you, it's important I meet Lawrence. We have unfinished business I need to sort out. Give the closure we both need to move on with our lives."
Claude thinned his lips, eyes coldly gleaming in warning not to pursue the topic further. His posture was tense as was his aura.
You shook your head, casting a glance at the flower field where Lucas and Athy were playing. They were oblivious to the tension drifting between you and Claude. You hoped it'd stay that way.
"Claude, please. I promise it won't take long. I'll be back in a jiffy."
"No," Claude mercilessly cut down your plea, a cold glare fixed on his face. "I don't care what business you've with that traitorous bastard, you're not leaving my sight."
A sharp emotion flashed across his face and he pursued his lips in a hard line, face cold and uncompromising.
You were exasperated and frustrated to the point where you wanted to throw your hands up and walk away from this ridiculous situation.
"It doesn't look like you'd agree to my request," You said dejectedly, eyes disappointed as you peered at him, shoulders hunched over. Claude rigidly straightened up in his chair, suspicious and wary at your relentment.
Taking a deep sigh, you steeled your nerve and stood up. Claude wearily followed your movements, cold eyes filled with an underlying sharp emotion you couldn't discern.
His silent piercing eyes drilled into you and almost you cave in from his intimidating aura. Almost.
"Sorry Claude, but this time I have to risk upsetting you. I need to meet Lawrence even if it meant going against your wishes." You said firmly, slight dismay laced in your voice. If Claude wasn't going to yield then you had no choice but to choose to go against him. Meeting Lawrence was a must, the emotional turmoil inside you wouldn't go away until you'd settled things with him.
Claude tensed up, a flicker of surprise and something fearful flashed in his eyes. It quickly faded away, hidden and buried under layers of aggression and malice, it left you wondering what was going on inside his head. His face darkened. "You'd go against me? For him? Is he that important to you?"
You stood rigidly, pursuing your lips. "Of course not, you're the most important to me but right now meeting with Lawrence is definitely taking priority..."
Claude clenched his teeth, jaws twitching as he glared coldly at you, the tension in the air thickened, becoming palpable enough to touch. But you refused to back down.
"Ha," Claude let out a snort, tilting his head to the right as amusement filled his cold gaze. An ominous chill ran down your spine.
"What's so funny?" You asked defensively, voice cracking in confusion.
Claude didn't reply. His silence further fuelled your wariness as he stood up and made his way to you, each step eerily slow and calculated. Mind churning into overdrive, you wondered if you made a mistake. Maybe you should have just snuck out to meet Lawrence in secret. You immediately shook your head and reprimanded yourself. Claude deserved to know and you didn't want to lie to him.
Claude's shadow loomed over you as he stopped mere inches away from you, looking down at you with emotionless eyes as a sharp, amused smirk played on his lips.
"So you finally had enough of me, huh? So you're running back to his arms."
Your eyebrows shot up, thrown off by the ridiculous words. No way, you must have heard him wrong. There was no way he said such stupid stuff, right?
"Did you just say--?!" Your words got cut off as Claude grabbed your waist and yanked you to his chest, you stumbled, caught off guard at the barely suppressed aggression in his action.
"The only reason you are going to meet that bastard is to plan your escape from me, no?" His venom-filled whisper trickled against your ears and you gasped as the implications dawned on you.
No, no! How the hell did he know about Lawrence's involvement?! Shit..!
Seeing that the situation was taking a turn for worst, you immediately tried to diffuse it.
You hastily shook your head, "Of course not! It didn't even cross my mind!"
"Really?" Claude frigidly peered at you with distrustful eyes. You nodded without missing a beat and nervously glanced at the field, knowing you had an audience. Thankfully they were absorbed in their play to pay any attention to both of you. But that wouldn't be the case if this continued to escalate, the poor kids would end up getting dragged into this and that was something you absolutely wanted to avoid.
Claude, seeing your attention elsewhere clicked his tongue loudly. You snapped your attention back to him in time to see his displeased expression.
Sharp emotions were suppressed in his cold gaze as he spared them his signature glare before whisking you away with his magic.
The sudden relocation left you disoriented as you blinked several times to gain your footing, Claude's iron grip around your waist supported you.
A glance around and sure enough you were inside his bedroom just as you suspected.
"Claude-- too close!" You squeaked, startled at the dangerous proximity of Claude and the fact you were pinned against the bedpost in a quite compromising position.
One of his hands coiled around your waist to keep you still while his forearm locked above your head forced you to keep eye contact with him. The possessive way he cornered and caged you made you a tad bit nervous.
Claude's cold eyes were illuminated like twin blazing blue flames in the dimly lit room. Looking closer there was something shimmering underneath, frantically trying to break onto the surface. Was it jealousy? Desperation? Possessiveness? Or a combination of them? You weren't sure but one thing was clear; Claude was overthinking.
You softened up, relaxing your tense posture. "Claude, look Lawrence is my friend and that's it. On the other hand, you're the guy I love. Why would I leave you? Just think about it."
Claude searched your face, eyes flitting all over as if he was trying to spot the lies in your words. For a split second, his gaze fell on your lips and a different kind of fire filled his gaze before he looked back straight into your eyes.
Suddenly you become painfully aware of the fact you were alone with him in his bedroom.
"Then don't go,"
You began to protest but the words stuck in your throat when Claude pressed a soft kiss at the corner of your lips. You shivered, your skin heating up under his warm, plush lips.
"Instead of wasting time meeting that bastard, we can do something more productive, something we'd both enjoy." Claude drawled out, softly sucking on your earlobe. You squirmed from the strange yet pleasurable sensation travelling all over your body, one you never experienced before. In the back of your mind, you knew Claude was trying to distract you but you were helpless against the electric sensation as his lips trailed over your jawline with light feathery kisses, gradually turning into soft bites.
"C-Claude..." You murmured, knees growing weak.
You couldn't think straight as heat and desire clouded over your mind. In response to your restless squirming, Claude pressed himself tightly against you, his warm lips travelling further down, softly sucking on the column of your neck. You moaned when he sucked on a certain sensitive spot on your neck. Claude paused, his lips curling up against your burning skin and you felt embarrassment take hold of you.
You were startled when his teeth sank in and bit roughly on the sensitive spot. You winced and in response, Claude licked the stinging area and soothed the slight pain with his tongue.
"W-wait," You squeaked as Claude's rough ministration continued in rough bites and wet, open-mouth kisses. "h-hold on!"
Claude grunted and you pulled away, breathing in shallow, short choppy breaths. The burning hunger in his blue eyes intensified as he took in your messy, dishevelled expression, eyes glossed over and neck slathered with his bites.
"D-don't distract me!" You said, after calming your breathing and racing heart. The shrewd jerk, he almost succeeded in diverting your attention. You huffed, "We were talking about something!"
Claude's eyes flashed dangerously. "Why is that bastard still stuck on your mind? You're not meeting him."
"Haven't we been here already?" You said, pushing against his chest to put a tiny distance, only to fail when Claude refused to budge an inch. "Lawrence--" You paused as a seething glare settled on Claude's face.
Claude let out a dry, humourless chuckle, his aura darkening with malice. "Lawrence this, Lawrence that." Claude spat out, venom and disdain laced his sharp words. "You're my woman, stop obsessing over another guy. It's seriously pissing me off. Why won't you just leave it be? Are you that eager to leave me to meet him? Maybe even run away with him this time."
A deadly silence overcame the room. You were speechless, at loss for words at his complete lack of faith in you.
"I knew I should've killed that bastard." A deadly low, cold voice sharply cut through the thick suffocating silence.
Goosebumps covered your entire body. Pure malice and bloodlust swirled violently in his blue eyes and his magic dangerously flared up tinged with heavy murderous intent
You feared for Lawrence, afraid and frustrated if you said anything Claude would take it the wrong way. Gritting your teeth, you forced down your hurt as your heart throbbed at his allegations. You were half tempted to headbutt him. You exhaled through your nose, glaring at him. "Well, you're not the only one pissed. The hell is going on inside your head? I'm not going to Lawrence to abandon you! Are you crazy?!"
You fumed, fierce fire lit behind your eyes as you glared at him. Your burning anger and frustration had finally reached their boiling point. "Oh my god, you..!"
Claude recoiled in pain when you did headbutt him, his nose being the poor victim. Claude blinked, rubbing his reddened sore nose in disbelief. You aggressively breathed through clenched teeth as you recalled his earlier words. "I told you! I love you. You! Fucking you! We were just making out a second ago! So why the hell are you going on and on about me running away to be with Lawrence!? What kind of piece of shit do you think I am, huh?!"
Claude stared wide-eyed, stunned and at loss at your outburst.
"What the hell, I'm so pissed I could headbutt you!!"
"You just did.." Claude pointed out, still in disbelief that you headbutted him. His nose was red, standing out starkly on his fair skin tone.
"Shut up!" You shouted, "Don't talk to me, you moronic idiot! I'm mad at you. God, I'm so angry I could breathe fire."
You pushed against his chest and Claude sensing your dangerously flaring temper reluctantly let you put distance yourself.
For a few paused seconds you just glared at him before you turned your back to him as you felt your eyes burn with upcoming tears.
When you saw Claude reaching out to touch you from the corner of your vision, you warned him coldly, "Don't touch me or else I'll bite you!"
It wasn't a decent threat but it did the trick. Claude retracted his hand, and it fell limp beside him, quivering as he helplessly watched your back.
You hurriedly wiped your eyes with your sleeves, trembling when more tears prickled up. "Dammit..!"
"....I'm afraid."
Your hands paused, ears perking up to capture the frail voice speaking softly in the empty room.
"I fear if I took my eyes off you even for one second... you'd disappear. And I'd be left with nothing but my regrets and nightmares. Just like back then."
Claude took a step forward only to falter and hesitate to get any closer to you. He bit his lips roughly, eyes shadowed with darkness and demons clawing at his soul. He didn't know if his words were reaching your heart or if being vulnerable and so helpless were aiding him to make you understand his heart but he couldn't stop, the words kept spilling uncontrollably. "So that's why I can't let out of my sight. I want you to be there where I can see, reach out to touch you, to make sure you aren't just a fragment of my broken dream. That what I have is real, not my delusion."
It was a frail, shaky voice speaking weakly, with so many repressed fragile emotions laced within. It was like he was pushing those words through the depth of his heart and choking it out from his constricted throat. You were at loss, blinking rapidly in shock at the thick frantic fear and desperation you felt in his cracking voice.
"You hear me? You're not leaving my sight again. Never... Never again. I'll not allow it." It sounded like he was demanding yet pleading at the same time.
It didn't take long for you to grasp the situation and immediate pain invaded your heart.
"Claude," You whispered sorrowfully, facing him as a few tears strayed down your cheeks. Head downcast, Claude didn't move to acknowledge you. It was like he was paralyzed with fear of being rejected by you.
"Hey, listen to me," You tried reaching out your hands, to soothe, to assure him, to free him of his misgivings and fears. He shook his head, and you paused, biting your lips in contemplating.
Claude let out a shaky breath, shuddering when your attention snapped on him.
For the longest moment, he stared at you, jaws twitching as he gritted his teeth, with sharp eyes cold to the very core. And then in a blink of an eye, his face crumbled, his cold terrifying facade shattering into pieces as his overwhelming emotions took over, leaving him vulnerable and exposed. He closed the distance in quick, long strides and weakly yanked you against his chest, slumped against you. Burying his face in your neck, his body shook and quivered with each breath he took.
"Don't go," Claude said brokenly. "don't go to that bastard... Don't leave me."
There it was. His paranoia and fear of being abandoned were making him possessive and not the cute kind. It was detrimental to him, mentally and emotionally.
"Claude, do you trust me?"
For the longest time, Claude didn't reply, his breathing was quivering as he struggled to answer.
"....I don't know."
You shut your eyes tightly, feeling pain akin to a scorching knife stabbing at your heart.
You felt like crying.
You stiffen as he weakly murmured in your ear, guilty and remorseful. "I want to trust you. But....you left me once, what stopping you from doing it again?"
"My love for you." You said. He fell silent. He had loosened his grip considerably so you were free to run your hand through his hair and hug him tightly.
"You can't live like this, Claude. At the edge, fearing one day I'd leave you, abandon you," You choked on your tears. "I won't. I never will."
"Are you saying that because you want to meet that bastard?" Claude said bitterly. His empty eyes glittered coldly like glacier icicles.
He wasn't getting the point. His extreme trust issues and fear of abandonment definitely stemmed from his emotional scar from his childhood. Only now you were seeing to the extent the scars caged him.
You shook your head, "It isn't about him anymore, Claude. It's about you. You have to trust me. You need to have faith in me, have faith in my love for you," You cupped his cheeks and connected your forehead, "have faith in your love for me."
"....What's that got to do with you meeting that bastard?" Claude spat in disdain, completely ignoring your pleas. He was stubbornly focused on the idea of you leaving him for Lawrence... no, no. It was his fear that was speaking, the terror of losing you again, of being abandoned again by someone he cares was keeping him from seeing the bigger picture. So you changed tactics.
"Why do you think you are so afraid to let me out of your sight? Why me meeting Lawrence scares you so much?" You asked. Claude twitched but showed no outward reaction, his emotional turmoil inside was a different story.
"It's because you don't have faith in me, faith in both of our love." It hurt to admit that. "My love means nothing to you."
"No," Claude's eyes grew wide. "That's not true!"
You smiled albeit sadly. At least he wasn't silent on that. "Your words and actions are paradoxical, Claude."
Claude's eyes trembled helplessly as he couldn't find any rebuke to that.
"I love you, Claude but love isn't enough to keep two people bonded together." Claude tensed up, fear washing over his face. You shushed him to listen to you, "We are two different persons. Your wish might not always be the same as mine, likewise how what I want won't be what you want. What we both want might differ at times. And that might cause conflict between us. Like right now. But," You paused to emphasize your next words, "when you trust me, have faith in me, we can always compromise and reach a middle ground, respect each other's opinions and wants so both of us could be content."
Claude listened closely, hooked on your every word as if they were his salvation.
"Right now you don't trust me, so all my actions taken against your wishes are going to hurt you. Since you don't trust me, you can't respect my wishes and we can't reach a compromise." You swallowed painfully, pausing to suck in a breath. You didn't want to say it. It would hurt him, it definitely hurt you to think about it.
Claude grew anxious when you struggled with your words.
"You can't love someone who hurts you, intentional or not."
It was like someone poured a bucket of cold water on him and he sharply inhaled.
"There might come a time when you will start to resent me," You said numbly. You could picture it happening in the future and it terrified you. "you'd probably hate me too."
"That won't happen," Claude said desperately, grabbing your arms, he wanted to shake those absurd thoughts out of you.
"You can't be sure. After all, you did end up resenting Diana for her choice." Claude recoiled like he was slapped across the face. He grimaced, his face tightening up in pain.
There was hollow silence drifting between both of you, bitterly setting a reminder that not everything was perfect.
Averting your gaze from his wounded ones, you grimly continued, "There's only so much I can do to erase your fears. You have to be one to conquer your demons before it eats away at you and destroy what you have. I know it won't be easy for you. It'd be a long agonizing struggle to overcome your scars but I'll be there right by your side to support you if you wavered in your steps. I did promise to be your unwavering support, didn't I? Now that l love you, I got more incentive to do it." You smiled subconsciously, reminiscing childhood memories when things weren't so complicated and painful.
Forcing down the nostalgia, you headed towards the door. Claude didn't move from his frozen state. Without facing, you said into the space between you two. "I'm going. If I stayed, I'd only feed into your fear. I'll be back soon."
You hesitated slightly when Claude stayed rooted on the spot. You expected him to protest but it seems he was caught in his painful thoughts. The pain you might have caused him by your harsh words.
Turning your head over your shoulder, you softly said I attempted to ease his turmoil even if a tiny bit. "And remember Claude I love you. No matter what I will always love, forever and more."
And with that, you left him standing alone in the empty, cold room.
*******
I'm alive, guys! LoL
Sorry for ghosting you lovely readers for past weeks. I was feeling quite down and demotivated so I had to take a break from everything and focus on my health.
Now that I'm back healthy and feeling top of the world, expect more updates from me!
And have you seen the gorgeous cover. Jsjshdksmsljfsnm I love it--
@blueisBLEUY
One of the lovely reader and a talented artist had honoured me with this masterpiece. Even though I'm quite late in showing my gratitude (forgive me!).
Here are couple of other gorgeous piece of arts by talented @blueisBLEUY
Love it---
Its beautiful!! You can't change my mind--
So cute~~
Have a lovely day, my lovely readers~~